Tainted Disposition
by LateNiteSlacker
Summary: Kratos battles fate in his struggle to save the worlds. Can he change his destiny? Kratos's POV. Warning! Major Kratos spoilers!
1. Conflicting Interests

Title: Tainted Disposition

Spoilers: Major Kratos spoilers! If you don't know who Kratos _really _is, or you hate Kratos's guts, you might not want to read this.

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own any of these characters, or anything related to Tales of Symphonia.

Edit: 1/2012 Additional Disclaimers: This fic is now 8 years old. There are many parts I am not proud of anymore, and in time I may get around to editing it into shape. In the meantime, read at your own risk!

* * *

Often I have wondered if I am doing the right thing.

As I walk alongside this ever cheerful group, my heart feels burdened with the weight I must carry. They have no idea that I am part of the sacred order, and that I will someday betray them.

Through sleepless eyes I peer into the cave up ahead. It's far too dangerous for the likes of them to traverse alone. But this is why I have been sent to watch them.

"Come on Kratos! What are you waiting for?" Lloyd laughed, knowing that he was getting on my nerves.

"You shouldn't be rushing into situations you can't handle." I brushed past him, easily defeating a monster about to attack him with one single swipe of my blade. Pathetic.

The girl, the chosen, was frightened, I could sense it in her even though she smiled. "Wow Kratos, you are a great ally!"

"You must also do your duty when the time comes." I reply to her coldly. I can't afford to grow attached to these pawns, if I did…

My thoughts wander as we proceed through the dungeon. After defeating Ktugach, my minion appeared, ready to place upon Colette the first of many burdens she must learn to live with.

They're calling him her dad! Oh, that Lloyd is such a moron. I nod silently to Colette's "father," he understands that he had better play along.

Already I can feel Colette's spirit weaken as her body becomes more like the vessel it was destined to become.

As we exit the temple ruins, my mind is once again clouded by this concept of "right" and "wrong." Who's side is the right side? Is what I am doing… wrong?

Shaking my head to clear these thoughts away, I continue on the journey. As we let Colette rest, I volunteer for the night-watch. It's not like I'm going to be sleeping anyway, and these weaklings need a full night's rest.

They're all sleeping now. I glance at each of the sleeping people with sad dejection. Lloyd aggravates me, it's true. Even so, he may be the only one who can defeat _him_.

"_What am I thinking?_" I reprimand myself harshly, peeling my gaze away from the boy and throwing it back to the nighttime stars. "_I must betray him later, as is my duty. I can't change fate… can I?_"


	2. Conflicting Courage

It was late in the night. The morning star was still far away, and yet I still sat awake, and alone. As I gazed at the far away stars, debating with my own inner demons once again, a small and timid voice spoke from behind me.

"Umm… Kratos? You're still awake too… aren't you? I'm sorry if I'm waking you..."

Without turning around to see who it was, I sighed. I knew that this would happen when she received the second burden. "I'm awake. Don't be afraid Colette, I've sworn to protect you, remember?"

With a shy smile, she nodded. "Yes, I remember now. I'm sorry."

Always apologizing for things she didn't do. I smiled to myself and lightly shook my head. "No need to apologize. You can't sleep tonight?"

"Oh, right, that's what Lloyd always says too! Sorry about that." Carefully, she took a seat next to me, tucking her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her lithe legs. "I'm just not sleepy tonight."

"I see." I said quietly, feeling somehow responsible for what had happened to her. Many sleepless nights would await her. It would be a miracle if she didn't go crazy before their journey was over. Even though I knew this, I also knew I must keep up the pretense of an unknowing mercenary. "Colette, you aren't just any ordinary girl anymore. You are the Chosen, and as the Chosen you must get your rest."

"I... I know. Sorry to worry you. I'll sleep soon." She responded hesitantly.

I, Kratos, saw through her nervousness immediately. She was insecure, frightened, and most of all, in need of someone with whom she could share her burden. "_And I am not that person._" I thought to myself despondently.

"Oh! I think I hear Lloyd still awake. Sorry to bother you, Kratos." Colette smiled and quietly excused herself, walking away to find her friend.

"_Her hearing has improved too_." I thought, resting my chin in the palm of my hand. "_No mere mortal girl would be able to hear such a quiet change in breath. Perhaps Lloyd was having a nightmare? I do hope she can calm him…_"

Quickly, I shut my eyes, shaking the thought from my head. "_What? Thinking about him again?! Kratos, pull yourself together… I can't let my emotions get in the way!_"

The night wind was cool tonight, and blew away the despondent sigh as soon as it left my lips. Despite my best efforts, the children whom I had tried to keep distant had grown on me. "_Colette, Genis, Raine, Lloyd…"_ I brooded on this current disposition, settling for somewhere between the murky depth of my own definition of right and wrong.

Tomorrow would come soon enough, as it always did. Until then, I could only keep watch, stranded alone with these dark thoughts, and listen in to the _amusing _ conversation between Lloyd and Colette. "May he give you strength, Chosen of Martel."

Soon, their small conversation ended, and the night once again fell to silence. As I sat alone, facing away from the warmth of the fire, I could hear the restless pacing of the Chosen, attempting to cope with her newfound sleeplessness.


	3. Conflicting Emotions

For once, I thought I might get some rest. Rest while walking alongside the ever cheerful group through a grassy field.

For some reason, unknown to me, it didn't work.

"Hey Kratos!" Just the tone of Lloyd's voice made me sigh. Another stupid question was coming up.

Wait for it…

"…I was wondering…"

Wait for it…

"…how come you always wear that purple armor? It doesn't look like it'd really protect you, just get in the way."

"Because I like it." I lied through gritted teeth, making something up on the spot. I had to wonder just how he came up with so many random and pointless questions. "Why do you always wear that red shirt and those suspenders? They don't look like they would protect you either."

"Ahh... oh now that I think about it… no they don't really!" He laughed, scratching the back of his head out reflex. Oh that foolhardy smile of blind optimism… I could never stay mad at that.

"Yeah Lloyd, your clothes are pretty dumb, especially since you're always attacking head-on. Those enemies always beat the crap out of you!" The little Genis boy said matter-of-factly. I didn't bother warning him that his sister was giving him a murderous glare from behind him.

"Genis! Don't be inconsiderate! What if Lloyd doesn't have money for other clothes? Huh?! Did you think about that?!" Raine shouted, delivering a quick blow to the back of the small elf boy's head. After shooing her brother away, she put a finger to her temple in consideration. "…although… Lloyd, you really should be wearing more protective clothing. What would your _father_ think if I told him my student _died _while saving the world while under _my _protection?!"

The more she thought about it, the more she fumed, and soon she was smacking Lloyd over the head too. However, these events barely registered in my mind at all. She had said the "F" word, and I don't mean fuck.

"_Lloyd…_" I whispered to myself, glancing wantonly at the teenage boy as he was pummeled by his professor. "_Professor Raine, if you told me that, then I wouldn't be happy, but… I would have been so proud of his bravery._"

"What are you talking about Kratos?"

The sudden voice startled me, and I nearly jumped back a step before I found myself face to face with Colette! I mentally cursed. Letting my guard down so much that even _she _could surprise me was certainly nothing to be proud of.

"Talking? I wasn't talking to anybody." I tried to skirt the issue. Had her senses improved so much that she actually _heard _what I said?!!

"Oh umm… ok! I just thought you said something to Professor Raine and she might not have heard you, since she's still hitting Lloyd, but I guess I was just imagining it. Sorry about that!" She smiled merrily and delivered her trademark apology. Before she had time to say any more, we were ambushed by monsters! The Chosen bravely took up her weapons and charged into battle with the others.

"_That was a close one_." I _thought _this time, making sure not to accidentally say anything out loud again. "_I'm becoming clumsy, forgetting about Colette's new abilities. If this keeps up, it won't be long before she can see the similarities…_"

"Aaaaahhhh!!" The scream knocked me to my senses, making me realize that this entire battle I had just been sitting in the back brooding while everyone else had done the work. It seemed Lloyd had tried to pick up the slack for my absence and gotten a little too far in over his head.

Nothing uncommon.

Quickly, I prepared a First Aid spell and cast it on the boy. "Don't get ahead of yourself." I warned him. As always, he didn't listen and went right back to whacking enemy monsters… rather poorly.

Soon enough, the minor skirmish was over. Lloyd walked up to me, flicking a thumb over his nose in an ever jolly manner. "Hey I never said it before, but thanks for all those first aid spells! You're really useful in a pinch."

I wanted to say so much to him then. You're a moron. Don't jump into battle so quickly! I'd never forgive myself if you died under _my _watch. (It was never really Raine's protection!) Don't you think your friends are worried about you when you pull stupid stunts like that?! How can an overoptimistic twerp who can barely hold his twin blades, let alone use them properly, save the two worlds?

"…indeed." I replied hesitantly, wisely holding my tongue. Before I had a chance to say any more, Lloyd had already grown bored with the conversation, or so it seemed, and turned to Raine.

"How come _you_ didn't help cure me professor? Isn't healing your specialty?" He asked, more curious than upset. Of course, Raine would never see it that way.

"What was that?! Uurg! Lloyd you take everything for granted!" And once again, the beating of Lloyd ensued.

"_Lloyd…_" I thought again, wantonly endorsing some distant whimsical desire of my psyche. I desired friendship. I desired companions. I desired love. "_Kratos,__ don't fool yourself. You must betray these people, despite whatever you may desire. A true noble heart could never partake in any of these whims. For that is all they are. Whims of a fool. Whims of someone not strong enough to be one of the four sentinels of the sacred order of Cruxis._"

With one last desolate sigh, I turn away from my would-be companions. People who trusted me with their very lives. People whom I would someday betray.


	4. Conflicting Agendas

A bit of time went by without consequence. By that I mean, nothing had required Raine's pummeling or a sharp and somewhat witty retort from the Genis kid.

Colette had nothing to do with it, she was still basking happily in the sunlight, chatting with Lloyd. "… you really think so? I don't think she was that bad. I mean… she didn't seem like a bad person."

"She tried to kill you Colette!" Lloyd exclaimed in a typical Lloyd-outburst. "I don't care what you say about that weird girl, she's nothing but bad news!"

"I agree with Lloyd." Genis declared. He waggled a small child-elf like finger back and forth. "She did try to kill you. I don't know anybody, besides crazy Desians, that would ever hurt you! Only monsters could be so heartless!"

The Chosen smiled, either oblivious to the danger surrounding her, or confident enough in us to know we would protect her. Although I would never let any harm befall her, even if it meant risking exposing myself to them, her carefree mannerism was still somewhat… disturbing.

Could her angelic transformation have consequences that I didn't foresee? Was she losing her sense of logic and cognitive functions as well? I hoped that this wasn't so, for if she did, my job would become much more difficult.

"But she seemed like a nice person, underneath it all." The blonde said happily. "I think she deserves another chance…"

For the love of… well, anything… no!

"Colette, as the Chosen of Sylverant, you must be sure to keep yourself safe. We all know you have a kind and caring nature, but sometimes you must forsake this in favor of your own protection and the salvation of Sylverant." I said, hoping that she would agree. If she was still the same Colette that we knew when we embarked on this journey from Iselia, she would.

"_Please Colette… don't fail me now._" I thought, concerned for the girl.

"I understand. I will do my duty as the Chosen first. I cannot let the people of Sylverant down." She spoke solemnly, with a small nod in my direction.

Silently, I thanked whatever god existed that she was not completely lost yet. And then, I wondered just what I was thinking. Who was I kidding?! What was wrong with me, actually being _concerned_ for the Chosen! A girl whom I knew must be sacrificed!

Something about that word made my usually steadfast stomach twinge. It was no secret, I was a cold blooded killer. But for some reason, whenever I looked at Colette, and saw her genuine and sweet smile, I could never imagine hurting her. The Genis kid was right, only a monster would be heartless enough to hurt someone like her.

"_I work for an order of monsters!_" I choked on these thoughts, my eyes surely bugging out of my head with this realization. What unspoken things had I been saying all these years through my actions? Actions in the name of a self-righteous wannabe-god.

It wasn't until Lloyd peered up into my eyes closely that I snapped out of it. "Kratos looks a little different doesn't he? I think he's angrier than usual." He said, poking at my side just to agitate me.

"I… I'm fine." I responded after a moment's hesitation. "The only thing that's getting me angry is _you_." I even managed to add a little frown to my surely bizarre expression.

"Lloyd! What have I told you about insulting people?!" Raine immediately jumped his case, glaring dangerously at him.

"Oooh! Lloyd's gonna get beat up by Kratos _and _Raine!" Genis laughed, lightly jabbing his friend in the side with an elbow.

I had thoughts. I wanted to think about them right now, not deal with a bunch of kids, much less be a part of their playtime.

For once, I was thankful when we were ambushed by monsters.


	5. Conflicting Relations

An inner war. Brooding and fury. In the end, nothing but darkness.

Somehow, they managed to pull through without my help. Perhaps they were stronger than I thought.

"Sylverant to Kratos! Come in!" The Genis boy was kneeling over me, waving a hand in front of my face like a frantic insect.

"What… what happened?" I blinked a few times before sitting up slowly. Somehow I had fallen onto the grass and… my word… was I actually unconscious for a while?!

Judging from the concerned expressions on their faces, that seemed to be the case. Luckily, I had the nice soft rock ground to break my fall. Pleasant. Very pleasant.

"Kratos are you all right?" Raine asked, kneeling down beside her brother to peer soulfully into my eyes. Just a little bit creepy. "Would you like me to use my magic to help you?"

"I'm fine. Just… continue on, I will catch up to you in a moment." I sighed, waving a hand in front of me to motion them on. Surely they could handle themselves for a couple minutes.

Realizing that they probably shouldn't disagree with me, (a wise decision I'll have you know,) they nodded and continued on. Just what had I been thinking? One moment I was normal, and then I felt…_concern_…, suddenly I began to question my beliefs, and then… here I sat on this hard rock ground. They had even had time to finish a battle _without_ my help!

"Kratos, you had me worried for a second there. Just passing out like that…" I heard the boy's voice before I saw him, which didn't make things any easier. Every time he walked around, it seemed to incur strange feelings.

"You gave us all a big scare, you know." Lloyd sat down in front of me, facing me with a mixed expression of concern and relief. He laughed then, not surprising me with his carefree nature. "For a minute all of us were afraid to come near you! But thanks to Genis, that problem was solved."

I didn't reply. There wasn't anything I really wanted to say, even if I did have something to tell him. I couldn't tell him that I was just as confused as he was as to my… predicament.

He swallowed, feeling just a teeny bit uncomfortable with my lack of response. As any normal young boy his age would do, he tried filling up the silence by talking again. "I mean…you're practically my brother! I couldn't imagine what we would do without you."

This time, all thoughts of chaos, war, deity, and righteousness left my mind. All that was left was what he just called me. "Your… brother?" I looked downwards and then closed my eyes. I didn't see how things could possibly get worse.

"Yeah, like my older brother. You know, I've always wanted one of those. Then he could teach me all the cool sword fighting skills he knows, like you do!" His eyes practically beamed with adoration, evoking some warmth within the soul I had believed to be long gone.

Wonderful. Warm fuzzies. I exhaled softly, inwardly batting away all the inner demons. Things had just become worse.


	6. Conflicting Desires

Here I sat. Truly, more of a wreck than I had been in a very long time.

"_For some reason… I just passed out back there. Have I done something to anger Lord Yggdrasil?_" I thought miserably, still clutching a hand to my head, feeling the strands of my hair as they feathered between my fingers. "_And Lloyd… although I cannot tell him the truth, I cannot possibly allow him to believe I am an older brother to him!_"

"Sooooo!" He said then, grinning mischievously, a shifty look in his eyes. In all respects, a look to be wary of. My suspicions were not without warrant. "What's going on in that brooding mind, bro?!" Lloyd asked, pouncing on me like a mountain lion and giving me his weak interpretation of what I believe is called a "noogie."

With little hesitation, I plucked the boy out of my hair and sat him back down. "Nothing of your concern. Lloyd, perhaps to you I am many things, a guardian, a teacher, or even a companion. However, let me tell you this in the easiest way to understand possible. I am _not_ your brother." I spoke firmly, probably coming across much harsher than I meant to sound. 

Immediately, his face fell. "Oh… ok then. I guess maybe the fortune teller was wrong then." He sighed, obviously thinking about something that was making him incredibly sad. Very uncharacteristic of Lloyd in my opinion.

Oh no. He was giving me that look again. That sad and pathetic look that… that always threatened to guilt me into a response. Guilt trip, here I come. "Lloyd, I won't lie to you, I don't know what you're talking about but…"

With a resolute sigh, I murmured something I knew I was probably going to regret later. "Fine, I'll be your 'big brother.' Just don't be expecting too much from me."

In an instant's time, Lloyd's frown turned into a radiant smile. "Yeah! I knew you'd agree! Well, time's a wasting! We'd better get to that next seal!"

And then he was gone again. Off to jabber with the Genis kid. I assume he was bored with the brother idea already, which suited me just fine. The less he brought it up, the better, especially since he had it all wrong. "_Lloyd, I want to tell you the truth, but if I told you, you would lose sight of your goals. So that… I cannot do yet._"

Determinedly, I took my mind off this idea and instead thought of other things, like the next seal. Colette was destined to lose yet another part of herself, which would undoubtedly cause more problems for everyone. Especially Lloyd, whom I could already tell cared for her so much.

"Stay strong Colette, you still have much ahead of you." I whispered to the wind. The blonde haired girl turned around to look at me, even though she was a good hundred yards ahead. Had she heard me? "And please… take care of Lloyd."

From far away, I watched her smile, cheerfully as ever, and turn back around.


	7. Conflicting Pasts

Pre fic authors notes: Thanks so much to those who have reviewed so far! If you can't tell, I adore Kratos. To no end. ;;

That being said, on with the fic!

(searches for Kratos Psst! _Kratos! _That's your cue!)

Kratos: Right right. The Balacruf Mausoleum…

* * *

I cannot say that I've ever enjoyed visiting the Balacruf Mausoleum. This time was no exception.

"Lloyd! Watch out!" I shouted, noticing that Lloyd was once again running towards a trap. Of course he didn't know _why _I knew where these traps were, nor should he know.

"Woah!" He exclaimed, managing to stop his forward momentum just as a row of spikes erupted through the ground, piercing the empty air right in front of him. As the spikes lowered slowly, he wiped his brow in relief. "Whew, that was a close one!"

"Lloyd! You must be more careful." Raine sighed, checking the boy to make sure he was all right. "You mustn't always run blindly everywhere!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but I just…" Lloyd began, then scratched the back of his head, laughing lightly at himself. "Nah, nevermind."

"Wait wait, I know there has to be a dumb explanation for this one." The Genis kid said, walking slowly around Lloyd, cautiously avoiding the trap. He put one hand on his hip, waving the other in a provocative manner. "What is it this time?!"

"Well I… I was just getting a little bored with this place." The response didn't really shock any of us.

"Lloyd! We've only been in here for five minutes! How can you be bored with this place already?!!" The half elvin boy said in a typical childish outburst. Perhaps I was wrong.

"That's enough, both of you!" Raine glowered, smacking them both over the backs of their heads. "Don't forget that we are here for a reason."

As the bickering continued, my thoughts slipped into the gradual whirlpool that they had begun to sink into as of late. For what reason did I lose consciousness earlier? Did Lloyd really consider me to be his older brother? And what would he think… if he knew the truth?

I continued to brood on these matters as we progressed through the dungeon. Unsurprisingly, I still had yet to discover any answers by the time we reached Iapyx.

Lloyd really was amazing. As we fought Iapyx, I was content to sit on the sideline and heal Lloyd while watching him fight. Don't get me wrong, I didn't say he was amazing for his battle skills. Those still needed a hefty amount of work.

To any ordinary observer, he appeared foolish, rushing into battle hastily and becoming wounded needlessly. Speaking of which… "First aid!" I shouted, casting the spell on him for the third time already.

He was persistent. He really wanted to save all the people of Sylverant, even those in Iselia who had exiled him. He reminded me so much of my friend… before he faced that terrible tragedy that struck us all like a cold slap to the face.

Colette's journey of regeneration, if successful, would be the same to Lloyd as it was to _him_. And I was going to sit by idly and watch as this happened? No… worse yet… actually _help_ this happen?

For the second time that day, I clutched my head in my right hand. Thankfully the battle with Iapyx had already ended, and everyone else was more absorbed with Remiel than me.

"_I cannot get involved with their affairs! I cannot become attached to any of these people! Not the chosen, not the half-elves, not even my own…"_ I shook my head, shutting my eyes tightly. "_No! Don't think like that Kratos! You're dooming yourself if you allow these thoughts to plague you now!_"

I managed to pull everything together smoothly, glancing back up as if nothing had happened. The group was still too absorbed with Remiel and Colette to notice.

They were still calling him Colette's father! I turned away. I wouldn't break the illusion for them… not yet.

As we left, that resolute assassin once again assaulted us. Why did she bother? I would never let anything happen to the Chosen! Neither would Lloyd for that matter, or any of her half elf friends.

Aggrivated with her defeat, the mysterious girl left again.

* * *

That night was no different than any other after Colette released a seal. We stopped to make a campfire and allow her to rest.

"I could swear that's the same campfire every time…" Lloyd murmured, gazing deeply into the fire's depths.

"Lloyd, you're a moron." The Genis kid sighed, heating up a pot of coffee over the flames. Very talented boy.

"Ahh, the stars are so beautiful!" He said cheerfully, obviously ignoring the other boy's comment. To my dismay, he walked over to me and sat down beside me, still gazing up with wonder. "Don't you think so, bro?"

Apparently he hadn't forgotten. "I'm surprised that you aren't bored with them already." I spoke in response.

"What?! How could you say such a thing?" He enunciated loudly, almost offended by the comment.

"You become bored with hazardous dungeons in five minutes, yet after seventeen years' worth of starry nights, you still remain fascinated." I pointed out, causing him to squirm inwardly a bit.

"Well… hah, that's different." Lloyd laid down on the soft ground, contentedly gazing up at the stars. "I love stargazing… it reminds me of when I was a kid. I'd stare up at the stars for hours with my dad, and it was always such a peaceful and happy time."

"Your father…" I said softly, quenching the thoughts before they began.

"Yeah, he's a great guy. Sure, he made me memorize all those stupid Dwarvian Vows, but in the end I… I kinda miss him." Lloyd sighed, apparently more homesick than he was letting on. "Kratos, do you ever miss your family?"

"Lloyd, I am a traveling mercenary. Do you think I would be if I had a family?" Evenly, I pulled off perhaps the biggest lie I had told him so far. How I wished I could change what happened to Anna… and Lloyd. Although, he had grown up so well, I could hardly imagine myself doing a better job.

Something about these nighttime campfires made me want to ask him many things again. Did he have a good childhood? What sort of a father was Dirk? Did he ever wish he had a mother? What was life like growing up without knowing who your real father was?

However, before I could ask him any of these questions, he had already stood back up, probably bored with talking to me already. How proud that made me feel. "Well Kratos, enjoy the stars. I won't take any more of your time." As he left, he turned quickly back. "Wait a second, are you _sure _you're ok with taking the night watch again? It seems like every time you volunteer to…"

"You need your rest Lloyd, as do the rest of you. I am a mercenary, trained to live life on the edge. If need be, I can go many days without sleep." That seemed to satisfy his questions.

I couldn't help listening in on his conversation with Colette. She had indeed lost another of her senses. Of course, I knew that before she agreed that the coffee, that the Genis kid had just finished boiling over the campfire, was cold.

I didn't need to be near them to realize what was happening. Lloyd's concern and anger at her silence was only the tip of a much larger emotion he kept buried within his soul, unknown to even himself.

"_He truly does care for her. This… will not make things easy…_" With a sigh, I did the only thing I could do at that point, gaze back up at the stars.


	8. Conflicting Thoughts

Pre-fic thanks!

Thanks to all for the wonderful feedback! Here's my (long!) list of responses to everyone! (Yes yes, starting from chapter 1! If you've reviewed multiple times… well, then you'll find multiple replies! lol)

* * *

Chapter 1

Potter29vo: I'm so glad to have you on the list! We need to get people to talk more! :)

AshiCorrine: Thanks so much! More is on the way!

Noreen: Yes… now I do know why Kratos didn't kill Lloyd. ::sniffles:: It's so sad! Thanks for pointing that… umm… rather LARGE detail out to me!

Koko Kung: Calm down! lol! Yes, I love stories about Kratos too!

FireEdge: recipe for angst stew: add one Kratos to a simmering devastated world. Mix in two chosen, some rejects, and a former son. Voila!

Genis's Shadow: I never liked Remiel either. The guy was a creep.

* * *

Chapter 2

Key of the twilight: yes! A story about Kratos! The world needs more of those…

Jellybeanz225: No, I hadn't beaten the game when I wrote this chapter… or any of these chapters actually, but I have now! So fear not, there will be no more misinformation!

Xeora: Aaah! Don't jump! Don't jump! Kratos will be sad that you can't read about him angsting and brooding! ;)

Mijuku Shikaku: Thank you! I try to write as eloquently as I can. Sadly, I think my writing's been described before as: "as graceful as the winter fox that I scraped off my front bumper." Wow. What an ego booster.

Fire Edge: Thanks for the second review! Kratos's thoughts on the rest of the party are slowly revealed as they were in the game. (At least I hope that's how it's turning out!)

Vilya 'n Company: Sorry sorry! I know that everything is short! And I will look for your fic soon! :)

Angel of Soul: I won't lie to you, I have no idea what you mean by giving the story a "twist." If it's yaoi… umm… well I'd rather not write Lloyd and his father in this fic. Could you clarify via email, instant messenger, or review? Pretty please?

Pant Burner: You know, after you made the comment about the confession at Altessa's house, every time I went there I kept expecting it! Little did I know that it would be so far far far away…

Genis's Shadow: You've been with me from the beginning, and I can't thank you enough for your reviews! Yup, Kratos is my favorite character too. :)

* * *

Chapter 3

Key of the twilight: I weep for Kratos too!

Kratos Aurion Angel: Thanks for the encouragement! I've been waiting for a chance to post all these chapters up here!

Kiwi's Angel: Wow! You are a really fast gameplayer! (Then again, maybe I'm just really slow…. lol!)

Xeora: I… I still am alluded by the "twist" you speak of. Could you clarify? By email, instant messenger, or review works. Thanks!

Fire Edge: hehe thanks! This review actually prompted me to write more stuff about Colette in the later chapters. Thanks for the encouragement!

Michelle of the Night: Thanks! I wasn't very secure when I began writing this, but now I really love writing Kratos's pov. Kratos speaks, I type.

* * *

Chapter 4

Mijuku Shikaku: I'm glad you like Kratos in this fic! I tried to write him as much in character as I could make him. (No easy task sometimes!)

Key of the twilight: Truth be known, I still don't know why Kratos looked angrier than usual in that skit! But it was irresistible, so I had to throw it in here! :)

Destiny's Light: And this story does indeed feature Kratos! But wouldn't it be something if one chapter featured someone else like… Zelos? Ooh, evil evil thoughts…

Potter29vo: Yay! I always enjoy your reviews. I appreciate constructive criticism! Yeah, I had written a lot of this fic while on vacation actually, and was posting it every day.

Waddle Freakin' Dee: Kratos point of views are fun! Thanks for reading!

Xeora: Thanks for the assurance, I always worry that I'm losing my touch with these things…

Fire Edge: Yes! Kratos has feelings! Kratos has emotions! Kratos… is awesome! ;)

Piro the unforgiven one: Kratos rocks! There, I knew I was missing one…

* * *

Chapter 5

Names are meaningless: updated! :)

Waddle Freakin' Dee: Yes! Warm fuzzies for all! (Kratos needs more warm fuzzies!)

Trevor X1: Convenient ambushes by monsters are… well… what can I say? Convenient!

Protoman X: Glad you like the fic! More updates are on the way!

Xeora: Ah yes, those inner demons… Kratos has so many that he should start giving them names. Kratos: "Bob, Sally, Larry, Elvis, Joe…"

FireEdge: My chapters are too short! (::goes off to cry in the corner::) lol just kidding. I've been working on writing longer chapters, thanks for the input!

Mijuku Shikaku: Yes, sadly, Kratos inspiration is sometimes few and far between. (Plus, I hadn't beaten much of the game when I did write these chapters, so I couldn't move much quicker!) Never fear, deep Kratos thoughts will continue!

Destiny's Light: I'm so glad that you caught that! I love sarcasm. I can only assume that Kratos has a somewhat dry sense of sarcastic humor as well.

Jellybeanz225: Actually, my younger brother played the beginning of the game and totally skipped ALL of the training sessions! Aaarg! (And he claims to be a Kratos fan! Peh!) I'm glad you said this though, I'm even more determined to play though again and get those training sessions!

Piro the unforgiven one: No slash here. No worries! :)

Potter29vo: Thank you thank you thank you! It's very comforting to hear someone say that I haven't lost my touch. I can only hope things stay that way! (:: grabs Kratos muse:: You're staying put buddy!)

* * *

Chapter 6

Whitney: Thank you! Glad you like my/Kratos's sense of humor! It would be a shame to pull a wonderful character like Kratos out of character, so I tried to keep him as original as possible.

Kiwi's angel: Yay! Someone liked the guilt trip! (::hands you a Kratos plushie::)

Fire Edge: Yes, if only Lloyd knew! Sadly… that's not going to happen for a while.

Hatred in a box: Continuing! :)

Xeora: lol well what to say? Here's more!

Mijuku Shikaku: Glad you still like the fic! If my reviews are happy, then I'm happy! :)

Jellybeanz225: I always looked forward to the Kratos and Lloyd scenes in the game! They were so touching… I really tried to capture their unique relationship in this fic. Hope it's going well so far!

Potter29vo: Sadly this chappie was a little rushed. I'm glad you noticed that though, it makes me try harder in the later chapters!

* * *

Chapter 7

Kodomo Mint: Thanks again! It's ok, I run out of original things to say in reviews all the time too. ;; I appreciate the comments though! They make me happy! :)

Potter29vo: Woah mysterious? I never expected to hear that! Who woulda thought?

RidingGirl: Glad you like the fic! Updates are on the way! … as soon as Kratos-Muse gets his sorry tush over here! lol!

Fire Edge: I wrote a longer chapter just for you! (No joke!) See, these reviews really do something! :)

LuigiMansion: Wow! 3 times through the game already??? I'm impressed! And here I just beat it for the first time just the other day! (I feel slow!) Kratos: That's because you are. (He really knows how to get a person down… )

* * *

Ok! That about wraps it up for the replies. From now on, the reviews for each chapter will be before the fic like this! :)

And now, on with the fic!

* * *

I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened. The mysterious girl from Tethe'alla joined us after Lloyd told her she was nice. Really, is that all it takes these days?

Apparently her name was Sheena. My eyes widened suddenly with realization. "_Sheena! The summoner from Mizuho… I knew there was a reason…_" Oh this could be bad. Very very bad.

Evidently she had found a way into the other world, and if she did it once, who was to say she couldn't do it again?

As Lloyd and Colette began to chat happily with their new friend, I remained in the back, observing this girl. I had been warned about her, the one who possessed the right of the pact. _He _had possessed the right of the pact too, and look at what it had done to him…

"I think Kratos is angry again." Suddenly, Lloyd was on top of me again. Literally, sitting on my shoulders poking at my hair. How the hell did he get up there?!

"You're right. Kratos does look angrier than usual." The Genis kid said, agreeing with Lloyd again.

Then the Chosen had to get in the picture too, placing one of her small hands on mine. "Don't be upset Kratos, we'll help the people of Luin rebuild their home! You can count on it!" Oh, that's right. We were in Luin weren't we? With the commotion of Sheena joining us, I had barely noticed.

Lloyd leaned over my head and stared upside down at me. "What's making you mad this time Kratos?"

"The only thing 'making me mad' is you poking at my hair." I replied, gritting my teeth together as I plucked him out of my hair. Again.

"Gyaa!" Lloyd screamed as he fell, rather ungracefully, onto the ground, causing a small fount of water to flow from his eyes.

It was then that I realized something very important. "We forgot Thyoda Geyser." I stated, perhaps much more calmly than I should have.

"…what do you mean Kratos?" Lloyd asked, confused as usual.

"I don't know how we did it, but somehow we managed to make it this far without going to Thyoda Geyser and releasing the seal there." I murmured, deep in thought already. How could we have missed something so simple?

"Umm Kratos…" Colette said, bringing her tiny hands together, as if she were about to tell me something truly dreadful.

Immediately, concern struck me and I kneeled down to her level. "Chosen one, are you ok?"

"Oh! I'm sorry Kratos! I'm really ok, but…" She trailed off, falling into her usual apologetic rut. Before she could say any more, the elvin professor spoke for her.

"Kratos, we already went to Thyoda Geyser." Raine stated calmly.

"Yeah, who could forget those awful washtubs?" The Genis kid rolled his eyes, then glanced over at his sister. "…or that Raine was so scared…"

A metaphorical storm of daggers bore into the small boy from Raine's eyes, and a moment later, he lay sprawled in the lawn ten feet away. However, these events were of little notice to me. Were they just pulling my chain? No, they couldn't be. Had I really… _forgotten _an entire section of our journey?! "Ah, that's right. The washtubs. Thank you for reminding me." I brushed the fatal blow off my shoulder, as if nothing had happened. They seemed to buy that, much to my relief, for if they hadn't, I don't know what I would have done.

I would have been helpless. Completely and utterly alone, having no control over what happened to me, the Chosen, or the mission. Cleverly, I hid my thoughts behind an expressionless mask that I had perfected through the years, but inside my thoughts raced and my heart pounded with the blood of mixed uncertainty.

"_Ok Kratos, don't lose your cool. Let's review._" I thought to myself, trying to place the pieces of this increasingly complicated puzzle together in an orderly fashion. "_First, start with the basics. For some unexplained reason, I lost consciousness once during a random battle, and later lost my memory of our trip to Thyoda Geyser. Very unusual. What could cause this?_" Good, that was a good start.

"_Things took an unexpected turn when I discovered the truth about Lloyd, but I have kept my thoughts in check… for the most part._" I sighed. What was I thinking? The mere fact that I was thinking about this sort of thing _right now _meant that I wasn't keeping my thoughts in check!

"_I promised myself that I wouldn't grow attached to any of these pawns, but I failed. Even though I try to deny it, the __Chosen__ and her group have become…_"

Before I allowed myself to think along that line any more, I exhaled angrily. This wasn't the way I had trained myself to think. To have major doubts such as this would have been suicide 4,000 years ago. I couldn't have doubts like these then, and I couldn't now. "_No! The __Chosen__ will be sacrificed, as she was meant to be. The rest of her party is insignificant. I am here merely as a facilitator, to make sure that she alone doesn't die before the appropriate time. The fate of the others is not of my concern._" There, that sounded much better. Perfect, in fact. Perfectly heartless.


	9. Conflicting Truths

Many thanks to the reviewers! It makes my day every time I see a new review! )

* * *

Potter29vo: Thanks again for the reviews! I realize that many of my sentences are sometimes run-ons, but I like to think of them as my creative license! :) I would like to involve Sheena more, and I hope to in the future! But this fic _does _center around Kratos, so I will be focusing on him naturally more than any other character.

Xeora: No no! Not the window! I wouldn't want to lose anyone! Sadly, Kratos will be in this fic almost as he was in the game. I am only throwing in one extra tidbit that will become more clear as the chapters advance. And cute pics on your deviant art btw… :)

Kitten Kisses 5 and 6: Thanx! It's ok, I don't expect everyone to review every chapter! It means enough to me that you left a review at all, I'm touched by every one! :) And yes, Kratos can use some cheering up… hmmm… must devise a good way to do this… mwahahaha….

Zakari: Grounded from the Gamecube? Oh no! Well, I assume you have it back now, so you can enjoy real-live Kratos! Of course, you can always bum some ideas off my Kratos-muse if you like.

Me: ::pokes Kratos-muse:: Hey you! Give me some good ideas!

Kratos-muse: And if I said no?

Me: well… uhh… phooey!

Lil-Samuu: Why thank you! I try my best to put everyone in character as best as I can. Still, sometimes more of my thoughts slip out than theirs. That's when Kratos-muse must whack me over the head and say "What are you doing?!!!" It hurts when he does that! Ouch.

Akarui-kyohaku-heishei: I'm glad you like the fic! (And Kratos!) Another avid Kratos fan! Woohoo! I'm also pleased with the ending lines of chapter 8, they turned out better than I thought was possible at 4 in the morning… haha….

RidingGirl: I don't question how Lloyd gets into Kratos's hair, I simply accept that it's possible! lol

Sakasha: Thanks! I enjoyed all the campfire scenes during TOS, and I couldn't resist throwing a few in the fic.

Oreokids87: Interesting name by the way. Yay! I'm glad you like the fic! :)

Animegurl64: Thanks! Kratos is such an inspiration for me sometimes, sadly enough!

Jade Wyvern: I'm so glad you like the fic! lol! The idea of Kratos and Lloyd being brothers touched a soft spot in my heart, it was just too cute to leave out!

Piro the unforgiven one: Water temples tend to be evil in many games. ::cough cough:: LEGEND OF ZELDA! ::cough::

Destiny's light (chapter 8): Yes, Kratos does have many problems, so many that I've decided to write a fic about them!

Destiny's light (chapter 7): I've often wondered the same thing about Kratos. I have a feeling that if he had to do it all again, he just might do it all the same. Kratos is a complex character, and it's taken me a LOT of observation to try and get in his head… (no easy task!)

Kratos-muse: Why, whatever do you mean? Me? Complex?

Destiny's light (chapter 6): Yup! Everyone falls for Lloyd's sad and pathetic look. :)

Whitney: Again, thanks for your complements! Yeah, Kratos is pretty complex, despite what he might say. And as for what's messing with Kratos's head… well, I'll leave that detail for later in the fic… ::grin::

FireEdge: Yes! I did make a couple chapters longer for you! Haha! Kratos _is _getting old… it makes me wonder how he could still… um… yeah! With Anna after all that time…

Jellybeanz225: I'm so looking forward to those Kratos training sessions! It looks like I won't be able to see them for a little while though… :( Nonetheless, I'm still going to try my best to depict Kratos! :)

* * *

And now, le ficcage!

* * *

"Risotto! All right!!!" Lloyd beamed, ignoring the wonder smoke as the wonder chef disappeared. "Genis! You should make some now!"

The Genis gagged on the light purple wonder smoke, trying quite unsuccessfully to fan it away with his small hands. "Why don't… ::cough cough:: … YOU … make it Lloyd??"

"But I can't…ehh… why don't you make it Profes-" Lloyd began to hand the ingredients to Raine, but then decided against it. For the wiser I might add. "Uhh… I mean…"

"Hey!" The silver haired professor glared at her pupil dangerously. Then folded her arms and turned away. I was actually a bit surprised to see Raine act so childish. "You just don't appreciate the unique qualities of my cooking!"

"Yeah, if you wanna eat _spicy _cake…" I heard Lloyd mutter underneath his breath, making the Chosen giggle. Of course, nobody besides us could hear him.

"Umm… if you want … I can cook it for you Lloyd." Sheena murmured, still a little shy since she had recently joined the group.

"Really? That'd be great!" He exclaimed, all too cheerfully, and handed the ingredients to Sheena.

I supposed this meant we were stopping for a break. Lloyd really did get distracted much too easily, but that didn't matter now. They were very close to finishing anyway, and then I wouldn't have to worry about protecting the Chosen, or any of her friends. I wouldn't have to worry about Lloyd.

That statement was truer than I could have ever imagined. I wouldn't have to worry about Lloyd anymore, would I? How many hours had I wasted piddling my time away, worrying about this insignificant boy? He had crept into my thoughts, day and night, which wasn't too difficult since I rarely sleep. Now that I thought about it, he was constantly on my thoughts…

No! There I go again, thinking about inconsequential things. What lay ahead of us would take my full concentration, especially now that I have discovered certain problems that I didn't know were there.

I sighed, taking this opportunity to sit on a rock, which jutted conveniently out of the ground, and rest underneath the shade of a small tree. Everyone else stood anxiously around Sheena, watching her with inquisitive eyes as she threw some unexpected extra ingredients into the risotto.

This was indeed unsettling. Sheena had begun to warm to their hearts, finding a nook inside each of them to plant herself. They were beginning to trust her, all of them. I sighed, closing my eyes briefly. We would just have to finish things as quickly as possible. Then it would not matter if this summoner was among them or not.

They all shared her finished masterpiece, laughing and talking, meaningless words of the world regeneration flitting through their conversation. Good, none of them suspected the truth yet.

One of them was approaching me. Opening one eye, I gazed calmly at the Genis kid as he slowly shuffled his way over to the secluded area I was currently sitting in. Wonderful. One of Lloyd's groupies. What did he want?

It wasn't too long before my question was answered. "Hey Kratos, I noticed that you didn't get any of Sheena's risotto! Are you ok?" He looked at me with some of the most cheerful and optimistic eyes I have ever seen. Next to Lloyd that is. And maybe Colette. He held forward a plate of the summoner's risotto at me expectantly.

"Yes, I am merely concerned for the Chosen. She has a tough time ahead of her." I lied quietly, taking the small plate from the half-elf. Deciding that I wasn't hungry, especially for something that perhaps the most dangerous one of the party thus far had conjured, I set it aside. Genis appeared a little concerned at that, but I held up a hand, quickly silencing him. "Thank you Genis, I will eat it at a later time."

"O-ok." He stammered. Apparently that wasn't quite the response he had expected. He turned to leave, but then wheeled back around sharply on his heels. "Umm… Kratos, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead." I asked, mildly curious as to what the boy would ask. Hopefully it would not be something dreadfully… stupid… like one of Lloyd's questions.

"Kratos, you seem to know a lot of things…" He began, his tone somewhat suspicious. "…things that I wouldn't expect any human to know…"

My ever alert ears pricked up at his hesitant tone. Genis was the smartest of Lloyd's group, next to his sister. Had he somehow figured out my secret? Did he know…

"… and you're amazing with a sword! I mean… Lloyd wouldn't even stand a chance against you, let alone any enemy!" The Genis kid continued incredulously.

Oh no! Had he figured out that it wasn't normal to begin 50 levels higher than the rest of them in the beginning of the game???

The boy shook his light silver locks back and forth freely, laughing with a child's light laughter. "I didn't think I could do it before, you're such a conundrum to understand! But I think I have done it now. You really aren't from this world…"

At this moment I wondered whether or not there was a god. If there was, would he allow me to face Yggdrasil's wrath without being terribly mauled?

"…you're from across the ocean!" Genis continued excitedly. "I hear there is a village of Katz people! Have you seen it? What is it like? Are they all as strange as the Katz people we meet now?"

"Genis…" I breathed a mixed sigh of relief and slight annoyance. I had become much too worked up over nothing! Perhaps my emotions truly were not in as good of a balance as I had hoped they were. "… as I told you before, I am a traveling mercenary. I have seen many lands and gained much practice with the sword in my time. Yes, I have traveled to this Katz village you speak of, but I'm afraid you won't find much of interest there, besides seafood."

"Oh! Ok. That's still pretty cool though!" Genis smiled, completely oblivious to the torment he had caused me. Very well, it was better that he did not know. But suddenly, his expression changed, flitting through a quick range of emotions that only a child of his age would be capable of doing. Within moments, his bright and cheery expression had altered to one of fearful intrigue. His voice lowered, and he leaned in a little closer towards me. "Kratos, there is something else I meant to ask you too…"

"What is it?" I asked, mildly curious as to what was disturbing the boy like so.

"I… I don't know how, but somehow I can just tell. You know what I am… don't you? That Raine and I are…" He murmured hesitantly. He needn't speak anymore, I knew what he meant to say.

"Half-elves. Yes, I know." I replied calmly, watching as the boy's emotions raced from hesitance to surprise, then a mixture of apprehension and gratitude.

"But you… you don't hate us, do you? I mean… you know we're what we are and you don't treat us any differently, from what I can tell…" Genis spoke, still unsure of what he should really say. I could tell that the thoughts were really racing through his mind. He was intrigued, frightened, and happy all at the same time.

"Genis, three of my best friends were half-elves. I do not discriminate against any being, human, elf, or half-elf." I spoke equally as quietly. It was possible that the Chosen could hear our conversation, but with Lloyd shouting loudly next to her, as he seemed fond of doing, it was doubtful.

"Were?" Genis picked up the tense immediately, much to my dismay. "Kratos, what do you mean?"

"Never you mind that. My past is my own business." I cursed mentally, as it seemed I did a lot nowadays. Another little slip like that really _could _allow this young boy to figure things out. "For now, let's just say that to me you are all the same. When you travel as much as I have, and have seen the things I have seen, race becomes irrelevant. Nearly everything does…" I trailed off quietly, thinking for myself of what I was really trying to say.

Genis was indeed our youngest member, but his brilliance never ceased to amaze me. "Kratos, you came with us for a different reason, didn't you? … something besides the money." The boy's tone had suddenly grown serious again, though not fearful this time like it had been before.

I didn't reply.

"It's not my place to ask you about your past. Like you said, it's your own business." He backed away a bit then, glancing over at Lloyd, who was trying to wave him back over. "But I want you to know that if something's wrong… we're all here for you." He smiled what most would call an adorable victory smile, then headed back over to join the rest.

I sat alone, on that convenient rock, under that convenient tree, thinking about how inconvenient life had become. "_I have done my best to distance myself from them, and yet just now, Genis has proved that I have failed in this too._"

I sighed, thinking of the mental repercussions this would undoubtedly incur. "_They really care about me. They… shouldn't._"


	10. Conflicting Trust

Thank you everyone for being so interested in my story! It has been a while since the last chapter, I know, but never fear! Chapter 10 is here! :)

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Ave-Chan: Thanks! Even though Kratos technically isn't human, I still like to see him as one. I believe that he lost most of his humanity before the game, but somewhere between the start and end of Tales of Symphonia he regained it. So! I'm making it my personal duty to explain how! … with a few extra bells and whistles of course. :)

Meneil: I love Kratos too! … in the most un-dorky way possible. lol

LoydIrvingIsMine: No he's not… he's mine! :) Ah what the hey, I'll take Kratos and we'll call it even. Mwahahah

Destiny's Light: Oh Kratos will have action. He most definitely will have action. The question is… what sort of action? Hmm… maybe I should ask everyone at the end of this chapter…

Akarui Kyohaku Heishei: No worries, I like constructive criticism! It's flames that I tend to ignore. About Kratos realizing he's in a game… I tend to bend the rules a little with my fiction. A bit of sarcasm and satire isn't too uncommon in my fics, in fact, if you look hard enough, it probably appears a few times in each chapter. That being said, Kratos realizing he's in a game (for that line alone, not the rest of the fic) isn't that big of a stretch. Oh, and don't worry, Kratos will have his chance to talk with Sheena… awkward though that scene will be…

Xeora: Assuming you read this chapter… (I hope so!) … don't worry so much about the reviews. I love it when people review, of course, but it is more important to me for people to just enjoy my fics, for whatever reasons they might have. Although, if you still are willing to draw a pic… Kratos! :)

Jellybeanz225: Sadly, I STILL haven't seen those training scenes! It miffs me. :( And thank you for the Genis comment! I try very hard to get each person, or half elf, in character.

Taiy-Chan: You're welcome! Glad you liked this chapter!

Jade Wyvern: What happened to the Risotto? You'll find out…

……………………………………………………………………………………

"_Why… why do they trust me?_" I thought as I sat underneath the shade of the tree, watching the group have their fun, eating their Risotto and chatting happily away. How I wished I could just be a simple mercenary as I had said so many times before. I wished I was just in it for the money.

Things would be so much easier that way. If I were a simple human, as they thought I was, I would feel the heat of the battle each time we fought, knowing that perhaps, if things did not turn out right, I wouldn't make it through. Every moment would be precious to me, as it was for them. Each breath I took filled with anticipation, not the monotonous lifeless drone I had become accustomed to. I could sit with Sheena and not give a damn whether or not she was a summoner. I wouldn't be afraid to be their friend.

"_Why must they trust me? Why why why?!!"_ I thought again, groaning to myself. If I were who they all thought I was, earning their trust would have been a victory rather than a defeat. Although in a way, when I had embarked on this journey, that is exactly what I wanted. I wanted them to trust me, to place their hopes and dreams in my hands so that I may crush them all and snatch their dreams and lives away.

I laughed lightly. How things had changed.

"Are you gonna eat that?" I caught Lloyd before he managed to pounce on my share of the Risotto, still stretching and waving his arms around, attempting to grab my plate. He pouted and whined, "Kraaaatooooosss!.... that's not fair!"

I smirked, knowing that I had the upper hand, as always. "What do you say?"

He pouted and squirmed a little bit more, but finally he sighed and mumbled. "…please…."

"What was that? I didn't hear you." I said, pretending quite well, if I do say so myself. Lloyd had to learn some manners! I thought that Dirk had taught them to him… perhaps he had untaught himself through this journey?

"Please!" He said, louder this time, still frantically reaching for the risotto.

"That's better." As soon as his hands touched the plate, half of the risotto was already in his mouth.

"Lloyd! Slow down, if you keep eating that fast you will…"

As if on cue, he began to cough, pieces of the food caught in his throat. He looked at me with hysterical eyes, not because he was choking on the food, but because…

"Here, drink mine and slow down next time." I rolled my eyes and handed him my canteen of water.

As he drank the water, Raine walked up to us and immediately reprimanded the boy. "Lloyd! What on Sylverant are you doing?! Eating Kratos's food… how inconsiderate of you!" With a thwack on the back, she sent him running back to the rest of the group.

"Thanks bro!" He called back to me, daring to face Raine's rage again just so he could say it. He had guts, I had to admit that.

After she was sure that Lloyd was out of hearing range, Raine turned to me, brushing back a lock of her messed silver hair. From the look on her face, I could tell that she wanted to talk… and not about simple things like Lloyd would have mentioned, nor about herself like Genis. She wanted to talk about me. Wonderful. This was bound to be an unpleasant experience.

"Kratos… before I say anything else, I want you to know that I have the utmost faith in you, and that I appreciate your skills with the sword very much. I can't even count the number of times that you have saved my students." She paused then, as if she wanted to say more, but held herself back. I can only imagine what she meant to say. Instead she continued persistently towards her goal. "I wanted to thank you for that, for all the help you have lent to us. I'm not sure we would have made it this far without your aid."

Although she paused again, I knew that now was not the time for me to reply. She had more to get off her chest, and hell knew no fury like that of a woman who wasn't allowed to say what she _had _to say. Especially when that woman was Raine.

"But… easy though it would be, I cannot ignore the toll this is obviously taking on you. For a swordsman of your caliber, our battles this far have been less than challenging, but even so, I sense great pain and difficulty in your heart. Don't think I don't know this Kratos. I realize that traveling this much is fatiguing, but collapsing on the battlefield is hardly healthy. And you can't possibly be old and senile enough to forget Thyoda Geyser, such an important part of our journey. It just isn't right… it isn't!" She was clearly upset with these events, which mildly surprised me. What reason would she have to care so much about my state of mind? Finally she sighed. "Kratos… what I am trying to say is that we all are suffering a great deal right now. Lloyd and Genis have lost their hometown, Colette is struggling with her angel transformation, and I have to watch over all of them to make sure they don't kill themselves!" I heard her murmur underneath her breath, "… I'm not sure what Sheena's deal is yet, but I'll find that out soon."

She shook her head, lightly chuckling at the ridiculousness of the situation. "I can see that you are struggling with something very important as well. I know it isn't my place to ask what the business of a single traveling mercenary is, because they always have some sort of dirt in their past." With a wry little smirk, she added. "That goes for you too. But if you do have something you would like to say… if you ever do… then please know that I will always be here to listen to you, even if… even if Sylverant is attacked by aliens!"

Up until then, I had regarded her words with the utmost seriousness, but at her last statement, I had to hold back a bitter laugh. Though I knew better, I could not help but respond to her question… with another question. "Do you really mean that? You would listen to me regardless of _anything _that happens?" If she knew the truth, she would never agree.

"Of course I would! That's what I have been trying to say all along!" She answered fervently.

Obviously, she didn't know the truth. "Well then, perhaps I will take you up on your offer…" Her eyes lit, ready to listen to all of my deep and dark secrets right then and there. Little did she know that the Chosen could hear everything we were saying. For the sake of keeping Colette's faith in place, I could not tell her. Not that I would have told her anyway. "…later."

She tried to hide her disappointment, and she did a rather decent job. Had it not been for my countless years of reading the slightest movements of my friends' and foes' faces, I probably would not have even noticed. "I see. Well then, please take care of yourself until then. And join the group every now and then, would you? We can't always have you lurking around in the shadows." She smiled with genuine good-naturedness, and pat me on the shoulder before leaving to join the rest of the group.

After all of that, I bowed my head back down again, closing my eyes and catching my chin in the palm of my hand. I could think of only one thing.

"_Why must they trust me?_"

…………………………………………………………………………………………

There we have chapter 10! …for those of you still reading. :)

And now…

A post-fic question for you!: Should Raine and Kratos get together in this fic?

Answer me now if you have any opinion on this at all. I have a general idea of where I want this fic to go, but your response can make a big difference in the outcome of the fic! Any response is appreciated!


	11. Conflicting Hopes

Happy New Years, one and all! I'm a bit late, but so what? :)

Many many many thanks to all my reviewers!!! I appreciated all of your insightful views of the Kratos/Raine pairing. I am open to new thoughts, and many of you offered me very good arguments both for and against the pairing. Even if I end up writing something opposite to what you voted for, rest assured that I took every comment into consideration, and I have tried my best to incorporate as many of your suggestions as possible.

Seeing all those reviews encourages me a lot to write more, so here you have it… more! But first, replies to all you wonderful people who reviewed!

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Minnie: Thanks as always for your input! I always look forward to your reviews, because I know they'll always be there. Thanks so much for sticking with this fic from day 1! :)

Wayfarer09: You probably won't read this. Slacker. lol

Heidi021: Oh thank you! You're making me blush! :) Personally, that is what I think about Kratos and Raine too, but with this fic, it could swing either way. Drat. Oh! By the way, if you can, could you send me those Kratos training session scripts? It pains me to say it, but I still haven't seen them….

XP: No, they're not immortal! But they might as well be.

Eicatz: Thanks! Glad you like the fic! :) Your position on Kratos and Raine is very believable, I could definitely see that happening. Perhaps I'll do a post-game sequel to this fic with them?

Dominus: lol! One vote for yes, I see!

Meneil: Oh good! Someone still sees the humor in the fic! ::cheers:: You've made my day! Perhaps I spoke too quickly when I said that Kratos lost all of his humanity. I still believe he lost it during those 4000 years, but Anna changed him (another fic for another time… yes yes.) But since he lost her, I think he has had trouble coping with his mixed feelings (I hope everyone has caught that by now!) And yes, he did love Anna very much. Something I've neglected up until now… but this coming scene demands it. And no worries about the uber-long reviews, I like them! :)

Some chick: Thank you!

Azyllyra: Ok! One definite vote "no!" Don't worry, I realize that Kratos loved Anna very much, something I plan to make much more apparent in this chapter. As for Kratos and Raine, I do think it's possible, but it might not be the best idea for this fic, which is why I proposed the question. Thank you for your input!

Virtual white tiger: lol! I just love RP with the ToS characters. Sadly my friends never want to do any!

Kratos: That's because they know you'll maim and destroy our characters.

Marika: N…not true!

All the ToS characters: ::run away in fear::

Marika: Hey! I'm not that bad!

Jellybeanz225: lol! No no! Bad Axe, put it away! About the choking, I probably should have explained that better. He was just eating too quickly and needed a drink. :)

Person XD: Thanks for the input and the vote! I do believe he took a hard fall after he lost Anna, and it would take a LOT of work on Raine's part to get into that special place within his heart.

Speshul ed: Oh goodness… I don't even want to think about what to do at the end of this fic when Kratos leaves and Lloyd calls him dad. I know it will make me cry!

Ave-chan: Thank you! I put a lot of work into my fics, and I'm always happy to see that people enjoy them!

Kiwi's Angel: S'ok, don't worry about the reviews. I like them, but if you're busy, then by all means, do what you have to do! :)

Amazon Bunny: Does Kratos eat? That is a good question. I would think that even though he is a seraphim, he would have to eat something every now and then. I think he was skeptical of Sheena's cooking though.

SunkissSMB: Thanks! It's such a good feeling to know that people like you won't be prejudice against my fic even if I put Kratos/Raine in there. It really means something to me. Thank you.

Tenshi no Namida: Updates are here! Thanks for reading!

SiStAoFpEaCe1: I fully agree! Kratos is such a compelling character… he was the one that really drew me into Tales of Symphonia in the first place!

Eternitymemory: I tried my best to get them in character, but hey, you do what you can do, right? Lloyd is still growing at this point in the fic, and I really hope that I'll get a chance to show how he matures throughout the fic. In the meantime, I hope you can put up with his childishness for just a bit longer!

Taiy-Chan: Voila! Here's the update! :)

Jade Wyvern: Hehe, Raine's just full of surprises isn't she? I would really like to delve into all of the characters' feelings and psyche, but if I did that, then not only would this fic not be about Kratos anymore, it would be like… 700,000,000 pages long! lol

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Marika: And that is all I have for reviews, so now onward with chapter 11!

Kratos: Chapter 11? I find it hard to believe you made it this far.

Marika: Me too, but here we are! Ok, onward to Asgard ranch for you!

Kratos: ::sigh:: Right right… Asgard ranch…

……………………………………………………………………………………..

I was a prisoner. At least, I had to pose as one if we wanted to sneak into the Asgard ranch.

I hated this place. It brought back such terrible memories, things I would rather keep hidden in the past.

Lloyd wanted to take the lead again, to be someone people could depend on. He was trying, but… not quite there. I almost smiled; I could hear it in his voice. _She_ would have been so proud of him if she could see him now.

I shouldn't have thought about _her_. Those thoughts always distracted me, and now couldn't be a more perilous time for them to arise again. I could meet anybody in this ranch… people who would recognize me and just might blow my cover.

But it was too late, wasn't it? I had already thought of her.

Unconsciously, I followed the group as a prisoner, allowing my feet to take me where they would as the rest of the group snuck into the base and talked to the Desian soldiers.

……………………………………………………………………….

_"He will be a strong one… just like you." She whispered gently, patting her rounded midsection. A smile. Serene and carefree. _

_"A boy?__ Why do you say that?"_

_"Because…" She laughed and took my hand. "… just feel him kick!"_

………………………………………………………………………..

"It looks like that this is an exsphere manufacturing plant." Raine spoke, observing something or other.

My mouth was on autopilot. "So it would seem." Slowly, my mind returned to the present, and none too soon.

Some people rushed in, and I recognized Botta. He knew who I was. He could have given away my secret, without even realizing that is what he was doing. The 'desians' seemed ready to attack, but I knew it would take more than my present power to bring down Botta. If I were to fight them, Raine, if nobody else, would certainly notice the change in my power. "Are you looking for a fight?" I asked, trying to sound as calm as possible.

I saw uncertainty in Botta's eyes. He obviously wanted to take Lloyd's group down, but he knew that he could never do it with me as their ally. "Wait, Kratos is with them… we'll retreat for now."

Damn. He mentioned that he knew me, but at least he didn't give away any more.

"I think it would be in both our best interests not to fight here." He continued.

"Do what you will." I spoke confidently. He could not defeat me, not that I feared for my own life anyway. In all honesty, the worlds might be better off if I were gone…

They retreated. Good.

It was not long before we ran into Kvar, who did not know me. I had no reason to be concerned of this one.

The hurt in Lloyd's eyes was obvious when Kvar explained to him how expheres are made. So Lloyd valued the human soul too… she really would have been proud.

Suddenly we were surrounded, sending the others into a panic.

"Lloyd, your exsphere was to be an offering to Lord Yggdrasill. It's time you gave it back." Kvar was beginning to say too much. If he dared tell Lloyd the truth…

"Yggdrasill... I suppose that's the name of your leader." Raine commented. Well, at least now I didn't have to worry about letting that name slip anymore.

"Yes. Now, for the sake of our great leader, Lord Yggdrasill, and for the sake of my own success, I need that exsphere!" I could barely contain an eye-roll. How did scum like this get on our payroll?

"Again?! What's so special about my exsphere?" Lloyd demanded. If he only knew the truth…

"That is the result of years of time-consuming research. I can finally reclaim what was stolen by that filthy female host body." Kvar sneered. I knew who he spoke of, in such a derogatory manner.

Instantly, anger began to well inside my body. How **_dare _**he talk about her like that!!! My fingers twitched, itching to send a Judgment bolt down on Kvar. Were I not with Lloyd and his group, I would not have hesitated.

"What are you talking about? The female host body. You're not talking about…" Lloyd stammered. Had I not been so angered, I would have paid more attention to his confusion and hurt.

"Hmm, you don't know anything, do you?" The bastard Kvar continued. "That exsphere was cultured on host body A012…"

Just hearing her referred to as "host body A012" sent a shiver of burning rage down my spine.

"…human name, Anna-your mother. She took it and escaped from the facility. Of course, she paid for her crime with her life."

Anna. My darling Anna. Had it not been Kvar, speaking of her in such a foul, disgusting manner, I could have wept merely from hearing her name again.

"You killed my…!!!" Lloyd cried out, shocked. Despite my anger, I felt a twinge of guilt already. Lloyd had a right to be angry…

"Now, now, don't blame me. I'm not the one that killed Anna. Your father did." Now he had spoken way too much. My eyes burned with livid ferocity. I wanted to fly up to the high ledge he stood on and personally rip out his throat.

"Liar!" Lloyd shouted again. He didn't want to believe what he heard, neither did I.

Kvar continued, waving this information tauntingly in front of Lloyd. "Please. When her key crest-less exsphere was removed, Anna turned into a monster… and your father killed her. Pathetic, don't you think?"

That was it. I raised my hand to cast Judgment on him, but at the last second held it back, balling my hand into a fist instead. "Do not speak ill of the dead." It took all the effort I could muster to sound mostly impartial. If Lloyd did not dispose of Kvar soon, I certainly would.

"Hahahaha! Who cares? They were both just a couple of filthy humans-worthless maggots."

"Don't you ever talk about my parents like that!" Lloyd screamed, as ready as I was to attack now.

But we never had our opportunity to fight. As the desians moved in, Sheena interfered, using one of her spells to transport us away from the base.

I almost wished Sheena hadn't teleported us away, but it was probably a good thing that she did. Otherwise I know that I would have blown my cover and killed Kvar and all his minions. They would have caught a clue then. This group who trusted me completely would have known who they were traveling with… perhaps they wouldn't trust me anymore.

I think… it would have been better that way.

Nevertheless, I seethed with anger… Kvar had gone too far. Not only had he insulted my dearest Anna, but he had made a mockery of both her and me in front of Lloyd. It didn't matter that he didn't know who I was.

It still… hurt.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Marika's notepad:

Ahh, did this chapter sound familiar? It should have, it's pretty much straight from the game! I loved this scene, and felt that in a fic about Kratos, it was absolutely crucial.

Current status of Kratos/Raine:

Yes: 10

No: 10

Note: This includes votes from the Tales of Symphonia group in my profile.

Marika: A Tie?!! How can that be?

Kratos: Easy.

Marika: ::gasp:: Kratos! Since you're here you can make the tie-breaking vote! What do you think? You and Raine? ::nudge nudge:: Eh? Eh?

Kratos: Whatever.

Marika. ::sigh:: He's never any help. So umm… I guess it's still not too late to vote! Feel free to change your minds, I won't think less of you! :)

So if you don't mind… PLEASE REVIEW AND VOTE!!! I'll tally again when the next chapter's done, and if it's a tie again, the poop is going to hit the fan. Big time.


	12. Conflicting Responsibilities

This chapter took a little longer to get out than I had hoped, but… I'll have you know… it took a LONG time before the tie was finally resolved! Rest assured, there is no more tie!

Thank you, reviewers! I love you all! :)

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

Sketchess1: Thanks! I'm always happy to hear that people like my fics, and I'm also glad that you've noticed the title trend… You probably don't believe it, but after so many conflicting things…. It's getting tougher to think of something that fits with the chapter! Sometimes the title is the hardest part of writing the fic.

Anonymous: one vote yes! :)

Becca: lol!! A Kratos/Raine fan I see! Reminds me of spectators at a sports game… I wonder… in a way we're kinda like that right now? What a thought! :)

FlameRaven: Purist! Haha just kidding, I respect everyone's point of views. Glad you shared yours with me! And about the lv. 50 line… a bit of sarcasm and satire isn't out of Kratos's reach, is it? ;) If you search my fics, you'll find quite a few lines like that, so… just be on the lookout!

A. NuEvil: First off… that's an interesting name. Also, thank you! I've put quite a bit of work into getting characters the way they should be, and sometimes that is still difficult to do! I have to wonder whether or not Kratos/Raine is best for this fic, which is why I put up the poll to see what everyone thinks! I agree that it's a good read in some fics though. :)

Heidi021: Oh my goodness, I can not say thank you enough! You've pointed me in the right direction so many times already! Yes, I'm looking forward to many scenes in this fic, some more than others. I hope you still continue to like the fic! :)

AnimeQueen: Thanks! I love Kratos too… ::sets out the drool bucket:: lol

Wolf of Light: Thank you! Kratos is such a fun character to write!

Dark Hope: Thank you! Ehmm… I'll be honest with ya though… I don't know what you mean!

DownerLithium: I'm glad you like the fic! I've been trying to make the fic better with each chapter!

Wildgirl: One vote no! Got it.

Virus: Thanks! I'm dreading writing the betrayal scene….

Zimbio: Glad you like the fic! As for Genis and Lloyd's dumbness… don't worry. There is a reason. For now they are just kids, well Lloyd has at least begun to mature a bit, and you are right, Lloyd hasn't reached the "gentle Idealist" status yet. He still has a long way to go. But really, that's just a small part of the reason. So you're probably wondering…. What is the real reason? ::points at Kratos:: Because it's _his _point of view! Kratos still sees all of them as little children, actually, even Raine. Err…. Ok, this reply is getting too long. Enjoy the chapter! :)

Dark Hope: I won't lie to you. I have absolutely no idea what you're trying to say!

Gerty: lol! No worries, no poop in the fan this time. :)

Eicatz: Yes, it was a tie, I couldn't believe it either! And this poll was going towards another tie… but then it wasn't. I'm a little sad that the polling is over, but I think it might actually work out better this way for the overall fic and the eventual sequel.

Sherra-sama: Thanks! The upcoming chapter is my personal favorite so far…

Setta: Nope, Raine and Kratos were the only options for this fic. I just don't see him getting with Colette or Sheena. Maybe Anna….

FireEdge: lol! It's ok, don't worry about it! Yes, if there is anyone I know that's a Kraine fan, it's you! (Can't wait till you finish that fic btw!) :)

Skadus-Necrosis: Thank you! I'm glad you like the fic! :)

Sistaofpeace1: Sorry, I just got too lazy to capitalize every other letter… lol. And yes, the scene you mentioned in your review…. Actually appears in this chapter! And the angry scene happened in a previous couple chapters, but heck… why not bring it back again? ;) Thank you so much for offering to send the scenes! I already have most of them now, but I really appreciate the help! :)

ShadowSage2: Yes, Kratos definitely has issues in his life, especially concerning Anna. (Big key to this fic!) And woot for another Kratos fan! The world needs more Kratos-love!

The Evil Maid: Why thank you! I've tried pretty hard to keep them in character. I'm always happy to hear that someone else thinks they are in character too!

The Coming Evil: Kratos and Raine bookends! Oh if only they actually sold those… I think I'd have to invest in them… And thanks for the Luv! The more the merrier!

TrinitySilk: Thanks! ::sigh:: Yes, Kratos and Anna worked so well together, didn't they?

Trevor X1: One vote yes! Got it! And… you might want to read chapter 10. Things will make more sense, I think. But if you've played the game, then I think you'll be ok.

Freesnow: I'm happy that you'll read the fic either way! Don't worry, there will be plenty of Kratos and Anna scenes, it's crucial for a fic like this. :)

Speshul Ed: Kvar was a little biatch! Stupid pansy deserves to die. Oops, did I say that?

Wayfarer09: Well, what do you know? You replied! Yes, he'll be brooding more in this chapter… and the next… and FOREVER!!!! Mwahahah!!!!

Kratos: I don't like the way this is going…

Marika: Too bad. It's ehh…. HER fault! ::points to Wayfarer and hides::

Angelus2040: …did anyone tell you that you tend to write in long daunting phrases? ;) Anyhow! Yes, I've put a little thought into who I will keep around for this fic. And… who will stay alive? Who knows? I don't care to think about that right now. Maybe I should leave it up to you guys again? But no more ties this time!

Meniel: Wow!!! I am so flattered! To think, someone besides me rereads my fic! :) Yes, for now I am planning to write a sequel to this story. I'm already saddened to think that Tainted Disposition will end. (Obviously it will end when the game ends.) But the sequel will allow for even more creativity (of course that means that _I'll _have to think up the plots now… geh!) But for Kratos… anything! Hahaha! :)

Muffin: Yes, it's true. Anna's dead, which saddens me (and Kratos!) There are ways to work around that, but I guess we will just have to see which way this fic ends up turning!

Taiy-Chan: No poop in the fan! ::cheers:: Yes, I was glad when Kvar died too. I realized that Kratos was much more upset than usual during that scene, but I didn't fully realize why until you find out about Kratos's past later on. Poor guy.

Blah: Hey, that's my DnD name! lol yes, I'm a dork. :) One extra long chapter coming right up!

SunkissSMB: lol!

Kratos: Discuss _my _love life?

Marika: Well yes, that's the idea.

Kratos: This is ridiculous. I'm leaving.

Marika: Drat! He always does that!

Thanks! I also believe that Kratos and Anna were very happy together. If anyone who has played the game doesn't think so… well then… I'd question whether or not they know how to read…. or think.

Kacheekybonzair: Thank you very much! Ahhh… yeah, I was wondering whether or not Kvar was standing on a cliff or not. In the end I went with the cliff just because it sounded cooler. ::sweatdrop:: Thanks for pointing it out though! :)

Animegurl64: Many thanks! I think you're right… a fresh romance right in the middle of things probably isn't the best idea for this fic, though it could be done. I do have plans for this fic though… (listed at the end!)

Dominus: lol! Here's more! And it looks like the Tales of Symphonia community has really grown! I'm so happy to see so many new authors here! :)

Destiny's Light: Well… this battle isn't with Kvar yet, that doesn't happen till later in the game, so it won't happen until later in the fic. But never fear! It will definitely happen!

EvilTreshin: Hey, no worries about long reviews! I love 'em! :) Kratos definitely has a lot to think about (as you can see from the fic! lol) And don't worry, there will be his share of thoughts about Anna. Poor girl. :/ About the Kratos/Zelos decision… I still have yet to decide! It would make more sense to follow Kratos for this fic, but there are ways around that. I wouldn't want Zelos to die, but… oh what a dilemma! Shall I poll again?

Virtual White Tiger: Ahh… I'll be honest with ya again…. I don't know what you typed! I think fanfiction . net changes reviews and omits certain symbols, sadly. :/

Sora53: Haha! Thankies! I kinda wish Kratos-muse would speak to me a little more rather than just fly away!

Kratos-muse: ::flies away::

Marika: Dang it!

Jade Wyvern: Oh yes. Kvar will die. Stupid prick. This will just give Kratos more to brood about though… which _is _kinda the point of this fic. The day Kratos stops brooding is a day to be reckoned with!

* * *

……………………………………………………………………………………………

My my! What a list! I am so happy to have so many people to reply to! :)

All right, take it away Kratos!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

Night had fallen. Still, each of us remained in a state of brooding within our own sorrows, some afraid to voice their thoughts, and others not caring to. Today's events had shaken up all of us, made us question what it was we were really doing, and for what purpose. I, of course, for a much different reason than the others.

But despite my own troubles, I could not help but notice the terrible effect the encounter had taken on Lloyd. He was usually so cheerful, to the point of seeming like a complete moron, but I knew he was much deeper than that. Any son of mine would never let something like this pass by without a deep period of brooding.

My son… so now I have finally called him that, if not to Lloyd, then to myself. My son…

………………………………………………………………………………….

_Darkness had fallen in the tiny cabin. Locked deep into the woods, where we could be safe._

_"You…" She smiled coyly, catching my attention with every little thing she said or did._

_"Hmm?"_

_"You've changed, you know that?" Fate had allowed us to escape their notice for a while, so she sat rocking in a chair I had made for her a few days past._

_"No, I don't see how…"_

_"Kratos, sometimes people change when they discover something… " She looked like she wanted to say more, but instead she shook her head. "No, that is something you will understand later."_

_"What is that supposed to mean?!"_

_Tiny laughter. "Hahaha! Oh Kratos, you're so smart, and yet sometimes the simplest things…" It took her a moment to gather the strength to stand from the chair. The child was due any time now… our child. Even so, she came to my side, embracing me with her lithe arms and resting her head on my shoulder. "…there are things I don't know about you, but there are also things you don't know about me."_

_I looked at her with concern rather than suspicion. "What… do you mean?"_

_"Someday…" She sighed, as if preparing herself for something. "Kratos, I won't always be here. And if that day should come sooner than I hope, please promise me one thing…"_

_"Anything." I brushed my thumb against her cheek, lightly cupping the delicate features. What she had said concerned me greatly. I hadn't ever guessed that she could be harboring such a terrible secret… and I had yet to find out what that secret was._

_She leaned her cheek into my hand. "Take care of him." _

_Her words caught me by surprise. And though I had an idea of whom she spoke, I asked anyway. "Of who?"_

_"Lloyd." _

………………………………………………………………………………………..

"I can't believe exspheres are made from human lives." The summoner's words pulled me slowly out of the daze. Though we all sat forlornly around the campfire, Sheena was the first to say anything. She still looked quite upset as she focused on the exsphere in her hand.

"This is Marble's life…" Genis spoke quietly, holding the hand embedded with Marble's exsphere cupped within his other hand.

For a moment we all sat in silence.

"Arrgh!! This…. thing!!!" Lloyd screamed, surprising us all when he readied himself to rip the exsphere from his hand, as if to throw it away.

That exsphere was Anna's life.

The thought paralyzed my voice box. I could only watch in horror as he prepared himself to cast away the most important thing in his life.

"Lloyd, wait. What will you accomplish by taking that off?" Colette interrupted, stepping up to him and pleading quietly. It's times like this that I really wish she didn't have to be sacrificed. "It's not just an exsphere, it's also your mother's life, remember?"

The pain in his eyes was visible to us all, as he knitted his brows and struggled to find the right words. "But… these things make a _mockery_ of human life." He spat bitterly.

The Chosen looked like she had run out of brilliant words to say, so finally I stepped up. "But we would have lost long ago had we not had them." I reminded him, still trying to be as impartial as possible.

"Don't you think I know that?!" For the first time since I had met him, Lloyd glared up at me with anger in his eyes.

I couldn't let his foolishness upset me. "Do you really? If you throw away that exsphere now, do you think you can finish this journey?"

It took him a moment, but finally he sighed and glanced away. "Yeah… I know. Without these things, we're just a bunch of weak humans. We can fight because we have these. I know that…" Slowly, he turned back around, shaking his head, nearly quivering with fury, "but exspheres exist as a result of taking someone's life!"

"And? Those people didn't become victims because they wanted to," I paused, letting the bit of information sink in. Lloyd's heart was clearly in the right place, but he needed to understand more than just morality. He had to realize that there would be things in the past he couldn't change, but much that he could do in the future. This wasn't something I could tell him… he would have to figure out the future for himself. "But I doubt they would want to be thrown away after being turned into exspheres."

While Lloyd floundered for words, the Chosen spoke up again. "My opinion may not matter much because I don't use an exsphere, but I believe the Desians will defeat us if we throw away our exspheres now. And if that happens, more people will lose their lives to these stones. I don't want that to happen. I don't want this journey to be meaningless."

"Colette's right. We can throw away the exspheres at any time. But right now, we must carry the weight of the hopes and dreams of those victims. And fight for their sake, as well as ours. Didn't you say you weren't going to hesitate anymore?" Perhaps I shouldn't have said that to him, but this was more than just a motivating speech. This was a test of his strength, and not the physical sort. If Lloyd were to have any hope of succeeding, then he would have to make his decision now. Already he was beginning to take the form of the leader of this group, and though it pains me to say it, they were the only ones who had any hope of changing the order of the world. If he, their soon-to-be leader, could not be sure of himself and his own convictions, then they had no hope.

"No!" He shouted, shocking everyone with his outrageous answer. I, however, was pleased 3!

He realized then, from the looks on all of their horrified faces, that he hadn't said what they were expecting. I detected in his eyes a tinge of guilt, hesitance, and … a feeling that can't fully be described by words. A feeling when you know that you have let down people who really believe in you.

I had hoped that feeling would stay with me and never pass on to him, but when he turned away, going off on his own to think, I knew that my hopes were in vain.

For many moments he stood silently, staring at the darkened horizon. Finally, he gazed down at the exsphere in his hand and spoke, as if speaking to the sphere itself, "Mom… did you suffer… when this thing took your life?"

He was quivering, barely noticeable to perhaps anyone but myself and the Chosen. Lloyd needed her now… his mother… Anna. He was lost, and needed someone he could trust, someone who would guide him the right way. I wish… I could have been _that person_. _That person _…his father.

"Will you forgive me… for using this?" I let him stand there a while longer, clearly on the verge of tears, missing his mother dearly and wishing beyond anything that he could trade this stone and bring her back to life.

It took me much too long to realize that I could be _that person_ he was looking for. **_I could be his father even if he didn't know_**.

"How would you feel?" I asked, stepping up behind him.

"What?" He turned towards me and I could see that indeed he was fighting back tears.

"If you lost your life to an Exsphere, what would you want done to yourself?" I persisted. Lloyd had so much to learn, and I had much to tell him. Unfortunately, even if he did know me for who I was, and… for whatever reason… came to accept that, neither of us had the time.

"I…" Lloyd floundered for words, clearly at a loss. He needed to be guided through this towards his goal. Though he would have to make all the realizations by himself, I could help show him the way.

I sighed, realizing that I would have to give him more than just a nudge in the right direction. "If it were me, I'd want to be useful to someone with the will to break this tragic cycle. Then… perhaps I could atone for some of my sins." I let the last few words slip thoughtlessly and cursed myself silently for it.

"Your sins? Like what?" I knew he would ask. Lloyd was already too curious for his own good.

"That's not important." I interjected quickly, diverting his attention back to where it should be. "What is important is your decision about the exspheres."

With that, I turned around and walked away. I could do no more for him. If he couldn't figure things out from that, then perhaps I had placed too much faith in him.

"Exspheres…" Lloyd murmured, staring at the horizon deep in thought.

We let him stay there for a long time that night, standing silently and staring deep into the distance. He wasn't the only one with much to think about.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

_"They've found us." I cursed Kvar, all of the Desians, even Mithos himself. They had picked a terrible time to discover our hidden location. Anna was…_

_She stood up from the rocking chair, a strength flowing in her that I was allowed to see every now and then. The baby, whom she had already named Lloyd, still had yet to be born. It would be very difficult to flee now without being noticed. "It's ok Kratos, we'll find a way out." _

_They had us surrounded… I could sense them on the borders of the woods we were currently living in. I took her hand, squeezing it lightly for reassurance, then gently led her through the back door. _

_They were even closer than I had imagined. I drew my blade in case we should run into anyone. Anna never liked it when I did that. I could sense remorse echoing off her when she spied the weapon. However, both she and I knew it might be the only way._

_We made it almost the entire way out of the woods without being spotted, but then…_

_She didn't even say a word as she stepped in the way, letting a desian's arrow strike her left arm instead of my chest. How could I have missed that?! Perhaps they were right, I was slipping…_

_But I had no time to think about these thoughts. My Anna was hurt, and I needed to get her away from there. _

_Another archer appeared, across the way. This time I was ready. I deflected the first archer's arrow with my sword and quickly picked up Anna, moving her away just in time to avoid the second arrow. "Anna… hold tight to me, ok? I will try to have us out of this as soon as possible." I hesitated. It would be so easy to use my angelic powers and fly us away from here. However, if I did that, not only would Anna know the truth about me, but it would be fate's cruel way of laughing in my face, forcing me to use the power that I so deeply resented._

_Without another thought I ran, holding Anna close in my arms, until we escaped the forest. Of course… that didn't mean we were alone._

_We were completely surrounded by archers and swordsmen. They enclosed us in a circle that became more tightly knit as they advanced on us._

_"Inferior beings! Stay where you are and return to us immediately!" _

_I didn't have to turn around to know who was speaking to me. "Kvar, you can tell Yggdrasil that I won't be returning. And as for Anna…" I turned halfway towards him, giving him a sidelong glance. "…I won't let you have her back either."_

_Some twisted part of my soul smiled with glee when I saw his infuriated expression. He couldn't get me, but he didn't know that. "Seize them!"_

_There was no other option. I had to become the angel I despised again if we… if **Anna** was to live through this. I hugged her tighter to me and whispered softly, "I'm sorry."_

_Physically it was painless, but the light blue wings scarred my soul when they burst forth from my back. They represented everything I had come to despise as of late, the order of Cruxis, the suffering of all the people on both Sylverant and Tethe'alla, and overall the guilt that weighed my heart down… knowing that I had helped with these wicked plans. But she understood me, she was the first to ever care… and though she did not know the entire truth, she opened my eyes to the world around me. Whether or not she had known before that moment that I was an angel was uncertain to me. I never told her, but… she always had a way of knowing impossible things. I could only hope that she would continue to understand. For now… Anna stayed silent._

_Swiftly I flew up, escaping the sharpened blades, dodging the arrows. Up and up we flew…_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Dawn had broken. As the edges of the golden sun peeked over the distant horizon, Lloyd returned back to us. He seemed to be in better spirits. A good sign, I hoped.

"Well, what now?" I asked, prompting him to lead the group further.

"There is one thing I realized. I'm certain that my mother must have wanted to live longer than she did. Therefore, I'm going to live…" Lloyd took this chance to glance at each of us, as if to say he really meant it this time. "…for myself, and for my mom too."

"In other words, you're going to fight." Since nobody else knew what he had spoken about, they couldn't know what he was talking about. In fact, Lloyd didn't even know what he was committing himself to right then. It was probably better that way.

"Yeah. And I'm going to break this cycle. For the sake of preventing anymore victims like Marble and my mom." He spoke, his voice growing even more firm as he convinced himself further of his goals. Now he was finally beginning to show his true colors, the courage and strength that resided in his soul. The strength he inherited from Anna. "I'm going to help Colette on her journey to regenerate the world."

"Yeah. Me too." Genis slowly nodded and agreed. It seemed Lloyd's strength was beginning to rub off on the rest of them, a sign of a true leader. "I'm going to fight on Marble's behalf as well."

"Me too. I'm going to regenerate the world as quickly as I can." As if Colette would say anything else.

Raine stepped forward then, proud of her student. "I think you've made the right decision Lloyd. People are sinful beings. That's why we must continue to bear the burden of our sins for as long as we continue to live." It almost surprised me to hear that from her, but then I had to remember that Raine was perhaps the smartest of their little friendship group. She didn't know how right she was.

Sheena, however, appeared to still have doubts. Good. "Life survives at the cost of another?"

"I don't really know how to say this, but I don't think there's a way to justify the lives sacrificed to make Exspheres. They have to be stopped at all cost!" Lloyd said, the conviction in his voice shining through like a bright beacon. I could sense a renewed passion and security within the group, after hearing his words. Lloyd was really beginning to grow and take his place as their leader.

I was… glad. Perhaps now he would not die.

* * *

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Marika's Notepad

I hope you've been enjoying the fic so far! This chapter was particularly fun to write. (Note the length. lol!)

Kratos/Raine poll results:

Yes: 16

No: 19

I don't care/no response: 5

And yes, there were a few people who said they didn't care, so… yes! Your votes do matter!

Ok! No poop in the fan! And here I was going to let Kratos, Sephiroth, Vegeta, and all the other cool villains go destroy the world…. Sorry guys. Maybe next time.

So it seems (by not too many votes I might add) that the majority of you don't want to see Raine and Kratos get together in this fic. I can live with that. :)

But! For those of you who voted in favor of Kratos and Raine, fear not! So far, I have plans to make a sequel to this fic, and…. who knows what might happen then? ;)

Though the poll is officially closed now, reviews are still very much appreciated! They encourage me to write more and help me shape what will happen later on in the fic, so…. **go review**! :)


	13. Conflicting Memories

:sniffles: Such kind reviews! … I love you:)

* * *

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Christie: Thank you so much for all of your encouragement! I know it took a while for this one to come out, but I'm so glad that I have a friend like you to keep pushing me forward! I can't thank you enough:)

Yama: I've also got to thank you for your helpfulness and encouragement too! It's been great fun talking to you and comparing ideas. Keep plugging with the Regal fic! I know it's going to be great:)

James: Thanks for the compliment! Kratos writes himself most of the time, really. I just type. ;;

Oh, about "I, however, was pleased +3!" I'm not sure if I mentioned it here yet, but... occasional satire and sarcasm tends to drip into this fic, if it isn't Kratos's natural sarcasm, then it's my own. Yep. That'd be one of them. ;)

Heidi021: You are not a horrible person! You're one of the most helpful people I know:) I can't thank you enough for all the help you've given me in the past, but I'll say Thank-You anyway!

About review responses, I enjoy the chance I have to respond to my reviewers, because in many cases, it's the only opportunity I really have to communicate with them. I love to hear people's comments (good or bad) and I love to talk!

NiffStral: Oh oh, don't be twitchy! Here's another chapter:)

GirlWaterShaman: lol! That's quite a tall order! I'll see what I can do. ;)

Rogue-White-Dragon: Thank you! I have tried to get characters to fit their roles as best as possible. The one who is giving me the most trouble is Anna since we don't see much of her in the game… /

NiffStral: You're welcome! … I guess. I was kinda rooting for both sides… Kratos/Anna and Kratos/Raine appeal to me so… either way works for me. :)

Ave-chan: Oh yes, sugar and chocolate make the world go round. I'm glad you liked the flashback scenes! I was a little unsure if people would like them, so it's really good to hear that someone likes them. :)

KyasarinBurukkuTakara: Yep, the poll was "no" so fear not! No Kratos and Raine in this fic.

Eicatz: Oh 15 years? Goodness no! The poor guy has waited 4000 years already, he needs to get on the move! ;) And yes, I'm looking forward to the sequel too…

AnimeQueen: Yes, authoress I am:) lol I'm glad you're happy with the poll results!

LavenderAlana: Thank you! Kratos is awesome. Really… can anyone disagree with me here? (If anyone does I'll throw an ocelot at you! Or… do something…. lol)

ShadowSage2: Wow! A long review, I'm excited! Ok… where to begin… Yes I think he definitely has his share of problems. On my mailing list we were actually talking a lot about Regal and Kratos… they both have a lot of the same problems really.

About Kratos being a father figure, I really don't see him any other way. He's a bit confused, yes, a bit of an asshole sometimes? Definitely. But does he genuinely care about Lloyd? Of course!

Lastly, about after they split up… this entire story has been from Kratos's POV so far, why change things now:)

Wayne the orc: Thanks! Kratos is a very feeling character, despite what it may seem. About his personality… stoic versus angry is an interesting way to put it…. I personally think he is both. He is stoic in many ways because he represses his feelings so much that that's the way he is now. After 4000 years, I assume he's perfected it. But, on the same token, something changed him not too long ago, bringing all these feelings back to the surface, and that something was Anna. I think that hearing the woman he loved spoken of so poorly would definitely make him upset. As for 'fuzzies' and 'groupies,' congrats! You've caught my satirical words of the day. ;)

Jellybeanz225: No chapter would be complete without a review from you! I look forward to it every time. I'm glad that you liked the flashbacks too! I might do a fic about before Lloyd was born, but that will be a long way away. For now, the best I can do is add in these little flashbacks, little happy moments (or not so happy moments) that our dear Kratos gets to recall.

Spacemelon: Thank you:) Longer chapter happy readers? Yes… I've been getting better at that, I think. :) Ooh, you get not one, not two, but THREE smileys:)

Sora53: Ah, Kratos muse comes and goes. He's flighty.

Kratos muse:flies away:

See what I mean? Ah well, that's ok! Keep plugging, I'm sure your fic will come along fine:)

KRATOOS: Haha… oh I'll let Kratos take this one away….

Kratos: Is that… supposed to be my name?

Marika: Well, he's not very talkative right now… :mutters: he never is… but thank you for your encouragement!

SunkissSMB: lol! Oh my goodness….. Raine's spaghetti and meatloaf… :still laughing: Thanks for a very unique review! I love long reviews so don't worry about that:) The betrayal scene has me on edge too! But before that we'll have to deal with Kvar… stupid Kvar. Anyhow! Thanks for another funny and entertaining review! I hope you like the fic as much as I like writing it:)

FireEdge: I know, I could have gone either way with Kraine or Kranna, but this works out too. It gives lots of room for development in the sequel. ;) lol! I know you like flashbacks! They work very well in your fic, but I'm still a little iffy about them here… let me know what you think about them, ok:)

Angelus2040: How could I not use responses that make Kratos like Lloyd more? ;) Their father/son interaction is part of what made the game so fun! (for me anyway!) Thanks for another review!

Rekka: Sadly the poll is over already! But fear not, the sequel will give more room for Kratos and Raine action. :)

DownerLithium: I'm awesome? Thank you:blushes:

SistaofPeace1: Oops! I think it _was _Sheena that said that last line. Ahh well, it looks like Lloyd steals another line yet again! Little thief. ;)

Meniel: I really love developing Kratos and Lloyd's father/son bond. Even if it seems a bit one sided for now, it's something I'd really like to work on more in the future. Thank you for the support of the flashbacks, although… I'm still a little hesitant about them. /

Speshul ed: I really don't want to kill Kratos or Zelos. Since this is a fic about Kratos, I can't really justify not taking the Kratos path, but like you said, Zelos is also one of my favorite characters. Don't worry, I've got something worked out already. (With a little help from SistaofPeace1!) :)

Dominus: Yes I've updated! It took long enough, no? About your comment with Anna… I've tried my hardest to not make her a Mary-Sue, believe it or not, it's even tougher for me to write her than Kratos! But, seeing as she isn't really in the game all that much, I can understand why people could see her as a mary-sue. Anyway, I'll keep working on that, I hope she's not too irritating for you… ;)

Jade Wyvern: Yes yes, fatherly love is something Kratos really needs more of! I want to cram as many happy feelings as I can into this fic without making it a yaoi. No no, that'd be bad in this fic. Anyway! I will continue to dutifully write Tainted Disposition! Thank you again for a lovely review:)

Taiy-Chan: lol! No poop in the fan isn't my motto but… it's nice that you like it anyway! And without further delay, here's the next chapter!

* * *

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A number of you requested a longer chapter so…. here it is! All right Kratos, off to Luin for you!

Kratos:grumbles: … fine.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

* * *

I felt no remorse the first time we ran across the tragedy in Luin. Though the rest of the group still seemed to be hit hard by the devastation of the city, it was nothing less than standard for me. How many cities had Mithos destroyed in the past… just because he felt like it? I had lost count.

While the rest of them did their best to aid the city again, Lloyd in particular, I meandered amongst the ruins, leaning down at the end of a broken bridge to gaze at the ripples as they danced across a pool of water. How oddly serene this little town was now. The street vendors all gone… no children playing anymore… everything destroyed.

I hated it.

* * *

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_She still hadn't spoken a word. _

_She hated me now, I knew it. Now that she knew what I truly was… that I was one of those terrible beings that we had been fighting against. I couldn't blame her for her detestation and disgust. _

_Even so, I couldn't let her go. Anna was everything to me. _

_I still held her selfishly close, within my trembling arms, as I flew far away, somewhere that Kvar and his men would not be able to follow. _

_How stupid I was for hoping that she would forgive me, that she would still care once she knew. I was a monster... how could she ever love such a heinous being? I felt horrible for holding the secret from her so long, yet a part of me knew that if I hadn't, things would never have been this way. Anna would have left me long ago and I…_

_"Kratos, we escaped… why are you frowning?" She asked, a light smile on her lips as she softly kissed my cheek._

_I nearly dropped her from surprise. "Anna… can't you see? I'm a monster. One of those terrible beings…"_

_Before I could continue, she touched a finger to my lips and shook her head. "What are you talking about? I don't see a monster… all I see is you."

* * *

_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"…Kratos!"

I heard the voice and grimaced before I even turned around. As long as she didn't try to get all warm and fuzzy like the others did…

"Are you done staring at that water? Lloyd said he couldn't do any more for this town right now, so it's time to leave. Hello, can you hear me?"

"Yes Sheena, I can hear you." Who couldn't hear that high pitched screaming?

"You… don't look so good." Blatant, but honest. She folded her arms and tapped one foot on the ground. "Kratos, you're not Mr. Invincible, I've seen you get hurt during battles too. You've got to take better care of yourself."

Blah blah blah. If I had a had a gald for ever time I heard that… "I understand. Thank you for your concern, but I am fine. Lloyd will need your help much more than I will."

She arched an eyebrow, and actually took a step back in surprise. "You sound so sure of yourself… Kratos, did anyone ever tell you that you're a really _intense _guy?"

I cracked a smirk. "I've been called many things." After that I stayed silent; I didn't really want to talk to her. She didn't catch the hint.

"So Kratos… why are you always so distant?" Sheena asked, sitting down by the bridge where I knelt, gazing into the calm water. I couldn't say why, but I had the distinct feeling that she was testing me. Her ways, they seemed _too_ fluid, her movements almost _too _natural…

"That's not your concern." I spoke, unafraid to be cold and harsh with her. I wouldn't let another one of them worm their way into my heart. Especially when she was such a threat.

For a moment, my coldness seemed to work, but then she started talking again. Damn. "I can understand you not trusting me…" She spoke quieter now than before, but still spoke nonetheless. "… I wasn't exactly nice the first few times we met, but…"

Sheena turned now to look at me, and reflexively I turned to stare into her deep brown eyes. "Kratos, you were the only one who didn't seem shocked by anything! None of the strange things that are going on… or my sudden appearances. I mean… well… Colette wasn't either, but she's Colette." She laughed lightly, no doubt thinking about the Chosen's blithe personality. "…_you_ though, you have your own reasons, don't you? You know more than you're letting on."

Very adept. I had underestimated Sheena. She was even more of a threat than I had thought. "I have no doubt that you are a good person, and you will make a fine addition to this group. They will need you soon, Lloyd in particular, but I must caution you…" I spoke quietly, but confidently, standing up from where I knelt. "…when the time comes, listen to me, and don't get in my way."

I left her sitting by the bridge, probably very confused and possibly a bit hurt, but that didn't matter. It was better if she didn't understand, and didn't try to talk to me again.

* * *

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_She was injured, but not beyond help. Once we had landed safely on the outskirts of the snowy town of Flanoir, I held her even closer, trying to keep her warm as I ran though the town in search of the famous doctor. Though I could have mended her wound myself, removing the Desian arrow was an entirely different story. At such a crucial time for her, it would be far better to let a professional handle the situation._

_The line outside his house made his residence easy to spot, and in a way I felt a twinge of pity for the people as they waited with their cases of sniffles. However, I could not have Anna wait._

_"What is the meaning of this?" The man inside, presumably the doctor, spoke with obvious annoyance as we entered his house unannounced. It didn't take him long to notice the blood stained clothes and arrow still stuck in Anna's arm. Even so, he held back, as if he were expecting something. Greedy bastard._

_I flung a pouch with at least three times the amount of gald an emergency visit should have cost to the floor, not bothering to follow his eyes to the coins that fell out of the cloth sack. "If you are half the doctor you are reputed to be, it should be obvious why we are here."_

_"I see. Bring her into the next room, if you don't mind, I'll be there in a minute." He spoke, already stooping to collect the money from the floor._

_For the moment I ignored his greed and set Anna gently on a chair in the adjacent room. "Anna… hang on, it will be just a minute more…"_

_Though she tried to keep a straight face, she couldn't hide the amusement in her eyes. "You speak as if I'm about to die!" Finally she gave up, and chuckled lightly. "Kratos, much worse has happened to me. You really didn't have to go through all the trouble bringing me here…" She paused briefly, but before I could say anything, she continued to murmur, "…flying… with your wings and all…" _

_Her hands found their way to my back, touching the place where my wings had once been. Again, I grew fearful of rejection, and she would be perfectly justified in doing so. "Anna please believe me… I wanted to tell you sooner, but…"_

_Rather than address the issue at hand, she instead made a strange comment, throwing me off momentarily. "Interesting. There aren't any holes in your shirt."_

_"W-what?"__ I stumbled over the word, which added to my current embarrassment._

_"You'd think there would be holes after something like that, you know, for the wings and all… but there aren't any."_

_I arched an eyebrow, mildly surprised to hear such a bizarre comment from her. "…have you been thinking about that this whole time?"_

_"Well, it seemed like it would be very inconvenient to have to keep sewing up holes every time you used your wings. Besides, I've never seen any holes in your clothes before, so I guess it makes sense that there aren't any holes there. It just seems like there should be." She nodded slowly, to herself it seemed. "Yes yes… it makes more sense this way. Otherwise it would just be too much of a hassle to have wings, they'd always get in the way of everything."_

_"Anna…" I murmured, astonished beyond belief. _

_Before I could say any more to her, the doctor reentered the room. "If you'll please wait outside, only patients are allowed in the examining room."_

_I stood up, my eyes never leaving her. I didn't have to say anything, she understood._

_With a cheerful smile she spoke, "Don't worry, I'll be fine."_

* * *

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The Genis kid was speaking with Lloyd, sadly talking about how Luin was like another Iselia. When I saw the distraught look on Lloyd's face, I wished I could have said something to make things easier for them, but… I couldn't. It would be difficult for them, but they were bound to see even more tragedy befall other cities… if they didn't die first. I had a feeling that thought wouldn't comfort them.

They talked a little longer before we finally got moving again. Apparently we were going to Hima. We had dawdled in this little town of Luin for far too long, and yet… something made me want to stay. This city was once special to me… and now it lay in ruins. True, it was just one more destroyed city… one more statistic on the map, but I couldn't help but remember the dreams I once had.

Dreams that had long since been broken. In this devastated city, nothing was left for anyone, much less me. I was foolish for believing that we could ever be happy…

* * *

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_"Kratos… he's…. he's beautiful…" Tears spilled freely down her cheeks as she cradled the tiny infant. It shouldn't have surprised me, but she looked so happy…_

_"You were right… it **was **a boy." With care, I brushed two fingers through a tiny tuft of brown hair that was already beginning to show signs of future unruliness. _

_"So beautiful… Lloyd…" Lost in her happiness, I could almost forget where we were, and that we were still being chased. How long would this continue? Could I find us a place to settle, at least for a while? Or would we always be on the run from Cruxis…? But for the meantime, we were safe. Nestled in this tiny snowy town, we had escaped the ever watchful eyes of Cruxis for about two weeks. It wasn't difficult for us to find shelter, and the doctor of Flanoir was one of the most renowned in the world. Of course… acquiring his assistance required quite a bit of persuasion again._

_The doctor reappeared from the other room in his small abode, washing his hands meticulously with a warm, wet rag. He tossed it at my head, a vain attempt at playfulness. Then he handed me a large glass of vodka._

_"You'll need it, sugar-buns," he said, patting me on the behind – which was a vaguely unpleasant feeling, seeing as he was neither young nor handsome. "Kids are hellish things. You could do better than this, doll."_

_I quickly punted the doctor out the window. The soft, white snow was coated in a _

_fresh__ layer of blood, and the poor doctor was no more._

_….or perhaps… that wasn't really what happened. _

* * *

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Kratos, why did you come to Iselia?" Lloyd asked, disturbing my thoughts.

"I was hired by a rich individual to escort a pilgrimage. It was near Iselia, so I decided to stop by there to look for a new job." I responded smoothly, easily fabricating a lie that I knew he would believe.

"And there you saw the oracle." Why was he bringing this up? Why was he even talking to me? I should be distancing myself from him… from them. But something nagged at the back of my mind. Something that told me it was far too late to turn back now; I was much to deeply involved with his group. I was no longer merely the secret escort of Cruxis that I had once been. I was… many things… but he could not know any of them yet.

"You should thank me." I answered curtly. "If I had not come, you would have died."

He seemed a little hurt by the comment, but he was much too hopeful to be completely daunted by my reply. "You're so condescending. But what makes it worse is that it's true."

"_I know it's true, why do you think I said it? You're nowhere near as strong as you will need to be if you wish to defeat Mithos and save this world or it's twin. Of course, you don't know that. You wouldn't believe me if I told you that. __Moron__." _That's what I wanted to say, but I held my childish tongue, responding instead with a simple, "…hmm."

"And I hate it when you do that! It's patronizing." He frowned. I never could win, could I?

"I guess your dislike for me runs quite deep." I stated softly. If he only knew the complete truth… he would hate me even more.

"Kratos, I don't dislike you." Lloyd turned to face me, slowing down his speed. The others walked ahead of us, probably not even realizing that we had fallen behind. "If I didn't like you, I wouldn't speak to you like this."

Something about his comment brought out an oddly sentimental feeling that spread like a tiny tingle up through my back. But quickly, that feeing was swept away. He didn't dislike me… but I had yet to make my move. I had yet to leave him on his own… how could he not dislike me then? With hesitance, I did the only thing I could do, apologize for possibly hurting him. If this was to be the last chance I would have to really talk to him, I didn't want him to hate me. "…I see. I apologize for my prior remarks."

"It's ok. I was pretty rude about it too." Lloyd spoke with a smile as usual, but I could tell that he was still thinking about what had just been said.

We started walking again, a good few Noishe gaits behind the rest of the group due to our delay, but the others did not seem to notice or care. It took him a few minutes, but he finally worked up the nerve to speak more about what was bothering him.

"You've helped us out so much... like you said before, we would have…" He nearly seemed to choke on the words, the distaste for them evident in his very speech. "I really hate to say it, but you're right. We would have died before we ever left Iselia on this mission without your help. And even now we still rely on you so much…"

Too much. I sighed, pressing the palm of my hand up to the side of my cheek and feathering my fingers through my hair. He still had a long way to go, but at least he was beginning to understand that he wasn't immortal, and that things might not always go his way. Unfortunately, he didn't realize how soon things would take a turn for the worse… at least for him. The way things were going, even if I wanted to change their fate… they would make it impossible. The unbalanced state of this world and its inhabitants, the journey of regeneration… it was all spelling out their doom. Even so, he was still carrying on, journeying forward with his best effort despite the unknown odds. Perhaps, if they were lucky, that just might be enough to help push them through… "Lloyd, you can be stronger than you realize. Even in the short amount of time we have spent traveling together, I have noticed a tremendous improvement in you. Let your future strength push you forward when I cannot."

He picked up the hint immediately, tilting his head in my direction, staring up at me with questioning large brown eyes. "Kratos… what are you saying?" Or… maybe he didn't pick it up. Little did I know it then, but it wouldn't be the last time I heard _that _phrase.

"If I should, for some reason, be unable to help you anymore, you must have the strength in your heart to carry on. Don't forget, I am mortal too." I responded, choosing something that I thought he would be more likely to believe. To myself, I thought, '_Not really… but he can't know that._'

His eyes widened even more. I didn't know that was possible. "What… what do you mean! You can't possibly… you're my big bro! You can't… leave us…"

I didn't need to say anything more for the weight of the matter to settle in.

His gaze lowered, evidently grappling with the idea that it was entirely possible to lose someone close to him. The lives of all his friends hung in a delicate net, ready to break free of it's hold on the world at any moment.

I wouldn't let it show, but the thought even put a bit of fear into my own heart. How long I had wished to see him … and yet soon… I would have to leave him on his own again. What would happen to him once we parted ways? Would he survive the rigorous trials that would undoubtedly befall him? Or would he succumb to the sweet beacon of life's final slumber? I didn't think he would choose the latter, not willingly, but I couldn't be completely sure. "Lloyd, things may become… _complicated_ soon, but as one of those accompanying the Chosen, you knew that would eventually happen, am I not correct?"

"Yes, but…" He began, trying to form a question of some sort to encompass all the thoughts that must have undoubtedly been running through his mind. That would have taken far too long.

"I have told you from the very onset of this journey that it would be a difficult one, filled with danger and hardships. You have already seen that things aren't always as they appear, and you have struggled with many losses." I paused, allowing him time to remember the past. Marble… Anna… though he probably only remembered one of them, I had seen the tender place his heart held for them both. I wondered if he would feel the same when it was Colette's turn. "Lloyd, whatever happens, you cannot lose sight of yourself. You must do what you have to do. Remember that."

He seemed puzzled by my quasi-enigmatic words. I couldn't blame him, but I couldn't tell him any more. In any case, he wouldn't believe me if I told him the blatant truth, of this much I was certain.

* * *

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Ah yes… I remember now. It wasn't that stingy doctor that walked into the room. No, unfortunately for us, it wasn't._

_"So this is where you went. Miserable creatures, you humans are. Constantly spawning more of your pathetic breed." _

_My eyes widened at the mere sound of his voice. Instinctively I spun around, drawing my sword with one fluid movement. _

_Kvar had given us no quarter. Not even in this dire time. Anna's labor had been long and difficult. She was in no position to fight or run, and Lloyd was not even an hour old…_

_"Kvar… you…" I hissed, my voice lowering to a dangerously feral growl. I could never forgive him for what he had done to Anna in the past, and this time he had gone much too far. "…if you **dare** try to harm them…"_

_I should have noticed how the smug little smirk never left his face, but for once, my emotions had caught me, blinding me to such an obvious warning sign._

_"Oh please, spare me the tiresome drivel." He laughed, taking his time as he pulled the frightened doctor in from the next room. "If you attack me here with your powers, then you'll risk injuring this weakling human… and all the rest of them in this town. Not that I care, but I'm sure that **you **do."_

_My breath hitched briefly. He was right, much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't use any of my true strength without risking injury to the townspeople, not to mention Anna and Lloyd. However, I did have one thing on my side._

_Confidently, I stepped forward, pointing my blade at him. "Perhaps you are right, but my sword alone will be more than enough to dispose of you."_

_He wasn't phased, and this time, I detected that something was direly wrong with the situation. "Foolish Kratos. Did you really think I would come here alone?"_

_Now my adept hearing detected the multiple pairs of boots which were quickly enclosing on our location. There had to be at least twenty of them, and from the heavily weighted sound, I knew they were greatly armed. _

_"Kratos, take Lloyd and go… you two can still escape." Anna whispered from behind me. Somehow she had managed to stand already and was trying to usher the sleeping infant into my free arm. Very durable woman._

_I responded the typical response that any man, who had just become the father of a child with a woman he truly loved, would say. "No. I won't leave either of you behind." I thought quickly, there had to be a way out of here. There **had **to be… _

_There were only two exits to this room: the door which Kvar and his men barred, and the window… Before I could do anything more, something crashed through the glass panes and moved towards Anna._

_"Guardian!"__ I shouted, casting a greenish protective bubble around Anna just in time to prevent the attack from the desian who had entered through the window. Kvar had begun to advance towards us, his men following behind him. The door was blocked to us. The only option left was the broken window…_

_"Anna! Keep casting!" She could use magic, of this much I was certain. If luck was on our side, she might have the strength to cast a couple more guardian spells…_

_Relief flooded my mind as I heard her voice behind me again, "Guardian!"_

_"Double Demon Fang!"__ I moved quickly after deflecting a blow from Kvar, knocking him and his flunkies back into the wall. _

_Quickly, I spun around to see how Anna was holding up. She was still holding the tiny infant close to her, casting resiliently, though anyone could see that she was already exhausted._

_"Let down your barrier!" After a couple quick slashes to nearby desians, I noticed her green barrier dissipate, and once again I picked her up. "Hold tight to Lloyd…" I whispered, summoning forth my angelic wings once again. It really wasn't the time to think about such things, but for some reason, bringing them forth this time seemed a little less… painful._

_I did not pause to hesitate before crashing through the window, my back to the broken fragments of glass. Whether or not I was injured did not matter if they were safe._

_Once outside we avoided their spears and arrows. It wasn't long before we escaped them again, but at what cost?_

_Anna was freezing, holding the infant as close to her as she could without smothering him. Something was wrong, I could tell from her pained expression, but if I knew Anna, and by this point I hoped I did, she wasn't about to tell me what it was. Instead, she would probably say something else, something to distract me from the issue at hand._

_As we glided away once again from the angry desians, she spoke quietly, confirming to me that something was definitely amiss. "What do you know… even after all of that, he's still asleep."_

* * *

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Before much longer, we reached Hima. It looked like Pietro was cursed. Oh darn.

We were headed back to Asgard Ranch. It didn't please me, and Lloyd's friendship group noticed, but that didn't matter.

At least this meant that I would have the chance to do something I should have done a long time ago…. avenge Anna's death.

* * *

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Marika's Notepad:

Despite what it seems, I do like Sheena! I can't say the same for Kratos though… but give him some time… he should eventually warm up to her. :)

Lots of Anna flashback scenes this time. Tell me what you think of them! Should I tone them down? Add more? Keep it how it is? Thanks! Input about this would be really great:)

And now…

Cheesy question #1: What happens when Kratos falls down a plot hole?


	14. Conflicting Demise

Finally Tainted 14 is here! But first, time for some responses to reviews! ;)

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

Christie: Thank you so much for all your encouragement! This fic wouldn't be half of what it was if it weren't for your help:) 

Yama: Same goes for you:) Thanks for being there to talk when I needed it, and for all of your helpful info about … well… everything! (Otherwise Kvar would be fighting with like… a rocket launcher or something…. lol)

Dragoness Rage: Thank you for the advice! I think Kratos is awesome too:)

InuKratosStan: Thank you! I've been working on this one for a while… much too long… but anyway! Keep up your writing, and I'm sure you'll do just fine:)

Wayne the orc: Good point. I've always wondered exactly what Kratos was thinking throughout the game (thus the fic,) and it's always been my opinion that during the events of the game he was slowly persuaded against Mithos's side. I'm not sure if there was a specific point that really clinched the deal, (if there is, please let me know!), but from what I gathered, he just kind of figured things out on his own… slowly. :le sigh/ Oh! But about the question… lol! Mary Sue just might have pushed him in… :)

Meiru: Thank you! I'm really trying to work with the flashbacks, so I really appreciate your feedback:) lol! OOC Kratos? Now _there's _something I'd like to see…

Gyakutenno Megami1: Hi hi! Wow, I love long reviews like yours:) :coughs: Ahem! Ok, back to your question… I've actually got a bunch of ideas for what to do with Zelos and Kratos. It's such a tough decision in the game, and believe me, it was even harder to think about here! You guessed right, I can't just kill Kratos since he's sort of important in this fic…. but I'd hate to finish off Zelos too. So… let's just say I don't plan on having either of them die. :)

FireEdge: I've missed you:) Yeah, flashbacks are tough for me, but I'm working on them! Thanks for your continued support! This fic would never have made it this far without your encouragement from the beginning:)

Meneil: The same bit about the encouragement goes for you too:see review above:) Oh yes, Kvar shall get what's coming to him… :evil laughter:… ah, ahem! Yes! Well… needless to say Kratos'll make short work of him soon. ;)

Kratos: That bastard will pay:shakes a vengeful fist:

Everyone else: ……… :backs slowly away:

Jade Wyvern: Ah! Same goes for you too! (Thank you for the kind reviews over this past year! I can't believe this fic has been running that long….) About the hole… it's pretty deep. Kratos's got a lot of problems and a lot to think about…. (duh… lol) Yes, he punted the doctor out of the house… sorta. And don't worry, that bastard Kvar will get his! ;)

Sora 53: I know I know! I'm sorry these chapters are getting updated so sloooowly! I've been busy… bad me. And Cha-ching! You're right about the question:)

The Plushie Bandit: Yay:claps: Another awesome RP:) LOL! Watching two old people screw…. Poor Raine! About the fic, yep, I plan to continue until the end of the game! It just might take me a little while…. Ehheh… :sweatdrop: The sequel will be immediately after the game. (I mean really, can Kratos stay on Derris forever? No!) Yes! You got the cheesy question right! Daaa da daaa! And thanks for the naïve Lloyd plushie:)

SistaofPeace: Wow, everyone's getting the cheesy question right! Seems like Kratos does a lot of flying… Anyhow! Thank you so much for all of your help! Especially with the Kratos and Zelos problem that will soon be coming up. I've tried to tone down the flashbacks as much as possible in this chapter, so I hope they're to your liking!

Speshul Ed: Yessss, I blame Mithos for everything! … except when it's Lloyd's fault. Which happens to be a lot. ;) About the relationship circle involving mercenary work… could you explain that a little bit? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about… :(

A. NuEvil: Thanks! I appreciate all of your input and the review! Again, I apologize for this chapter's lateness… buh. /

KratosFan: Nice name. :) Oh I love Kratos's dry sarcastic wit too! It's part of what keeps me writing this fic, so I'm glad that you like it too!

GirlWaterShaman:hands you a baby Lloyd plushie: Ain't he adorable? ;)

LavenderAlana: Oh there's other Kratos fics out there… but I take pride in the fact that mine was the first! ;) :evil laughter: Ahhah…. Yeah… so anyhow! Don't kill Kratos! We need him for the fic:)

Taiy-Chan: Plot holes are problems created by authors who don't know what the hell they're doing. As such, I'm guilty of many of these. :le sigh: Good luck cleaning the house! It's an icky chore, I know… (just did it yesterday.) Thanks for the input about the flashbacks!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

And that's all the reviews we have for now! So… without further delay…. Onward to Asgard! And that bastard Kvar. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

I knew that going back to Asgard wouldn't be easy, but I didn't know it would be _this _difficult. 

"I'll get him! Then I'll cut him! Then I'll kill him!"

Where did he learn that language! I nearly turned around and smacked Lloyd. But, the good professor beat me to it.

"Lloyd! How dare you talk like that!" She hissed, delivering a swift and angry blow to his bottom. Thankfully we were far enough away from the ranch that none of the desians could hear our conversation.

Grudgingly, Lloyd murmured an apology. "Sorry professor, but… I just can't ignore what Kvar has done! He's hurt so many people…" He gazed meaningfully down at the exsphere in his hand, looking sadder than I think I have ever seen him before. Before long, that sadness was replaced with a passionate anger. "…he hurt my mom."

He did more than that Lloyd. If only you knew.

I didn't know whether to be pleased or dismayed that the anger burned in his heart as it did then. His anger would help him through what was to come, and it just might be enough to carry him through a few tougher battles in the future…

"It won't move!" Lloyd grunted, pushing on the boulder at the side of the Asgard ranch entrance.

"Lloyd, stop being a dunce." Genis sighed, pulling him to the side while Raine took position in front of the rock.

"I hope this works…" She muttered, holding the desian orb we found earlier in front of the boulder.

What do you know? It worked.

Inside, the desians demanded to know who we were. Really, you would think that they would know who we are by now. Regardless, we didn't give them a chance to find out.

Before long, we found the map room, and Raine brought up the map of the ranch. I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow the alarm was tripped.

"Oh no!" A deep look of concentration covered Raine's elfin features as her fingers darted madly over the control panel. Despite her efforts, it was of no use. "I'm sorry, I can't deactivate the alarm system from here. Some of us will have to deactivate it manually while the rest pursue Kvar."

After her statement, she added, "You know, I'd really like to go cream Kvar right now."

"Yeah, after all he did to all of those people!" The resolution on Genis's little face was almost startling. Almost.

"This guy… he sounds like a real creep. I wouldn't mind helping out either…" Sheena added.

Lloyd spun around, surprised that so many people wanted to help take down Kvar. "Wow… all of you? Well… we can't _all _go. Some of us have to deactivate the alarms."

He seemed to be concentrating… or something. "Colette, what do you think?"

"Huh? Me?" The girl glanced up, startled for a moment before her usual ditzy smile appeared. "I'd like to do whatever you do Lloyd!"

Whatever that meant.

They had chit-chatted long enough. Finally, I stepped forward, catching all of their attention with the small movement. "Lloyd, you and I should face Kvar, and quickly. If we linger here too long, he will surely discover us."

Perhaps he didn't know what "linger" meant. The puzzled stare that he gave me had me seriously worried. "Kratos…"

After a moment he nodded. "All right, it's settled. Kratos, Colette, and I will stop the production of exspheres of Asgard. Professor, you are the best at figuring out these systems, so you lead the team to deactivate the alarm system. Everyone, let's meet up at Kvar's control room."

The others appeared crestfallen, but it was for the better. Having Colette along would already be a burden, but I suspected that Lloyd knew this already. Perhaps that is why he chose to bring her along?

The thought remained in my mind a little longer, and though it really wasn't the time, my mind drifted to other matters…

……………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

_It was a burden to bring her around, I couldn't deny that. At the same time, I couldn't deny her. "Anna, how is Lloyd?"_

_"Like you. He survived the frozen flight away from Flanoir… he can survive anything." She responded confidently, cradling the sleeping infant in her arms._

_We had escaped to Ozette. It wasn't ideal, but it was somewhere we could hide for the time being. I still had enough gald to rent a room for us, and it wouldn't be difficult to collect enough for a few more nights. They probably wouldn't think to pursue us here, at least not for a little while._

_Anna was tired, I knew she must be. Gently, I took Lloyd from her, holding the tiny infant awkwardly. He woke up immediately. And cried._

_She laughed. "Kratos… you can't hold babies away from you like that. Here, hold him closer to you, like this." She shifted him in my arms, bringing the wailing baby closer to my ears. _

_She was crazy! She had to be…. but…. was he quieting down?_

_As I held the tiny baby close to my chest, I could feel his small breaths slow down more and more until I was certain he was asleep. _

_"There, not so hard, huh?" She smiled again, exhausted._

_"Anna, get some rest. I will watch over Lloyd." I could see in her eyes that she wanted to resist. Apparently she didn't completely trust me with a newborn infant. "Don't worry, I will keep him safe and wake you if there are any problems."_

_What a liar I was. As she fell asleep, I knew that I wouldn't wake her for the world._

_Silently, I carried Lloyd outside into the cool night air. It didn't even occur to me that it might not be healthy for a newborn baby. As I gazed up at the stars, I could feel the quick heartbeat in his tiny chest. He was so small… I wondered what he would grow up to be like? Was Anna right? Would he be able to survive anything?_

_"Lloyd, I hope for your sake that you…"_

……………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

"Kratos! Why are you just standing there? Didn't you just say we'd better hurry up?" Lloyd tilted his head in confusion. 

"Yes. This way." I walked ahead of him, leading the two out of the room. The other group had already left. Why were these memories returning to me now? I didn't need them, and they would only distract me.

As we fought the desians of the Asgard ranch, I watched Lloyd and Colette as they fought together. She wasn't as much of a burden as I had thought she would be. Truly, both of their fighting techniques had improved since the beginning of our journey, as well as their teamwork.

She really cared about him. Of course, I would expect no less from someone he claimed to be one of his best friends. Colette was a little slow, but then… Lloyd could be too.

It was not long before we had stopped the conveyer belt and the production of the exspheres. For a moment, I wondered how Raine's group was doing. Truth be known, I did not wish for their death. But if that should befall them… there was nothing I could do.

"All right, is everyone ready?" Lloyd asked, standing before the warp tunnels that would presumably lead us to Kvar.

"Anytime you're ready Lloyd!" Colette smiled reassuringly, brightening up his spirits.

"Lloyd, once you step through this warp tunnel, there will be no turning back." I cautioned him. "This is your last chance to escape."

I thanked whatever god existed when he returned my words with confidence. "I'm ready. Kvar killed my mother. I can't just let that slide by."

Inwardly, I winced, but I didn't let this show. There was a time and a place for Lloyd to know the truth. This was definitely neither.

After a deep breath, Lloyd turned to each of us again and stepped through the portal…

Kvar was speaking with Pronyma via a tele-communicator. Their conversation was dull and full of useless facts that I had already suspected long ago. So Kvar _was _traitorous to Yggdrasill. All the more reason to kill him.

"So the mana cannon is no longer a secret. Well, it doesn't matter. Once I succeed in retrieving that exsphere, any suspicions I might have been under will be but a distant memory." Kvar said with poise.

Yeah right. There was no way I would forget _all _that he had done, regardless of the mana cannon. "Get ready!"

"You're not gonna take this from me!" Lloyd shouted, charging at Kvar head on.

"Lloyd! Look out!" Colette yelled, a little too late. Three charged electrodes had circled around him, slowly closing in. She ran to his aid, tossing her chakram ahead of her at the energy stones.

Now was my chance. After observing their teamwork skills earlier, I knew that Lloyd and Colette could handle themselves. Quickly I cast a first aid on Lloyd, who appeared to be getting hit hard with the magic electricity of the stones. But even as I stood casting, I could see the malicious grin on Kvar's face. _He was enjoying torturing my son._

Hatred burned in my very soul. Anger that I had felt for no other. Kvar would not get away with his sadistic escapade.

"First aid!" No sooner had I cast the spell when I charged fool-heartedly at Kvar. He would undoubtedly strike me first, but that did not matter. I had no intention of leaving him alive, despite the cost to myself.

"Foolish inferior being!" With his staff in hand, he sent a spark wave at me.

It wasn't difficult to dodge it. He was planning something else. As I neared him, he grinned again, "Lightning Strike!"

I could see the lightning headed in my direction, but it was far too late to dodge the attack, or even to guard against it. I had to take a chance.

Holding my blade before me, I lunged forward at Kvar, feeling the terrible electricity strike my abdomen, coursing through my body. I felt fairly certain it wouldn't help my hair at all, but this was the least of my concerns.

It didn't matter that the lightning had struck me, my body was still in full motion towards that bastard. Holding my blade before me, I ignored the pain to the best of my abilities.

For once, Kvar's eyes widened slightly. Oh yes, that demon would pay. But! Just before I could strike him, he parried my strike with his staff. "Heh… it won't be that easy… I am quite skilled with my weapon."

He was getting cocky _now_? I almost laughed. Did he remember who he was up against? Electrocuted or not, I had a few thousand years more practice than that arrogant half-elf. Grasping the staff with one of my hands, I sent some of the electricity that still flowed through me back to his hands. As his body instinctively reacted to the shock, I pried the staff from his hands with my weapon, kicking it far from him when it hit the ground. Now he looked scared. "As am I."

Of course the bastard would try everything in his power to cheat. Pulling a concealed dagger from the folds of his clothing, he thrust the weapon into my side with an evil cackle. "I've got you now, pathetic creature!"

I won't lie. Even with my angelic powers, it hurt. A lot. The dagger drove deep into my body, gashing me in ways that I didn't want to think of. With a grunt, I bent forward, grasping my copiously bleeding wound with one hand. No… it couldn't end here. I had to defeat him… for Anna… for Lloyd…

"Haha! Well now, who is better with his weapons?" Kvar taunted, readying an electric attack in the palm of his hand.

I had to attack him before he could strike me with his electricity, otherwise it would all be for naught. With an anguished moan, I pulled on the handle of the blade, freeing it from my body in one swift motion. I threw the bloody weapon at the wretched half-elf, grazing his arm enough to stop his spell. Pointing my sword at him again, I could feel no greater fury. "Who is better indeed."

He was shaking now, backing away from the blade. "You… you can't still be… there's no way you should be standing after that!"

Slowly, I walked closer to him, clutching the open wound with my left hand, while the rage of the past few years built with each step. "I won't let you… hurt Lloyd… again."

"Again?" His eyes widened, and finally recognition dawned on him. "Kratos! After all these years…" He scowled, still unwilling to admit defeat as I drew ever near. "I broke you! You shouldn't be more than a docile _lapdog _to Yggdrasill now!"

"You may have taken Anna away from me… taken my very soul from me these past fifteen years… but you missed something… you didn't finish the job." I paused, my blade mere inches away from him now, as I thought of what had given me the strength to fight this very day. "You forgot my son."

With one final strike, I thrust my sword through his body, slaying him on the spot. As I withdrew my weapon from his disgusting body, he fell to a bloody heap on the ground.

Sighing with fatigue and disbelief at the chore I had just finished, I turned back to see how Lloyd and Colette were holding up. The green glow of healing lit my fingertips as it slowly mended the dagger's gash. I almost cracked a smile. They had both done a splendid job. Two of the electric stones lay in broken piles on the ground, and the third was on its last bits of life. With one final strike from Lloyd, the last stone crumbled to the ground.

As they approached me, I heard Lloyd murmur to his exsphere. "I did it mom… you've been avenged!"

His words hurt me more than the dagger. But before I could think any more of that pain, Raine stepped into the room with Sheena and Genis in tow. "We've learned of Chocolat's location!"

Excited at the news, Lloyd turned around to face her. "Really!" So enthused he was about the news that he didn't notice Kvar crawling to attack him, and neither did I.

"Look out!" Colette screamed, throwing herself between Lloyd and the staff that Kvar had somehow managed to pick back up without my notice.

"Colette!" Lloyd exclaimed, catching the girl in his arms.

Slowly, she turned to him, the usual smile on her face. "Lloyd… are you ok?"

"Yeah… but you're…" The concern in his voice didn't go without notice, to me or anyone else in the group.

"I'm fine, really…" She murmured.

At this point, Kvar must have known that his last ditch effort had failed. As we all turned our murderous glares at him, he tried to back away.

"Honor-less pig… you won't get away that easily!" Sheena teleported behind him, caging him in between us so that he could not escape. Not that he could have anyway.

"You bastard!" Lloyd screamed, fury woken in him again as he plunged one of his swords into him, making Kvar's body writhe on the brink of death.

Despite the fact that _Lloyd _was stabbing him, Kvar turned to me. "Kratos… you pathetic…. inferior…. being!"

That was enough. He had tormented my family enough. Besides, now that he remembered who I was, if I let him keep talking, he just might give my position away to everyone.

"Feel the pain…" My sword was not kind as I struck through him to the ground below. Once for Anna. "Of those inferior beings…" Twice for Lloyd. "As you burn in Hell!" And many many _many_more just because that bastard deserved it.

It burned, the anguish in my heart that I had held captive for so many years. Even as I stabbed him, the feeling did not dissipate. The others were talking, but I didn't hear what they said. They could take care of themselves, at least for this short time.

"Kratos… that's enough." Raine whispered quietly, laying a hand on my arm. "I think he's dead this time."

She was right. Taking a deep breath, I withdrew the weapon from his lifeless body and turned back to the others.

I turned around just in time to hear Colette's feeble reply to the concerns of her friends. "Thanks for worrying about me, but I'm really okay. For some reason, it doesn't hurt. Hehe… strange, huh?" It was true, she didn't look like she was in any pain, but I knew better than that. Although she couldn't feel, that did not mean Kvar hadn't injured her. Mentally I cursed again. How had he managed to slip past my guard! Was I really that involved with my own memories of the past to not notice such a simple thing?

"You certainly aren't okay!" Sheena chimed in, kneeling next to the blonde with concern. It seemed that in this short amount of time she had already learned to befriend Sylverant's chosen and even… care? Yes. That was definitely concern in her voice. How interesting. "Raine, you can use healing arts, right?"

"Yes, but…!" Raine began, but was cut off by Lloyd.

"Colette. I can't keep it a secret any longer!" He said, sad determination in his voice. Ah, so he meant to reveal her secret. It was almost a pity that he would soon divulge that information to everyone else. They would only care for her more, which would make things even more difficult when the time came... "Everyone, listen to what I have to say! Colette… can no longer feel anything."

The Genis kid turned his shocked eyes to his friends. "What! What do you mean?"

"Colette is growing closer to becoming an angel." Lloyd tried his best to calmly explain. "Now, she can't sleep or feel hot or cold or pain or anything! She can't even cry!" Despite his efforts, his emotions grasped him in their tight pull, and he nearly screamed the last few words. "Becoming an angel means losing her humanity!"

I felt sorry for him. As the others continued to talk about destroying Asgard ranch, that vile place that had borne so much misery to so many people, I could think of nothing else. Lloyd would by far be hit the hardest by what was to come, and I was powerless to stop it.

I sighed and watched them as they warped outside, thinking once again about my dreadful lot in this entire matter. How I wished that I could be the simple mercenary that I claimed I was, that I could tell Lloyd who I really was… that I could _really _be a father to him.

With these thoughts fresh on my mind, I turned back one last time to the body of Kvar, just to make sure that it was really over. "Anna… it's finally done." I murmured softly before turning back around and warping away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

Marika's Notepad

Wow, that one took a while. My apologies to all of you who waited patiently for this chapter!

Answer to the last cheesy question (if you didn't already guess): He flies out. Woopeee….

As always, your suggestions and comments are really appreciated! I read and respond to them all, and they really help shape the fic (hopefully for the better!) :)

So… please **_review_**! ;)


	15. Conflicting Intentions

Short Summary: After finally defeating Kvar, Kratos's revenge is nearly complete. What will happen as the journey progresses, and how will the group react when they find out Colette cannot feel anything? Find out after a page of review responses!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

Yama: Many thanks for all your help! I'm so glad that I have such a wonderful person to ask so many questions to! Ok, that was a bad sentence, but you know what I mean. Thanks for being there:) 

Christie: Thanks to you too for being a great friend whom I know can always appreciate a little bit of satirical angst. ;)

Dragoness Rage: Thank you! I thought for a good long time about whether or not Kratos should have beaten Kvar by himself or with Lloyd's help. In the end, it was just so much simpler and cooler to have Kratos do it himself (with no discredit to Lloyd, he's very cool too)

Kazen: Yes, I agree. Kratos is very cool. :)

Lily Violet Oak: That's ok, I'm very slow at updating, so I guess we're even. ;) Anyhow! I'm glad that you've found time to read Tainted again!

Saris Yui: Wow! Who knew Kratos could do so much for someone? I'm glad that this fic helped you gain a piece of mind. It's been my pleasure to write it!

Eevetta: Oh I loved that quote too! Kratos rocks my socks. About the reviews, don't sweat it! I'm just happy to hear from you. It always makes me happy to see a review, especially if it is someone who's been with me from the beginning. :)

Speshul ed: Thank you for the help with the relationship circle! I will try my best to put in as many of the circles as I can fit in, (and as many as I remember). As for the memories of Kratos and Anna, of course! I love building up their characters, especially since we didn't get to see too much of Anna in the game. It just didn't seem right to have Kratos agonizing over some woman that we barely even know.

Lady-of-destruction-aria: Thank you! I'd assume that anyone reading this has to like Kratos otherwise… yeah, no point really if you don't like him. ;) Thanks again, your update is served!

The Evil Maid: Thanks! I'm so glad that you've reviewed this fic and so many of my others. It really makes me happy:) :has a happy Colette moment:

Kratos Forever: I'm happy that you like the fic! Trust me, there will be plenty of Kratos flashbacks, possibly even ones that don't involve Anna!

Meniel: My most awesomest and faithfulest of reviewers! (Yes, I know I made up a couple words… I like doing that… lol). It's wonderful to get a review from you as always. :) Sorry that it's taking me so long to update. I really am slow sometimes. Really slow. :le sigh: Anyhow! I'm glad that you've noticed the change in Kratos! He is definitely warming up to everyone (he'll like Sheena eventually too :)

FireEdge: Ah, no offense taken. With Kratos's inspiration, it's really hit and miss. When Kratos-muse decided to speak during the last chapter, he sounded like a sissy little girl. I told him to shove it, and he wasn't too happy. :sigh: Anyhow, here's the next chapter! It's shorter but faster!

Sora53: lol! I'm glad someone else like "the Genis kid" too! No matter how smart he is, I still don't see Kratos's seeing Genis as any more than a little kid. Don't wait any longer! The next chapter is here!

Cathree: Thanks for the compliments, and Ouch! No cattle prods please! lol Here's the next chapter!

InuKratosStan: Many thanks! Yes, that was definitely my favorite quote too. So fitting! So… so awesome and wicked cool! Kratos definitely rocks. :)

Taiy-Chan: I don't know… is he a lapdog? I have a feeling Kratos is going to brood some more. ;)

SiStAoFpEaCe1: Thanks again for the help with the flashbacks and the dilemma! I'll definitely be using some of those ideas when the Kratos or Zelos problem comes up. Thanks for the feedback with flashbacks again! I think I will just go by whatever feels right… it seems to have worked so far. :)

GirlWaterShaman: Woot! Another person who liked that quote! That makes… umm… three of us I've counted so far! Definitely my favorite quote in the game. :)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

YES! We've made it to chapter 15! 

Kratos: I fear for the future of the world… :sighs:

Marika: Well, I don't! You just kicked butt in the last chapter!

Kratos: Hmm.

Marika: --;;; Silent as usual eh? Ok then, take it away Kratos!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

Asgard ranch did not last very long after we left. As we walked confidently away, the prisoners freed and Anna avenged, or so I made myself believe for the time being, the facility self destructed, thanks to our quasi-technician Raine. 

We headed back towards the town of Asgard so that Colette could rest and they could discuss what should be done next. In truth, I knew what was coming. I knew of the terrible fate that would soon claim me again, and I knew of the horrible challenge that it would be for my one and only son. Very soon, I would be forced once again to take up Mithos's orders, delivering the chosen of Sylverant, Colette, to the Tower of Salvation.

Did I really want to do it? A month previous to now, I would have unwaveringly proclaimed my loyalty to Mithos and his ways. However, the situation had changed since I met Lloyd, and my beliefs had once again been shaken. It reminded me of another time… a time very long ago…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

_"So that's it? You just listen to everything he tells you to do!" This was the first time I had really seen her like this. She was outraged, and from the looks of things, she wasn't about to give up the fight anytime soon. _

_It was not often that I lowered my eyes in shame, but this time I had no excuse. For quite some time, I had not favored the practices of Mithos. In the past, there had even been times when Yuan and I would conspire in secret, dreaming up other possibilities, and other ways that we could accomplish the same goals without the destruction that Mithos insisted upon. However, despite all the thoughts and plans, we had never actually done anything about the situation. Whether that was due to Mithos's cruelty or our own weak spirits was debatable, but I knew in my soul that things should not remain as they were._

_Even so, I still had never taken that first step towards revolution. _

"_Kratos. Even though I have known you only a short time, a week to be precise, I still can see the fire that burns in your soul. Can you really ignore all the pain and suffering of all the people on Sylverant?" She paused, staring at me as if she knew of all the deep secrets that lay in my soul. I did not answer her, but that did not stop her from talking. "I know you can't. You saved me, and that has to mean something."_

_I knew what she would say. She would ridicule me now, seeing this rare side of me that was afraid to combat Mithos, to end the suffering of the people. She would…_

_Anna clasped my hand between hers, an odd fiery aura burning within her that seemed to awaken my spirits. How that happened I will never understand. "If you're looking for a pep speech, forget it. I'm not about to give you that sack of crap that 'you're better than that' or 'if we just try hard enough we can do it.' I can tell that you've thought about this already. If you're thinking what I'm thinking, then this won't be easy. But then again, we're already on the run… why shouldn't we be brave? Goddess knows why you've waited until now to act..."_

_"There is no Goddess." I murmured coldly, the only words that I could manage to say. For the first time in a few thousand years, I was afraid. If I went along with this woman, planning to revolutionize the worlds, I would not only be going against everything that I had ever worked towards, but I would also be betraying my two closest companions._

_"You can't really believe that…!" She seemed shocked that I would even say such a thing. Of course, she didn't know the truth. Not yet._

_"Martel was once one of my dearest friends…" The words left my mouth before I could even think twice about them. Never before had I spoke of Martel to anyone besides Mithos, and I shuddered to think of what would happen to Yuan if I even spoke her name… even now. And yet, for some unknown reason, I felt compelled to tell this woman, this human of Sylverant, the truth. "I watched her die many years ago. There is no goddess."_

_For a moment, she stared back at me in disbelief, the force of the impact hitting her. But then, as I assumed would happen, she denied it all. "You had me going there for a second... you really did! But the church of Martel has been around for centuries. There's no way you could have known the Goddess."_

_"Hmm… indeed." I murmured, brushing off her foolish answer. Already, I had spoken too much. There was no need for her to know how long I had lived. _

_She continued to blather on then, something else about the Goddess that I knew could not possibly be true. Anna was foolish, but not without reason. After all, it was what we had led these people to believe._

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

"So let me get this straight…" Sheena took a deep breath, pacing around the room of the inn we had checked into. "Colette got hurt, but doesn't feel any pain because she is slowly becoming an angel?" 

"That's right… every time she opens a new seal, she gains a new angelic power, but in return, she also loses part of her humanity." Lloyd murmured, not at all happy with what he was saying.

"That's terrible! There has to be something we can do!" Genis piped up from where he unhappily sat, looking towards where Colette rested in bed.

"I'm sorry everyone… I didn't mean to worry you all." Colette said. Though the girl smiled, it was obvious that she was truly worried about everyone. "Once I become an angel, this will all get better, I'm sure of it."

How wrong she was. I bit the bottom of my lip to quiet myself from saying anything, which was rather unusual since I considered myself to be somewhat of the stoic type. This girl, Colette, had grown on me during this journey, and the more I thought about sacrificing her, the harder it became for me to accept it.

"That can't be true!" Sheena objected, raising her hands in fury. "How can it be better not to taste the delicious food that Genis makes? Or to never enjoy the relief of a good night's sleep? Or… to never feel the warmth of another's hand?"

Sheena, though she had only known Colette for a short time, even shorter than I, appeared the most grief stricken of us all at that moment. On the verge of fighting back tears, she lowered her voice again. "I think you should give up this madness. And I'm not just saying that for my own reasons this time. Colette, I can't see what good it would bring to sacrifice you to the angels."

My eyes narrowed a bit. Sheena was very dangerous indeed. Thankfully, she still remained oblivious of my position.

"Colette, I think that Sheena is right." Lloyd responded. " There _has _to be another way to save our world!"

"Lloyd… I'm sorry, I know I've worried you a lot." Colette sighed from her bed. "But this is the way it has to be. Once I become an angel, everyone will be able to lead happier lives. Please, for the sake of our world, let me finish what I was destined to do."

Lloyd obviously wasn't ready to believe that. Even so, he nodded, just to please her it seemed. Shortly afterwards, he left the inn on his own, claiming that he was going for a walk.

He probably was, but even so I felt it my (fatherly?) duty to follow him.

"What do you want?" He spoke, sounding colder and harsher than usual. I couldn't blame him. After all, he was watching one of his best friends become a lifeless being.

"Even though the ranch is gone, these parts are still dangerous alone. It would not suit my interests if you fell victim to monsters." I spoke with a strong diplomatic air to my words. The last thing I wanted for him to know is that I was worried about him.

"Your interests? Heh, let me guess… if I die, then it'll look bad, and you won't get paid as much back in Iselia?" Little did he know that we had already made more than double what his little town would have paid me. Not that money had any meaning to me anymore.

"You seem to have forgotten that you were _banished _from Iselia, but… think what you will." I responded curtly. He obviously had some steam to blow, and I wasn't about to encourage it. Were it up to me, we could have walked in silence for the next hour. I had more than enough patience. Lloyd, however, didn't.

"Bro… what should I do?" He finally asked, sounding lost. As he walked, he

pulled at his brown belts a little, thinking deeply. "I can't just sit and watch her slowly die!"

"What did Colette ask you to do?" I asked in reply.

From the way he continued to fidget, kicking a few stray leaves as he walked, he knew the answer. "She said to let her become an angel, but… but that can't be right!"

Lloyd had something to say, and I wasn't about to stop him. But perhaps with a few gentle nudges, he could find the right conclusion on his own.

He exclaimed speeding up a little bit. "What she said couldn't be what she really wants! I mean… Sheena had some points… some very good points. I couldn't imagine losing all that she has lost already, and she still wants to lose more!"

"Lloyd, you are thinking too much like yourself: a young brash boy. If you really want to understand, start from her perspective: a gentle girl, your friend Colette."

"Ok.. ok…" He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down to the perspective of a young girl. From the furrows in his brow, I could see he was having a tough time. "Colette… she… she says she's sorry too much."

"Wrong direction. Think again."

"All right…. she's kind… and she always wants to help people…" He trailed word after word, each one seemingly more difficult than the previous.

"Keep going…"

"She helps people… even if they are total strangers…" He puzzled for a couple minutes more, this time tapping the hilts of his twin swords as he thought. "…she is kind even when others aren't kind to her…and… and… oh Kratos! I don't know! This thinking like a girl is hard!"

I chuckled. How right he was. "You may be right. But if you give up now, you will never know what is truly in Colette's heart. I think that before she loses any more of herself, she would want you to know." The soft tone I applied to my words surprised me. When did I become such a softie?

That got him thinking again. "Colette doesn't like to cause trouble either… maybe…" And suddenly it dawned on him. "She _doesn't _want to do this, but she's becoming an angel anyway because it will help all of the people on Sylverant!"

What an amazing leap! Especially for Lloyd. "Well done. Now, have you finished your little tantrum, or shall we walk all the way back to Iselia?"

Scratching the back of his head with embarrassment, he laughed and turned around. "Ahh, no. I think I'm good now."

As we walked back to the inn, a strange wave of peacefulness washed over me. Almost as if it were the clichéd calm before the storm. If only Colette did not have such a dreaded fate. If only it would end at the tower of salvation, regenerating the world shortly after. If only.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

_**Marika's notepad**_

Things are starting to heat up now, with Kratos close to his inevitable betrayal! What will happen in the last few days he will be able to spend with his son? Find out next time on Tainted Disposition!


	16. Conflicting Compromises

We're already at chapter 16! My how this fic has grown. :)

Thank you to Christie, Yama, and Dragoness Rage who reviewed the last chapter. I know that it's been a while and that I've been slacking with both reviews and fics. Truth be known, this chapter has been sitting around for the better part of two weeks already, waiting to be sent away. Thanks for pushing me on Meg!

Lily Violet Oak: I'm totally angry at you. lol j/k. Of course it's ok! I just am happy that you're still reading and still enjoying the fic. :)

KratosIsSoCool: Yes, I agree. Oh you're from Finland? That's so cool! I hear it's cold up there at all times of the year, is this true? Anyhow, my random comments aside, I hope you still love this fic and Kratos:)

Violettegal345: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Fear not, there will be no Kraine in this fic, although I can not make promises about the sequel. ;)

Sylvia Viridian: LOL! Yes, Kratos does have a lot of angst! Definitely quite as much as Kaiba, I have no idea who Hakkai is, but it is still quite a lot! I'll definitely continue this after the betrayal! This fic will go to the end of the game, and my sequel will pick up from where this one leaves off. I hope you are still with me then!

Mee Yah: Don't you worry. Kratos will think quite a lot about Yuan and talk to him a lot after the betrayal. (If you're really looking for something with those two, I've written another fic with them called Forget, but be warned, there is yaoi in it!) Yes! Kratos is the best!

SistaOfPeace1: Hi there again! Yes, I can't wait to get to the tower too! C'mon Kratos! Speed it up! lol!

Sora53: Yikes! Self destructing the house would be very devastating and I think the parents wouldn't like it too much. ;) Yes! Please sick a Genis on me! I think it would be extremely helpful and fun! (while you're at it, send Kratos too! Oh yeah. lol!)

Meneil: Wow… 1 year? My goodness I feel old! The story feels old! lol I know what you mean. When I first started this fic, Kratos gave me a lot of trouble, but now he is my mascot! Ahem, I mean umm… inspiration. ;)

Saris Yui: Wow! So much enthusiasm! Thank you:) I love throwing Kratos into many strange situations, and I also like having him play the roll of a father to Lloyd as much as possible, so that last scene was one of my favorites too.

Thank you about the penname too! I've had it for years, but I thought long and hard about it way back when. ;)

FireEdge: Yay! You're back! I will try to speed things up to the tower of salvation next time, but before that I really want to make sure that everyone's interacted a lot with Kratos. (makes it all the more angsty and fun! Mwahahaha!) Thank you for the encouragement!

Shirora-chan: Thanks! Umm.. hmm, those are good questions. I don't know how far you've played in the game so I don't want to spoil anything. But, needless to say, Anna is not around anymore. Kratos went back to Mithos after he felt like the world had abandoned him. (After he lost Anna.) It's a very sad past….

Bluenight: Thanks a lot! Kratos is a tough nut to crack sometimes, but now writing him feels like wearing an old coat. He's comfy. Very comfy. :)

KivaEmber: Sometimes I wish he had too. Then we wouldn't have had to go back to that ranch again! Oh well, he didn't, and so we got a cool scene out of it. ;)

Superspork97: Angst! Oh yes, that's the key word! Add Kratos to it, and it makes a nice and tasty combination, kind of like one of those value meals at McDonalds. Or Wendys. Or… sushi bar? Or what have you. ;)

Taiy-chan: Here's the update, sorry it wasn't soon! Aww, Kratos wouldn't bite. He might give you a very weird look, or say "don't you ever do that again" like he says to Lloyd all the time. But really, does anyone really listen to him? ;)

Linkite: Thank you! I enjoy writing this, I hope you continue to read it!

Kiesha: Yes you are a genius! You're one of two people to notice the 'conflicting' in each chapter! I'm so touched that you thought of my fic when you played the game! Really, I was laughing and happy for the rest of the day! Thank you:)

My thanks go out to those of you who have helped me so much and kept me writing even when I was about to give up. looks around pointedly You know who you are! )

And now I leave the rest up to Kratos…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

As we headed back towards the inn, I watched Lloyd as he walked slightly ahead of me. He trusted me now, though he shouldn't. I would even go so far as to say he depended on me. Hopefully, he would not need me much longer. 

Lloyd was stronger now, undoubtedly. He was kind, and despite all he had been through, he was still just as brave as when he left Iselia. Most importantly, he had a secure group of friends who would do anything for him. I could not see them abandoning Lloyd for whatever reason.

Sheena. Though she was a hazard to my clause, she would certainly protect Lloyd if she could. She appeared to be from the prospering world of Tethe'alla. The hidden city of Mizuho if I had to guess. That alone did not bother me, I had no quarrel with Mizuho. However, undoing Mithos's summon pacts, as she would undoubtedly attempt in the future, could be more than deadly for both of the worlds. Unfortunately, I could not tell her this, otherwise I would definitely blow my cover.

Genis. Lloyd's best friend since childhood. Though they were both still children, they trusted each other in a way that could only mean they were the best of friends. The young half elf had learned a lot through the journey as well, and I knew that he would never let Lloyd down.

Raine. Intelligent and witty, she would certainly watch over the children. She already believed that to be what she was doing. I wasn't about to tell her otherwise, especially since she would be the real deal shortly.

Colette. She had grown so much during this journey. Her bravery was akin to Lloyd's, and her heart even kinder. She would never let him down…. if she could help it. However, soon her soul would be stripped from her. It would crush Lloyd if he knew what was to happen.

But he cared for her, in a way that even he didn't seem to realize. Perhaps it was better that way. He wouldn't really feel the pain of his loss until it actually happened…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

* * *

_"I can't lose you Anna." I whispered to her._

_"And you never will." She smiled, touching the place above my heart in a cheesy but meaningful way. "Even if I am no more, you will still have me here. And Lloyd, he will be yours as well."_

_"Anna…"_

_She sighed, leaning her head on my shoulder as she stroked the tiny baby's back. "I… I can't say how happy I am to know that you'll be there for him…" She whispered, her voice beginning to knot in her throat._

_"No, Anna, please don't say things like that… we'll both live together with Lloyd and…" But before I could finish, she had spoken again._

_"Yes, we'll both take care of him, but… if something should happen to me… you will always be able to watch over him." She looked up at me, tears shining in her eyes. Her look alone could have made any man swear that he would never let her down. "I trust you Kratos. I trust you, and I love you…. Always and forever."_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

The memory caught me off-guard. Before I knew it, we had returned to the inn. "I will keep watch." I spoke, not waiting for everyone's responses before sitting in a chair on the ground floor to keep watch. 

Slowly, they all retired to their rooms. Good. Their weak bodies needed the sleep.

I could not say how much time passed before I heard the light pattering of footsteps behind me. "Kratos?"

Looking up at her, I spoke softly. "Colette, you should be resting."

"I… I know, but I don't feel hurt anymore, and I am not sleepy." The blonde haired girl shook her head. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm bothering you aren't I? I just thought that maybe I could watch and you could sleep…"

"No, it's ok Colette. Come here." I sighed, waiting for her to sit in the chair next to me. At least this way I could keep a better watch over her. Once she sat down, I looked at her again. She really was the same Colette, as Lloyd was so fond of saying. Despite the weathered look in her eyes, her spirit was still living strong within her. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

Teenage girls. There's always something they want to talk about. "Well umm… I would, that is if you don't mind…"

"Does it look like I have anything else to do?" A smile touched my lips, just long enough to reassure her that I didn't mind listening to whatever she had to say. Chances are, she would want to talk about Lloyd anyway, which I didn't mind hearing. "Is it about Lloyd?"

Bingo. "Well, yes." She shifted in the seat as if uncomfortable with something, pressing her palms into the fabric of her shirt. "I… I'm worried about him, because I think he is a little too worried about me."

She looked to me again, as if uncertain whether it was ok to continue. I nodded to urge her forward. "Go on."

"He… the way he reacted today… I didn't expect him to care so much. He really cares about everyone so much, I'm not sure if it's really healthy for him." I could have laughed, since everyone seemed to have the same sentiments about her. However, thankfully time had given me the ability to mask my emotions. "Oh Kratos! I just don't know what to do! I have to become an angel, because everyone's lives depend on it, but I don't want to abandon Lloyd…"

If she could cry, I know she would have already done so. "Come here Colette." I spoke, holding my arms out to her.

It felt strange having a child sit on my lap again. Lloyd had been the last, and that was a good fifteen years ago. Gently, I encircled my arms around her.

Her body went through the motions of sobbing, her tiny voice choked, and she buried her head in my strange purple tunic, clutching my arms with her small hands. "K-Kratos… I'm so sorry… I just… I just don't know what to do…."

Softly, I whispered back to her. "Shh, it's ok Colette. Everything will be fine… once you regenerate the world, everyone will be able to live happily, and Lloyd won't have to worry about you ever again."

Lies. All lies. Were it fifteen years earlier, I would have slapped myself. More precisely, Anna would have slapped me. But that was fifteen years ago, and fifteen years, no matter how small, can change a man.

Did I care about the Chosen? I was ashamed to admit it, but at this point I did. She had rubbed off on me, and I really didn't want to see her turned into a lifeless being. However, there was nothing else which could be done. Even if I wished to rise against Mithos with Lloyd, I knew that this was the only thing I could do for now. Mithos was suspicious of them already, and yet they were much too weak to take him on. Even with my help.

Colette must be sacrificed.

She sobbed and cried nonexistent tears deep into the night. My words seemed to reassure her though, and even though I think she knew in her heart that they weren't true, she nodded and accepted them. What a brave girl. Brave, but ignorant to the truth. "Thank you..."

"Anytime, Colette."

When morning finally came, she had picked herself up immensely. Nobody even suspected that anything had happened to her, though Lloyd asked many times if she was all right. That was just Lloyd being himself.

We set off towards the Tower of Mana, though it was foolish since we didn't have a key. I wasn't about to tell them that.

Vaguely, I heard Lloyd murmur, "Mom… I've avenged you…"

Despite the fact that he was speaking quietly and no ordinary person should have been able to hear that, I could not help but respond. "…Lloyd. The one who killed your mother was your father. Are you really able to say you've avenged her?" I replied, torn by what I said.

Lloyd looked over at me, surprised that I had heard him. "…The one who created the situation that forced Dad to kill Mom was Kvar. Right?" He asked matter-of-factly.

"…Indeed. It was a silly question. I'm sorry." I responded after much too long. How stupid of me for even asking him something like that. Did I _want _to throw myself on that horrible guilt trip again?

"No… Don't worry about it." He said, smiling at me as if he hadn't a care in the world.

"Lloyd…" I whispered as he walked onwards to curse about the Tower of Mana being locked. "If you knew the truth…. Would you still tell me not to worry about it? If you knew I was your father… would you hate me?"

As we headed towards Hima, I let the rest of the group go far ahead, while I stayed behind to brood as I so often did about everything. It wasn't until she was practically on top of me that I noticed Colette standing beside me.

"He wouldn't hate you." She said quietly.

She didn't just say what I thought she said. Did she? "W-What?" I asked intelligently.

"Lloyd." She looked up at me, a sad smile on her face as she spoke. "I know that he wouldn't hate you if he knew."

Damn. I had forgotten about the Chosen's hearing again, and she had overheard something terrible. "I… umm…" I fumbled over my words, caught completely off guard.

Colette seemed to understand, and she held up her hands in defense. "Oh! Kratos, don't worry! I won't tell anyone what I heard. Especially since you've been so kind to us…" I winced. Even so she continued. "I just wanted to tell you that I don't think Lloyd would be mad at you or anything… and he certainly wouldn't hate you. Kratos, he's called you his big brother for a long time now… I don't think calling you something else would upset him too much."

She laughed. "Of course, it is Lloyd, so you should expect him to say something… not that smart… at first."

One look into her eyes, and I knew that my secret was safe with her. Colette, sweet girl that she was, would not lie about this. As we stepped through the gates to Hima, I could only think of one thing to say. "Thank you."

She smiled, walking forward back to the rest of the group. "Anytime, Kratos."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

**Marika's notepad**

Oh I hate to think of what will happen at the tower of salvation! Every time I want to kick Kratos and say "No! Bad Kratos! Don't leave them!" But then common sense gets to me and I realize there's another reason he does what he does. :sigh: Kratos, why do you have to be so illusive!

Anyhow, as always, your comments are greatly appreciated! _**Please review**_!


	17. Conflicting Dreams

Wheehoo! Things are heating up with Colette only steps away from becoming an angel! What will happen to Kratos during these final adventures with his son? Will he succumb to his memories of the past again? Find out after this short review response break!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

To Christie, Yama, and Dragoness: You guys inspire me like nothing else! (Even Kratos-muse doesn't hold a candle to you!) Thanks for your help and support through this fic!

Linkite: I know! It shocked me when Colette just acted like it was nothing when she found out that Kratos was Lloyd's dad. It's part of the reason I had her find out now. And yep, good ol' Kratos gets to be fatherly for just a bit longer while he can. I'm going to miss that.

SiStAoFpEaCe1: Hi sis! Good to hear from you again! Yeah, I know that having Kratos open up to Colette like that was a bit of a risk, but I think it will be worth it. He does need to start getting some of those fatherly instincts back again, and who better to talk to than little Colette:) I always thought that he cared about the others a lot more than he let on, and running through the game a second time makes me think that even more. Oh! And I think that I will be needing a couple of scenes, but I'll check online first to see if gamefaqs or something has it posted so that I don't waste your time. Thanks for the offer!

Sylvia Viridian: Ah Saiyuki. I wish that I'd have read that series! It looks good. ;) And yeah, I don't quite see why people dislike Colette. At first I thought she was going to be the annoying girl character that a lot of games have, but after playing for just a little bit, I was like "aww! She's just adorable little Colette!" And I definitely think she's smarter than she lets on. Or at least that she knows much more than is apparent. I wouldn't be surprised if she's figured out a few other things about Kratos by now, maybe even some things he doesn't know about himself?

The Evil Maid: Thank you again! I can't wait to write the next chapter too. It's going to be one more step closer to the Tower of Salvation, which means just a bit more before he betrays them! Aaah! Kratos! Why!

Hopeless Cause: Haha! It's killing me too! Sometimes I just want to kick Kratos and be like "Out with it already!"

Sora53: lol! Yes, Kratos is getting into Father mode…. Right before he has to leave his son. Isn't that kinda sad? Mmmm… chocolate fudge for breakfast sounds really good. Haha! Yes, it's quite an amazing leap, suddenly not calling Genis the Genis Kid, but I think he's about done it. It's a shame I couldn't squeeze one more scene between Kratos and Genis in before that…

Kiesha: Yeah, I think it's very likely that Colette found out, or at least had an inkling of an idea that Kratos was Lloyd's dad. It wouldn't surprise me if Raine had her suspicions too, since she was pretty smart too. And thanks! I'll try to make the next chapters good too!

Meneil: Thank you! It's always nice to be told that your story is good! Honestly, I'm not sure when I'll end this. Tainted Disposition will end when the game ends, but I have already started writing its sequel…. (ssh, don't tell! lol) Oh, Kratos definitely still has more to do before this fic ends, and plenty more to brood about. ;) I always feel so sad when I end fics, it's like one of my children just left home. Even though I don't have any children and don't want any for a good 9 more years…. But ehh, yeah. Like that. And yes, I'm dreading when he'll actually start to like Sheena, who will he hate after that? ;)

ShadowSage2: Oh! You sent me that email! Well thank you for giving me a good kick in the butt and getting things rolling again! Yep, sometimes I come close to crying while writing, but then I realize later when I get to editing that I'm just a big sissy and a sucker for romance. :)

Pant Burner: You've been following since chapter 2! Oh my goodness! You're a Tainted veteran! Thanks for reading my fic, I know it was kinda crap back then, but I hope that it's become at least a little better. :)

Mee Yah: Thank you! Yeah, this chapter was a little short too, but I'm just happy to be writing at all! It's been so long since I've had the chance to write (school and work really gets in the way a lot.) I'm looking forward to the tower of Salvation too… shh, don't tell Kratos I said that. ;)

Taiy-Chan: Oh, Colette will fit right into the family! I'm not sure what I want to do as far as pairings go with Lloyd, but the more I think about it, the more I'm thinking Lloyd and Colette. It's cute, it's simple, and it works really well. :) As for killing off Zelos, no I really don't want to. He reminds me too much of my boyfriend to kill him. lol, selfish aren't I? ;) But at the same time, I can't just abandon Kratos either. Don't worry, I have a plan! (Thank SistaOfPeace1 for that one!) In Hima, yes, Yuan did attack me, and don't you worry, Yuan will have his moment in the spotlight again. As for Yuan's ring, you can eventually give it back to him and find out a little bit more about Yuan's relationship with Martel in the process. I don't know if you want me to spoil anything for you, but you can email me and I can give you more details.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….………

* * *

Whew! Well it looks like we made it through that round all right! Kratos, are you ready to tell us the rest of the story?

Kratos: Provided you don't badger me for inspiration anymore.

Marika: Umm… yeah… sure…

Kratos:sighs: Liar.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

It was late in the day when we arrived at Hima. Already I was terribly shaken by what Colette had just discovered. She would keep my secret, of this I had no doubt, but if I slipped like that again, how long would it be until Lloyd found out?

How could I have forgotten about her hearing again? This particular incident had happened multiple other times during the journey, and this had me worried.

Now I had not only overlooked her hearing numerous times, but my memories of the incident at Thoda Geyser still had not returned to me. Why were these strange things happening to me now? What could be causing them?

As I stood in deep thought about these pressing issues, I followed Lloyd deeper into Hima. Suddenly, my senses warned me that something was coming. Something large and terrible.

Clara. Seeing her again in her monster form reminded me so much of Anna that I had to clench my fists tightly to avoid gasping loudly like I had the first time we encountered her.

No. I refused to let my memories take hold of me again, not this time. Defiantly, I stood and faced her with the others, feeling proud yet shaken.

Before we could do much, Clara stumbled off, dropping the key to the tower of Mana. How and why she was carrying that I will never know.

But I wondered if there was indeed a cure. If so… could we really cure Clara of that terrible condition? Could we save her, where I had failed to save Anna?

Lloyd had decided to go back to the Tower of Mana, now that we had its key. As we walked along on our journey, I turned to Raine. Perhaps she might know something about the cure.

"Raine." I spoke, turning towards her.

Immediately, she turned my way, looking shocked that I had said anything at all. Was I really that untalkative? "What is it Kratos?"

"About Clara… do you suppose there is a way we could save her?" I asked, feeling extremely ignorant. Why should I, a 4000 year old member of Cruxis, have to consult her about anything?

Her face softened and she cast her gaze to the ground. "I… I don't know. I truly hope that we can, but nothing I have learned…" Her slender elvin eyebrows furrowed slightly as she thought. "It might be possible to restore a balance to the mana in her body if we found a very potent magical item with healing properties…"

Suddenly, a thought dawned on me. "…like a unicorn horn."

She looked at me, her eyes alight with an ecstatic wonder. "Yes… YES! That just might do it!" Though she didn't say anything more, I could see the wheels turning in her mind. I knew that by the time we reached Lake Umacy, Raine would be on her way to working something out. Perhaps then, Clara would have a chance. A chance that my Anna never had.

My Anna…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

_Anna lay on the bed sobbing her heart out. "Anna…. I'm so sorry Anna…." I sat on the bed next to her, rubbing her arm consolingly. It wasn't much, but for now, it was all I could do._

_Tentatively, Lloyd stretched his tiny arms out towards her, trying to move to her but just not quite able to yet. For an infant, he had quite a bit of will. Seeing that his mother was crying, Lloyd also began to sniffle, tears threatening his eyes. _

_Leaning over, I picked him up, holding him close to me as Anna had shown me before. Softly, I cooed to the baby in a voice so gentle that I thought for certain it couldn't be mine. "Shh… Lloyd, it's ok…" _

_I looked at her with pity, knowing that in fact, it was not ok at all. We had relocated Anna's parents as soon as we escaped the Asgard ranch. However, Mithos had discovered their new location. Anxious to get his hands on Anna, he had captured them. _

_He killed them immediately._

_It was harsh even for Mithos. Usually he would at least post a ransom note in the towns, or send Yuan to cause trouble (since that devious half-elf was oh-so-good at it.)_

_No. I had my suspicions about just why he had mercilessly sentenced Anna's parents to death. His aim was double edged. He wanted to get to Anna, but more importantly, he wanted to get to me._

_My eyes narrowed with malice, and I instinctively held Lloyd a little tighter. Mithos would pay for this outrage. He would pay._

_An uncomfortable crying came to my ears and I realized that I was holding Lloyd a little too tightly. Immediately I loosened my grip and gently rubbed the infant's back, quieting him down. _

_What still remained a mystery to me now was how Anna had discovered this awful news. I didn't know whether to let her cry or attempt to ask her. But, realizing that we might be in danger, I braved the latter. "Anna… who told you this terrible news?"_

_Sobbing into the pillow, she didn't even turn around. "F-friend of yours… he said…." Feebly she pointed to the other room._

_My heart clenched. This did not bode well. A friend of mine? Surely she knew that I didn't have any… unless…. _

_My eyes snapped open and I spun around quickly, facing the closed door as if the person were actually standing there. Yes, he would be the only one who could find us now. He knew me better than anyone, and he would know where I would tend to hide…_

_Lloyd hiccupped, bringing my thoughts to him. Did I dare bring him into the next room with me when he could possibly be facing danger? A short glance at Anna's distraught form told me that Lloyd was better off with me._

_With determination, I strode forward and entered the next room. Familiar waves of blue hair greeted me from across the room. "Well Kratos… it's been a while." _

_"Yuan." The half-elf's name sounded nearly foreign to me now, and yet so familiar. "Why have you come here?"_

_"I should think that obvious." Slowly, he turned around, holding a box wrapped in a royal purple wrapper. He noticed my gaze fall on the box. "Oh, this has nothing to do with it."_

_"Enigmatic bastard. Out with it." I growled. I was in no mood for his pranks._

_Yuan, however, took it upon himself to sit in one of our chairs, gesturing for me to take a seat in the adjacent chair. "Have a seat and we'll talk."_

_"I'll stand here, thank you very much." I said defiantly, shifting Lloyd in my arms._

_The blue haired elf arched an eyebrow. "Has your mind really grown that dull Kratos? Please. If I had wanted to attack you or Anna, I could have captured her and your son while you were away. Now then, will you have a seat?"_

_Damn it. I hated it when he was right. With a sigh, I strode over to the table and sat in the other chair. "Get to the point."_

_"Really, is this any way to treat an old friend?" He muttered, placing the box on the table._

_"For an old friend who probably just killed my wife's parents? Yes. I believe this is more than fitting." I responded coldly._

_Yuan sighed, slightly irritated with my arrogance. "I'll have you know that I did not kill Anna's parents. But, shoot the messenger if you must."_

_"If you did not, then who…" I began to question._

_"Mithos wouldn't even soil his hands with their blood. No, he had some lackey do it as soon as they were found…. Some guy that never opens his eyes…I think his name was Kvar?" Yuan shrugged. "Whatever the case, what's done is done. I heard nothing of their deaths until just this morning. So then, I thought I'd better start looking for you for real so that you would know…"_

_A few things stuck in my mind from what he said, but of them, all I could comment on was his last statement. "Are you saying that all this time, you haven't really been helping Mithos find me?"_

_"Idiot. This is the thanks I get…" Yuan shook his head. "If I hadn't been 'helping' Mithos find you, he would certainly have located you by now. Even with me leading him in the wrong direction, he still found you a few times, did he not?"_

_"He did." I mulled over Yuan's words for a while. Was it possible that he didn't come to cause havoc like I had thought? Could I have misjudged him this whole time?_

_He seemed to catch drift of my thoughts. "You… have every right to be suspicious, Kratos. I have been very jealous."_

_"Yuan! You…" Before I could speak my mind about that, he interrupted again._

_"You've actually done it. You're defying Mithos, chasing those dreams that we shared long ago…" For a moment, I could see him drift off to another time. However, quickly, he came back to the present. "Your ambition is unrivaled by anyone I have ever met. And, even after casting aside everything of the past, you managed to find happiness of your own." _

_He paused, a light smirk touching his face. I swear that elf didn't know how to smile normally. "No, Kratos, I wouldn't interrupt your happiness for the world. You have every right to do what you're doing now and live your life to the fullest. But… I think you already know that Mithos is quite displeased."_

_"So it would seem." I responded dryly._

_"Kratos, I…" For a moment, I could see a glimmer of hope in his eyes, something that I hadn't seen since the incident 4000 years ago. But then, as if it were a passing cloud, it vanished. "… I wish I could join you two and help you, but I still haven't the strength for that. Besides… I think I might be doing you more good by turning Mithos's head aside for the time being."_

_From the look in Yuan's eyes, I could tell that his words were genuine. He meant us no harm. I almost felt bad now, for how I had treated him earlier. Almost. "Yuan, what will you do then? Your own dreams, can't you…"_

_"Don't you worry about that Kratos. I have something in mind already. Something a little less open as you. You keep up whatever it is that you're doing, and I'll let you know if anything big stirs up." With that, he stood up, making his way to the door. Turning around, he faced me again. "He's a cute kid. You take care of him."_

_And that quickly, Yuan vanished into the night again. _

_"Yuan…" I murmured, pulling the purple box closer. I had no fear of it now. Whatever was inside would not harm either myself or Lloyd. Carefully, I tore open the wrapping and opened the box._

_On top, a short note was scrawled in Yuan's over-elegant and flowery script. "Consider it a wedding gift. Sorry I couldn't be there. – Yuan." Underneath the note, enfolded within a soft layer of satin, lay a beautiful silver locket. Already I could feel the defensive aura pulsing from the object. I smirked. "Wedding gift… right.! This magic charm was for Lloyd."_

_Opening the cover, I noticed that it was blank inside, but that there was room enough for one small picture. _

_It did not take long for me to find a suitable picture of Anna, myself, and Lloyd. Fitting it into the locket, I took a look at Lloyd. "Hmm… you would try to eat this if I gave it to you now, wouldn't you? I'd better hold on to it for now…"_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

As the memory left me, I touched my pocket where the locket still lay. If I gave it to Lloyd now, so soon to my inevitable betrayal, he would not only know the truth, but probably discard it somewhere as well. No. I should hold onto it a little longer.

We had reached the Tower of Mana, and the others were busy looking around. I wondered what Yuan was up to. He had, as he said, left on his own quite some time ago. He seemed disappointed when I returned to fight for Yggdrasill, but that was long ago. Unlike me, Yuan gave Mithos no reason to pursue him. In fact, I had to wonder whether Mithos even knew Yuan was gone.

Before long, they figured out that three people would have to stay behind in the entrance to the tower of mana.

"Lloyd, please choose who you think would be best to accompany you and Colette." Raine spoke.

Lloyd appeared torn. From the looks of things, he really didn't want to leave anybody behind. It became increasingly clear that I would have to say something before long to ensure that I did not remain behind in the lobby.

"Take me with you Lloyd." Sheena said defiantly. "I can help you, I know it. Let me make up to you all the harm I did before."

"Lloyd, I want to come along with you and Colette!" Genis exclaimed, kicking at the ground from the panel where he stood. "I had to wait around last time, so bring me this time!"

That was quite enough. Walking forward again, I spoke in a calm, yet guiding tone. "Lloyd, you must remember that this is not a game we are playing. You must take someone with you that is capable and strong. Remember, you are bargaining with the Chosen's life, and in doing so, you endanger the entire world of Sylvarant."

Shocked, he turned towards me. "Kratos! How can you say such a thing! Treating Colette as if she was just a pawn…"

"Lloyd, it's ok… please listen to Kratos." Colette spoke up, clasping her hands together. "I know my place in this world, and I know that I must become an angel to save everyone."

"Yeah…. you're right Colette." Lloyd sighed, obviously still distressed about the situation. Finally he turned towards me again. "All right Kratos, since you were originally given the duty of protecting the Chosen, you are probably the most fit for the job." With reluctance, he turned towards the others. "I'm sorry guys. I'm going to have to ask you to stay behind."

Raine nodded, as if she expected as much. Sheena appeared a little disappointed. But Genis looked outraged.

Quietly, Genis turned aside. "I thought you trusted me more than that Lloyd."

"Genis…" Lloyd murmured, hurt by the young elf's words.

"Lloyd, there is no time to waste." I strode forward towards the open door ahead of us, urging Colette along too. If I let him sit and think about it too much, Lloyd just might be guilted into bringing Genis along instead. "The more time we waste, the more people will suffer at the hands of the Desians. People like Marble, and Chocolat…"

Nodding, Lloyd turned towards us and quickly ran ahead. I did feel sorry for him, and for the young half-elf, but nothing could be done.

As we ran forward I noticed that Lloyd and Colette's teamwork had grown even better than before. From the way they blocked for each other, I could tell that they both really cared about the other's well-being.

After a few minutes of battles and light mazes, Lloyd sat puzzled, pushing around a block and staring at the mirrors.

"We don't have time to delay. Let's hurry." I spoke, taking hold of one mirror block and pushing it into position where it could shine light onto another mirror.

"Yeah. The others don't have anyone with a sword, so they're probably having a difficult time." Lloyd responded, running forward to begin pulling yet another mirror block.

As I helped him set the block in its proper place, I murmured, "I hope they're all right, but…" I trailed off, not really suspecting that Lloyd would take such offense to the comment.

"Of course they're all right! Don't say things like that!" His anger and passion for his friends burst forth from his words, and he pulled the block extra hard.

Surprised by his violent reaction, I said the only thing I could say. "I apologize."

"Nah, it's ok Kratos, I just got carried away." Lloyd sighed, trying to figure out how far to pull the block.

"Lloyd!" Colette called from across the room. "If you pull the block over here, then the light can hit that other one first, shine on this one, and then…"

"Gotcha!" Lloyd smiled, his confidence renewed again. He really did care for her. What a shock.

After working our way through the maze and meeting up with the other group, we fought the beast Iubaris. Luna disappeared. She was always so insecure without Aska, for some odd reason.

Remiel reappeared yet again, this time clearly showing that he didn't care at all about Colette. I shot him a warning glance. He had better watch his step, least they figure out the truth too soon.

As we left the tower of mana, Colette gasped, looking around as if in a panic before she fell to the ground again.

"Professor Sage! It's Colette's Angel Toxicosis…" Lloyd said, kneeling down by the girl.

"I see. Let's rest here for today." The schoolteacher replied.

"What's wrong, Colette?" Lloyd asked her.

Her lips quivered, as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't. I sighed with regret. The angel afflictions were getting worse, and this one was by far one of the worst. Without communication, even a gentle girl like Colette could be driven mad. "I would assume she's lost her voice."

"What!" Genis exclaimed. It was the first thing he'd really said since the tower of mana. Obviously he was still upset that Lloyd hadn't chosen to bring him along, but his concern for Colette overrode that foolhardy anger. Kneeling down beside her, he looked back up at Lloyd. "We'd better set up camp."

As I lay down, staring up at the stars again, I found myself thinking oddly of Mithos. Could he really still be so foolish? Pursuing a dream to make a world of lifeless beings… exactly what Colette was about to become. I could not see his point of view, no matter how much I tried.

It was true that he was a tortured soul, but we all were back then. Yuan, Mithos, Martel, and even me. All of us had our reasons, but never had we dreamed that something like this would be the final course of action.

And just what was Yuan planning for that matter? He never told me the full extent of his plans, but from what I could piece together, he planned to use the mana cannon somehow. Just what he wanted to do with that remained a mystery to me.

I was certain of only one thing. Whatever Yuan was up to, it couldn't be good. For him never to have contacted me about his plans, they must be pretty extreme. He must have known that I would never agree to whatever he was doing. That lead me to think even more about what he could be doing.

In the end, Sheena's voice broke my perplexing circle of thoughts. Wonderful. A speech from the mysterious assassin, and I had a feeling I knew what she was going to tell them about. How could things get worse?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

**Marika's Notepad**

He's so close to betraying them that I want to kick him now and make him stay! Ehh yeah, Kratos-muse, you didn't hear that.

Kratos-muse: I shall never inspire you again. :flies away:

Marika: Noooo! Bring him back!

Lloyd-muse: I'm still here!

Marika:thinks: Hmm…. Why don't you come back a little while later for the sequel? You can be my muse then. :)

Lloyd-muse: All right!

Marika: Till then, give the nice people out there next chapter's preview.

Lloyd-muse: Right! So next time, Kratos will have to face even more serious issues than before. Should he help Sheena make a pact with Undine? If he doesn't, what fate will befall the unicorn at Lake Umacy? What will happen to Clara? And, assuming he does help us out, what words of advice will he give me during his final time with us? Find out next time on Tainted Disposition!


	18. Conflicting Beginnings

Chapter 18 is here! For the sake of speeding things along, I'll respond to everyone's reviews next chapter. ;)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

As I listened to Sheena speak about her home world of Tethe'alla, a growing feeling of dread filled my heart. Before, it seemed only Raine suspected that another world existed, but now they all knew for certain.

But why was I even worrying about this? Hadn't I decided long ago that I was going to help Lloyd however I could?

These thoughts replayed themselves in my mind as the girl spoke on, her voice filled with concern and another emotion that I all too easily placed.

Indecision.

She was clearly torn between what she wanted to do and what she should do. Should she save the world of Tethe'alla, or should she help Colette? After meeting the blonde haired Chosen for myself, I could see how easily she was persuaded.

In a way, Sheena was much more similar to myself than I thought. Even now, she still hid who she was, and what she would eventually do.

As I listened to her tale, and everyone's shocked responses to the existence of the other world, I stayed conveniently quiet. They couldn't know that I knew about Tethe'alla too, as much as I wanted to help them.

"Have you considered that perhaps nothing that convenient exists in the real world?" Raine's words pulled me out of my thoughts. Quickly, I recalled what had been said.

"The best thing we can do right now is save Sylvarant from its current crisis." I interrupted their little conversation. If nobody else did, they would certainly be talking about pointless ideological things all evening.

Someone asked me about defeating the desians. It didn't matter who it was, the idea was entirely ridiculous. "Although we succeeded in destroying a ranch…" My eyes flicked over to where Raine sat. What a destructive woman. "We cannot possibly eliminate all the Desians."

They continued to talk a bit more about mana, and the existence of the great tree. Boring re-hash.

It wasn't long before dawn broke, everyone stood up to leave, and my mind began to wander yet again…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_((Flashback scene, but a very long one, so I'll refrain from using italics.))_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"By tomorrow Kratos, BY TOMORROW!" Mithos yelled, in his pretend adult form, and pointed at me. He reminded me so much of a child then that it was tough for me to accept that I now took orders from him. When had that started anyway?

"Mithos, your behavior is quite unbecoming." I folded my arms across my chest and sighed.

"You know what else would be unbecoming? Tearing those pretty little wings off your back." Mithos's eyes narrowed and his mouth curled into an ugly scowl. I didn't know whether or not he could actually do that, but I had my suspicions that he was bluffing. "_Tomorrow morning._ No exceptions this time."

Without another word, I turned around and walked out the door. He needed to let his head cool down before I would even attempt talking to him again.

As I walked down the hallway, ready to retire to my room for the night and forget about this whole mess, a horrible sight greeted me. Yuan.

"Hey Kratos, what's with the look?" It might have been my imagination, but the blue-haired half-elf shrunk back against the wall when I glared at him. "Woah, what did you do to Mithos this time?"

"Absolutely nothing." I answered stiffly, attempting to pass the half elf by.

Yuan, never one to be passed by, walked alongside me and continued talking. "Yeah, nothing my ass." He smirked, undoubtedly thinking of things he could use to taunt me.

I ignored him anyway. But this, of course, only made him more curious.

"Hey Kratos…. Kratos…" He was actually poking my shoulder! That Yuan…

I tried to ignore him anyway and kept walking.

"Kraaaatos. Kratos. What'd you do?" He poked some more.

No response. I wasn't going to give him any response. Not this time.

"Kratos. Kratos? Do I have to go in there and ask Mithos myself?"

"What!" Finally, I spun around, more than angry at him. As usual. "Are you _deliberately _trying to make me hurt you!"

Yuan stopped and began to grin. I almost thought he'd give up, but apparently it wasn't enough to scare him away.

"…Maaaaybe I am."

I couldn't believe this. "Yuan, I don't have time for this. Leave now, or I will." Folding my arms, I did my best to fix a death-glare at him and tap my foot on the ground. Both at the same time! I was so talented.

That was the reaction he didn't want.

"You don't have time for this?" Yuan sputtered, pointing a now upset finger in my direction. "You don't have _time_ for this? That's a laugh! Fine, fine. I'll just go waste _my_ time to be friendly with someone else!"

"With who? Mithos?" I rolled my eyes.

He stormed off, which suited me just fine.

So he was gone. Right. That would last a total of five minutes. I was certain he would be back. "No Yuan, I'll go somewhere that you won't look for me."

Spreading my angelic wings, I took flight from Welgaia, transporting myself to the world of Sylvarant. He would be less likely to look for me in the declining world, but even less likely to find me if I stayed near a town. Fixing my gaze on the nearest town, the once fallen city of Luin, I landed somewhere nearby, far enough away from the town that I wouldn't have to worry about running into any of those bothersome people right now.

Sighing, I laid down in the soft grass by a large oak tree, taking part in one of my favorite pastimes: staring up at the stars. As the cool night breeze drifted across the land, running through my hair, I could almost imagine that I wasn't part of Cruxis. I was really just a normal guy, living out here on Sylvarant, staring up at the stars before returning to his nice normal family.

Hah, right. I couldn't deny what I was, and that I had a terrible but crucial role to fill in these worlds. I was the origin seal itself. All life on both these worlds rested on my shoulders, not that anybody besides Yuan and Mithos knew that.

But I would gladly keep that bit of information to myself. Nobody needed to know something like that, and it would never affect anybody else besides me…

Suddenly, something ran into my legs and fell over in the grass. "Aah!" It sounded female.

Quickly I stood up, looking down in the grass to find a distraught looking brown-haired girl. She couldn't have been more than twenty years of age. Great. A local. "Who are you?"

She glared up at me. I doubt she could see me very well in the dim lighting, not nearly as well as I saw her. "Give me your name, and I'll give you mine!"

I blinked. Nobody had _ever_ been that rude to me. Well, besides Mithos. And occasionally Yuan. Oh, this was going to be a hell of a night. "My name is Kratos. Now may I ask your name?" Leaning down, I offered her my hand.

"Certainly. That's better, a man with some manners!" I nearly laughed at the irony as she took my hand and stood back up. She stood a good few inches shorter than I did, her hair pulled back into two rather plain looking pig-tails. It seemed a little childish for her age, but given her rather plain looking shirt and skirt, it suited her character.

"Manners, hmm?" She could use a few herself.

"WHAT!" Oh, had I said that outloud? "What kind of guy are you to preach about manners when you sit here tripping people!"

I did not want to deal with this right now. Oh no. So rather than worry about it, I laid back down, staring up at the stars again. "I didn't trip you, you fell over me."

"Oh, ignore me, will you? Well I can play that game too!" She said angrily, laying back down on the grass. Really. What did she want?

"As you please." I stated, returning my gaze back to the stars above us. I could lay quietly like this for hours, but I doubted this girl was the same way.

Sure enough, not even a minute later, she did the unthinkable. She asked a question. "So, _Kratos_, do you usually lay around, waiting to trip people?"

"No. Only when I find bothersome people who look like they can use a good tumble in the grass." Yuan was rubbing off on me. Damn.

She laid in silence. Was she ignoring my comment? Or perhaps put off by it? It shouldn't have mattered, especially since I would never see her again after this day. She would leave eventually on her way, and I on mine. In a century or so, I might find her gravestone somewhere. Just one more cold reminder of the endless angelic curse.

Still silent. What had happened? Perhaps I had sounded too harsh. It was entirely possible, especially after just dealing with both Yuan and Mithos. I could be quite unfriendly after that… even this poor local girl did not deserve that. "Miss …" It was then that I realized she had never given me her name, even after that horrible line. "….whatever your name is. Are you…"

Snore.

I blinked.

I blinked again.

Had she just fallen asleep? Turning to the side, I confirmed the truth. Rolling my eyes again, I laid back down. Whether or not she slept did not concern me. This was still an excellent hiding place.

I'd like to say I laid there happily till the morning when I finally got up and left. However, things don't always go as we like.

She started talking in her sleep.

"Heh… no _you're_ the idiot…" She murmured softly. "….what?... yeah, last Tuesday… no I told you I have that project… hahaha! … right your guardian angel… Kratos…."

Hearing my name, I turned sharply to face her. She had rolled over onto her side. Curiosity got the better of me, and I peered over at her sleeping form. She didn't seem nearly as violent or threatening asleep. But that didn't take much. " … yeah sure, he can come too…" She frowned. "… he's already there?... no see I just met him…"

I smirked, this was all too tempting. If she was anything like Yuan when he slept, she would respond if I asked her a question. "…who did you just meet?" I asked softly.

"…Kratos…" There was my name again. For a girl who fell asleep so easily, it was a wonder she remembered it.

"What do you think of Kratos?" I asked, fully expecting to hear her complain about me tripping her again.

"Haha… he's kinda… cute…" She giggled. Alarms went off in my head, and somewhere in the deep dark recesses of my mind, I could hear Yuan saying "run away… run way now!"

But I didn't run away. Instead, I prodded further into her dream. "Where are you going?"

"…Asgard… don't wanna go…" She yawned then, rolling over. Sleepily, she blinked up at me, then her eyes snapped open. "Kratos! What are you doing here!"

"I tripped you, don't you remember?" I sighed, glancing warily at her, though it was a futile gesture in the dark. "You asked me a question, and then fell asleep."

"Oh, I did? Sorry… what did you say?" What a scatterbrain!

"I said no." I responded simply. Her last question had been whether or not I was waiting to trip her in the grass, so it was an adequate answer.

"Oh really? That's a shame, I was kinda hoping you would say yes." She looked downward, a little saddened.

The female mind. Something I will never understand.

"What?" I responded oh so intelligently.

"Well I don't know what'll happen after today, and I was hoping you could show me something new." She said, caught between a sad little pout and a cute little hopeful smile. Now that's talent.

"I'm afraid you'll have to be more clear than that." I spoke, still uncertain as to what she meant. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear Yuan running away screaming.

She laughed, a sleepy little titter. "Kratos, for a guy who seems to have it all together, you're pretty dense." Without another word of warning, she leaned in and pressed her lips lightly against mine.

Where the _hell _had that come from! Too shocked to reply right away, I sat there, allowing her to softly brush my lips with gentle attention. Finally, I regained my voice, and leaned back a little bit. "E-excuse me. Miss, I don't think…"

She pulled back from me, a little alarmed. "Oh I'm sorry! Did I scare you? I didn't mean to…"

As she trailed off, I had to ask, "Why did you…." That running away screaming thing that the Yuan in my head was telling me to do was really sounding appealing right now.

But before I could even finish, she interrupted me. "I… I'm sorry. It's just something I wanted to try before I left and all."

"Left?" I asked, prompting her to talk so that I didn't have to yet. I was tempted to touch my lips where she had kissed me so unexpectedly, but I resisted the urge. Just… why had she done that anyway?

"Oh, I'm going to Asgard. Actually I was on my way there now." She responded, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Which it wasn't. "Why are you leaving in the middle of the night? The roads aren't even safe in the daylight, let alone the nighttime."

At this comment, she glanced down. "I… didn't want to have to say goodbye to my family. It'd just make us both sad… they don't even know I'm gone yet."

So she was a runaway. Her erratic behavior was beginning to make more sense now. "I see." I had nothing to say to one like that. She would undoubtedly be captured or dead before the month was out anyway.

Not being concerned with my thoughts, she turned back to me, her once happy nature returning to her. "Oh don't you go getting all sad too! They care about me, that's all. And I know that they'd never let me go either, so I have to leave now."

"Are you certain that is really in your best interest?" I sighed, laying back down on the ground. Yes, the stars were much more preferable than this conversation.

She joined me on the ground again. "Heh, well… I'm really kinda scared, but they'll be better off for it. They'll finally have the money to start up their own shop just like they've wanted to for so many years now."

"Hmm." This girl was a very strange runaway. She wasn't running away from her family out of hate or spite, and she seemed entirely fearless of the dangers on the road. Either she was really dumb, or really brave.

"I'm sorry, I must just seem like a silly girl to you…" Bingo. "…and I'm awfully sorry for scaring you like that. I just wanted to see what a kiss felt like before I left." With that, she smiled and sat up, readying herself to leave.

"You've… never been kissed before?" Her comment perked my interest. There was no way that a girl of her age could have escaped a kiss by now.

She turned back towards me, a tiny smile on her face. "Now I have." Apparently I was wrong. Though she didn't say anything more, I could tell that she meant much more by her previous comments.

Sitting up, I turned towards her. There was something about her that seemed a little off… something was terribly wrong with her, but I could not place what it was. "That… wasn't really a kiss, because I did not kiss back." The girl obviously wanted more from me than a kiss. Why? I could not say. I sensed no danger in the surrounding area, so this couldn't be a trap. And even if it was, the only two people who would have even had a chance of harming me were surely bickering in Welgaia right now.

Without any further hesitation, I leaned in and softly kissed the girl's cheek, then lips. She gasped, a little shocked, despite what she had said. So it really was her first kiss.

When our kiss broke, she looked at me with awe. "You… you're tongue! It was in my mouth swimming like a fresh tuna!" What a strange analogy.

"Is that not what you desired?" I asked. If she really did not wish for what she seemed to be asking for, then I certainly would not push her any farther, but if she did…

"It is." A look of radiant defiance lit in her eyes, bringing to my mind two thoughts. First, that look didn't make much sense. And second, that I had really had a terrible day. Apparently so had she so…. why not make both of our days a little better?

Even if this were to be the last time I saw her, it wouldn't really matter, would it? She would eventually grow old and die, probably forgetting about me entirely over the course of the years. "Kratos, hesitate no longer. This night will not last forever."

Those were some ominous words. Even so, I did not hesitate to comply with her wishes and my own.

…

In the morning, I awoke beside the oak tree alone. What had happened the previous night was slowly coming back to me as I searched around for the girl I had certainly wronged.

I couldn't find her, but in her place, I found a small note placed under a rock, written on banana-yellow paper. Cute.

_"Kratos,_

_Well! What can I say? You certainly know how to show a girl a good time. Sorry I can't say goodbye to you, but you know why. I hope you find someone to take care of, and give yourself to. And don't you even say you aren't looking for someone, because both you and I know that is a blatant lie! _

_I'll envy the lucky girl who you choose, because I'll know she has found a truly wonderful man with a wonderful body and mind._

_Until I get to kiss you again, if that day should ever come to pass, I wish you days of endless sunshine, and the clearest starry nights. Good luck out there Kratos._

_-Anna_

_P.S. You gave me you name, now I'll give you mine."_

Anna. Her name was Anna.

This was the only thing I could think of as I stared blankly at the little note. How could I have slept through her departure? Surely that girl possessed no special skills as those from Mizuho had. She was an ordinary girl, to be certain. Nothing special… but if that was so… why did I miss her?

The day passed by, and I could not find any sign of her in either Luin or Asgard. Perhaps she really had been attacked along the way?

By nightfall, I had given up hope of finding her that day, and I returned to Cruxis's base on Derris-Kharlan. The first sight that greeted me caused me endless dismay.

"You're home late. Mithos threw a regular hissy-fit over that today, you know." Yuan commented, leaning on the side of a building as I flew in. It did not take him long to note my disheveled appearance. "Woah, Kratos, you been tokin' the reefer today? Or did you get some last night?"

"Yuan, now is not the time." I marched determinedly past the half-elf, towards my room. But, as always, he wasn't one to stay put.

"You smell clean, so that can only mean one thing…" A devilish grin lit Yuan's face as he sprung into step beside me. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Yuan, don't joke like that. It was a girl." I blurted out in my defense, before even thinking. Then, as I caught what I'd just said, my eyes widened a bit. "Oh… oh no…"

"So I _was _right!" Yuan exclaimed triumphantly. "Ok Kratos, details."

"No!" I clutched the side of my hair in my hand. Now he'd never leave me alone. "Look, it was a one time thing. Nothing more, nothing less. Now leave me alone."

"Uhhuh… that's why you were late." The sadistic elf continued to smirk, but stopped walking as we reached my room. "Look, I'll cover your tail for you from Mithos if you tell me one thing."

For Yuan, this was an exceptionally gracious offer. "What?" I paused inside the room, ready to shut the door, not that that would really keep Yuan out if he wanted to pester me some more.

"What was her name? And are you going to see her again?"

"That's two questions, but her name was Anna and I don't know." With that, I shut the door. Making my way over to my bed, I sat down to brood a little longer.

Anna… just who was she? Why did she leave so suddenly, and why couldn't I find her today?

Little did I know it then, but I would spend countless days in search of Anna before I ever found her again. And when I did… I almost wished I hadn't.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_(End Flashback and Chapter)_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Marika's Notepad

Well now, that was a looong flashback, wasn't it? This is in thanks for those of you who have waited patiently for how Kratos and Anna met. :)

I hope to have another chapter out within the week! Send me some encouragement!

All right, Lloyd, time for a preview! And make it accurate this time!

Lloyd: It's not my fault that _you _decided to stop writing before we reached…

Marika: Right right. Just give them the preview.

Lloyd: Fine. Kratos's thoughts are becoming more and more troubled as we come closer to the tower of salvation and the inevitable truth. What will happen to him? Will he crack before we reach the tower, or will he keep up his cool composure until after he betrays us? Find out next time on Tainted Disposition!


	19. Conflicting Suspicion

Tainted disposition 19 is _finally _here! And with review responses!

First, a note to all who commented about Anna and Kratos's meeting:

If you're anything like me when I reread this part, you probably went something like "Meh! WTF?" And then cursed a lot. But don't you worry, there's a good reason.

……………………….

Chapter 17 Responses!

……………………….

FireEdge 16 and 17: I wonder what he would think when they cure Clara… you know, it wouldn't be too hard for him to watch the group once they cure her. Perhaps that will have to happen sometime later in the fic? ;)

Don't worry about the reviews! I'm still just happy you like the fic! I'd always wanted someone to figure out Kratos's secret before everyone actually knew, and Colette seemed like the perfect candidate. She's sweet and kind, and I really don't think she would tell anyone his secret. I'd love to put more stuff with Colette in the fic, but sadly there's only so much you can do when the fic is about Kratos…

SiStAoFpEaCe1: Oh Yuan, I love throwing Yuan in the mix. He's another character that I love to have interact with Kratos, because he's one of the few that can successfully get underneath his skin. So awesome! But ah, ahem! Yes anyway… I should make a list of scenes I don't have and can't get... one of them is definitely the scene at Altessa's house when Zelos and Colette both come out to talk to Lloyd after the Kratos incident. I tried to get Lloyd's affection up with Zelos during the second time around, but it's just really hard to beat out Colette and Genis!

Linkite: Thank you! Kratos's memories are so fun to play with, especially since he must have so many by now!

Meneil: Yes, I'm trying to get these chapters out quicker! They have to reach the tower of salvation _sometime_! I'm also looking forward to the time when Kratos stops hating Sheena. :)

Saris Yui: Hey don't sweat the reviews, it's ok! I'm glad that you liked the flashback scene too! It's definitely one of my favorite scenes so far (next to Kvar's death!) It's tough for me to accept that Kratos will betray them soon too. :cries: Don't do it Kratos!

Taiy-Chan:cries: Yeah, my classes start soon too. That's why I'm trying to get as many chapters of this out as quickly as I can! I'll try my best in classes, though. Good luck to you too!

Animefreakgal456: lol! Yes! The world needs more Kratos! I read your fic, but where is Kenshin?

Sanosuke. Cigara: thanks for taking an interest in the fic! As cool as it would be to stop at the tower of salvation, this fic will continue all the way through the end of the game. And then there will be a sequel afterwards! Whee! (I'm having waaaay too much fun with this, if you can't tell. ;)

Mee Yah: lol! Yay for Yuan! He's such a fun character to have pester Kratos… :snerk: And the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to think that Kratos has his own hidden agenda. There's definitely a method to his madness!

Sylvia Viridian: Mwahaha! Yes, and get worse for him they shall:cough: Err, where'd the Yoda talk come from? Anyway! Lloyd baby adores me to no end, especially when Kratos doesn't know what to do with him. :)

FullofYami: Thank you! I'll try my best to keep updating quickly! The betrayal will be very difficult for Kratos. It was always my thought that it had to be one of the hardest things he did. I mean… fighting your own son? And _to kill!_ That's gotta tear any father up.

……………………………….

CHAPTER 18 REVIEW RESPONSES!

……………………………….

Assi riko: Thank you! I try my best to get Kratos really into character. I think it's really funny when he acts in un-Kratos-ish ways, but he's definitely the best as he is. :)

Sylvia Viridian: Haha yeah, I get that a lot. ;) Believe it or not, this fic is _way _more normal than most of the stuff I write. Must be Kratos's influence. And I think that after knowing Kratos for the better part of 4000 years, Yuan would know him like the back of his hand. If something _that _big happened to Kratos, you can bet your bottom that Yuan (if he wasn't there) would know pretty much what happened. ;)

Linkie: Yays for Yuan again! He totally rocks. Not quite as much as Kratos though… ooh! That gives me an interesting thought. Wouldn't it be awesome if Kratos, Yuan, and Yggie started up a rock band? Haha maybe it's just me… ;)

Kracker – lover: Interesting name you've got there. Kratos and Lloyd's father son relationship is one of my favorite things to observe in the game. Naturally I'd try to show it even more here. And I'm also trying to show just why Kratos does what he does… he definitely has his reasons for betraying them, even if his betrayal isn't really a betrayal….

Haha, don't you worry, I've had crushes on nonexistent guys before. And my friends made fun of me for it too. :sweatdrop: Anyway! Yes, Kratos definitely had some thoughts in his mind before he betrayed Lloyd, and IMHO, he really _didn't _betray him. He just left to get some other things done because there was no other way for him to do them. Buuuut…. You'll see that soon enough in the fic. :)

Animefreakgal456: Thanks! Yuan is awesome. :)

Toma: 3am? Hmm I wonder why so many people are reviewing at 3am? I can't blame y'all though, since I slack until then… ahhah….

Meneil: You're sleepy too! Goodness girl, get some rest! lol! Yeah, I'm not to big on their meeting scene, but there it is. Maybe I'll rewrite it and post it elsewhere sometime.

RoyalFanatic: My summary kind of sucks, doesn't it? But it's what I've had for oh…. A year and a half now? Why bother messing with a good thing? ;) About Kratos, yes he definitely r0x0rs. Yum. And this fic isn't going to end for a while (end of the game.) I've already started writing the sequel to this fic…. shh! Don't tell! ;)

Paralleltodarkness: I'm flattered, and flattery will get you everywhere! If there's anything you'd like to see in this fic, let me know. ;)

Mee Yah: Hahaha! No, Yuan will never let Kratos rest. Ever. :snickers: Poor Kratos… oh well, he'll have a good time _sometime_ right?

FireEdge: After a 3rd readthrough, I've decided that their meeting scene leaves something to be desired, but it's done now! So… that's that. Yuan, however, is far from through with Kratos. That's one persistent half-elf that won't ever leave him alone:)

SiStAoFpEaCe1: Hi hi again! Yes, I'm working on speeding up a bit! I've slacked far too much! And yes… they _did _do it when they met… don't ask me why. My brain wasn't really here when I wrote that chapter… :whistles innocently: As for Kratos having experience, this is how I figure… Kratos is 4000 + years old, right? He's probably done it _many _times by now. (I like to think of him and Yuan as a couple, but due to the fact that many people don't seem to like yaoi, I'll leave that out of Tainted…) So, yaoi aside, he's probably been with other girls too, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's got another family out there somewhere…. Hmm… interesting thoughts, no?

Taiy-Chan: Thanks! Kratos's memory is very fragile right now. I was thinking of having him forget more and more of the journey as time goes on, but that wouldn't really work too well…. so flashbacks have taken place of the memory blanks. Don't worry, it will all be explained soon. :)

FullofYami: lol! All right all right! Here's the next chapter!

FireEdge: I know I already responded to you once, but have another response! I don't know what Kratos would think… I have a feeling he'd get really reminiscent of the past. Probably lose more of his memory. Ah what a wonderfully tortured soul!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

I think I've responded to everyone, but if I missed someone, I'm sorry, but please enjoy the next chapter anyway:)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

On the way to the tower, we arrived at Lake Umacy. It seemed Raine was finally catching on to what must be done with the unicorn horn.

"Do you intend to make use of the healing power said to exist in the unicorn horn?" I asked. A little help never hurt.

"Yes, exactly. If we have the unicorn horn, we may be able to save Colette and Clara." She said much more solemnly than she usually was when she discovered something new.

"Really!" Lloyd certainly wasn't solemn.

"It is possible." I sighed.Why wasI placing my hope on _this_ kid? "It is said that the healing arts developed from studying the unicorn horn."

"Then we must find a way to get to the unicorn." Lloyd stated confidently. At least he had that.

"But how can we get over there?" Genis puzzled, peering into the deep waters of the lake.

"…can we just swim to it?" Lloyd was such an idiot.

"You won't be able to hold your breath that long." Genis rolled his eyes.

"Dammit! Isn't there anything we can do!"

"…there is a way." Sheena replied quietly. All was not well with her, but I didn't need to let everyone else know that.

"What?" Raine asked, hope in her eyes.

"We could summon undine who exists somewhere in this world to control the water's mana." Oh no. No no no. Sheena did _not _just suggest that.

"Undine… you mean the summon spirit?" No! Lloyd was beginning to agree with her too!

"We don't have anyone who can summon the summon spirits." The small elf mage said sadly.

"I….I haven't formed a pact yet, but if I can form the pact, then…. I can summon." Sheena said nervously.

"Now that you mention it, you did say you could use the summoning techniques. Are you a summoner?" Genis should have already known that. Perhaps he wasn't as bright as he seemed.

"I'm a guardian user! But I can summon too." She stated.

"I'd heard that the art of summoning was lost a very long time ago…" Raine wondered aloud. Yes, the arts had been lost for quite some time, but I wouldn't put it past the people of Mizuho to find anything.

"…well, it still exists. Anyway, if you're not interested, I'm not going to force you…" Sheena was being a little snappy, and it wasn't just my imagination. Something had happened to her in the past that was making her so hesitant. Though I did not know for certain what it was, I could only guess.

"No. We need the unicorn horn. Please do it Sheena." Whether or not he noticed the change in Sheena, Lloyd pleaded with her.

Perhaps I was imagining things, but she seemed to flush a little when she answered. "A…all right. Then let's go to the seal of water. Undine should be at the seal."

"The thoda geyser, right? Let's go!" Genis said all too happily, leading the others away.

Only Raine and I lingered at the edge of the lake's waters. The girl seemed a little paler than usual. Perhaps those "awful washtubs" had something to do with it? I couldn't say for certain since my memory of the incident seemed to have mysteriously vanished.

"This is quite a detour." I finally sighed. But I was almost happy that we were going out of out of our way. It would give them at least another day before I did the unthinkable.

As I thought about what I must do when we reached the tower, my stomach curled, and for the first time in a very long time, I absolutely loathed myself.

I was so caught up in the awful thought, that I nearly missed Raine answer, "…Yes."

Along the way, Lloyd seemed to grow bored again. With my guard down, he did the unimaginable.

He jumped on my shoulders again. How did he keep getting up there? "What do you want Lloyd?" I asked, tempted to pluck the boy out of my hair again, but instead, I held onto his legs so he wouldn't fall.

"What do mercenaries do?" He asked, resting his arms on the top of my head.

"We are hired soldiers. Sometimes I am a bodyguard, like I am right now." I replied. It was true, just recently I had quite the rough time with the Chosen from the other world. But, putting Zelos out of my mind, I continued. "…well, more so recently since there hasn't been a war in a long time. But I've heard rumors of rising tension in Palmacosta."

"I see. How much money do you usually get?" What a nosy boy!

"It depends on the job. For this one I received a sizable sum from Phaidra."

"So, how much?" He asked again. He certainly was persistent.

"Why do you want to know so badly?" There had to be a reason for all his questioning. At least I hoped there was one.

"I want to know if it pays more than being a dwarven blacksmith." He answered, still just as chipper as before.

My eyes widened a bit and my breath hitched. Thankfully, nobody seemed to notice. He was comparing my 'job' to that of his foster father! It took me a moment, but I collected myself enough to answer in what I hoped was a nonchalant voice. "Who knows? I am hired for my skills. Dwarves are hired for their skills. There is not much meaning in who is paid more."

"That's true." For once since I met him, he was silent afterwards.

We walked, or rather _I _walked, for a while longer before the questions in my mind got the better of me. "You're not thinking of becoming a mercenary, are you?"

"No way. I'm going to study with Dad and improve my skills." I nearly winced again, hearing him call someone else that name. "And someday, I'm going to build my own boat and travel around the world!"

Lloyd sounded so happy. A light smile touched my face. "…good. That is a good dream."

"Heh heh! Isn't it!" He laughed, raising his hands up in the air for who knows what reason. "Well to do that, the world needs to be at peace."

"Hmm…" It wasn't really a response, but it was enough to keep him talking.

"But if the world is at peace, mercenaries are out of jobs, right?" Lloyd's voice carried concern that made my heart want to melt. Suddenly, he tapped his fingers on my head, getting another bright idea. "Then you can come on the boat that I built!"

"…I'll think about it." It saddened me to think that this dream of his would probably never come true. And even if he did build his boat, I doubt he would really want me along anymore after tomorrow.

Suddenly, we were ambushed by monsters!

With skill that I didn't know he had, Lloyd back-flipped off my shoulders, his swords already drawn.

What happened next was nothing short of amazing. Lloyd quickly finished off two monsters about to attack Genis, and then another that was leering at Colette. Turning towards me, his eyes widened a bit. "Kratos! Look out!"

Before I could turn around, he yelled "Wind blade!" Disintegrating another enemy that was behind me.

For a moment, both Genis and I gaped.

"Did everyone see me!" Lloyd twirled his blades victoriously, laughing.

"You were great Lloyd!" Genis exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"We're counting on you." I said, a comment more true than he would ever know. I was counting on him. The entire world was.

Lloyd really had grown. Perhaps he would have what it took to make his dream come true after all.

"Eew..." He responded, confusing everyone, even me. It wasn't until I saw the remnants of monster guts on his blades that I understood what he was talking about.

"When you attack many enemies at once, that will happen." I sighed, holding out my hands. "Let me see those."

As I took the blades, I noticed everyone watch me intently. "I only mean to clean them off. Carry on to the water seal." All but Lloyd turned around and continued. That was better.

"So… what do you do when that happens?" Lloyd gulped, keeping his distance from the dripping blades.

"You clean them."

"But there's not lakes or rivers nearby." He said, looking around. "I guess we could turn around and go back to Lake Umacy…"

"Lloyd, you're a moron." He needed that.

"H-hey!" He stammered. "No I'm not..."

As we walked a bit behind the group, I showed him how to clean his blades first with a damp cloth, then a dry one with a bit of special oil.

Handing them back to him, all cleaned, he smiled and swung them around again. "Thanks Kratos! Yeah! Now they're even better than before!"

Nodding, I didn't bother to tell him that they were the same, just clean.

He put them away and walked a little bit. Then, getting bored, he called Noishe to him and climbed on top of his 'dog.' Noishe whined a little bit, then walked over to me.

"Well Noishe, it's been a while…" With a smile, I held my hand out to the green ball of fluff and pet Noishe behind the ears. Noishe whined happily and licked my hand. Ick, slobber.

"Wow, Noishe really likes you!" Lloyd said, leaning over to rub his pet's neck and front. "That's weird, Noishe is usually scared of people he doesn't know. It took him a really long time to get used to Genis, and he's so small!"

"Hey! I heard that!" A little voice, Genis's voice, yelled from up ahead.

I didn't say anything, but it had taken Noishe a while to get used to Lloyd too. He'd never been around babies before, and Lloyd's crying and screaming sent Noishe whining and running this way and that. What fun times those were.

Eventually, Lloyd, laid down on Noishe's back, sighing deeply. "I'm starting to wonder more and more about this." He murmured, his words a little jumbled since his face was pressed into the dog's back.

"About what?" I asked, my hand still on Noishe's back, leading him the right way.

"Whether or not this 'world regeneration' is really right or not." He mumbled some more, sounding more melancholy with each word.

"Was it that much of a shock that the Chosen lost her voice?" I asked, understanding the meaning behind Lloyd's question immediately.

"You! …Don't you ever feel anything!" He sat up angrily.

He really did care about her. This only proved it more. "The Chosen becomes an angel and regenerates the world. Her current condition is a test. Remiel said that as well."

"Then why, if they're both angels, are they so different from each other like this!"

"One would assume that is because she is not yet completely an angel." Was I telling him too much? Perhaps. But I couldn't let him know the truth, not yet.

"If she becomes a complete angel, will she return to normal?" He asked despairingly, slumping over Noishe again.

"Who knows?" I knew. She wouldn't be normal unless she got a key crest for her crystal. Lloyd would figure that out eventually, but there was no dwarf on Sylvarant that could even help her right now.

"You!..." His anger seethed again, sitting back up and gripping Noishe's fur so much that the poor creature whimpered.

"Taking out your frustrations on me and Noishe won't help anything." I sighed, petting Noishe so that he would calm down a little bit. "Well then, would you have her stop the journey of regeneration? And sacrifice all life in Sylvarant?"

It pained me to lie so blatantly to Lloyd like this, but it had to be done. "…I know, I know. We can't do that. But… I want to save her!" Falling back down on Noishe, he moaned.

"I know you do Lloyd…" I looked up at the saddened boy, my brows knit a little with remorse. "…and someday you will. Just don't forget that."

We made it to Undine's lair without too much trouble. But when Sheena realized that Undine had already formed a pact with Mithos, she grew alarmed.

"W-what do you mean?" Sheena murmured incredulously. The apprehension in her voice made me instantly certain of what had happened before. She must have failed to make a pact in her past, and something terrible resulted as a consequence.

Did I really want her to form a pact with Undine? Wouldn't that cause terrible disastrous things to both worlds?

Not necessarily. And if I helped her do this, it would be one step closer to defying Mithos. The less power he had, the better.

I looked at Sheena. She was really not as terrible as I had imagined her in the past. Her dark locks swept in front of her face which was flushed with embarrassment and anger. She was confused right now, and she needed help.

Although Undine was a peaceful spirit and would never hurt her, I felt my heart pull towards her, a feeling of helplessness pouring from her soul that I had once seen mirrored in my own.

"Perhaps you should see if you can void the pact with Mithos, the previous pact-maker." I offered. It was a simple sentence, and it didn't cost me anything to say it.

Or did it? Sheena nodded in my direction, gaining confidence as she spoke solemnly to Undine. "Undine, I ask that thou annulst thy pact with Mithos, and form a new pact… with me."

Before we knew it, we were caught in a battle with Undine. This time, rather than take part in the major fighting of the battle, I stood aside, calmly healing everyone… and watching.

Lloyd was brilliantly strong now. At least, compared to where he used to be. His skill with his twin blades had improved even since the last battle I had seen, and so had his teamwork with everyone else, especially Colette.

Sheena had also become part of the team now. She worked to her fullest to command the spirit in front of her, calling to her aid the small beast Corinne.

Suddenly, Undine called forth the water around her, chanting a long lost spell, her eyes fixed on Lloyd. If we did not attack quickly, he would be hurt very badly, but I was much to far away to come to his rescue.

"Lloyd, get ready!" I signaled to him, preparing a lightning spell in my hands.

With a nod, I could see the attentive fire that burned in his eyes. As I sent forth a burst of lightning, he ran forward, catching the lightning with his swords, and striking Undine with the combined power of our attack. "Lightning Blade!"

In a brilliant flash of white light, Undine fell gracefully to the floor, then looked up at Sheena once again. "Sheena, my power is yours to command." With a gentle smile, she faded from view.

"We… did it. I formed the pact and now…" I could see the tears brimming in Sheena's eyes, so pleased with the success. Yes, something terrible indeed must have happened to her in the past.

But, as if he didn't hear her words at all, Lloyd shouted, "How was that? Did you see that? The way I fought! I zipped right out and boom!"

"Humph…" I rolled my eyes, strolling past him. " …if that's all it takes to have you full of yourself, this is going to be a long journey."

"Wh… what? You got a problem with that?" He said in a sad attempt at retaliation.

I sighed, walking through the doors and leading them away from Undine's lair. "…Just make sure you don't slack off."

"Fine, whatever. You're no fun." He pouted, folding his arms across his chest as he trudged behind us.

He could think what he liked, it was for his own good. Besides, I couldn't tell him the truth, that I was so proud of him. He caught on extremely quickly, and he took a risk when he gathered the lightning power in his swords. Perhaps I gave him too much credit, but he must have known that there was a chance the lightning could have hurt _him_. Even so, it had to be done.

When we exited the cave, I lagged behind the rest again. It was much easier to keep an eye on them when everyone was in front of me.

"Kratos." Raine's words fell like liquid silver to the side of me. Elvin voices had that quality to them, and the half-elves even more than the full blood elves. Martel's voice had been similar once, refined, yet at the same time holding a strong sense of power. "You have an impressive array of knowledge."

She was suspicious. Perhaps I should have been thinking less of her voice, and more about how to keep her suspicions at bay. "I had an acquaintance once who knew a bit about summon spirits." If by a bit I meant he battled them by himself, nearly knocking himself out each time… then yes. A bit.

"I see… I'll ask no more." She said, which must have pained her, knowing her archaeological background. Raine was very quickly catching onto me. One or two more slips such as this, and she would probably guess my true ambitions.

I wouldn't give her the chance to do that. Tonight would definitely be my last night with Lloyd and his friends, even if it was much too soon.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

Marika's Notepad

This took _much_ longer to write than I had hoped it would! But, here it is. I hope that you guys like this chapter better than the last… I know I do.

Anyway, that aside, Kratos is due to arrive at the tower of salvation _very _soon now. (I promise this time! lol!) But who can blame me for prolonging the inevitable? I'll bet I'm not the only one who tried to stay away from the tower as long as possible for that very reason. ;)

Ok Lloyd, preview time.

Lloyd: Really. Are any of my previews going to be real?

Marika: Yes they are. Now go ahead and preview!

Lloyd: Ok FINE. Kratos is one step closer to the tower of salvation. In the next chapter, he'll have to think really tough about what he wants to tell me before he leaves. What sort of advice will he give me?

(Kratos: Lloyd… don't die.)

Lloyd: …and what is his reason for saying those cryptic things? Find out next time on Tainted Disposition!


	20. Conflicting Plans

Hello all! Thanks for sticking with me, especially during this trying time.

If you didn't already know, my computer has crashed, burned, and died. This being the case, it's taken a lot longer to type out this chapter. (Imagine saving after writing every sentence and praying to whatever god is out there that your computer doesn't crash for at least 20 more seconds… yeah.)

Anyway! I've done my best to get this out as quickly as I can. Enjoy everyone!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

Christie: Thank you for being one of my top supporters! I miss talking to you online, but maybe I can install yim on dad's computer when he's not looking.. ;)

Yama: Same goes for you! I'd love to get back in touch. :)

Dragoness Rage: Thank you for reading too! Sorry this chapter took so long!

Kirara rox: the update is here:laughs:

Sasami3: I dreaded the tower scene too! And I'm dreading it now again! I'm glad to see you like the fic so much. :)

Me: lol! no worries, this fic will definitely continue until the end of the game. Thanks for the compliments!

Freakyanimegal456: lol ok! Here is more!

Sora53 (response X3!) : haha! No hypnosis device needed here, this fic will continue until the end of the game, and then I have already written quite a bit of its sequel already. I'm excited for it! I'm also glad you liked the Lloyd muse! Kratos muse has been oddly silent lately. And I'm also happy for your computer's liveliness! I know the pain of losing your computer because… well I've lost mine. In fact, I'm typing on my dad's computer right now. :le sigh:

SiStAoFpEaCe1: Hi sis! No prob, school has been keeping me busy too. About Kratos's sexual life… yeah. It's a touchy subject. In fact, I'll bet nobody but Yuan could get him to talk about it. Why Yuan? Just cause he'd threaten Kratos with another one of his Yuan-fits if he didn't spill. ;) I think he's had his share of experience, especially since he's 4000 plus years, but that's something I probably won't delve into in this fic.

Kracker-lover: Oh I loved those little glowie circle conversations! I would always save right before one so I could choose both options and watch my favorite over and over again. :) And I think Kratos does want to be a father to Lloyd, he really does, but he doesn't know how. He'll have to learn. :rolls up sleeves: This is going to take some work!

Meneil: Chapter 18 (where Kratos meets Anna) was really tough for me to write… and you will see why very soon. Oh what the hey, you're probably the only one who will read this review response anyway, right? Some of Kratos's memories aren't real, (thus him losing consciousness earlier and forgetting about Thoda Geyser) and it's going to be a helluva wake up call when he finally figures that out… oh I get excited just thinking about that soon to come scene!

The Evil Maid: Thank you! I'm so happy that people like you continue to enjoy this fic!

Sylvia Viridian: Please, reminisce as much as you like! I think about those happy days when I first picked up and played the game all the time. :) And yeah, someone slipped to me before I knew that Kratos was Lloyd's dad…. Oh well, still a very cool game!

Paralleltodarkness: Thank you! I really was reluctant to let Kratos like Sheena, but I figured that he wouldn't help her if he didn't at least like her a little. Oh, and just so you know where I'm coming from, I _do _like Sheena! So it was very saddening to write Kratos hating her so much in the past… but thankfully that is over now.

RoyalFanatic: lol! Oh… my summary… that's right, I haven't changed it, have I? Hmm, maybe I should get off my lazy butt and do that sometime… anyhow! Since this is a story about Kratos, which route do you think I will pick? I would love to leave it up to everyone and run another poll, but unfortunately, I've already decided. I really wish that I could throw more Kratos and Lloyd happy moments into the fic, but unfortunately I can't do that for a while… :(

KivaEmber: My use of italics is usually to distinguish flashbacks and key thoughts that Kratos is withholding from the rest of the group, just to clarify. I realize that they can get annoying after a while, so I've been trying to tone them down a bit… anyhow, yeah. Kratos has a lot of thinking to do…

Teh Squee-Chan: I agree that Raine fits much better with Regal, a second time through the game has shown me that. However! The course of the sequel is still to be determined…oh! And thank you for all the nice things you said about my fic! It makes me very happy to hear them. :)

FireEdge: Yay! It's so good to hear from you again! I loved the little circle skits in the tales game, and I hate the fact that I couldn't find all of them. I think if they were given more time, Genis might start to figure out Kratos too, but Kratos won't give them time for that.

Holysong: Hey that's no problem! I love reviews any way they come. :) lol! I wish that I could write him officially, how cool would that be? Sadly, I have no such power, but I still love throwing my ideas out there. I'm so happy that you like the fic! It always makes me smile when I think of people who have been with me all along with this fic. :)

Linkite: lol! Yggie is _so _the disco king. I'm really lovin' the rockband idea. Haha! The thought of Lloyd hopping onto Kratos's shoulders just kinda wrote itself there the first time, but it was so cute that I thought it was due for a reoccurrence. ;)

Taiy-Chan: Thank you! Sorry that this update took so long… finals got to me. Ick. But now I should be back in action, and hopefully can post the next chapter much sooner! Oh, and about your brother's hot friend… I think only if he's older. ;) But! Email me and I'll gab on about boys and random stuff for a million years, but for now… onto the fic!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

Before long we had arrived back in Hima after an… _amusing _detour to Lake Umacy.

Raine was still flustered as the children continued to ask her innocent, yet very personal questions.

"So Raine… why couldn't you go with Sheena and Colette to see the unicorn?" Lloyd asked, wondering up at her with big innocent eyes.

"Don't you remember anything Lloyd?" She sighed, looking as if she really didn't want to answer. "I am older that you both, and have seen more of the world…"

"But Sheena's from Tethe'alla, so hasn't she seen more?" Genis interjected, overhearing them.

"Genis…" She muttered in a warning tone, making the boy cringe and back away already.

"But.." Genis braved asking again. "…but your answer doesn't make any sense. And besides, didn't you say earlier that the reason you couldn't enter is because you're a woman?"

I could see slight panic strike through her misty blue eyes. Evidently Genis was smarter than she had given him credit for. "Well… yes. My point exactly. I am older than Sheena and thus a woman."

Genis could not have possibly bought that explanation, but if he hadn't, he certainly hid it well.

But then it struck her, like a cold and bitter wind, and from the most unlikely of places.

"Professor, when do you become a woman? How do you know?" Colette asked with the utmost innocence. "I mean… isn't it when you turn 18? And Sheena, you're already 18 aren't you?"

"Eh.. yeah." Sheena admitted a bit reluctantly, then muttered under her breath, "_Why does all this matter?_"

By now Raine had grown a considerable shade redder than before which confirmed my initial thoughts on the matter. Raine must have had a relationship before this, not that it was surprising given her age. If she hadn't, then she was certainly good at acting like she had. And although it did not concern me at all, a twinge of regret struck me.

Usually, Raine was good at ceasing their incessant questioning. However, something seemed to have changed in her, rendering her unable to speak this time, even move.

Raine did not deserve this pestering. Whatever she had done in the past was certainly not my concern, but to see her in such a sad predicament made something within me twist with remorse.

Just as I was about to say something in her defense, she spoke quietly. "Colette, dear, you and all the rest of you will learn what it means to be a woman when you grow older. Now, that's all I will say on this matter. Absolutely no more questions!"

I had only one question, but would never voice it. Especially not now. "_I wonder who he was?_" I supposed I would never know.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

It wasn't too much longer before I found myself faced with perhaps one of the toughest decisions I would ever make.

Should I abandon Yggdrasill and remain with my son? Or should I deceive him for now and return to him when we were both in a better position to accomplish our goals?

The answer was simple, yet still I could not shake from my mind a lingering hope that somehow, there was a better way.

I knew in my mind that there was no better way. We were destined from the very start of this journey to part ways here, and so it would be.

I would 'betray' my son tomorrow. I would crush the very foundations of his glass security and return to Cruxis… for the time being.

This would undoubtedly upset Lloyd, and though he could not know it, I was upset as well. It pained me to live in a world where I should be forced to fight my only son, and then abandon him to the cruel world that lay waiting for him.

It pained me even more to think that I had helped build that world.

Before I could dwell further on these distressing thoughts, I heard Lloyd finish speaking with Genis, his footsteps drawing closer to me as he left the other boy.

With these thoughts still fresh on my mind, I turned around to face him. "Your journey is finally coming to an end." I said with a sense of finality. To be honest, I couldn't decide whether or not I truly desired for his journey to end here or not. He could sacrifice Colette and end his journey here, or he could continue to travel onwards… searching for a cure for her and a place where everyone could live in peace.

"This isn't the end I hoped for." He said back, sadness resonating in every word he spoke.

"Really? It's the journey you started by clinging to the chosen. This was to be expected." I stated, just a bit surprised at his response. But of course he would not want to sacrifice his friend.

"…Clinging to the chosen?"

"Don't you remember?" I asked, wondering how he had ever advanced this far. "It was you who said we have the chosen on our side, the savior who will regenerate the world."

Recognition struck him suddenly, and then his face fell again into a mournful sadness, but as quickly as it came, the sadness was replaced with determination. "Yeah that's right. I said that…. And that's why I have to protect her."

"If relying and depending on the power of the chosen at the most crucial time is what it means to protect her, then the meaning of the word 'protect' must have changed significantly from my understanding. And now, the Chosen is trying to resolve everything by sacrificing herself." I pointed out, truly hoping that some of this was getting through to him. He would need to protect Colette soon, he couldn't allow his journey to end here. If he truly cared for her, then soon he would have to take responsibility for them both.

"What are you trying to say?" Evidently I didn't get through.

"Lloyd. Don't make a mistake." I stated, choosing my words carefully. This close to the tower of Salvation, it was difficult to tell who could be listening in on our conversation.

"I don't quite get it, but I got it. But hey, if I make a mistake, can't I just do it over again?" He asked in his rambling fashion.

"…Humph." I sighed. Lloyd still had much to learn, but now I could only hope that he could learn these lessons from the others or on his own. No longer would I be able to teach him or protect him. "Do it over. If it's something you can do over again, then… feel free."

I turned to leave, not trusting myself to not say things to Lloyd that I shouldn't. But before I left, I hesitated and murmured. "Don't do anything you'll regret."

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Nighttime arose, and still I stood anxiously outside the inn. Everyone had been sleeping for hours already; they had a big day ahead of them, and they all knew it.

Little did they know just how shocking the morning would be.

As I thought this, Noishe walked slowly up to me, whining and padding her way up the stone walkway. A faint smile touched my lips and I instinctively reached for the 'dog,' petting it gently. "Noishe… you've been with me from the beginning haven't you?"

Noishe whined in a friendly way, licking my face even though I'd told her time and again not to.

"I wish… that there were another way to do this." I said, petting her soft green fur. "I wish I could stay with them… or at least that I didn't have to take Colette away from them."

A chilling breeze blew past me, reminding me again of where I stood. In the distance, I could hear the sleepy roar of one of the dragons that would carry us to the Tower of Salvation in the morning. This night would not last much longer.

An anxious feeling of dread knotted in my stomach, a feeling akin to the first time I had ever delivered held a sword to a monstrous foe. Something was coming, something terrible that I could not prevent. Something that could possibly take the life of my son.

"You'll have to continue watching over Lloyd for me." I murmured to Noishe, receiving her trademark whine. "I have things I must do, in my place I need you to…"

"Kratos! Look out!" Lloyd's voice rang clearly through the night. Without a thought, I drew forth my blade and stabbed my would-be attacker.

"Ugh!" It was tough to make out his features in the darkness as he knelt over, hiding his face from my view.

How had this person snuck up behind me? Unlike previous times during my journey with Lloyd, I had been on my guard. There were very few who could sneak up on me like that. Very few indeed. In fact, there were only two, and this one looked remarkably like…

Horror struck me, and my eyes widened visibly.

It couldn't be. It couldn't be him.

He lifted his gaze slightly upwards, staring at me deeply in the eyes. There was no mistaking him now. I knew exactly who my foe was.

Yuan.

"…Stop!" I yelled, holding forward my sword again, as if that would really threaten him. But before I could make another movement, or say anything more, he pooled his mana around him and warped quickly away.

"Kratos! Are you ok?" Lloyd asked, running up to me.

"Lloyd, thank you." I replied, my mind on things besides his question. The situation had indeed grown grave. Why had Yuan attacked me? Was he following Yggdrasill's orders? Surely not…

"Ah, it was nothing, but who was that?" He asked again.

"I would imagine it's that assassin. He managed to get away, but I gave him an injury he'll not soon forget." I replied, deciding not to tell him exactly who he was up against. There was no guarantee that Yuan even wanted to attack Lloyd. Until now, I hadn't even known he wanted to attack me.

Though our interactions as of late had grown more formal and business-like, I couldn't remember anything besides friendship with Yuan. Though the thought repulsed me and brought queasiness to my stomach, I had to be prepared for the worst.

Yuan might be my enemy now.

"…I have a feeling I've seen him somewhere before." Lloyd said cautiously, thinking things over a bit.

Had he met Yuan in the past? Now _there_ was something to be concerned about. "…Yes perhaps. Let's get back to the inn, everyone's probably up."

"Yeah." He agreed, turning to go.

"…Lloyd." I said, calling his attention back to me.

He turned around, the blind trust in his expression guilting scars into my soul that I doubted would ever heal. "Hmm? What is it?"

I wanted to tell him so much. I wanted to tell him to run from this place, to take Colette and find a cure for her, to stick by his friends, and to never lose sight of his dream.

I wanted to tell him how much I would miss him.

Instead, I found myself unable to say these things. For a number of reasons really. Sighing in defeat, I simply said, "…Don't die."

"What? Yeah, ok. What's up all of a sudden?" Lloyd threw me an incredulous look and even laughed a little, taking my words as a joke, no doubt. Soon enough, he would realize what I meant.

"…Don't worry about it." I found myself saying, brushing past him quickly again.

Behind me I could hear him murmur, "how can he tell me not to worry after saying something like that!"

What a fine father I was. Abandoning my son out here, with these incompetent people, while I would soon take away his best friend… and eventually, fight him myself. I might as well be sentencing him to death.

As I walked back into the inn, I could sense Raine giving me a distinctly suspicious look. "Kratos, could I have a word with you?" She asked, walking towards me and not waiting for a reply. "I just wanted you to know that you don't _always _have to take the night watch. Have you even slept for the past week?"

Panic struck me for the hundredth time this day. She had definitely caught onto me.

Thankfully, before I had a chance to reply, Lloyd entered the inn, carrying with him some last minute supplies he had bought. "It's finally time."

"…we should hurry." I responded, ignoring Raine completely. I felt terrible keeping the truth from them, especially now, but… they would soon know it themselves anyway.

As we walked up the cliff to the dragons, Raine continued to glance at me suspiciously, a little miffed that I had ignored her.

As soon as the dragons came into view, I approached one, taking Colette by the hand and pulling her carefully forward. "I will ride on the same dragon as the Chosen… because it's my job."

Raine did not say anything, but her eyes never left me as I helped Colette onto the dragon and sat behind her.

Quickly, I glanced back towards Lloyd, who was still trying to decide with whom he should ride. My heart filled with sorrow as I pulled the reigns of the dragon. "Good luck Lloyd…" Not waiting for the others, I swiftly snapped the reigns, prompting the dragon to fly forward.

For the first half of the ride, Colette stayed oddly silent. But soon enough, I heard her softly ask, "Kratos… you aren't going to go along with Lloyd after this… are you?"

"I may. But my duty will be over once I have delivered you to the tower of salvation." I replied.

"I see…" She murmured sadly. A moment later, I could feel her tiny body shivering lightly. Something was terribly wrong. However, given her situation, I could easily guess what that was. "Kratos…. am I going to die?"

I couldn't say why, but at that moment, my heart went out to her. Taking both of the dragon's reigns in my left hand, I pulled her into a loose embrace with my right. "No Colette, you won't die. But I think you know as well as I do that, like the other seals,… you might not come out of this the same."

"Thank you…" She sniffled quietly, wiping her eyes with her shirt sleeve. "I… I trust you Kratos…"

Even in her final moments of life as a human, she trusted me. It made me want to die.

"_Good job Kratos._" I thought to my self ironically. "_You've done what you said you would do from the beginning. You've used your son and his friends as pawns, slowly helped steal the life from the girl who cares the most about Lloyd and you, and now you're going to sacrifice her._"

I sighed deeply, struggling to come to terms with what I must do for the hundredth time. "_It sounds harsh, but there is a reason. If I join them now, weak as they are, Yggdrasill will kill us all. But if I pretend to betray them, and 'accidentally' set them free afterwards… yes there is some possibility. Meanwhile, while they run around doing heaven knows what, I will collect all the necessary materials to enable Lloyd to wield Origin's blade… since I probably will not be around after I release the seal._"

That thought struck me by surprise. Would I die after releasing Origin's seal? I honestly did not know, but I had learned long ago to expect the worst.

Briefly I considered having Yuan wield the Eternal Sword, but soon I realized that was only folly. Yuan specialized in mana, not weapons, and especially not swords. Besides, he could never take down Yggdrasill by himself. And after the way he had acted just hours ago…

I wondered then what he was doing now. Was he watching this entire scene play out from some high perch atop a mountain somewhere? Perhaps from atop the tower of salvation itself? Yuan liked to do that. I wouldn't be surprised.

Before I knew it, the dragon had landed at the tower of salvation. Dismounting first, I helped Colette off the dragon. "It's time." I said solemnly.

She had stopped crying now, and had the fearless expression on her face as usual. "Ok, Kratos. I'm ready."

Together, we walked through the open door into the tower of salvation.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

Marika's Notepad

Omg omg omg omg omg…. The tower of salvation scene! It's here! AAA!

Lloyd: Ehhh, yeah. So you heard her. Next time we'll _finally _reach the tower of salvation. Kratos will have to fight me for the first time, but even though he knows Mithos and Yuan are watching, will he go all out? Or will he dare to hold back? Find out next time on Tainted Disposition!


	21. Conflicting Battles

A number of you reminded me that Colette cannot talk during the tower of salvation scene. Yes, it's true, I forgot about that little detail; however, since the story has already been written, I'll continue from there and do my best to make up for it!

Also, It saddens me to discover that I can no longer respond on fanfiction . net to my reviewers! I will try from here on out to PM everyone who has questions, but as I am not very familiar with the system, please do not be offended if I cannot respond.

Thank you to everyone for your support!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

* * *

Slowly, we walked through the tower of salvation. I really wished that Colette would hurry, already I could hear the others close behind us.

"You're an angel, aren't you?"

A gasp escaped my lips and I turned towards her in surprise. "Colette, why would you say that?"

"Because…" And, as she slowly turned towards me, I realized my exigent mistake.

Her lips weren't moving. "…you can hear me, even though I'm not speaking to you."

"Colette, I…" I faltered. This was new. Never before had I realized we angels could do this with the Chosen. Perhaps the other angels could not. For a moment I wondered whether or not Yuan and Mithos would be able to hear her as well…

"Kratos, it's ok." She smiled up at me. "I have known that you were different from the beginning, but even though I never knew you were an angel, I still believed in you. I… don't know how to say this but, I'm happy that you're here to guide me… and I'm happy that you can hear me… "

We were quickly approaching the central transport in the tower, and I knew that if I were to say something to her, it would have to be before we stepped through that dreaded warp circle. Stopping besides it, I held her back as well and knelt beside her. In a very quiet voice, one that I was certain nobody else would hear but her, I murmured, "Colette, I cannot explain why right now, but many things are about to happen which neither you nor the others will understand. You will be… changed… and soon the others will not trust me any longer. I cannot force you to believe what I am doing is right, but I promise you that I will find a way to amend the wrongs of this world."

I wasn't certain why I felt it necessary to tell her all of this. Perhaps I saw a bit of myself in her, frightened as the last of her angelic transformations were about to happen. Perhaps it was for Lloyd.

My heart ached as I heard the fast approaching roars of the other dragons. Standing up, I took her by the arm and urged her through the warp. "Forgive me…"

When we entered the other side, a sight none too pleasing met my eyes.

Mithos.

"Well well well. Kratos, it seems I can trust you after all. I wasn't sure if I could after you let that girl steal Undine from me." Mithos Yggdrasill, in his fully adult form, walked regally down the stairs and up to us.

Gritting my teeth, I dutifully ushered Colette forwards to Mithos.

"Colette, is that correct?" He asked, then laughed bitterly. "Oh wait, that's right, you can't speak anymore can you?"

The girl looked back at me uncertainly, but I could not offer her any other advice, not now. Possibly never again.

He reached out a hand and touched her long golden locks, causing her to gasp and jerk swiftly back around. She locked frightened eyes with Mithos as he caressed the fine strands of her hair and then her smooth cheek. "Yes… you will be a fine vessel…"

Suddenly, I was filled with a loathing for Mithos, all of his twisted ways, and everything that he stood for. I had questioned long ago whether what I was doing was right, and now I could be certain that it wasn't. I was indeed working for an order of monsters.

But now I had a new purpose. I had to remind myself of that constantly to prevent myself from doing something… very stupid. Instead of striking Mithos and forcing him away from the girl, I spoke quietly. "Lord Yggdrasill, her companions are approaching. Do you want them to know of your presence?"

His cruel laughter rang through the tower. "Hehehehahah! Kratos, you're such a laugh! What does it matter really? I suppose I'll sit back for now, but remember Kratos…" He withdrew back into the shadows of the room, disappearing away but leaving behind three ominous words. "…I'll be watching…"

As he disappeared, Remiel came to my side. "Lord Kratos, I will take things from here."

"Humph. Very well." I answered with a classic briefness. Chancing one last regretful glance at Colette, I nodded solemnly to her. I debated whether or not to speak to her again, but Remiel ended that mild deliberation by pulling her roughly forwards towards the center of the room. Turning away, I pooled my mana around me and warped to a ledge above, where I could easily overlook whatever would happen in the room below.

"Watch where you're warping."

I knew that voice.

Turning quickly to the source of the sound, I found my would-be nemesis sprawled on the ground in a very casual manner. "Yuan, what are you doing up here?"

"I'm here to watch the show, what else?" He smirked, then patted the ground beside him. "Have a seat, you won't be going anywhere for a little while."

"That's not what I meant." Reluctantly, I sat beside him, rigidly attentive to even the slightest detail. From the way he sat, I couldn't see the place where I had stabbed him just hours ago, but that didn't mean that Yuan wasn't still hurt. It had to have been Yuan that attempted to attack me, nobody else could have, and though it was dark, nobody else had eyes quite like his. I wanted to question him about it, but knowing Yuan, it wasn't something that he would talk about very willingly. Even so, it was worth a try. "Yuan, what were you doing last night?"

Rather than answer the question, he said something else entirely. Not very surprising. "Remiel is a bit… pompous and demanding, don't you think?" He asked, pointing towards the angel as Colette was finally shoved in the center of the room.

I didn't feel the need to reply to him, but I watched the scene with contempt. How I wished that I could prevent what was about to happen. But even if for some reason they did stop Remiel, I would not be able to help them. Quite the contrary, I would be forced to fight them…

"That's quite an ugly face you're making." Yuan commented offhandedly.

"Maybe things would be different if someone hadn't backstabbed me yesterday." I muttered, shooting Yuan a dark glance.

"If I'm not mistaken, you were, and will be, the only one doing the stabbing." He didn't even look at me, but instead gazed meaningfully at my son as he appeared through the door.

"Yuan…" I growled, but was hushed by the very elf I so despised.

"Quiet down, this is the good part."

No sooner had he said this, when Lloyd's voice rang clearly through the tower. "What!"

"Now, my daughter. Release the final seal!" Remiel commanded to Colette, who was praying in the center of the tower. "In doing so, you will complete the final sacrifice of your human existence… your heart and your memory. By doing so of your own free will, you will become a true angel!"

I stared aghast at Remiel. Why was he giving that away? Did he not understand that Lloyd would not stand for that? He was causing trouble…

"What!" Sheena shouted, taking an offensive stance.

"Sacrifice her heart and memory?" Lloyd seemed too shocked to say any more.

"Colette's going to forget about us!" Even Genis was filled with sorrow and outrage.

The only one who seemed to remain calm was Raine. "Colette's human life will now end, and she will be reborn as an angel."

Lloyd glanced incredulously at her. "Professor Sage, what is he talking about?"

"Lloyd, I'm sorry. I promised Colette I wouldn't say anything. Colette will give up her life in order to regenerate the world. Becoming an angel means dying." She answered quietly.

At this point, Yuan glanced meaningfully at me. "Kratos… it's not too late to stop them, you know."

"You know I can't do that Yuan." I whispered back. How I wanted to, but I knew my place right now, and it was not beside my son.

"That's not quite correct." Meanwhile, Remiel continued to make a bigger mess of things. "The Chosen's heart will die, and her body will be offered to the Goddess Martel. By offering her body, Colette will revive the Goddess. This is the true nature of the world regeneration! The revival of the Goddess Martel… is the revival of the world itself!"

I wanted to fry Remiel where he stood… or flew, to be more correct. "Remiel…" I shook my head, glowering with displeasure.

Yuan snickered beside me. Stupid elf. "He's your lackey."

"That…that's…" Lloyd murmured incredulously.

As this point, the group spoke again of Tethe'alla, and Remiel fed them some more lies. It was about time.

"Kratos." This time, Yuan's voice was more urgent. "That's your son out there. Don't you want to save him from the pain of losing someone so close to him?"

"I do, but I cannot fail my duties to Cruxis…" I murmured. I had thought before that Yuan was the only person I might have been able to trust, but after his attack last night, I was hesitant to divulge any information to him about my plans. No, it would be better if Yuan did not know.

With a disgusted sigh, he returned to watching the 'show.'

"Can't Cruxis make both worlds peaceful?" Sheena asked.

"If that is what the Chosen desires, she can lend her power to Cruxis by becoming an angel. Once the Goddess Martel is revived by the Chosen, the two worlds will surely achieve peace, just as the Chosen wishes." Good, finally Remiel was beginning to say something that wouldn't upset everyone quite as much.

Colette gasped, and though I may have imagined it, I thought she had spoken again. Next to me, Yuan also shifted a bit, gazing at her with a new interest.

"Is that true, you ask? You know why you have come here." Remiel replied.

"You're right… I'm sorry for not trusting you, father." Colette's words radiated warmth, even though she never moved her lips.

Yuan shook his head. "Father? Kratos… what have you lead that poor girl to believe?"

So Yuan could hear her too. This was definitely interesting.

"You can't… are you really preparing to die!" Sheena cried, clearly upset.

"Colette stop! If you sacrifice yourself, your friends who love you… and your family, and m-… we'll all be sad! It will be the same as sacrificing all of us!" Lloyd shouted. It seemed as though he was at his breaking point. I knew he cared a lot for Colette, perhaps more than anyone else, and though it was difficult, I kept myself from interfering.

Colette gazed desolately at him, sadness in her eyes. "Lloyd… I don't want to hurt you… but this is the only way I can save us all."

Lloyd tried to run forward, even though I doubted he could hear what she had just said. Genis, good friend though he was, held him back. "Genis! Let me go!"

Genis hesitated a bit, but still held onto him firmly. "I don't want anything to happen to her either! But what else are we supposed to do! The people of Sylverant are suffering too!"

"But…" Lloyd mumbled, glancing back and forth from Genis to Colette.

Before Lloyd could think of something better to say, Remiel interrupted him. "The sacrifice of one single person, the Chosen, will save the world. Are you saying that you would choose the Chosen's soul over the entire world?"

How disgusted I was with him. With the entirety of Cruxis and every twisted ideal that it stood for.

"Now, Colette. Come join your father." He commanded. As he said so, Colette prepared herself for her final task.

But before she could warp away, Lloyd broke free from Genis's weak hold and rushed forward, stopping Colette from leaving. "Wait! Remiel! Is there really no other way? Colette's your daughter. Surely you don't want her to die either!"

Then Remiel did something stupid again. "My daughter? Don't make me laugh. When I came down to play the role of guardian angel, you inferior beings just started calling me her father on your own. I merely placed the Cruxis Crystal upon this sacrifice, who was selected to become Martel's vessel."

"Wh-what?" Lloyd exclaimed, then took Colette by the hand again, not willing to let her go. "Colette!"

"Lloyd, it's okay." She spoke again, with her heart it seemed, and turned to face him with a warm smile. "I realized what was going on. Every time I met Remiel, I felt… that he was not my real father. But still, for some reason, I still feel like I want to cry."

"Colette! If you realized what was going on, then why?" So Lloyd could hear her too! This was definitely interesting.

"You can hear my voice?" Her eyes widened with shock, but happiness. "I'm so happy! I'll be able to say goodbye to you in the end."

"Colette… I'm sorry!" Lloyd said, lowering his head in defeat. "I couldn't save you… I'm so sorry! I promised I wouldn't make another mistake, but it looks like I have again."

Was he actually considering my words? It seemed Lloyd was full of surprises.

"No. Thank you, Lloyd. Because of you, I was able to find the courage to protect the world. Because of you, I was able to find the strength to live these sixteen years to the fullest. So please…" And though it seemed she wanted to say more, she looked away, as if hearing a calling from somewhere far away. Slowly, she drifted upwards and away from him.

"Colette!" Lloyd screamed, holding out his arms to the lost girl.

"It looks like it's time…" She said quietly.

Slowly, she rose upwards, a white light surrounding her as her final angelic transformation was about to take place.

"This is disgusting." Yuan turned away, gazing instead at the ground. "I can't watch."

I had no comment for him, but truthfully, I hated it too. I wanted more than anything else to dive downwards quickly, and snatch her up in my arms, taking her far away from her last devastating transformation.

But I couldn't.

The light shone through the entirety of the tower, touching everyone for one brief moment before it disappeared. When Colette reopened her eyes, cold indifference shone through her red pupils.

"I've done it! It's finally complete! Martel's vessel is finally complete! With this, I shall become one of the Four Seraphim!" Remiel cackled, unaware that we would never allow him to join our ranks.

"Wait just a minute! What are you gonna do with Colette!" Lloyd shouted angrily.

"He's going to take her to heaven." The good professor responded quietly.

"You bastard!" Lloyd fumed, glaring up at Remiel as he finally understood it all for the first time. "You'll pay for this! Cruxis, the angels, the Goddess Martel.. it's all a big lie, isn't it! Let her go now!"

"That, I cannot do, for she is Martel's vessel. This is Martel's new body which took years to complete." Remiel sneered, holding a mana charged hand up towards Lloyd. "I have no more use for any of you. Be gone!"

Lloyd was more than ready to fight him. With anger, he charged forward, falling victim to one of his light arrows in his blinded fury.

"Your son really needs to work on those fighting skills." Yuan commented.

"Yuan, not now." I murmured bitterly, watching them all intently.

"And why not? If not now, then when?" Yuan gazed at me with a look I didn't recognize. "Kratos… you've already lost the girl. Don't lose your son."

"Watch out for the spell!" Raine's warning rang out to everyone.

The blinding lights of Remiel's Judgment spell flew past us, striking both Genis and Sheena.

"Aaugh!" Genis cried, falling to his hands and knees, then regaining his strength a bit, he pulled himself up. "Don't bother me!"

Though Sheena went down too, she readied herself quicker and flew back into action, a dark aura surrounding her as she began to call for Undine.

Meanwhile, Remiel and Lloyd were fighting in close quarters, and again, Lloyd was struck down…

Even though I had seen him hurt numerous times during this journey, I flinched as he fell to the ground.

"I can't believe you're just sitting back and watching…" Yuan narrowed his eyes, gazing at me with contempt now.

Again I chose not to respond to Yuan. Instead, I watched, held between a terrible internal struggle. If Remiel won, then Lloyd would die, and so would everyone else. But if Remiel lost, then I would be forced to fight them, and if I used my true strength, they would surely die.

"Heartless, that's what you are." Yuan's voice interrupted my thoughts only briefly.

If they died, then not only would I lose my son, but there would be no hope for a change in the future. Mithos would still rule over both the worlds with an iron fist, and Yuan and I would still be trapped to do his bidding. But this wasn't for me, was it? All of this struggle wasn't some selfish desire of mine… no… it couldn't be.

But even if it was, weren't my goals still in favor with those of the rest of the world? Wasn't that what I had worked towards so many years ago, when I ran away with Anna? I couldn't just let those goals, those dreams, slip away! But how could I fight them and save them?

"Kratos, you make me sick." Yuan was clearly disgusted with me by now.

With contempt, I shot him another dark glance. He had no idea what I was going through right now, but I couldn't let him know. "Yuan, you don't know what you are meddling with."

"I think I do know." He responded ingenuously. "You're afraid of what will happen if you dare stand against Mithos again."

"Yuan…" I wanted to tell him so much, but even if he hadn't attacked me, now was definitely not the time.

"If you won't save your son, I will." He responded quietly, turning away from me and watching the battle.

I really didn't understand him sometimes, but unfortunately I didn't have the time to think about that.

With a final enraged cry, Lloyd and Sheena both struck Remiel at the same time, causing him to fall to the ground in a crumpled heap of tattered robes and broken wings. "Impossible… how can an angel, the ultimate being, lose to a group of humans?"

Lloyd ignored him, instead focusing intently on Colette. "Colette, come back to us! I'm going to restore you back to your normal self! I promise!"

The girl did not respond.

I stood up, sighing deeply and gazing at the poor people below me. People I had used as pawns. People I had grown attached to. People who would now think me an enemy.

"Colette… have you really forgotten me?"

I could wait no longer. Closing my eyes momentarily, I gathered my mana and warped back down next to the Chosen. "You're wasting your time. Not only did she lose her memory, but she has lost the soul to listen to your words. Now Colette is merely a puppet standing before death's door."

"Kratos!" Genis was the first one to respond with shock.

"Where have you been! What are you saying!" Lloyd fixed his gaze now on me, asking me questions that I wanted so much to explain.

"The Chosen desired the regeneration of the world and chose this path herself. By the summoning of the Chosen to Derris-Kharlan, the seal will be broken and the regeneration will be complete." I replied, knowing that Lloyd would not be able to understand it all. I glanced meaningfully at Raine. If anyone were to understand this, it would be her. Unfortunately, even her eyes did not register any sort of recollection either.

"Kratos? What are you talking about?" Lloyd asked again.

"It is what you wanted as well. We will take the Chosen as the new body for Martel." I answered solemnly. Surely he would understand now. And he would hate me for it.

"What are you talking about! Kratos… answer me!" Apparently he still didn't understand.

"Lord Kratos, have pity on me. Please… lend me your aid." Oh, Remiel was still around, wasn't he?

After what he had just done to Colette, I could look at him with nothing but scorn. "Have you forgotten, Remiel? I was once of the inferior race… a human. Does the ultimate being seek help from that which he despises the most?" Mercilessly, I turned away from him, not bothering to watch him die.

Lloyd turned to me slowly, staring at me with awe and shock. "Kratos… who are you?"

It was time.

No longer would I hide my identity from them. Lowering my gaze just a bit, I began to gather my mana around me, "I am of Cruxis, the organization that guides this world."

In a sparkle of light, I summoned forth my wings, allowing them to calmly flutter behind me. "I am one of the Four Seraphim, sent forth to keep close watch over the Chosen."

All of my former companions, minus Colette, gasped in shock.

"Kratos is an angel too!" Genis exclaimed, his eyes wide with surprise.

Lloyd was livid, clenching his hands into fists again. "You deceived us!"

I looked at Lloyd calmly, my face showing no emotion although my very soul ached with remorse. I didn't want this to happen, but as of now I was powerless to stop it. And though I could not tell where he was, I knew that Mithos was also lurking around somewhere, watching this entire drama unfold.

For now, all I could do is play my part and hope that somewhere along this dangerous game he did not die. "Deceived? If the Chosen merges with Martel, she will awaken, and the world will be saved. Is that not what you wanted?"

"Once her body is taken by the Goddess Martel, Colette will truly die!" Lloyd shouted back.

"No, she will be reborn as Martel." I replied calmly. If there was one thing I could do, it was reaffirm that Colette would not die, and that there was indeed hope for him. Hopefully, he would live long enough to remember and use those words.

"Dammit! You think I'm going to let you do that! Colette is our friend!" Before I could say any more, Lloyd had run up the stairs towards me, his swords drawn and poised for action.

Reflexively, I blocked his initial attack, but I noticed out of my peripheral vision that his comrades, who had seemed not all that eager to fight before, were now ready for action. Raine and Genis were both casting some form of magic, and Sheena was running up the stairs, her magical cards in hand.

Not wanting to attack him, I continued to block Lloyd's attacks. Between his swipes, I chanced a glance upwards to where Yuan sat. With my enhanced vision, I could see him far above, the expression on his face similar to the one he wore when he told me not to lose my son. But whatever could it be?

"Pyre Seal!"

Suddenly, an explosion hit my back, and I was sent flying forward from the ledge. The force of the blow pushed me just barely out of the range of one of Genis's Ice Tornados. So I was lucky this time, but I could not be distracted like that again.

I landed on the ground very ungracefully, since I had not expected Sheena's attack so soon. "Nurse!" Raine casted, healing them all even though I had yet to attack any of them. Perhaps they were still injured from their recent fight with Remiel.

Lloyd and Sheena had both jumped off the ledge simultaneously, landing easily and running towards me at full speed.

I realized then that there were four of them and only one of me. Even if they were weak, I would never make it out of this battle alive if all I did was block.

Still, I could not bring myself to attack them fully. No, their skills were lacking too much for that.

Quickly, I spun around, blocking the next two attacks from Lloyd and Sheena. Why wasn't I fighting back? Hadn't I just decided that I must a moment ago?

"_Kratos, you fool…you didn't listen to me, and now there is no other way._" Yuan's voice drifted down so quietly that I was certain only I could hear it. "_You had better fight them now._"

I glared briefly at Yuan; I didn't need his distractions right now. But as I saw him again, I finally recognized the look on his face.

Pity.

Distracted by the other angel, I did not notice Genis's next spell until it hit me. Flames erupted around me, burning for a moment then disappearing as quickly as they had arrived.

Yes, now was definitely the time to fight.

Spinning back around, my eyes hardened a bit. Before she could attack me again, I sent Sheena flying away with a slash of my sword. Dashing over to the elfin brother and sister, I struck them both, disrupting their spells. Even though I wasn't hitting them with my full strength, it still pained me to hit them at all.

Finally, I turned towards Lloyd. He hesitated for a moment, apparently as shocked as I was that I would actually fight back. Resolutely, I thought to myself, "_Lloyd, for these next few minutes… you cannot be my son._"

Momentarily I closed my eyes, a spell circle appearing below me. Lloyd, recognizing the danger he was in, began to run towards me, but by now it was far too late. Before he reached me, I held my sword up into the air. "Lightning Blade!"

I turned away before the electricity could strike him. That was not something I wished to watch. Besides, Sheena had already sprung up from where I threw her. When she glared at me, ready for another attack, I knew what I must do.

As she and I ran towards each other, I gripped the handle of my blade, ushering mana into the weapon for the attack. Before we met halfway I shouted, "Light Spear!" Catching her tunic on the edge of my blade, I hurled her into the air and away.

Through the entirety of the battle, I held back each attack at the last moment, not pushing forward though I could have. Although it pained me to attack any of them, it especially hurt to strike Lloyd.

Lloyd, my son, was caught in between the struggle of the two worlds and Cruxis. I wished more than anything now that I could have saved Anna and taken him away from this all.

I hated myself for fighting him. I hated myself for losing them both.

Before I knew it, they were all sprawled on the ground, bleeding profusely and hurt more than they probably had ever been their entire lives.

As Lloyd fell to the ground, I held forward my sword. "You cannot oppose fate." Did I really believe that? I hoped not.

"D-damnit!" Lloyd grunted, kneeling on the ground. Even though he knew he had nothing left, he continued to stare at me with his piercing eyes.

I could not show emotion. I couldn't. Raising my sword in the air with both arms, I held it poised to strike the final blow. But… something within me held me back. Grimacing, I faltered.

I couldn't kill him. Even if Mithos was watching, I couldn't kill Lloyd.

"I guess not even you could bring yourself to fight against such an opponent…"

Mithos had returned, and for a short moment, I was almost glad. Putting away my blade, I knelt down. "Lord Yggdrasill." I dutifully said. Though I had refrained from such formalities when I brought Colette to him, it seemed the correct thing to do now.

Behind me, I heard Lloyd's companions murmur "Who's that?" and "Another angel!"

Ignoring them, Yggdrasill walked forward to where Lloyd knelt. "Are you Lloyd?"

Narrowing his eyes, Lloyd delivered his trademark line. "Give me your name, and I'll give you mine!"

"Haha… people need not introduce themselves to a dog." Yggdrasill commented offhandedly.

"What did you say!" Lloyd growled.

"Fine, I shall tell you my name, wretched human. I am Yggdrasill. Leader of Cruxis. and the Desians!" Before Lloyd could respond, Yggdrasill flew quickly forward, knocking him and the others down again. "How sad."

Summoning forth the eternal sword, he used its power to knock Lloyd into a nearby pillar.

He was being unusually cruel to Lloyd over the rest of his companions. I glanced at Mithos, wondering if he knew our relation.

Feeling my eyes on him, he turned his malicious gaze on me. "Kratos, I trust you have no objections?"

I did. Far more than I could say in the short time I had, but I found myself unable to voice any of them.

"Farewell." Just as Yggdrasill prepared to send them all to their graves, he turned to the side, dodging three mana strikes that threatened to hit him.

It was Botta! "Damn! The Chosen has already become an angel! We have no choice. We're taking her back with us alive!" He sent forth his minions, and even though Yggdrasill attacked a few of them, Botta managed to steal Lloyd, Colette, Sheena, Genis, and Raine away.

Clearly disgruntled, Yggdrasill commented, "Renegades. As irritating as ever. Still, it is of little consequence. Kratos, let us leave."

"As you wish." I replied, watching him warp back to the Cruxis base.

Before I left, I looked up to where Yuan had sat, but the half-elf had already vacated the scene. Is this what he had meant when he said, "if you don't save your son, I will?"

But Botta was a Renegade… so didn't the Renegades save Lloyd? It didn't make sense… unless….

And then it hit me. How could I have been so blind to it in the past? After all the hints that he had given me, without outright saying so.

Yuan must be the famed leader of the Renegades, the thorn in Yggdrasill's rear all these years.

With that thought in my mind, I half-smiled. Although I didn't know all of his plans, I knew one thing for certain. Yuan would not kill Lloyd or any of his companions. Quite the contrary, he would probably allow them time to heal and maybe even let them 'escape' somewhere safer… Tethe'alla perhaps. So for now at least, he was safe. "Saved by the Renegades. Don't die Lloyd."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

* * *

Lloyd: Things aren't looking too good for me, but at least I'm not dead! Authoress Marika wants me to tell everyone that this story will continue until the end of the game. So! Tune in next time for our exciting new adventure in Tethe'alla! 


	22. Conflicting Decisions

Oops…. it's been a few months since I've updated this. Out of curiosity, is anybody reading this anymore? Should I continue? I'll ask again at the end, but for those of you still reading, here is chapter 23!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"You seem different, Kratos." Mithos commented snidely as I returned to Derris Kharlan.

"Hmm." After what I had just been forced to do, I felt particularly agitated with Mithos, but I wasn't about to let him know this.

"Don't tell me you've had a… change of heart?" He walked smoothly in front of me, blocking my way. After waiting for only a moment, his eyes narrowed dangerously. Evidently he was still upset that Colette had escaped. "You _will _answer me Kratos."

After four thousand years, I had become inured to hearing things like this. However, every now and then, I still thought back to the times before this all began, and it disgusted me every time. To think, he had once been my apprentice… and now… I was practically his slave. "I can assure you, I am the same as I have always been. Perhaps it is you who have changed."

"What a silly thought. Kratos, I have been the leader of the Cruxis organization for the last 4000 years. What makes you think I would be any different now?" He said, eyeing me with an air of arrogance.

I had many reasons, but none that he would listen to. Even so, I tried the answer he would most likely to accept. "Mithos, think back."

He raised an eyebrow in question, but a moment later he smirked. "Oh Kratos, we haven't played this game in a long time! Do tell me what important thing I'm forgetting."

"Not the recent past." I answered, ignoring his bratish behavior. "Do you remember when we first set out on our journey to end the great Kharlan war?"

"Kratos, get to the point. I'm a busy man, and I haven't all day to listen to your foolish memories." He snapped back. Apparently he did remember, and he didn't want to hear it. How could he forget the death of his dear sister?

"You were different then, full of hope for the world…"

"Hope? _Hope! Well_ _LOOK WHERE THAT HOPE GOT ME_!" In a flash of light, Mithos's wings flared out, his eyes both widening grotesquely as he shouted angrily. Before I could respond, he had thrown me into the wall with a flick of his hand. "Kratos you NEVER understood what my sister and I went through! You NEVER knew the pain of being a half-elf! You NEVER even tried to know!"

I fell to the ground on my knees, grimacing a bit from the sudden blow. How had he grown this much stronger than me? Oh, right, borrowed power of the summon spirits… especially Origin. Though I knew it wasn't the right time, something within me felt _good _ that Sheena had stolen Undine from him.

He balled his hand in a fist of rage, but held his temper in check for once. I wasn't resisting him, and he knew it. In a slightly calmer tone, but nonetheless menacing, he growled, "Kratos, you're a fool. You can thank Origin that you're still alive." With that, he spun around and left in a huff, no doubt going off to sulk and destroy some poor innocent furniture in his castle.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

I stood up quickly, turning my head to the source of the sound, and frowned.

"That was impressive Kratos. I don't think I've seen him that mad in ages." Yuan smirked from the alcove where he must have conveniently hidden.

"You mean the time _you _'borrowed' Luin and had a drunken fiasco in Mithos's castle?"

That wiped the smirk off his face. "I put them back."

"After he destroyed the city." I sighed, thinking back on those not so fond memories, when suddenly I thought of something entirely different. "Wait… Yuan… what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean 'what am I doing here?' I'm standing here talking to you." He said, sounding a tad bit more annoyed than before.

"That's not what I meant. Shouldn't you be… somewhere else… right now?" I asked, wondering just what Yuan had done with Lloyd if he was standing here right now.

Yuan feigned deep thought for a few moments, placing his hand to his chin before suddenly holding a finger up in profound realization. "Oh! You mean that son of yours and his friends that you so badly mangled?" He smirked again, knowing he had an edge on me. "You know Kratos, that really wasn't a very fatherly thing to do."

"Out with it Yuan, you're trying my patience." My eyes narrowed at him though my mind raced, hoping for all the world that Lloyd and his friends were safe.

"Lloyd and his friends are safe. If that's what you're wondering." Yuan said, making me wonder if he had read my thoughts somehow. "You hurt them pretty badly though… especially Lloyd…. But, you didn't hear that from me."

"Of course not." I replied a bit slowly, thinking things through. Lloyd was hurt worse than the rest? But why? I had tried not to hurt any of them much…

"Kratos, you would do well to stay out of my way from now on." Yuan said suddenly, his demeanor changing to become strangely somber. "Stay away from Lloyd and Colette. If you do, I'll work things out for everyone."

"You know that I can't do that Yuan… especially now that I know…" I trailed off, not wanting to say out loud that I knew he was the leader of the Renegades. Though it was doubtful after his temper tantrum, Mithos could be hiding and listening.

"Kratos you idiot! Why do you think I let you know that I'm…!" Yuan hissed quietly, but stopped before he said anything incriminating. "Don't try to find them. You will be sorry if you do."

With that, he warped back to the world below.

I didn't understand Yuan. Especially not now. He must have a reason for doing this, for telling me to do something that as a father I would naturally never do. Of course… as a father, I would never attack my son either…

I found myself walking back to my room, thinking things through as well as I could.

_Kratos… what are you doing? Fighting with Yuan and Mithos now too. Are you trying to turn everyone against you?_

I supposed it was true. I could consider nobody my ally right now. None of my allies in the past would help me now.

_Can I even trust myself? I wonder…_

I could trust myself to live, that much was certain. Or was it? What if I relinquished my life by releasing the Origin seal? That could happen… not that I really desired that just yet.

_And then there is the issue of Lloyd… just how capable will he be when the time finally comes? Even if I manage to sneak away with all the materials necessary to allow a human to wield Origin's blade, can I trust him to do that yet? _

I knew that Lloyd would grow stronger, especially since he would definitely live through this assault… hopefully the worst he would ever have to face. Even if Yuan was upset with me for whatever reason, he would not go back on his word. He would not let Lloyd die if it was within his capabilities.

I arrived at my bedroom, aimlessly wandering over to my closet. There was no point in hiding who I was anymore. Throwing open the door, I pulled out my pristine white "Hey-I'm-an-angel-of-Cruxis" garb. Complete with all the belts.

This outfit brought back memories, and not all of them good. In fact, most of them were undesirable, but to make it appear as though I was still completely loyal to Mithos, I knew that I must wear it. Mithos may not have been the brightest pupil of mine, but I knew for certain that he was not dumb. He would recognize immediately if I began sneaking around in my purple mercenary clothes.

Unfortunately, the Cruxis clothing did make me stand out a bit. I cannot say how many times people have questioned _why _I wear what I do… namely my belts. To this day, only one person besides myself knows why.

No, I had to do things differently now. Both in the open, yet behind the scenes. I had to accomplish everything right in front of Mithos Yggdrasill's face.

This was going to be a challenge.

I had to find Lloyd. It was imperative.

I could not say why, but the urge was so compelling and so strong that I knew it must be done. Mithos would be locked up in his personal castle for a while, throwing a temper tantrum no doubt.

With determination, I set my sights to the world below.

"Lloyd… don't give up hope…."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Marika's notes:

I realize that this chapter is very short, but don't worry, there is more written if people want to see it.

But now I bring up the question again…. Does anyone really want to see more of this fic? I know that it takes me a very long time to write, and if interest has dwindled, then… well I guess this might be it...


	23. Conflicting Destinies

Along the way, I was assaulted by Pronyma.

"Oh Lord Kraaaaaatos! I've been sent to woooooork with you!" Her annoying sing-song voice irritated me.

"Go away Pronyma, I don't need you to come along this time."

She flew in front of me, pouting. "I can't do that darling, I was sent by Mithos to help you."

"He's done with his tantrum?" I asked, a little surprised.

"No, but he gave me the order yesterday." She said with a happy grin.

Silently I walked away.

Unfortunately, she followed.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

It took me a while to find them, but finally I did, and none too soon. Pronyma was stupid and tried to attack first, but knowing that she couldn't do much, I was content to sit in the background and watch Lloyd demolish her. Good son. But then…

"Yuan! We're going to settle the score right now!" Lloyd shouted, pulling his sword out toward Yuan in a sweeping motion.

Before he could touch him, I dove down and blocked his blade with my own. I couldn't see Yuan standing behind me, but was certain he wasn't happy. He never liked it when I 'saved' him, but he was still too weak from the wound I had given him to react in time.

"Kratos!" Apparently he remembered my name.

"…. What are you doing here?" Yuan asked, his voice bearing the indignant malice that I expected as he summoned forth his wings.

"Leave. Yuan. Lord Yggdrasill has summoned you." I replied. Yuan wasn't dumb, he knew that whenever Mithos threw a temper tantrum, he locked himself in his castle for a good day.

"Grr… Are you taking the Chosen?" He asked, annoyance in his tone.

"No…we shall leave her for now. It's the toxicosis." I finally glanced back at him, throwing him a "I want to talk to you later" look. He seemed to understand.

"…I see. Lloyd, our battle will have to wait." Without another word, he flew off into the distance. He would be waiting for me in my room when I returned.

"Dammit, Yuan! Wait!" Lloyd shouted after him.

Now Yuan was out of the way, unfortunately Pronyma was still clinging to me like an unwanted old penny. Thinking about how I could word things so that Pronyma wouldn't suspect me of anything, I finally turned to Lloyd. "…What are you doing?"

"…what?" He was always the bright one.

"Why have you come all the way here to Tethe'alla?" I asked, hoping to lead him in the right direction.

"I'm here to save Colette…"

"What good will saving the chosen do? The relation of the two worlds vying for each other's mana will not change. Their positions have merely been reversed by the regeneration ritual." I stated calmly, trying to slip him as much information as I could without alerting Pronyma.

"Has Tethe'alla begun to decline?" Sheena asked. Good, at least one of them had a clue.

"The tower of Salvation can still be seen from this world as well. As long as that exists here, it means that this world is flourishing. Although, in the event that the Chosen becomes Martel's vessel, Tethe'alla will surely bid farewell to its era of prosperity." I answered, glancing at Pronyma. She didn't seem to suspect anything yet, as she continued to glare smugly at Lloyd.

"Dammit, isn't there anything that can be done! Yggdrasill's the one that built this twisted world!" Lloyd exclaimed in a burst of fury. At least his heart was in the right place.

"Lord Yggdrasill does not consider it twisted. If you want to do something about it, use your own head." I chose my words carefully, then glanced meaningfully at Lloyd. "…I thought you weren't going to make any more mistakes?"

It took him a moment, but slowly, I saw the light turn on in his head. Suddenly, his expression of anger was replaced with one of determination. "Yeah, I'll do it! This stupid system of two worlds stealing mana from each other… I swear I'll change it!

He understood. A soft smirk touched my lips, knowing that he was safe for now. "Heh… well, do your best." I flew into the sky before Lloyd could say any more to me, noticing that Pronyma has followed.

"Why did you attack them?" I asked her once we were out of earshot range.

"Well, you were just watching, and you hurt poor Yuie so he couldn't attack." She pouted, trying to look cute and failing miserably.

"You… know about that?" I asked, a bit surprised at the news. How had she known that I injured Yuan earlier?

"A woman has to keep her secrets." She said, trying to look coy and also failing at that.

"Hmm. Well be that as it may, I don't recall Lord Yggdrasill ever ordering that you attack them needlessly. Don't do it again." She didn't look happy, but hopefully she would listen to me.

When we returned to Derris Kharlan I noticed that she was _still _ following me. Quickly, I spun around. "You can leave now."

"What if I don't want to…"

"Go. Away." I stated, nearly through gritted teeth.

"Fine…" Folding my arms, I waited until she walked sadly away.

Once she had left, I returned to my room to find Yuan reclining back in one of my chairs, sipping a glass of who knew what. "So, everyone's favorite hero returns."

"Why didn't you try to stop Colette's transformation in the Tower of Salvation?" I asked, not feeling like playing along with his antics today.

"Do you really think I wanted both you and Mithos teaming up against me? Besides, I'm _still_ healing from that wound you gave me earlier." Yuan turned aside, disgusted with me and perhaps himself too. "I wanted to save her, but I couldn't. Had we worked together, we could have. But you decided…"

"I had my reasons for doing what I did. Besides…" I interjected, tired of listening to what some might call endless nagging. "…you didn't care at all about Colette, you just didn't want Mithos to win."

"Look who's talking. Kratos, everything you do is also to your own benefit too. Let's not forget who actually had the guts to save both Colette and your son at the tower of salvation…" He said, pointing an accusing finger at me.

"Botta did." I replied.

"Because I told him to!" He exclaimed, looking exasperated again. Could he have predicted what would happen in the tower that much? Ordering Botta to rescue Colette before she was actually in danger…

"You knew what would happen?" I asked.

"That you would abandon both your son and Colette? I hoped you wouldn't, but I had a feeling you would." His lip curled in a disgusted snarl, and he glared at me venomously. "Kratos, you make me sick."

That was the second time in the course of two days that Yuan had said this to me. I was beginning to wonder if he actually meant it. "You're free to leave my presence anytime."

"No… no no." Yuan faltered at first, shaking his head as he stared at the ground, but then looked up at me again. He appeared much more composed that just a moment ago, but then again, he often did things like this. "I have something else I wanted to tell you anyway…"

"Then what, may I ask, did you want to say?"

"I want to know what you have learned." Yuan stated clearly, yet calmly, which was an improvement for him.

This…. was different. What was Yuan trying to pull? "I have learned not to trust Yggdrasill. Ever." I stated simply.

Yuan rolled his eyes and took a big breath. He knew this wasn't going to be easy. "No, I think we learned that a very long time ago. What else have you learned?"

"That I can't trust anyone…" For a moment, I hesitated. "…not even you."

"Really?" He sat back in his chair looking quite amused, swirling his glass, and taking another sip. "Then who can you trust Kratos?"

"That the only person I was ever able to trust from the beginning was Anna." I replied coldly.

"Kratos… are you delusional?" Yuan asked, causing an irritated and uncomfortable feeling to well deep in my stomach. "Anna hated you when you met. You were part of the order of Cruxis afterall that had just forced that damned crystal on her. I spent a whole night prying that out of you…. don't you remember?"

A thousand angry Yggdrasills could have descended on me en mass. My head felt that way as I reeled back, clutching my head tightly in pain…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I awoke sometime later to the sight of blurry blueness. It was pleasant.

"…aaa… os…" Faint murmurings were drifting down towards me. I frowned. They sounded like Yuan.

"Go away…" I murmured back to them.

"…..atos…." They continued. "…. kratos…."

"Go away…" I said again, a little more annoyed than before.

"Kratos!" Finally Yuan's concerned expression stared down at me as he shook me by the shoulders.

"Yuan? What?" I responded hazily.

He sighed in a mother-ish way. "Kratos, oh thank goodness…. you had me really scared back there." He said as he helped me sit up from the ground. "I've never seen you do that before."

He shook his head. "Ok Kratos. It's time to tell me what's happened with you these last few weeks."

Before I could say anything, however, he continued to talk. As usual. "I mean… after you met your son again, I can imagine it would be a shock. It shocked me, and I'm not even his father!"

Glaring at me darkly, he added. "Though I may as well be, considering all you've done for him these last fifteen years."

"Yuan, that – "

"But I suppose you're going to say you didn't have any control over that, hmm? Am I right? You were happy returning to good old Yggie's lap again, weren't you?" He asked ruefully. I don't know what I had done to deserve this, but somehow Yuan seemed to be angered at me too. Great.

"Listen, I – "

"No don't bother, I know what you'll say. You didn't want to do it, but you were so hurt and lost that you just fell back into the old rut and let Mithos use you." He paused, and for a moment I thought that maybe I could get a word or two in, but alas, it was not meant to be. "You know…"

"Ok! You win Yuan." I spoke just a bit louder than him to catch his attention, then, once I had it, I let my head fall back down to the floor with an exasperated sigh. "You want to know what's happened the last few weeks? Fine. I'll tell you."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

To my surprise, Yuan sat and listened very patiently while I talked. I conveniently 'forgot' a few of the details, including some of my future plans for Lloyd, but I knew Yuan would not be appeased without a good deal of the story.

"…and now I'm here. You can let go of my arm now." I finished, prying his hands off my arm. He _really_ got too excited about stories.

"You mean to tell me that you've been having these delusional memories, blacking out, _and _most importantly of all…. _You haven't even told ME about it?_"

I smirked. At least he wasn't against me anymore…. I hoped. "Yes, and if you know what is best for you, you'll stay out of my way until I finish correcting the wrongs we did to this world a long time ago." I murmured, trying to sit up.

Before I could, Yuan pushed me back down again. "Oh no Kratos. I told you first that _I _ was going to fix them." He sounded like a pre-school brat. "Besides, you're clearly in no condition right now to be doing anything, much less getting on Yggdrassil's bad side and mucking around with the fate of the world. You should stay here, in your room, and get better."

"Get better?" I stared at him, unfazed. "I'm in perfect physical condition. Staying here would do nothing for my health."

"I'm not talking about your physical health." He said, giving me a reproachful glare. Meaningfully, he tapped my forehead with one finger. "It's what's up _here _ that I'm concerned about. If things continue this way, you're going to end up doing something you'll regret."

Sighing, I pushed away his hand and sat up. "I appreciate your concern, but as I told you, I have much to do." Without waiting for him to respond, I stood to leave the room.

As I neared the exit, he spoke again, a little quieter this time. "Wait."

"What?" I turned, glancing sidelong at him through a mess of my own redish-brown hair.

For a moment, he hesitated, looking as if he wanted to say more. "Don't… do anything stupid."

I smirked, then left. "Same to you."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Marika's notepad:

Whee! Here is chapter 23. If you haven't figured it out by now, I've decided to continue this story. Thank you to everyone for your encouragement! I really took all of your comments to heart. I don't want to see Kratos's tale end just yet either.

So… this chapter had a lot of Kratos and Yuan in it. If you haven't guessed by now, I really like them as a couple, but for the sake of those of you who don't like that sort of thing, I've conveniently left most of the yaoi out of the story. That isn't to say there won't be any secret chapters archived on adultfanfiction dot net anytime in the future though…

Next chapter Kratos will get back into the mix of things, encounter Lloyd, and begin the crash course of the second half of the game. Let me know if there's anything special you would like to see in a future chapter, I'll try to work it in. :)

Marika


	24. Conflicting Aims

My entire day filled an elaborate grocery list.

Get in a fight with Mithos: check.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"_Hope? Hope! Well LOOK WHERE THAT HOPE GOT ME!" In a flash of light, Mithos's wings flared out, his eyes both widening grotesquely as he shouted angrily. Before I could respond, he had thrown me into the wall with a flick of his hand. "Kratos you NEVER understood what my sister and I went through! You NEVER knew the pain of being a half-elf! You NEVER even tried to know!"_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I shivered at the memory.

Remind Zelos to help Lloyd: check.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

"_Look at his high and mighty **Lord Kratos**. Late as always." _

"_If I recall correctly, I'm not usually the late one." I landed in the idiot chosen of Tethe'alla's backyard, walking as inconspicuously as I could manage to his house._

"_If **I** recall correctly, you're a pompous ass." He seemed cheerful as ever, waiting comfortably in a reclining chair on his patio while I walked up to him._

"_Why are you still here? Don't you remember what you have to do today?" I asked, hoping to prod his memory if by chance he had forgotten. His next step was important, and I couldn't risk him forgetting what must be done._

"_Relax, there's plenty of time." He laughed, tossing a lock of his hair behind him. "So, this other Chosen… is she cute?"_

_He remembered. I turned away, taking to the air once again. "Don't forget your duty, Chosen."_

_He didn't respond, but that didn't matter. As much as I hated to admit it, I was depending on him. Someone had to take my place among Lloyd's group, and even if he wasn't of the best character, he would be a powerful ally to them. _

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Save Yuan from Lloyd: check.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

"_I hate you Kratos." Yuan growled._

"_Nice to know I'm loved." I sighed._

"_I could have handled Lloyd by myself, you know." He glowered, folding his arms indignantly._

"_Yes, but what would that have cost you?"_

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Point Lloyd in the right direction: check.

Force Pronyma to go away: check. Thank god.

Observe progress of Lloyd while remaining hidden: check.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_As I watched Lloyd from the trees outside Mizuho I had to agree with the village's leader; he was becoming quite the idealist. Not that that was a bad thing just… a thing._

_He seemed quite capable handling things on his own now, as long as he was guided in the right direction. However, with this new gentle idealistic light within him, perhaps a time would soon come when I wouldn't have to guide him any longer._

_Unfortunately, that time was not now. Lloyd couldn't tell, but his flawed key crest had poisoned Colette._

_My heart wrenched with indecision. She was such a gentle girl, and obviously Lloyd cared for her. I knew how to save her, but if I made any suspicious movements, Mithos would certainly discover my true intentions, quite likely through Pronyma's snooping. _

_The best course of action would be to alert Lloyd as quietly as possible, and soon. Colette seemed as though she would live at least another week with the toxicosis, but soon she would no longer be able to hide her condition from the rest. _

_Hopefully Lloyd would understand my subtle hints before that happened._

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Report to Mithos: check. That one wasn't fun.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"_Well Kratos, you've taken your time." Mithos glanced at me with contempt, his wings fanning behind him and through the chair he sat in. I never understood how they did that. "Tell me, why haven't you brought Sylverant's Chosen_ _to me yet?"_

_Mithos wasn't going to like this. "She has been poisoned by a faulty key crest. I'm sure you remember the toxicosis that affected Martel, the same has happened to…"_

_Before I could even finish, his eyes narrowed with rage. "ENOUGH!" In another flash of invisible power, he threw me back again. "Don't you EVER compare my sister to one of those WORTHLESS beings!"_

_I didn't bother to respond. Instead, I endured his temper for another ten minutes. Once he had calmed down enough to stop shouting and throwing me around the room like a rag doll, he fell oddly silent._

_After a long deliberation, he finally spoke and walked away. "Since **you **are worthless, Kratos, tell Tethe'alla's Chosen that I will release him of his duties as Chosen_ _if he cures the girl and brings her to me."_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

By the day's end, I found that Lloyd had accomplished quite a bit and was staying in the idiot chosen's house. At least he would be safe. For at least one night I could sleep.

He had returned Colette to normal. The thought struck me as I lay in bed, about to succumb to the sweet temptations of slumber.

He had brought her back from a lifeless being to the lively girl she once was, the girl that I knew someday Lloyd would likely grow to love. But the cost, invisible to Lloyd, was indeed immense for Colette.

She was a tough girl, and no doubt would try to shoulder the pain alone, but even she probably did not realize the full danger of the toxicosis. Tomorrow I would have to make my move.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"_Tomorrow we'll do it. Tomorrow we'll leave this place and start a new life. The three of us, as a family." I stared into the crackling embers of the campfire I had lit earlier, noting with concern the way Anna shook her head and held onto our son tighter._

"_Kratos, we've tried that before. Eleven times already, if I'm not mistaken. You know it's useless… they find us wherever we go…" She yawned, reminding me that the last year had been less than kind to us. The burdens of the year had worn down her body, but up until now, I had believed they would never wear down her spirit._

"_Anna… what are you saying?" I sat closer to her, looking into her tired brown eyes and trying to figure out what she might say next._

"_I think… it would be better if I went back to the Asgard ranch. Alone." She murmured quietly, refusing to meet my shocked stare._

"_What!"_

"_No, Kratos, listen to me. It's **me** they're really after, not you. Not Lloyd. And I know.."_

"_I won't let you go back to them."_

"…_. I knew you'd say that." Her tone grew flatter, slightly snippy before she regained her original voice. "I wish there was a better way, but there just isn't. Please… let me go back to the ranch. Do it for Lloyd."_

"_For Lloyd…?" Until now, I hadn't thought about what effect the constant traveling must be having on our son. To me, he seemed to be well enough, but apparently Anna did not feel the same way._

"_This isn't the life any child should have. Being constantly on the run, fearful of other humans, and always suspicious of the world… he shouldn't have to live that way."_

_I sat in silence for a while, letting the words drift lazily through my brain, the impact of the situation settling in as time passed. Finally, I came to a conclusion. "One more chance Anna, we'll go someplace they will never find us. Somewhere… I don't think even you have seen."_

_Her look was sad. "No Kratos… you have to let me go."_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

I awoke from the dream in a daze. There was no mistaking that dream for a memory. That scene had never happened before.

Or had it? I closed my eyes, holding my head with mild frustration. Why were my memories constantly jumbled? Was Yuan lying to me yesterday, or did Anna really hate me when we met? How could I have mistaken something so crucial to my own life?

………no………Yuan wasn't lying. As I sat in bed, a few of my past memories faintly drifted back to me, one by one, but blurred like a fish in a running stream. But I hadn't been wrong either.

Anna and I had met… we had loved, hated, and loved again…and…

"Dear god no…." I sat up straight, clutching the bed sheets tight in my hands as perhaps the most startling thought struck me. Never before had I been quite as panicked as I was in that moment. "…do I have… another son?"

It was a preposterous thought, but could it be true? Could we have had another child, conceived that night before she left for the Asgard ranch, born to her, and taken away during her imprisonment?

Yuan. Yuan would know.

Thankfully I had been too tired to remove my attire before I slept, because I certainly would not have taken the time to refasten all of those belts. My feet could not carry me quick enough as I half-ran and half-flew through Derris Kharlan.

Where was that damned elf! I shoved lifeless being after lifeless being aside, desperate to find an answer. If Mithos had run into me, I probably would have shoved him aside too.

Thankfully, Yuan found me before Mithos did.

"Kratos, what in the world has gotten into you?" The elf stared in shock from behind his cup of morning coffee.

"Yuan!" I took him by the shoulders, spilling a bit of his coffee on the ground. "Yuan I have to know!"

"Ech, Kratos! You're spilling things, calm down!" He exclaimed, placing his cup carefully on a table and looking back at me. "What is all of this?"

"Yuan, do I have another son?"

"What!" I had a feeling that if he hadn't put his cup on the table earlier, it would be on the floor now along with his coffee.

"You heard me. Do I have another son besides Lloyd?" I asked, scanning his eyes closely to be certain he was telling me the truth.

His eyes bore no other emotion besides shock. "Kratos, isn't that something **_you_** should know?"

"Yuan, don't play these games with me. I've already told you…"

"Yes, that you're having '_problems.'_" His look was now skeptical, touched with a bit of concern. "I can't believe that you would forget something like that. Little Alexia would be so hurt."

"A girl! I have a…" But before I could finish, he cracked a grin.

"Heh, sorry Kratos, I just can't pass up a once in a lifetime opportunity to mess with you like that!" He chuckled, but seeing that I wasn't amused, he coughed and continued. "No, Kratos I don't recall you ever having another child besides the son you brutally attacked and abandoned the other day."

I stood there for a moment, waiting to see if he had anything more to say. Then, deciding that I didn't feel like responding to him, I turned and walked away.

"_You're welcome_!" He called sarcastically after me, no doubt returning to his coffee.

That was a bit of a relief; however, the thought still lingered as odd in my mind. Could it be possible that the child existed and Yuan just didn't know of it? How closely had he been following the Angelus project?

It still concerned me, but as I had no way of knowing…

Kvar.

The mere thought of the deranged minion sent shivers down my spine. He had been Anna's tormentor, but he, if nobody else, would know the truth.

Ironic. I had killed by my own hands the one person who could answer my question.

With no other solution to my worries, I did the only thing I could do. Trust Yuan's words and continue on my journey.

Today I needed to cautiously alert Lloyd to Colette's condition. Hopefully he would get it with a small hint.

To deliver said hint, I arranged conveniently running into Lloyd as he entered Sybak. I had to physically run into Lloyd before he noticed me.

"Kratos! Are you trying to take Colette away!" Lloyd exclaimed, drawing his sword and attacking.

Did he _always_ want to fight me? "…I have no intention of fighting you inside the city." I stated, deflecting his attack with my own blade and accidentally knocking him to the ground. "You still lack the skills to defeat me."

Huffing, he pulled himself back up quickly. "Don't insult me!"

How couldn't I? "I merely speak the truth." I walked past him, noting that Sheena and Presea moved quickly to let me through.

I stopped just in front of Colette. This was my chance. "Chosen one. If you wish to live, you must remove that worthless Key Crest." I tried to sound as inoffensive as possible, but it seemed unattainable for me.

"…No. I'm never taking it off." She said firmly, turning around to face me. I could see the hurt in her eyes, the war she fought between two difficult fates. If she removed her crest, she may revert to the soulless angelic being she was before, but if she retained the crest, she would certainly die. "Lloyd gave this to me."

So that was it. She would rather make him happy for a week than live. I wondered if she realized Lloyd would never want that. "…Foolish sentiments." I stated the only thing I could. I was here to give them a small warning, nothing more.

As I left, I heard Genis say something about me not being after Colette after all. So that was why Lloyd had attacked me. Of course he thought I wanted to take her away… he had no way of knowing that was not what I wanted at all.

I chanced a glance backwards as I exited the town and noticed only one pair of calm eyes staring back at me.

Raine.

I couldn't say why, but I felt a twinge of guilt as she looked at me. She had trusted me once, just like the others had.

"We'll talk later." Raine mouthed quietly enough to evade the rest of the party.

Her words reached my ears clearly, her eyes still intent on mine. There was no hesitance in her tone, and no visible fear in her complexion.

Could she possibly have caught onto me? Raine was the smartest of their group, if any could be trusted to know my true intent, it would be her. Or perhaps, she already knew my true intent?

Wordlessly, I nodded and turned away.

I had barely left the surrounding area when Pronyma attacked me. Quite literally.

"What was that! Why were you talking to that girl!" She shouted indignantly, floating in the air so that we were eye-level with each other.

"My business is my own. Keep out of it." I continued to walk through the grassy field, preoccupying my mind with searching for a monster to slay.

"Hmph. Fine be that way." She 'retorted,' folding her arms across her chest unhappily.

I responded to her 'retort' with silence, distracting myself from her with a monster battle.

"Mithos said he heard you and Yuie talking this morning…" She began what I knew wouldn't be a fun question. Did this woman do _anything _besides spy on me and gossip?

She looked at me meaningfully, blinking slowly and for some silly reason trying to show me as much of her neck as possible. "…he said you sounded upset. Is there some sort of problem…"

Before she could even finish, I half-grunted and half-spoke while hacking recklessly at the monster. "No, there isn't any problem." None that she needed to know about.

"K—Kratos that's not fair, you haven't even listened…"

"There's nothing to listen to." I stated, finally slaying the beast in front of me. I noted that Pronyma had made no attempt to help. I took to the air, placing my sword away and staring back at her warily. "Do you enjoy bothering me?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Good. Then I think it's time for you to stop hanging around me so much and leave." I growled, flying away from her in no particular direction.

"_He said you didn't remember if you had another child!"_ She yelled loudly, flying determinedly after me.

I paused mid-air, jarred by her accusation.

Pronyma flew in front of me, smirking smugly. "And you know what? You've been acting so weird lately that I believe him. There _is _ something wrong with you isn't there?"

If there were, I certainly wouldn't tell her, so I chose not to respond.

"You're _still_ not going to tell me?" She frowned in a very ugly manner. "Well fine then. Unlike dear Yuie, I _know_ _for a fact_ whether or not you have another child besides that mongrel you keep dropping hints to. Don't think I don't notice you Kratos."

So she knew Lloyd was my son. And since she was Mithos's spy, I was certain that he knew now too. Things could become very bad indeed.

She continued to frown, this time in a very matter-of-fact sort of way. "You know what? I was going tell you the truth about your child situation, but you've been so defensive and so mean that I think I'll just keep that to myself." She was pouting now, working herself up into a fit that would undoubtedly end with her extremely unhappy and possibly in tears.

Unfortunately for her, at this point I just didn't care. The truth would come out of her sometime, she would tell me or tell someone else just to show off her knowledge of something she shouldn't know. "Have I ever asked you _not_ to be quiet?"

"Uurgh! Kratos!" She glowered unhappily, then flew quickly away.

She was gone, which I considered a great victory. But her words stuck to me like the unwanted reek of monsters. Did she really know the truth, or was that a bluff just to get on my nerves?

No. From her reaction, it was clear that she really knew something and was upset that she wasn't allowed to tell it to me. She would eventually.

With that thought in mind, I turned towards Lloyd's little group, following them once again, this time certain that Pronyma wouldn't be following me for a while.

I knew I had one son, regardless of whether I had another. I would still be his father from the shadows.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Marika's Notepad

Lloyd: I've been MIA for a while! Seems like Kratos is having more trouble that we knew about! Do I really have another brother? When will Pronyma tell Kratos the truth? More importantly, what will Mithos do now that he knows I'm Kratos's son? Find out after about 25 hours of game play or read the next chapter of Tainted Disposition!


	25. Conflicting Abilities

As I searched for Lloyd, determined not to let Pronyma's ominous words get to me too much, I noticed the people of Mizuho hauling a few rheairds into their city. Very discreet.

I found them entering Ozette. I had carelessly neglected to note the new additions to their party. From listening to their conversations with each other I picked up some information about their new companions.

The first was a man they called "Regal." Years of experience and wisdom emanated from his calm composure. His defiantly long hair was very different from Zelos's shiny floral hair that shouted "I have too much time and money on my hands!" No, Regal's knotted and uneven locks showed the tell-tale signs of someone who had been convicted for a very long time.

It seemed clear that Lloyd and the rest trusted Regal, yet he still remained shackled with strong iron that I recognized as those worn by prison inmates. I was certain that Sheena if not Lloyd could have removed the shackles, so whatever reason he wore them must be by his decision and most likely personal. A very strange fellow indeed, but as he seemed sincere, I felt no need to be concerned with his presence.

The second was a girl whom I recognized immediately. Presea Combatir. The unfortunate recipient of what could be called the second angelus project.

For a moment I was stunned. Why was she being allowed to travel? In the past, Anna and I had been followed and attacked without relent, and yet this girl was being allowed to roam freely?

Something was definitely not right.

I watched the girl more carefully, noting the void around her that seemed to swallow all emotion. So this was the burden she bore. She appeared no more than twelve; however, if my memory suited me well at all, she must be in her late twenties by now. Another unfortunate side effect. The ease with which she lifted her heavy ax was clue enough that this girl was far from normal.

I felt guilty then. I had known for years that this research was continuing, and yet I had made no effort to stop it. I knew of the horrible torment Anna went through, yet after I lost her, I had turned a blind eye towards all the evil Cruxis continued to practice.

Mithos had become annoyed when I ran away with Anna, his precious Angelus project, and had immediately started researching the creation of cruxis crystals again, this time with the Combatir family.

I never saw the first girl, Presea's sister, who apparently had a negative reaction to the crystal's placement. Yuan had filled me in on the gory details after my return to Cruxis. The girl had suffered nearly the same fate as Anna, turning into a monster. Her love had also suffered my fate, being forced to slay the woman he loved. What was his name? Bryant… but his first….

Regal Bryant.

Suddenly, it all made sense. The reason their friend Regal wore his shackles, every so often gazing woefully at Presea. He truly was a nobleman. Far nobler than I.

Still, I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was very wrong. Why was this girl being allowed to roam free? Shouldn't Rodyle, who had charge of the new project, be keeping a closer eye on her?

It was hardly a shock when Rodyle appeared, commanding Presea to bring Colette to him, which the girl willingly did. What was that idiot doing? Didn't he realize that Colette would be worthless to him, and to Cruxis in her state?

I was determined not to become too annoyed with the flunkies. Like Rodyle. And Pronyma.

After a few catty remarks, Rodyle flew off on his dragon steed with Colette, presumably to his base.

Lloyd was far from happy. He wore his despair on his shoulder, and despite his best efforts, it was clear that he was a bit cross with Presea. But despite these feelings, and with a little urging from Regal, he did what was right and helped Presea.

While I brooded over the stupidity of flunkies for a while, Lloyd finished a key crest for Presea and placed it on her, awakening her true self. The girl was now horrified at what she had done, and with the aid of Lloyd and co., she buried her father.

I could tell that Lloyd was despairing far too much to make any rational decisions. Without aid, he wouldn't know where to go. Knowing Rodyle, he would discard Colette as soon as he realized she was of no use to him. If Lloyd did not rescue her soon, the girl would suffer terribly and possibly even die from the toxicosis.

It was time to intervene. After they decided that Regal and Presea should permanently join their quest, I landed in the nearby woods and walked up to them. "…So you've lost the Chosen."

"You again! What have you done with Colette!" Lloyd turned to me, wrongly directing his anger towards me again.

"Rodyle is ignoring our orders and acting on his own. I know nothing of it." I stated truthfully. I would have to find out what that bothersome underling was up to after I gave Lloyd some guidance.

"Internal Strife? How pathetic." Raine stated, looking at me meaningfully. Apparently she still wanted a word with me.

"Say what you will. Either way, he will have no choice but to abandon the Chosen." I hoped that this would give Lloyd a bit of hope, and at the same time convey the urgency of the situation.

His mood shifted noticeably and immediately. "What do you mean?" Lloyd asked his classic question.

"The Chosen is useless as she is now. You can let her be." I said, dropping yet another hint to him that something was wrong with Colette.

Unfortunately, he didn't seem to pick up that one either. "You've got to be kidding me! We're going to rescue Colette no matter what! And if you get in our way…" As his threat trailed off, he ran towards me, holding his swords aloft again.

I was starting to think he fought me whenever he ran out of words to say. I easily blocked his attack, sheathed my weapon, and turned away from him. "…then, I suggest you seek the Rheairds and head for the eastern skies. I'm sure the people of Mizuho have located the Rheairds by now."

That should be enough direction for him. With that said, I walked away, listening to Lloyd's confusion about my motives and Zelos's encouragement to "use" me. I made a note to reprimand the idiot Chosen later.

Knowing that this may be one of the last chances I had to contact them without Pronyma on my tail, I followed them to Mizuho. Once they split apart to explore the town on their own, I cautiously ambushed Zelos from the forest, pulling him soundlessly back into the trees.

"Mmmph!" The idiot Chosen frowned at me crossly until I removed my hand from his mouth. In an outraged whisper he complained, "Kratos, if you ambush me _one more time_…"

Before he could finish his threat, I listed what needed to be said. "Look, I don't have much time. Mizuho is a village of _ninjas_, and I'm certain one of them will notice you aren't around soon."

"So spit it out, why don't you?" He flicked a few locks of his light crimson hair behind him, clearly still annoyed. "I haven't got all day either."

"Lord Yggdrasil is offering to give you reprieve from your duties as Chosen if you return the other Chosen, Colette, to him. Cured of her toxicosis of course." I explained, watching to make sure he was listening. "However, I encourage you not to do this."

"What is this? You offer me a sweet deal, and then tell me not to take it?" He whined, throwing his arms to the side and finally placing his hands on his hips. "Are you trying to say… you don't want me to follow Lord Yggdrasil's orders?"

"Yes." I took a deep breath. Disclosing my true intent to Zelos could prove to be a grave mistake, but it could be my only option. "Trust me, if there were any other way, I wouldn't ask you to do this. It is for the sake of the two worlds that I ask this of you."

"Woah woah woah… back up one sec…" He said, holding his hands out and making a stop motion. "Are you trying to make some kinda hero out of me? I don't want to be bothered with that."

"The two worlds can't stay as they are, this much I'm certain you already know…" I glanced to the side, hearing one of the ninja patrols nearing our position. "…I haven't any more time to discuss this with you, and as I am being closely watched, I cannot meet with you in person again."

"Well that's damned convenient."

Ignoring his meaningless words, I handed him a small device I had swiped from the Cruxis base. "This is a communication device. I will tell you more later, if you are willing to listen."

Zelos sighed, pocketing the device. "Fine fine. But don't expect me to be a hero!"

I stepped back from where we were, watching as Zelos walked back into the village, just in time to miss Mizuho's guard.

I went my own way as they headed for Volt's domain. It was unfortunate, but unless I could find another good way to be rid of Pronyma, I likely would not have a chance to speak with Raine.

It concerned me that Sheena would be breaking links between the two worlds if she continued to release the Summon Spirits, but right now that was not where my main concern lay.

My main concern was Pronyma, who had unfortunately found me again.

"What do you know? I look for Lloyd, and I find you!" She said bitterly. Apparently she was still upset from our last encounter.

"Tell Lord Yggdrasil that the Chosen of Tethe'alla has been informed." I commanded, choosing not to respond to her stab.

"…what?" Her fervor blanched.

"You heard me. This is important to Lord Yggdrasil, so inform him." I repeated.

"Inform him… that the Chosen of Tethe'alla has been informed?"

"Yes, I haven't the time to do it myself, but you do."

She looked upset again, but I wasn't about to lose sleep over that. What I would lose sleep over; however, was ensuring Colette's safety.

Once Pronyma had left me again, I flew around the eastern skies until I found her. I frowned, exceedingly unhappy when I realized where Rodyle had dumped her.

A dragon's nest.

Knowing that the place was certainly trapped, I flew close to the nest, deciding to test the unique ability she had shown earlier to communicate without words.

Concentrating on the distant girl, I thought, "_Colette_."

She seemed unaffected.

Once again, I focused on her, hoping that I wasn't just making a mockery out of myself, and tried to communicate through thoughts. "**_Colette_.**"

This time, she looked around, speaking quietly. "Kratos? Is… is that you?"

"**_Yes. Colette can you hear me clearly_**" I sounded ridiculous, like a cell-phone salesman.

"_Oh Kratos! I'm so happy that it's you!"_ She had switched to wordlessly communicating again, something I still did not completely understand. "_But please, don't come any closer! They've booby-trapped this place with dragons!_"

"**_I know. Don't worry, Lloyd and the others will be coming for you shortly, but… they may take a little while. Until they arrive, be strong._**" I thought, knowing in my soul that she was a tough girl. Perhaps a little too tough. "**_Also… your key crest is poisoning you. I'm certain you have noticed this by now. I understand that you don't want to remove Lloyd's gift, but if you value your life at all then you must remove it…_**"

"_I can't do that! It was Lloyd's present to me! He'd be sad, and…" _

"**_…you didn't let me finish. You must remove it and replace it with a proper key crest._**" I finished, watching the dismayed expression that grew slowly in her tiny hurt face. "**_Lloyd has found someone who can make you a proper key crest, but you must let him know that you need one. You have to show him…_**"

"_I could never show him this!" _For perhaps the first time, she truly seemed stricken with panic. Slowly, she touched a hand to her shoulder. "_Kratos, I… I'm becoming some sort of monster. I'm hideous. I can't show Lloyd…_"

"**_Colette, believe me when I say that Lloyd would much rather know his key crest did not work than for you to die._**" I paused for a little bit, letting her think a bit about the words and debating whether or not to tell her a story of my own. After a mild deliberation, I decided that one story couldn't hurt. "**_One of my best friends was once afflicted with the very same toxicosis you have now. I despise seeing you suffer as much as I did her. If you need direction, and with Lloyd as your leader you may, I will guide you._**"

The small girl looked as if she wanted to cry. I didn't blame her; she was in a terrible position right now. No matter what she did, the dragons would endanger the lives of her friends, and ultimately, she would send Lloyd on perhaps the biggest guilt-trip of his life.

"_Kratos..._"

She didn't 'say' any more, and she didn't have to. "**_Farewell._**"

I looked around and decided it was time to do something monumental and drastic. Something that would change the course of history and time itself.

It was time to gather materials.

My first stop was Sybak. I knew that a certain person in the Imperial Research Academy could tell me a thing or two about the materials I would need to craft the ring of the pact.

Don't ask me how I knew. It's better that way.

As I entered the town, a girl in blue and her friends pointed at me, tittering and daring the others underneath their breaths to go say 'hello sexy' to me.

Before they could, I ran quickly away.

I found my way to the lowest dungeon of the academy, in the farthest nether regions of the dreary old place: home to many unfortunate imprisoned half-elves.

The half-elf was sitting at her desk, inspecting something in a peculiar box when I entered. Immediately, she spun around in the chair, gasping with surprise and shock, and touching a hand to chest. When she saw that it was me she exhaled, sweeping aside a few strands of hair and readjusting her glasses. "Kratos, it's just you. You startled me."

Kate. Ah Kate. We went a long way back.

"I need adamantite. Is there any left here at the academy?"

As soon as she heard the question, she broke into a small fit of laughter. "Adamantite? You must be joking. There isn't any here, that's for certain."

This was going to be harder than I thought. "Are you certain? There isn't even a machine that could…"

"Ah, you mean _that_ rusty old thing." She removed her glasses, wiping them with the edge of her white labcoat. It seemed everyone wanted to waste my time these days. Finally, after she had placed them neatly back on the bridge of her nose and adjusted them yet again, she spoke. "The machine that refined adamantite is on the upper floor in the back corner, but it hasn't worked for a very long time."

"I see." As I turned to leave, she said something. Perhaps it was out of loneliness, perhaps out of a mere lack of something to say. Either way, it touched a part of my soul that I would rather have left buried.

"Where is that girl that you used to bring with you? You know, that nice brunette."

The doorway seemed to shrink away from me, suddenly becoming very far away and tough to reach. As I turned to face Kate, she too had grown distant. "They really don't let you out of here, do they?"

She sat silent, a small veil of confusion clouding her thoughts. "Anna died fifteen years ago. I killed her."

I closed my eyes, letting my feet carry me to where I knew the adamantite machine would be. Away from Kate. Away from those memories of the past.

When I reached the room a half-elf came up to me in protest. I wasn't thinking as I carelessly shoved one of them aside. "Stay out of my way."

I sighed, standing in front of the dilapidated machine. This was going to take a while.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_"That's cruelty! Cruelty to half-elf-beings! They are people too, you know! They can't just keep them locked away in there!" She cried, still reaching out towards the academy as I pulled her away. _

_"Anna, there is nothing we can do. Even if I could change this entire place…" _

_She turned to me, giving me a look that made me immediately wonder what I had done to piss off whatever god existed. _

_"You can change it…and I can help! **We **can change it." _

_"Anna you're not thinking, if we…" _

_"You're an angel of Cruxis! You damned well know you can do something!" She shook her head, pointing frantically at the academy again, already on the verge of tears. "We can't just let them live like that!" _

_"Anna…" She had never pulled this before. Anna had known for quite some time who I was, yet never before had she demanded anything of Kratos, the angel of Cruxis. In the past, I had wondered if she ever would, and if she did, what it would feel like. _

_As I took her hands in my own again, pulling her close enough that I could gently embrace her, I knew that she expected much more of me than I could ever give to her. As an angel of cruxis, I knew that all I was capable of… was destruction. I couldn't give the half-elves a new life, only take it away. _

_She pulled away, looking at me accusingly. "Well, aren't you going to say anything? Or have you actually agreed to used that power of yours for something good?" _

_"If I do anything, I will only end up killing them all." I said quietly. _

_"You can't be serious…" She shook her head, looking at me closer, not wanting to believe that her husband could cause so much pain and death. "You… **are **serious. No, no I won't accept that… there has to be a way to save them." _

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

As I came out of the memory, I was greatly surprised to find that I had fixed the machine. Way to go Kratos.

The half-elves behind me stopped their astonished murmuring after a quick and unamused glance from me. Cautiously, I placed a few diamond fragments I had collected a while back into the machine and flipped the machine on.

Nothing happened.

I peered at it closer. The machine should be in working order, or so it seemed. What it lacked was energy. Mana.

This is the part when I normally would have called Yuan for help. He was the mana expert, not me. I knew how to beat the living crap out of something with weapons, angelic spells, and quite a lot of other random junk. Mana manipulation was an entirely different world.

Unfortunately, Yuan was nowhere to be found, and I didn't want him to know what I was up to anyway. Hesitantly, I placed my hand atop the machine again. Pressing my hand firmly on the cool metal, I willed what I hoped was a decent amount of mana into the machine.

Screeches and yelps of pain echoed through the corridors as bits of mana radiated from my hand in every direction. I didn't need to look behind me to know the half-elves would leave me alone now. Finally.

The machine whirred and buzzed, moving in odd ways that I was certain a machine shouldn't move. After a couple minutes of this interesting dance, it gave off a great puff of smoke, sputtered, and died.

Maybe that was a little too much mana.

I reached into the machine, searching for the diamonds to start anew, when my hands found a solid lump of adamantite. Score.

The machine was broken again, but after they had seen me fix it once, I was certain the half-elves at the academy could repair it again. I said nothing to them as I left the place, adamantite in hand.

As I walked through the doors, stowing it away in my bag of holding, something that really shouldn't have surprised me happened.

"Hey there sexy, what's your name?"

I didn't have to turn around to know it would be that girl in blue with her giggling friends, staring perhaps at the white spandex outfit that I had swore long ago to finally be rid of.

"Kratos." There was nothing more I wanted to say to a group of tittering girls, and I had many places to be before the day's end.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Marika's Notepad 

You'll notice that I didn't say anything about Kratos's other kid in this chapter, and that's because… dun dah duuuun! It's poll time!

All right, you all remember what happened last time when nobody voted for Kraine or Kranna: we ended up with a **_tie_**.

So! **_Please vote this time_**! Should Kratos have another child besides Lloyd, or is Lloyd already more than he can handle?

Let me know! I'll post results on the next chapter and start writing from there.


	26. Conflicting Solutions

I would like to say that today I had a happy Pronyma-free day. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

She attacked nigh five minutes after I had left Ozette, after questioning an inn girl about the sacred wood. Of course, I knew it grew around this area, but _where _was it? It burned many times hotter than normal wood, but to me, it looked no different than ordinary wood.

"There you are Kratos. Making trouble and not following Mithos's orders I see." Pronyma flew down, using the wind currents to give her a more dramatic entrance. "Mithos is not pleased with you."

"You really shouldn't call him that, you know." I said, thinking of previous times when lackeys had _dared _ to call him by his first name. "The results could be…deadly."

"Ha! I don't care what you say, _Kratos_. I know _Mithos_ better than you do. He already likes me." She said gaily, summoning an aimless ball of lightning the size of a small coin. She played with the ball, tossing it from hand to hand to… impress me, I suppose?

"Do as you will. But don't reach to me for help when he turns on you." Mithos, despite whatever enamored impression Pronyma had of him, was not a nice guy. He did not take fondly to anybody calling him by that name, not even Yuan or me.

"Aren't you going to ask me about something?" Pronyma said coyly, ignoring my warning in favor of juggling the little electric ball between her fingers. "Something you were… _hysteric _… about just this morning?"

Determined as I was to not let her words get to me, I still couldn't help but feel a twinge of anxiety. Did I really have another child? Had I failed again as a father, to protect yet another son or daughter?

I desperately wanted to know. Yet, I knew that Pronyma wouldn't let that information go easily. At this point, it might even be easier to coax the information out of my late enemy Kvar.

I said nothing to her, opting to fly towards Derris Kharlan instead. Of course, she followed. Once inside, I turned to her. "I'm going to report to Lord Yggdrasill. You might not want to come along."

"Fine Kratos, be like that. Just remember, I'm the only one _alive_ who knows the truth."

She pouted, flicking her lightning ball at a passing lifeless being. It frowned at her, but did nothing more. Eerie. "I'll be waiting for you."

Clenching my teeth, I walked towards Mithos's castle, wondering just how big his ego must be to have an entire castle built for himself.

"There you are Kratos. And I was just beginning to think you had forgotten about me." Mithos appeared in his aged form next to me in the corridor, fanning his multicolored wings through the stone walls again. Oblivious to this glitch in the game, he strolled along and continued talking. "I wouldn't be surprised if you really _had_ forgotten me, you know. I hear you've turned into quite the senile old man."

"Hmph. Whoever told you that was clearly mistaken." I stated formally, but inwardly my mind went quickly through a list of who could have reported such information to him. Pronyma. It had to be her. Hello captain obvious…

"Really? I'm not so sure." Mithos was clearly enjoying this far too much, taunting me with a nearly sing-songish voice. Just _why _he felt the need to berate me was beyond me, but at least it seemed to lift his mood.

He had been so different in the past. Yes, quite different from how he was now…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_"You've got it all wrong. First parry, and then thrust." I instructed, showing Mithos one of the most basic tactics of proper swordsmanship. _

_He really was a very promising apprentice, but for all of his talent, he definitely had his flaws. Mithos had his own way of doing things, and once he had decided on a path, nothing could change his mind for the world. _

_"Why do you always insist on that? It's not the best method by far. It would be much quicker if I could stun the enemy first, and just attack while they're stunned." Mithos pouted, mimicking stunning an enemy with a wave of his hand then attacking with his blade. _

_"I insist on that because you can't always rely on stunning your enemy. Not every opponent will be susceptible to magic, I know that's what you're thinking Mithos. Even if you were skilled enough with magic to stun multiple enemies simultaneously… or even to inflict them with something minor like poison or silencing… most enemies won't fall for the same trick twice. The most skilled of opponents will likely never succumb to such a simple tactic." _

_"I'm sorry Kratos, but I can't accept that." He said, looking at me with a determination that made me inwardly sigh. It was a look that meant he wasn't going to give up, no matter how …stupid…his idea might be. But, he was learning after all, and I could not fault him for that. _

_In the end, I smiled. "Very well Mithos. I'll leave you to your work." _

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"….Kratos?" Mithos leaned forward in front of me, his head tilted to the side and eyes wide with nearly childish wonder. In any other circumstance, I would have found it comical, but his smattering of laughter quickly wiped that thought from my mind. "You really _are_ losing it! You didn't hear me at all, did you?"

I couldn't find any words to say. We continued to walk through his castle in silence as frustration dug its ugly paws in the back of my mind. Never before had I slipped like this in front of him. Who would have thought that Kratos, the legendary swordsman of the past and now one of the four seraphim, would fall victim to such a mysterious ailment?

"What is happening to you." It was more of a statement than a question. Mithos looked at me quite intently, determined to figure out everything. If he ever discovered what was wrong (and I bid him good luck with that, since even I did not know) he would surely find a way to use this to his advantage.

Begrudgingly, I relented just a bit of information to him. "…I was remembering the time you decided to learn the Retribution spell."

"Ha! Oh that." He laughed again, choosing to look at his fingers as if quite proud of himself. "You didn't think I could do it… but you were wrong."

"Apparently." Were he still my apprentice, in a time four thousand years past, I might have cautioned him again about relying too heavily on the spell. But time had changed the relation between us, and he no longer valued my instruction. At this point, I wouldn't have given it to him anyway.

"Well Kratos, you senile old fool, I have a surprise for you." He said stopping before the massive double doors which lead to his room. A monstrous being that Mithos liked to call "Kibbles" stood baring its ugly fangs in front of the door.

That creature hated everyone. They only one who could make him behave was Mithos himself. After dismissing his pet, he touched a hand to the doors with a large grin, forewarning me right away that something terrible was about to happen. Without further adieu, he threw them open.

There were times when Mithos was completely unpredictable… when his sick and twisted imagination found a way to manifest itself in some godawful form.

This was one of those times.

He had redecorated his room, but that was not what disturbed me. "Yuan…! Mithos, what have you done to him?"

My feet carried me to the battered half-elf while my mind raced, wondering just what Mithos had done to hurt him so terribly. Yuan was slumped over on one of Mithos's newly refurbished Victorian era chairs (I still didn't know why he kept those awful things around) his head and arms laying like a lifeless rag-doll on the table in front of him. When I walked closer, I noticed that he had been bruised and beaten in nearly every visible spot. Even the flowing clothing that he had always worn so proudly had been ripped in so many places that they clung meagerly to his slender frame.

Mithos was saying something, but I didn't hear him. Instead, I was caught in an impossible mind game. Should I pull out the strongest healing spell I knew and attempt to heal his wounds? Or if I did, would Mithos punish me as he had obviously done to Yuan?

Caught in the mental struggle, I almost missed Mithos's words again, but I couldn't after he walked smoothly up to Yuan, caressing his long now-tangled blue locks. "Poor poor Yuan… It's really such a shame this had to happen to him…"

"Mithos, why did you…!" I began, but a cold grin and glance from Mithos told me there was something more to this story than I knew.

"Me? Oh Kratos, don't make me laugh!" He said, chuckling anyway. "This happened to Yuan because of _you_."

"What kind of fool do you take me for? I would never hurt him like this. Only you would be heartless enough to hurt your own friend…"

"Hardly," Mithos said with distaste. "Do you remember that funny looking boy from a while ago… what was his name? Larry... loser…?"

"Lloyd…" I murmured the name before I could catch myself. Was it really possible? Had Lloyd really done this to Yuan? Had they really grown so strong?

"Oh yes, that was his name. That boy that you let _live_ back in the tower of salvation. You let him go, and now look at what he has done to our dear friend…" He said, holding Yuan gently and caressing his cheek. "He's such a menace, that Lloyd. If he did this to Yuan, think of what he could do to you! …if you let him grow strong enough, that is."

"What you have done is disgraceful, but…" I said solemnly, watching to make sure that Mithos fully bought my next statement. "I will not fail you, Lord Yggdrasil."

What a lie.

A smile. "Good." He stood up, patting Yuan on the shoulder and nearly knocking the half-elf off his chair in the process. "See to it that your **_son_** doesn't cause me any more problems. You've already let him sever a mana-link. Oh, and tend to my little Kibbles."

I caught Yuan in my arms as he slowly slid off the chair, ignoring the fact that Mithos had pompously left without aiding him. I bowed my head, murmuring the words to an ancient healing spell that would certainly help Yuan back on his feet. Mithos's departure was a sign that I could now heal Yuan without repercussions.

As the half-elves in Sybak had just found out… magic wasn't my strong point. Yuan was lucky that healing was something I had learned long ago.

The green glow of healing magic radiated from my fingertips, surrounding Yuan in its soft glow. Once the magic had left, Yuan opened his eyes and gasped for breath as if he had just been rescued from drowning.

Before I could even say anything, he glared at me. "This is all _your _fault."

"So I've been told." Apparently he was back to normal.

A little later, we both sat in comfy café chairs in Welgaia. Yuan sipped a new cup of coffee, grumbling about the recent past, and I listened, watching the lifeless beings float eerily by.

"Kratos, that boy of yours is a menace." He grumbled, setting his cup on the glass table. "Botta and I were almost toast."

"You _and_ Botta? He's really grown that strong?" I asked, sounding far more positive about the situation than I should have.

A glare. "_Yes _ he has. Although I will admit that Mithos ripped my clothes, knocked me out, and tossed me around quite a bit more before he brought you in… you know, he's really gotten weird…"

"Tell me about it." I sighed.

"It's not just Lloyd that has changed, though." Yuan mentioned, digging into a muffin. I seriously wondered where that had come from.

"Oh, you mean his companions? Naturally they will improve too…" I said, suddenly remembering that I was supposed to meet Raine at some point. Oops.

"Yes yes, they're stronger, but that's not what I meant." He said, picking out a blueberry from his muffin, frowning at it, and tossing it behind him. Seconds later, a lifeless being came by to clean it away. "His _exsphere_ has grown. _Anna's _exsphere has grown."

No longer were blueberries on my mind. "…what did you say? Yuan, if you're joking with me…"

"I kid not!" He said quickly, holding up a hand to claim his innocence. "He excels farther than his companions with the aid of that exsphere. It's almost creepy…"

"That exsphere… I want to know more…" I said, thinking that perhaps it was about time to let Yuan know what I was up to. "…but this really isn't the place to talk about it. In fact, I'm surprised that Pronyma hasn't…"

"Hellooooo Kratos!" On cue, Pronyma glided happily down, placing herself in another café chair, blowing a kiss to me and hugging Yuan jovially. "Oh Yuie I'm so glad you're better! Although you really should change out of those rags…"

"You know, _you _could have healed me too." He murmured, frowning and taking to sipping his coffee again.

"Now Yuie, what have I told you about being pouty?" Really, where did she come up with these awful words?

"Pronyma." I said, catching her full attention and drawing it away from the hapless Yuan. "I need you to do something very important."

"Yes, Kratos what is it?" Way too eager to please. Perfect.

"Go to _Flanoir_, the _snowy_ city in _northern_ Tethe'alla and…" I spoke slowly, smiling inwardly as the look on her face grew more and more unenthusiastic.

"Flanoir? But it's _cold _in Flanoir!" She whined, hugging her arms already.

"Maybe if you didn't dress like a _slut_…" Yuan mumbled, receiving an outraged glare from Pronyma. I wanted to congratulate him.

"Very well. If you don't want to go to Flanoir, then I shall go myself. Pronyma, please stay here and tend to Lord Yggdrasil's pet Kibbles. I believe it's his suppertime."

Yuan looked like he was about to spit his coffee over the table while Pronyma's face paled to a sickly color. "K…Kibbles…!"

Not waiting for any further objection, I stood up. "I shall see you both later. Pronyma, remember, your task is very important to Lord Yggdrasil." Wasting no more time, I teleported to the teleport, and teleported again down to Tethe'alla.

I really didn't have a special task for Pronyma in Flanoir, but despite that inside knowledge, I still headed for the frozen city.

I stood near the base of a large frigid mountain, watching the snow swirl and fall peacefully around me. It was tranquil out here, not a single soul to bother me.

As I waited for the snow to quietly fall, thoughts found their wayward way into my mind that I would rather have left alone. I just might have another child out there, but even if I did, how could I ever keep up with him or her? Lloyd himself was more than I could handle. Apparently more than Yuan could handle too.

Yuan. I almost felt bad for him. I hadn't seen him in that bad of shape since the ancient Kharlan war, long long ago…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_None of us saw it coming. The wayward arrow from a nearby battle struck through her, piercing her delicate body before any of us could do a thing. _

_As I watched her fall to the ground, Mithos crying out and catching her body in his arms, I felt the world around me slow down. Color faded from the sky, trees, and grass around her helpless body. I had the impression that we were living part of an old fashioned moving picture where the good guy doesn't win. _

_"Martel!" Yuan exclaimed, pushing Mithos aside so that he could also hold her close. "Martel, you can't die!" _

_All three of us began to cast a healing spell almost at the same time. But before any of us could finish, she smiled weakly, looking at each of us in turn. _

_Quietly, she murmured, "Please, find a way for everyone to live on in happiness forever… in a world… free from discrimination…" _

_When Martel closed her eyes, it seemed she was only going to sleep. Her angelic face was calm, not a trace of consternation or fear. More serenely than I would have thought possible, she exhaled her last breath and departed from this world. _

_"M-Martel….? Sis? You're not dead…" Mithos was on the verge of hysteria already, pulling the arrow from her chest, and casting every healing spell he knew to no avail. "…no… no you can't be dead!" _

_"No… MARTEL!" Yuan lit the very air around us with his anger, his aura powerful and vivid as he rose to his feet. "Martel… they can't do this to you! They can't!" _

_"Yuan, there's nothing you can do, don't…" I cautioned, trying hard to be heard above Mithos's wailings. I wanted to grieve too, to cry and hold Martel as Mithos was doing, but right now, Yuan was doing something stupid that required far more attention. _

_Running into a large battle between half-elf hating humans with large pointy swords and half-elves who probably wouldn't care if he was one of their own or not. _

_"**Why her! Of all the people, why did you take her!**" He screamed, tears of anger and rage in his eyes as he brandished a double-edged blade that I knew for a fact he was not ready to use in battle. The words of an Indignation spell were already on his lips as he charged towards them. _

_Stupid stupid stupid. But somehow, I couldn't blame him. I did the only thing I could do… run in after him. _

_Sometime later, I managed to drag him away from the wreckage. Who would have known that he was that powerful? In the height of his fury, his indignation spells had done at least triple the damage they usually did, but he had certainly paid the price for his reckless use of magic. _

_Yuan and I were the only ones left alive. _

_We had both been badly injured, but Yuan had used all of his mana, leaving him nearly dead on the ground. _

_I carried him away, back to where I knew Mithos would still be grieving over Martel, the sounds of that haunting battle slowly subsiding with each step. Even I did not have the mana left to fly us back, so we were stuck traveling by foot. _

_"That was a stupid thing you did, Yuan." I waited for a response before I realized that he probably couldn't respond. "But… I don't blame you for desiring to avenge her." _

_I really couldn't think of anything to tell him that would be even remotely comforting. Martel had been our joy and hope through this entire struggle. She had carried us all through with her undefeatable courage, helped us through the worst, and in a way been the very spirit of us all. _

_The thought of a future without her was bleak, nearly empty. _

_"…No life should be born for the purpose of dying… right? Right Martel? You weren't meant to die…no… no you weren't…" I heard Mithos talking to her when I entered the clearing. _

_"Mithos. I know you are suffering, but we cannot stay here." I said, noting the eerie way he so tenderly stroked his sister's cheek. "Bring Martel along. Quickly." _

_Mithos did as he was told and took her into his arms. "I won't let you down, dear sister." _

_………………………………………………………………………………………………………… _

"What are you doing!" The familiar sound of Lloyd's angry voice pulled me out of the memory.

"It's you," I said, slowly pulling my gaze down from the falling snow to Lloyd. "I was just looking at the sky."

He only seemed to get angrier. "Don't lie!"

I sighed, placing a hand to my head, as I had grown so accustomed to doing whenever Lloyd was around. "…Hm, then how about… I was scheming how to get rid of those that are in Lord Yggdrasill's way. Now, are you satisfied?"

He didn't answer me, for whatever reason. Possibly because he was really as upset as he looked.

There were so many things I wanted to tell him. Far more than I had time for. I opened my mouth, ready to say some highly inspirational words. "You seem well."

Well, that didn't turn out quite like planned.

"Wh…what?" Apparently I had confused him.

I tilted my head to the side, a small soft smile finding its way to my lips. Sometimes he really did seem hopeless, but I believed in him. I knew he could make it if he tried… and had the proper prodding. Time for another lesson. "Lloyd, don't be so trusting. There may be those close to you who are malicious."

"…You're talking about yourself." Smartass.

I tried not to sigh, feathering my fingers through my hair again. "…Hm. We'll see. Be ever judicious."

He pouted, looking more upset than before.

I couldn't stay around him too long, there was always a chance that someone might see me talking to him. It was entirely possible that someone else besides Pronyma could be tailing me. "Now, I shall excuse myself."

I walked away from him through the snow, deciding that he had definitely grown stronger in many ways, possibly even knowledgeably. Then I heard him mutter, "I forgot to ask what 'judicious' means." Ok, maybe he hadn't.

He trudged through the snow, running after me. "Hey Kratos! I have another question for you!" He shouted, the angry look of teenage befuddlement written all over him.

"What?" I turned around, fully expecting to be asked what 'judicious' meant.

"What does…" He began, then for whatever reason, he paused. Clearly, he had decided that his question was a little silly, given the circumstances, and probably made a mental note to ask Raine what it meant later. "…what were you really doing?"

"Thinking about the past." I answered simply, wondering briefly how long he would make his friends wait in the cold while he talked.

"Oh." He said, seeming at a loss for anything else to say. Lloyd looked at me then, sadness in his eyes that made me want to drop everything I was doing, tell him the truth in its entirety, and take him away from all of this mess. But, of course, I could never do that. "You know, you don't seem like someone who should be our enemy."

"Lloyd, let me tell you something very important." I said.

"Ok." He responded casually.

"Don't forget this." I said sternly.

"OK!" Lloyd exclaimed, a little less casually this time.

"I meant what I said a moment ago," I walked a little closer to him, regretting the fear that immediately sprung into his eyes and his instinctive little sidestep backwards with my every step. "Don't underestimate your enemies. They could be closer to you than you think."

"Ok Kratos, you're being weird and creepy now… and the rest of the group is being attacked by weird mutant penguins. I think it's time for me to go." He said, backing away. Mid-backstep, he paused. "I want to tell you something too though. I really wish you weren't our enemy."

He smiled then, reminding me that there were still people in this world who were hopeful, people who still were willing to fight for what they truly believed in. After that, he walked away towards his group, helping them battle the penguinists and leading them all back towards the city of Flanoir.

Well, almost all of them.

"Kratos, I told you that I wanted to talk to you a long time ago." Raine's demanding words lingered in the air as she lingered away from the group. Lloyd and co. quickly became engaged in another battle against some penguinists, but after a mild deliberation, Raine seemed to decide they were all right on their own.

"Yes. What did you want to say?" I asked, wondering briefly how much longer it would take Pronyma to feed Kibbles and find me again. Knowing Kibbles, I had at least another hour.

"Kratos, I know you aren't who you say you are. I can sense that the blood running through your veins is… different. I have for quite some time." She said calmly.

"And your point is?" I asked.

"Why are you doing this? It's obvious that you don't really want to hurt any of us, in fact, you lead us in the right direction all the time. Earlier you practically told us that Colette was being held in the Dragon's Nest!" Raine held her hands up, exclaiming in an excited yet outraged manner.

"Yes, I did do that." I agreed.

"I know you did that. I said that." She looked at me crossly. "But _why_ did you do that?"

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that." I said, feeling that I was telling that to far too many people lately. "Is that all you wanted to say?"

"No!" She quickly answered, then faltered a bit. I tilted my head to the side and raised an eyebrow in confusion as I saw the gears working quickly in her mind. "Kratos, what do you… put in your sandwiches?"

I stared at her blankly. "My… sandwiches?"

"Y-yes. You know, when you make sandwiches." She said firmly.

What the hell? "I use… bread…"

"I put bread in my sandwiches too!" She exclaimed, a little too happily for her own good.

"…sometimes meat, or cheese… it all depends on what is available." I finished. Something was clearly amiss. "Look, Raine, what do you really want?"

"I want to know…" Raine began, then paused as if thinking again. "…to know your opinion on the use of double-edged weapons in the great Kharlan war." Very random.

"Stupid. Extremely." I answered immediately, thinking of Yuan.

"Oh. That's interesting." She said, appearing slightly intrigued. "So how do you think Genis is progressing?"

"What?" I asked, thrown off again by her bizarre choice in questions.

"You know, fighting and using magical spells." She said, indicating towards her brother.

"He seems to be doing well. Genis has learned a lot since we parted ways, but I still question his use of the kendama as a weapon." I answered, beginning to grow more than a bit befuddled with her questioning. "…and it appears as though he has just finished off the last penguinist with a new lightning spell. You may want to rejoin them soon so as to not attract attention."

"Right." She agreed, then looked at me severely again. "But don't think I've let you off the hook. I want to talk to you again soon, and when we do talk, I expect real answers from you."

With that, she marched proudly back to the group, congratulated her brother on learning the spell, and joined them in their next fight against the strange penguins.

I was confused. Very very confused. Never before had I seen Raine act in such a strange manner, and to my knowledge none of her questions really lead anywhere or helped her in any way.

If I had to guess, she seemed to be _stalling _ more than anything else. But stalling for what? There were no signs of life other than monsters for miles in this frozen land. The only thing she could have stalled for was….

…my attention?

"No…" I shook my head, unwilling to believe it. Raine couldn't be that desperate for attention, she had the kids around her at all times asking her everything. Maybe she was desperate for… another adult's attention?

Things were beginning to make more sense. Since I had left, she had nobody she could talk to. Nobody who would understand her concerns as an adult or help her with the calm rationalization of the group's progress.

If she was expecting for me to be that person, she would have to think again. It was clear that something needed to be done, and quickly. If Raine needed to talk so badly that she would turn to a _traitor_… even though it was clear that she knew I was up to something else… then I needed to do something soon.

But what could I do?

I'm not proud to admit it, but I stared at the group for ten minutes as they scurried around, fighting groups of penguinists and happily picking up their quills. Suddenly it hit me.

Regal. Why couldn't she talk to Regal?

I watched them closer, looking for the interaction between Raine and Regal. It was clear that they worked decently together in battle, but outside of battle, she always seemed to conveniently scurry away from him.

They took a short break, and Regal prepared what looked like award winning Ramen. Lloyd complimented his cooking, and although everyone seemed to cheerfully agree, Raine glanced at him dubiously. Perhaps she was concerned for the children, but it didn't seem as though she was keeping them from speaking to him.

No, it was Raine and only Raine who seemed doubtful of Regal. That wasn't good. They needed to work together. Everyone must be at their best to succeed, especially if they ever hoped to defeat Mithos.

I had to act, and soon.

Thankfully, they decided to spend some time shopping in Flanoir before they hit the temple of ice.

Finding Regal was easy enough, he really stood out wearing nothing but a worn white t-shirt, pants, and those attention-attracting shackles. I entered the town, using back alleyways to avoid the others. When the right moment came, I called him over. "Regal."

He turned, curious as to who had called his name, and walked into the alley. As soon as he saw me, his eyes widened a bit with surprise. "You're…"

"Kratos." I answered for him, leading him a bit away from the crowd. I didn't want anybody else to see us speaking, especially not Raine. "I can see that you are wary of me, and I don't blame you. But what I am about to ask of you is not for my sake, it's for Lloyd's."

The man certainly had a sense of grace about him. He regarded my words, and quickly came to a conclusion. "You're his father, aren't you?"

Not the conclusion I was expecting. "I would prefer to leave that undisclosed for the moment."

"I understand." He stated calmly, nodding as if showing his appreciation for my opinion. Despite the shackles, he appeared to be a very classy guy.

I wanted to ask him just how he had figured that out, but before I could, Genis ran by in the main street, not even twenty feet away from us. I didn't have time for chit-chat. "Regal, I need you to talk to Raine."

His expression was quizzical, but he didn't interrupt.

"Meet her in the small café near the back of the town in about ten minutes. She should be there already. She likes archaeology, as I'm sure you know. Sit with her and talk about that, or explain how you make sandwiches." I said, thinking of something neutral that they might both be interested in.

"May I ask why you want me to do this?" He posed the question in such a polite manner that I found it difficult to tell him no.

"Raine seriously needs help with her cooking. And…" I paused, thinking of the best way to phrase the next part. "…I don't believe you two have had the chance to really speak with each other yet. It is imperative that you trust each other if you want to succeed in the struggles ahead of you."

"I see." He took a moment to think about it, then nodded. "I understand. You must really care about your son to go this far to ensure his safety. I respect you for that, despite everyone's talk of your dubious nature. I shall be at the appointed place at the proper time."

I thanked my lucky stars that Regal Bryant really was the intelligent and benevolent man everyone said he was. After a short thank you, I left to find Raine.

It was also easy to find her in her bright orange clothing. After she finished selecting a few charms from a shop, I pulled her aside into another back alley. "Raine, it's me. I need to talk to you."

"Twice in the same day? I'm shocked Kratos." She looked surprised despite the touch of irony in her words.

"Yes, I need to discuss something important with you." I said, leading her towards the café. "I hope you will not judge me too harshly for the question, despite all that has happened."

"That depends on the question." She answered wisely, a little surprised again when I led her into the café and ushered her to a small table near the front.

"Please, have a seat first." I said, pulling out the chair for her, then pushing her close to the table before I sat down across from her.

"My my. What manners!" She said, giving me the feeling that perhaps I had done something I shouldn't have. "Lloyd needs to learn how to be this polite too."

"Yes, he does." I agreed. It had been about five minutes already, and it was about time for me to make my escape.

"So… you brought me here to say…?" She asked.

"Ah yes, that. It's very important, but first I…" I paused, fishing for something to say. "…I have to use the restroom. I'll be right back."

Nice going Kratos. She'll never buy that.

"Ok. But don't take too long, I think Lloyd wants to leave soon." She answered calmly, settling herself more comfortably in the chair.

Thanking the stars again for my second lucky break, I excused myself from the table and headed to the back. However, instead of entering the restrooms, I used the back exit and flew through an upper window. Once inside, I waited just inside the room where I could clearly see Raine sitting at her table.

On time as he promised, Regal entered the café and sat by Raine. Even though she said nothing, I could tell that she was inwardly cursing me.

They sat together in silence.

"………." Said Raine.

"………." Said Regal.

"………."

"………."

I was just about to leave, my dreams of bringing them together crushed, but suddenly it became wildly interesting! At least, I pretended that it was.

"…..so…." Regal began.

"Ehh… yes?" Raine inquired.

"….you like archaeology, right?" He asked, shifting in his seat as if very uncomfortable with something, which he probably was, since his hands were still in shackles. That would naturally be a very uncomfortable thing.

"Yes! I love it!" Raine suddenly became interested, and her mood brightened considerably. "Do you?"

"Umm… no. Not particularly." He responded a little sheepishly.

"…. Oh." She said, a little sadly.

Once again, they returned to silence.

I was about to leave again, deciding that this was indeed hopeless after all, when suddenly it became wildly interesting yet again!

"So… what do you like to do?" Raine asked, obviously racking her brain for anything to say.

"Well…" Regal responded very slowly. "I enjoy cooking. Especially Fruit Cocktails."

Damn. Regal had bested me in something. I narrowed my eyes. Not for long….

Regal however, paid me no attention, since I was hidden very well.

"Really!" Raine suddenly brightened again. "I love cooking too!"

They smiled, and laughed, and shared a very blissfully happy moment. However, that moment soon passed by.

"but…" Raine spoke again, lowering her gaze.

"But what?" Regal asked.

"Well….. I can't really cook that well. For some reason, everything I try to make turns out tasting very bad. Or so says Genis. And Lloyd. And Colette. And Kratos. And Zelos. And Sheena. And Presea. And probably Corinne too, but even it was too afraid to try."

"But not me." Regal said regally. She gazed at him in awe and astonishment, as if she knew no words which would adequately describe her feelings. "Yes, I have endured far worse during my imprisonment. Your cooking is very… unique. However, I think that given time…."

Before he could say any more, Raine finished for him. "You can help me cook better?"

I turned away. My work was done. They now each had a sense of companionship that they could share with each other. Something they had both dearly needed and yet lacked. Now they could cook together and talk as adults could. For some odd reason, I felt a twinge of remorse, however I could not place why since I was indeed happy for them both. Besides, they would certainly be of more use to Lloyd now.

As I left the town, Pronyma assaulted me yet again.

"YOU!" She shrieked, waving a finger at me while trying to fix her clearly disheveled hair. "You you you! I'm never feeding Kibbles for you again!"

"Lord Yggdrasill will be disappointed." I didn't hide a smirk. She definitely deserved every bit of the butt-kicking "Kibbles" must have given her.

"Uuugh! Kratos! I'm sick of you!" She shrieked, pulling her slut-wear (name courtesy of Yuan) closer to her. "…and why do you always have to go someplace COLD!"

My new favorite pastime? Not answering Pronyma.

"You know what? You are such a LOSER! Yeah, that's right. You heard me! **_A big jerk-faced loser!_**" This was getting better and better. She threw her arms in the air, exasperated. "You know what else? I wish you did have another kid! If you did, I wish he was just as much trouble for you as… as stupid KIBBLES!"

Suddenly, she had my full and undivided attention. "….what did you say?"

"Oh, so your retarded brain didn't hear me the first time? I _said_ I wish you had another kid so he could annoy you and make you crazier than you already are! Maybe then Mithos would finally get rid of you!" She huffed, pouted a bit more, screamed, and finally flew away.

For once, I was glad Pronyma had come by to annoy me. "So Lloyd… really is the only one. I _don't _ have another son."

I can't even begin to put in words how relieved I was. Not that I wouldn't have cherished and loved another child, of course.

Lloyd alone was turning out to be much more than I could handle. If Yuan was telling the truth, and as of now I had no reason to believe he wasn't, then Lloyd could very soon become strong enough to face Yggdrasill. Of course, I would have to ascertain his progress before I ever let him face Mithos…

But I could deal with that later. For now, I needed to focus on gathering materials so that either Dirk or Altessa could forge the ring of the pact for Lloyd. Or Zelos, if Lloyd turned out to be a complete pansy and Zelos didn't end up getting himself killed somewhere along the line with his stupid ways. He would need origin's power and his blade to defeat Mithos, but the only way he could even hope to wield it would be with the aid of the ring.

Fortunately, Lloyd seemed to be even stronger than Zelos, especially with the added power of Anna's crystal. If Yuan was correct and the crystal was evolving… that could only mean that Lloyd was changing as well.

Wait. Was Lloyd… evolving?

Lloyd. Yes, it was beginning to make sense. The reason Lloyd could hear Colette in the Tower of Salvation, and the reason he was so quickly picking up new and complex forms of magical sword fighting…

Lloyd was becoming an angel.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Marika's notepad: 

Whew! Long chapter, but in my defense, there was a lot to cover!

**_Thank you to everyone who voted in the poll!_** It should be obvious, but just for the sake of being official, **the poll is now closed**. As you can see, the results for whether or not Kratos should have another child were an astounding "**_No!_**" But I really appreciate everyone's support and all of you who were kind enough to say you'd still read this story regardless of whatever happens. I feel the love. )


	27. Conflicting Destruction

Lloyd was becoming an angel…? 

How I wished that could mean his personality and that alone. But strangely enough, even though his body was undergoing this transformation, he did not appear to have any of the negative symptoms of angel toxicosis. Unlike Colette, he never experienced sleeplessness, lack of hunger, taste, or speech.

I was puzzled as to how he avoided it all, but for now I could not dwell on these matters. I knew that Anna's exsphere was different, and for now I had to accept that for as my answer.

I wanted to continue to watch over Lloyd, but while he was in the ice caverns, I would have little opportunity to do that.

Instead, I decided that I should really collect the rest of the materials for the ring of the pact. Pronyma was gone, but I knew that she would still be keeping an eye on me. I could deal with that.

As I thought of ways to evade her when I collected materials, a breathless and frantic Yuan nearly crashed into me. "Kratos!"

"Yuan? Why are you in Flanoir?" I asked, startled to see him anywhere other than the coffee café in Welgaia.

"Kratos, there's no time-" He said, taking my hand mid-sentence and teleporting us to the very same café where I had left Raine and Regal. Fortunately, they had already vacated. He led me to the back of the room and in a hushed whisper continued. "-I'm taking a big risk just being here."

"I can believe that." With Pronyma hovering around it was already tough to have any privacy. With her reporting everything I was doing to Mithos, it was even worse.

"Kratos, don't take this lightly. Mithos is about to do something _terrible_!" Yuan's whispers became even more frantic. Quickly, he looked around to see if anyone was listening, then lowered his voice even more. "He's gone _mad!_ It's even worse than that time I borrowed Luin!"

"Nothing can be worse than that time."

"Yes, yes it can." Yuan shook his head. "Really Kratos, watch out. If you care about your son at all, you need to keep an eye on him, and right now."

He didn't give me a chance to say anything before he spoke again. "I can't stay here any longer, someone has been tailing me too. I think her name starts with a P and ends with a "ronyma."

"She shouldn't give you too much trouble anymore." I mentioned, slumping back in my chair a little as I thought of my misfortune. "She seems to have been ordered to follow my every move and report it to Mithos. I can't seem to shake her even while flying…"

"Flying?" Yuan rolled his eyes, giving me the 'as if' look. "Why aren't you teleporting?"

Oh yeah.

"Really Kratos, no more time. Watch your son." He patted my shoulder, his sign for 'good luck,' and teleported himself away.

No sooner had he left when a familiar earthquake-like tremor ran through the ground.

Lloyd. He must have helped Sheena form another pact, this time with Celsius, and sever yet another mana link. Mithos definitely wasn't going to be happy with this.

He wasn't.

When I left Flanoir, I caught sight of Mithos flying in an angry rage across the planet. He flew so quickly that his wings left a firey-charged trail of magical energy behind him. "**_KRATOS!_**"

Not good.

Taking Yuan's advice, I summoned my wings and teleported in front of him. By chance, I happened to be hovering Mithos-level above the village of Ozette.

"**_Kratos_**_…_" He growled flying to a halt in front of me. _"…you let him **sever** another **mana link!**_"

Yuan was right. Mithos was far more upset than I had ever seen him before, and if I had to guess he was about to do something terrible.

"You know what will happen if these filthy _humans_ keep severing the links, don't you?" His hands lit with fire magic, his eyes never ceasing to glower at me with enmity. "**_They'll kill her! They'll fucking kill her!_**"

He was upset all right. I didn't even have time to prepare a barrier before his fiery wrath had struck me, burning me and throwing me to the ground far below.

My fall had attracted some attention. Apparently an angel falling from the sky in flames was pretty big news in a small country village.

Even if Yuan hadn't already warned me, a sense of trepidation gathered around me like a foul smog. Something was about to go terribly wrong. It didn't take long for me to discover what it was.

A young girl walked out of the inn, slowly approaching me. I recognized her from before. I had stayed at this town on occasion and asked her about the sacred wood just earlier this day. "Kratos? Is that you?"

Everything became obvious a moment too late. "No… no don't come near!"

"It is you!" She cried, loudly enough for most of the town to hear. "Someone help! Kratos is hurt!"

As if by magic, people appeared at the doors of their homes, some dawdling in their doorways while others came to my aid.

I tried to move but found that the fall had hurt me worse than I thought. My left leg wasn't responding when I tried to stand up, and _somehow_ Mithos had managed to injure my left wing as well. I was stuck. "Everyone run away! Get out of this town!"

"What's this? Paralyzed with _fear _Kratos?" Mithos's voice was venom, his hands again afire. "You value these _humans _too much…"

"Mithos, don't..!" I called to him in vane, I knew he would never listen to my words. All around me, the people began to look up, as if noticing the terror in the sky for the first time.

"These filthy humans who want to kill Martel…" Yes, he had gone off the deep end this time. Whenever Martel was involved, Mithos was always irritable beyond belief. "…I will pass holy judgment on them all."

He tossed the fire in his hands onto a few of the buildings, laughing as the people began to mill about screaming. I expected him to continue to light things on fire, as he had done to Luin long ago, but this time he had indeed gone farther. His mouth chanted words that only I heard and recognized as a bright white light surrounded his body.

Nobody heard me now, not even the frightened girl from the inn who clung to me. Everyone was still inside the town when disaster struck.

"**JUDGMENT!"** His voice echoed through the village, his anger making the spell far more powerful than normal. For a split second, I was reminded of the time 4,000 years ago when Yuan had thrown spells at least five times their normal power. Unfortunately for Ozette, Mithos was far more powerful than Yuan.

I barely had time to cast a barrier around myself and the inn girl before we were buried in large fragments of wood, stones, and dirt.

Knowing that the others had no chance of survival, I teleported us away before the barrier fell.

I brought her to Luin, healed my burns and leg, and paid for her to stay at the inn. It seemed desians had felt the need to destroy this town again, but Lloyd had already helped it regain a bit of its former glory.

She had fainted from the shock, but otherwise seemed unharmed. The woman who worked in the inn seemed kind and agreed to help her when she awoke.

The girl would certainly be traumatized, and I couldn't ensure more than a week's stay at the inn for her. I didn't even know her name, but it was all I could do for now.

Knowing Mithos, he wouldn't stop at the destruction of Ozette. He would undoubtedly use the town's destruction as a beacon to attract Lloyd and his group. They certainly were not ready to fight Yggdrasill yet, but there was a small chance that they wouldn't have to.

Though she was unaware of it, Colette was their only hope. Mithos probably still wanted to use her as Martel's vessel, but she was afflicted with a crystallization disease right now that rendered her unable to be her vessel… for now. Hopefully Mithos would recall that he had asked Zelos to cure her and leave all of them unharmed. Hopefully.

But I couldn't leave something this important up to fate. Teleporting back to the forest outside Ozette, I waited in the trees and watched the drama unfold.

Mithos had reversed his age, changing back to his young self. He laid amiss the rubble in the town, waiting to make his move.

I knew he must be planning something devious, but there was little I could do to stop a plan I had no knowledge of.

Before long, Lloyd ran in, his group in tow. They clearly appeared devastated by the destruction of Presea's hometown, despite knowing how poorly the residents thought of the girl.

It didn't take them long to notice Mithos laying amiss the rubble. And then he did as I feared he would do. He ran right up to Mithos, the very person who had attacked him earlier, the one who was really responsible for Colette's suffering, the deaths of those dear to him, and the entire situation of the two worlds that Lloyd so despised.

Too trusting. Just as I had warned him not to be.

"What's wrong, are you ok?" He asked, his concern misplaced. He should have been more worried for his own wellbeing.

As Mithos stirred, I found my hand wandering towards my blade. I knew that at the present moment I was no match for Mithos, but if the worst were to happen, I could at least buy Lloyd a little time to escape.

Genis at least has some sense about him. "We have to get out of here!" He said, tugging on Lloyd's sleeve and pulling him in front of Presea's home, which appeared to be the only building unharmed by the Judgment spell.

I glanced sadly at the group. Not a single one of them seemed to realize who Mithos was, of course they wouldn't… he looked completely different and even sounded different.

Only those of us who knew him before would ever know he was really the much feared "Lord Yggdrasill."

"What the hell happened here?" Zelos asked, bluntly and uncouthly as always.

Mithos looked at him, then at the others. A horrible feeling burrowed in my gut, what happened next would be the deciding factor. Whether or not I would stay and watch, or fly in and attack.

Fortunately, Mithos seemed in no hurry to harm them. "I don't really know. Suddenly, lightning fell from the sky and angels attacked the village."

Just what was he doing? The angel he was describing was himself and clearly… oh wait. Right. They didn't know it was him.

"Angels?" Lloyd questioned.

Mithos took a moment to look at Lloyd, no doubt plotting ways he could bring him to his untimely demise. "They had wings. Those with wings are angels… right?"

"Dammit, it must have been the Cruxis!" Lloyd said, his anger placed well but wrongly.

While Presea and Regal spoke a little bit about anger, I noticed Raine's calm blue-grey eyes fall on Mithos, as if observing him like a specimen.

My spirits lifted. She had sensed that I was different long ago, or so she had said. Perhaps she knew that Mithos was more than just a common villager?

"I'm impressed you survived." Zelos finally broke the silence. I wondered whether he knew Mithos for who he was or not. "Are you the only survivor? What's your name?"

"My name is Mithos." I was shocked. Why had Mithos given them his real name? "I lived by myself on the outskirts of the village, so…"

Before Mithos could say more, Lloyd piped in. "You have the same name as Mithos the hero!"

Mithos hated being called that. Yuan and I both knew this from experience, but there was no way Lloyd could know. My hand gripped the blade of my sword tighter, expecting Mithos to lash out at him.

But, for whatever reason, he didn't. Mithos showed no sign at all of being upset by the use of his former name, or even the fact that Lloyd had interrupted what he probably thought to be a cleverly devised cover-story.

"Wait, are you a half-elf?" I hadn't even considered that if Raine could sense the heritage of others that Genis would be able to as well. This could become very interesting.

Mithos shook his head. "I… I …. No."

What was he doing? He sounded like the frightened boy he had been once long ago. The boy whom I had found, clinging to the hem of his sister's skirt in the rain…

I shook the memory away. Now was not the time to be reminiscing about the past. Lloyd was in grave danger, all of them were.

"Relax." Raine's voice caught my attention. As she spoke her next words, my heart sunk. She hadn't realized anything important about Mithos after all. She had only sensed that he was a half-elf, and nothing more. "You can tell, can't you? We have the same blood flowing through our veins as you do."

"You're half elves too?" Oh yeah. I had conveniently not mentioned to Mithos that two of Lloyd's good friends from Iselia were half-elves. "But you're with humans!"

"It's ok, we're all friends." Colette gave him a warm smile, clearly trying to calm down the "_frightened_" Mithos.

"Humans and half-elves as friends? You're lying!" Such a brat. There was the Mithos I knew.

Quickly Genis ran up to him. "No, it's true. My sister and I are part of this group."

"Y… yeah, but…" Mithos certainly had good acting skills. I had to give him that much. But it seemed a little different than his usual antics. This time, when he spoke to Genis, his natural fear, his childish uncertainty seemed _real_.

"Your reaction is understandable. I've heard that the village of Ozette is particularly known for its contempt for half-elves. If you've lived an isolated life in this village, you must have suffered." Regal commented, being the level-headed anchor for the group.

Although Raine was clearly interested in what happened to the new refugee half-elf, when Regal spoke, she glanced over, giving him a small nod. A small pang of what I thought to be envy ran through me. No, that couldn't be it.

Suddenly, Altessa and Tabatha burst into the clearing. "What happened here?" Great. More victims.

Lloyd looked over at the dwarf with surprise. "You're Altessa, right? What are you doing here?"

"I saw the lightning judgement fall towards this village, but what in the world…" He seemed amazed. He was even more amazed when Presea spoke, claiming that it was the work of Cruxis angels.

As he exclaimed his surprise, had an outburst, and ran away, I thought as well about Presea's luck. She had been fortunate enough to have friends who were able to bring her back to her true self. Quite a lucky girl indeed.

When Lloyd tried to run after Altessa, Tabatha stood in his way. "THE MASTER BELIEVES THAT IT IS HIS FAULT THAT OZETTE WAS DESTROYED." She said, speaking in her signature Caps Locks.

I winced, remembering who truly caused the destruction of Ozette. It may have been a backwater little village, but the unnecessary loss of life still disturbed me. How I wished there was something more I could have done.

The group decided to follow Altessa back to his house, and regretfully, Lloyd invited Mithos along. "Mithos, you should come with us."

"But I'm a half-elf and…" Really, what was he trying to pull?

"That doesn't matter. Besides, what are you going to do if you stay here and the angels come back?" Oh Lloyd. If only you knew.

"Lloyd's right!" Genis quickly piped in. "Let's all go together!" He held out his hand towards Mithos, then took Lloyd's hand.

Mithos seemed as shocked as I was. Was Genis trying to befriend him? Of course, it made sense. Genis was looking for a friend whom he could relate to… a fellow half elf. Hesitantly, Mithos took his hand and followed them to Altessa's home.

Of course I followed them to Altessa's abode too. But there wasn't much I could do, and even less that I could hear from within the snug home of the dwarf. At this point, I didn't think that Mithos would kill them… yet.

Still, they had invited him into Altessa's home, and worse yet, into their group of friends. They had unwittingly given him control of their lives.

Oh Lloyd… what have you done?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Marika's notepad: 

A shorter chapter this time to balance the long one last time. I hope everyone liked it nonetheless!

The school year is beginning anew, and this time I'll be learning and teaching. (I get to be like Professor Raine!) As you probably know, the school year makes things a little busy, so the next update could be farther down the line…

In any event, I love to hear back from you guys! So let me know what you like and don't like about this fic.

Oh, and also tell me if you have discovered any profound badfiction in Tales of Symphonia. (Please leave out the names of the actual fics and the authors; we don't want to be too mean.) Kratos just may discover them in his next trip to fanfiction dot net. ;)


	28. Conflicting Morality

Of course I followed them to Altessa's abode too. But there wasn't much I could do, and even less that I could hear from within the snug home of the dwarf. For the time being, everything seemed to be all right.

I was fairly certain that if Mithos wanted him dead, he would have done it by now. For whatever reason, he was keeping them alive.

I still didn't trust the situation. I couldn't just leave them alone with Mithos, but I couldn't exactly walk into Altessa's home either. Lloyd had lost his trust for me.

I winced at the thought, but forced myself to instead find a hidden place I could wait. Sitting on a tree branch far enough away that they wouldn't notice me, I closed my eyes and waited.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"_Don't give him candy! He's only an infant!" Anna said, snatching away the small lollipop from Lloyd._

_Instantly, he began to squirm and kick in my arms, tears welling at the corners of his large brown eyes. _

"_Umm… Anna, I think…" Before I could finish, Lloyd was in tears._

_She sighed, handing the small blue candy back to me with an disgruntled glare. "You're already spoiling him."_

"_Perhaps."_ _I smirked, placing the colorful candy back in Lloyd's mouth. That quieted him quickly._

_Maybe I was spoiling him. Just the thought that I had a child to spoil brought a smile to my lips._

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sometime later, I was awoken by the quiet padding of feet across the grass. A familiar whine brought my attention back down to the ground.

"Noishe?" I brought out my wings and quietly glided down. Fondly, I rubbed her backside, behind her ears, and under her chin. "I brought you here to watch over Lloyd, not come to me."

Another whine.

"What's wrong Noishe?" When she tilted her head backwards, I climbed on her back. She wanted to take me somewhere.

Swiftly, she ran across the field towards Altessa's house. My eyes widened and I ducked lower to her back, lowly hissing. "_Noishe!_ _I can't get too close to them!_"

Heedless of my words, she ran forward, and just as I was certain she would bust down the very door to Altessa's home, she turned to the right, stopping by where they had parked their rheiards.

Cautiously, I slid off her back, wondering why she brought me here. Finally, I noticed what she wanted me to see.

A rheiard was missing.

Sternly, I looked down at her. "Did Lloyd leave?"

A whine. Oh, it was pointless talking to her.

After petting her one final time, I took to the skies, searching for the missing rheiard.

It wasn't too difficult to find the glowing energy trail of the machine against the nighttime sky. However, I didn't want to get too close just in case whoever was riding it noticed me.

I followed the trail for quite some time until it landed at the otherworldly gate. Why would Lloyd want to visit a place like this?

As I drew nearer, I was finally able to see who had taken the rheiard for a spin. Honestly, it didn't surprise me.

"Raine…" Knowing it was safe enough to speak with her, I landed at the gate, walking up to where she stood, carefully studying the large stones. "You know, it isn't safe to travel here alone."

Shocked, she spun around, then sighed. "Kratos, you startled me… did you follow me here?"

"What do you think?" She was smart enough to recognize a rhetorical question. We stood in silence for a while, the moonlight casting obscurity and fragmented shadows around us. Just as I was beginning to think we might be there all night, she spoke.

"I can't believe it… after all these years of searching, I've finally found them…" She lifted her arms up to the sky, a sad smile on her face. "…I've found them!"

The wind picked up around us, and for the first time, I noticed the bitter tears she had been crying.

I knew Raine was crazy about ruins, but this reaction was drastically different from her others. These ruins meant something to Raine. Something deep and important that she might not want to tell a traitor like me.

Or maybe she would. "These ruins…" She brought her arms down, walking over to rest her hands on one of the large pillars. "…they're the ones I have been searching for… the ones burned into my childhood memories."

Oh no. Not the past.

"This is the place my mother abandoned Genis and me so many years ago." She said, looking sadly down at the stones, and then at me.

"Why do you trust me?" I had to ask.

"What?" She seemed confused.

"After everything I have done, you continue to trust me. Why?" I asked again.

She brushed aside her tears, replacing them with a sardonic look. "It's always about _you, _isn't it Kratos?"

Before I had a chance to make any meaning out of that, she spoke again. "Well if you must know it's because I l…" Mid-sentence, she stopped.

"You what?"

Looking at me again, I was amazed to watch the anguish melt away from her. "No. It's nothing."

"Raine, that doesn't even make sense." I wanted to say more, but she was staring very intently at me… and yet not at me. She walked forward, looking just above my left and right shoulders. "What are you…?"

"Your wings." She spoke evenly with a small hint of curiosity. "I have only seen them up close once… in the tower of Salvation."

"My apologies." How had I forgotten to put them away? Feeling a little embarrassed, I brought them down, ready to will them away.

"No! Don't put them away yet!" She said quickly, sounding both commanding like the professor she was and like an intrigued little child. She reached out, but then stopped herself, her cheeks just a hint pinker than before. "I mean… can I touch them?"

How did I guess?

Holding back a sigh, I turned slightly and stretched one of my wings towards her.

Her small fingers tickled a little. My wings weren't accustomed to being touched, but I wasn't about to let that show.

"Fascinating! They look so fragile, yet they can lift and support your weight in the air…" Raine said, still prodding at my wings. "To think that a cruxis crystal could create something like this… intriguing!"

It tickled.

It _really _tickled.

Right before I couldn't take it anymore, I closed my eyes and swiftly whisked the wings away. She looked a bit surprised when her fingers closed in on themselves. "I'm sorry."

"Kratos?" The perplexed look only lasted a moment before she unfortunately put everything together. "Oh, no I should be apologizing. I didn't realize that would tickle."

Embarrassing. Very. "Raine, are you ready to leave?" I asked, thinking of something else to say quickly.

"No," she answered, calmly turning back to look at the ruins. "These are the ruins I have always longed to find. Now that I have found them, I can't leave so soon."

"Did you tell anyone where you were going? You know that Genis will be concerned." Really, why was I asking these things? It wasn't my responsibility if she was lost or not.

"No, I didn't!" She gasped turning around. "Could you tell him…"

I stared at her flatly, pulling out one wing long enough to point at it. "Traitor?"

"Oh, right… they would likely attack you if you went back, especially Lloyd. He really must learn to control his destructive impulses." Raine murmured, musing for a short while. Finally, she turned towards me, a pen and paper (don't ask me where she kept them) in her hands. "But, if you stealthy leave them a _note_…"

"I'm not a messenger-boy…" Despite my grumbles, I found myself taking Raine's note after she had finished scribbling.

"You owe this to them Kratos. But most of all, you owe it to Lloyd." She said firmly.

Oh no. Did _another _one of them know I was Lloyd's father??? "Lloyd?"

"Don't tell me you don't know!" Raine placed a hand to her forehead, sighing. "He really looked up to you, Kratos."

Mental relief. At least she hadn't guessed yet.

Raine's expression softened, then grew sad. "I've watched that boy grow up, and I can tell you that he really admired and trusted you. And then… for whatever stupid reason you must have… you took that trust away from him. You even gave him a reason to _hate_ you!"

"You all would have died if I hadn't interfered." Before I knew it, I had spoken. It was a mistake, but at least she wouldn't be able to discern my plans from that.

"Kratos you… I knew it." I couldn't read her expression. It was as if I had lost some second sight, and for a minute, I felt blind. Then, to my relief, she spoke again. "Despite everything, I think I've spoiled Genis. Go give him that letter."

"Very well." She was letting me off easy, but clearly she knew more than she was letting on. At least it seemed she trusted me.

I turned to leave, but didn't want to leave her. I couldn't place what it was, but ever since I had arrived at the ruins, an uneasiness had clung to me. Something was amiss, but I knew that I couldn't persuade Raine to leave.

"Raine." I called forth my wings, but paused before leaving. "Watch your back. Something isn't right."

Without waiting for her to respond I flew off, holding her letter in my hand and wondering just how I was supposed to deliver it to her brother without causing anything short of mass murder.

It wasn't difficult. Eventually, I decided to slip the note underneath the front door. Hopefully someone would find it before Lloyd trampled it in the morning.

Again, I found myself perched on that tree branch, awaiting the morning sun. The lingering itchy feeling in the back of my brain revealed itself to me while I sat alone.

_Why didn't I tell Raine that "Mithos" was Yggdrasill?_

Perhaps she wouldn't have believed me. To them, he was Genis's first half-elf friend. Then again, Raine would protect her brother despite the cost. Even though she seemed to ritually beat him, her concern and love for her brother was clear.

Was I subconsciously guarding that information from them for my own selfish purposes? I didn't see how it was possible, but perhaps it was.

Determined to protect them in any way I could, I stayed in my treetop perch and listened intently for any signs of trouble within Altessa's home.

Daybreak came. It wasn't long after that I heard faint rustling from within. The front door opened, and as I saw the blonde haired figure emerge from the home, I quickly hid deeper within the trees.

Mithos.

He was holding Raine's note. Apparently he was the first to find it, but after reading it, he glared intently around the clearing.

"_Kratos…_" His voice was quiet and low, slithering like the trails of a rattlesnake. He knew I could hear him, and he wanted to scare me. It wouldn't work, of course. "_I know you're hiding somewhere…_"

I stayed silent.

"_Fine, stay hidden Kratos. I'll just have more fun with your precious pets._" He taunted, then walked back inside.

Maybe it would work. I grew fearful, for if he could keep Kibbles as a pet, there was no limit to what he could do.

Inside, I heard him speak with Genis, waking him to ask him about the letter. "Genis what is that?"

More rustling. "It's… a letter! It's from Raine! Mithos, we have to find her!"

After Genis's outburst, more people were awoken, and finally, Lloyd's disgruntled grumbles followed suit.

The left quickly on the rheiards. Again, I followed them to the gate, and watched as Kuchinawa attacked them. Dramatically, they escaped through the otherworldly gate.

Great. They'd planet-hopped again.

After teleporting back to Altessa's home, collecting Noishe, I brought us both back to Sylvarant.

With a bit of searching, I found them again. Yuan seemed to have convinced them to go to the remote island human ranch. Just what was he thinking?

I knew Lloyd had friends now. I knew they could take care of themselves. Still, my mind was unsettled as I flew towards the ranch.

It was dangerous there, perhaps more dangerous than he knew.

Mithos was on the loose, though he seemed to be letting them live for whatever reason. Rodyle was also in mad pursuit of Lloyd's exosphere.

His group could help him, but they wouldn't be enough if the anyone from the order of Cruxis came after them. With my memory-blanking visions of Anna impeding me, I couldn't be certain I could help them. Thankfully, Yuan seemed to be watching him, and Mithos wasn't raining bloody Judgment on them yet.

A warm feeling pulsed in my chest, like the bitter memory of something that had died long ago. I knew that feeling.

"Not again…"

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

"_Kratos, he will be strong, just like you." Anna said it again, a smile on her face as she held up the drooling infant._

"_He just cried because he didn't get his candy. I'd hardly say that's strength." _

_She laughed, the sound instantly filling me with a peculiar offending calmness. "Yes, and I'm sure you never cried as a baby."_

"_That's not…"_

"_Just look at him." She stated, thrusting the baby in my arms._

_I watched as he continued to drool blue-candy until it dripped on my shirt. Slightly disgusted, I looked to her for help. "He's still drooling."_

_She rolled her eyes, wiping the baby's chin with a soft cloth. "That's not what I meant. His **aura**, look at his aura."_

_I tried to see his aura. I really did. But try as I might, all I could see was our baby Lloyd, his silly happy baby smile, and the bit of drool that again threatened my shirt._

"_Anna…I can't see auras like you can." I finally admitted, realizing again that there was more to her than I knew._

"_You'll just have to trust me then." She took the baby back, cradling him gently in her arms. "He's strong… just like you."_

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Kratos you're a moron."

The snide voice pulled me from the memory. A feeling of horror replaced the happy fuzzy feeling as I realized just where I was and who was talking to me.

"With the way you've been prancing around this rooftop for the last few minutes, I'd say you've completely lost your mind." Mithos said, boredom in his voice. "You didn't even notice when I set your jacket on fire."

My jacket? I looked down, seeing the charred remains of my white jacket. I must have thrown it off while it was on fire.

We were both atop the remote island human ranch. Mithos was sprawled lazily on the roof, avoiding sun rays with the help of a small parasol. I couldn't remember when he had started using it.

At least he had only attacked my unfortunate jacket, leaving me shirtless for the time being. "_Pronyma__would love this…_" I thought dismally.

"Why are you, my precious Origin seal, wandering around in a daze? I thought you and Yuan both gave up the angel dust centuries ago." He asked, yawning to show his lack of interest.

I chose not to respond. As long as I knew where Mithos was, Lloyd was safe… or was he?

Anna had a gift for sensing auras, the recent memory had reintroduced that to me. Unfortunately, I was never quite able to learn that trick. While she would have been able to detect her son wherever he might be in the ranch, all I could see was stone and metal.

"Your precious boy is safe, if that's what you're wondering." Mithos drawled, yawning again to emphasize his indifference. "His stupid friends have been keeping him alive."

Something was very wrong with this picture. Mithos was bored, irritated by the sun, and certainly not concerned about my well-being… so why was he here? "…you're watching them, aren't you?"

"Why do you care?" He responded, immediately on the defensive.

"Because you want to _kill_ them." I growled, clearly displeased.

Mithos only laughed at my displeasure. "Oh Kratos, you haven't a clue, do you? There are much bigger things that I want. _Lloyd _ is simply a small kink in the great clockwork of my plans."

"You still want to kill them."

"And they would never suspect it." Mithos shrugged, choosing to sit back against the a pillar, stealing its shade. "But I have more important matters that concern me."

"Really. Then the matters at the Remote Island Human Ranch are really important to you?"

"Certainly Rodyle is getting to be a pain but he's not the reason…" He paused, glowering at me suddenly. "I don't have to explain my reasoning to _you_. Shouldn't you be telling me why _you're _here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" It was a question, but an answer as well. "Lloyd. Not only for my personal reasons, but for the sake of this world as well."

Mithos frowned, the very mention of Lloyd's name leaving an unpleasant taste in his mouth. "Don't make me hurt you Kratos. If you keep this up I'll have to…" He paused, his eyes flying open from their half-drooped state. Suddenly, he leapt up and flew towards me.

For a moment, I thought he meant to attack me, but he flew past me. Mithos fell to his knees, skidding to a halt, as he looked through the glass roof into the room below us. "Oh shit, oh shit!!"

Not one to ignore obvious trouble, I followed suit. I was surprised to see that they had dispatched of a hideous exsphere-morphed monster that I could only assume was the remains of Rodyle. However, that was far from my greatest concern.

They were trapped in a room, a foot deep in water. The water was rising.

As I was about to break through the glass and find some way to get them out, Botta appeared. Nobly, he told them to escape into the next room while he planned to sacrifice himself and his two men.

_"Yuan would be devastated…_" I thought. _"I have to find a way to save them too._"

Lloyd thought he was safe, until once again, the water threatened them. I raised my hand, ready to break through the glass, when Mithos caught it.

"No Kratos. They don't trust you anymore. If you reveal yourself to them now, they might try to fight you. You could all die." He said, firmly placing my hand at my side.

Out of nowhere, Genis pulled out a very familiar panpipe and played a few notes on the enchanting instrument. "Is that Martel's…" I began, but when I turned towards Mithos, he was already bathed in the ethereal white glow of a summon.

"Perfect." He said, an honest smile coming to his lips. The wind circled around his young body, carrying both his arms and hair upwards as he called gently to the sky above. "_Aska…_"

In the distance, I heard Aska's high pitched cry, the bright wings drawing nearer. Mithos turned to me, the smile still on his face. "They'll be fine Kratos…" Slowly, the smile melted away. "…but they can't see you here."

Without warning, he sent a rush of wind towards me that shoveled me off the rooftop. As I fell towards the water below, I suddenly remembered. "_Botta!_" Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, and willed myself inside the ranch.

Instantly, I was immersed in water. I opened my eyes, the blurry underwater vision of the machine-filled control room around me. Floating in the water, along with odd assortments of desian equipment, was Botta and his two lackeys.

Swiftly, I swam to the three, catching all of their arms. I hadn't tried to teleport this many unconscious people before, I had never needed to. I certainly hoped it would work.

In my mind, I pictured Yuan's cushy room in his desian outpost. The official oak desk, the plush carpeting, and even the silly frilly plants he kept around. _There… take us there… _

The world went white.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Kratos, you moron, I told you not to overexert yourself."

I groaned, expecting the worst. When I opened my eyes, I got what I expected.

Yuan was frowning down at me, dripping wet from the water I must have brought in with me.

"Are they… ok?" I asked, sitting up and looking around me. From what I could see, the entirety of Yuan's room had received a nice shower. Then I noticed something that made my heart leap.

I was the only person on the floor.

"I… failed…" I faltered, at a loss for words.

"If you mean you failed at keeping my room dry, you're certainly right. But I have a feeling you're talking about Botta and those two lackeys you brought back with you." Yuan smiled, he could tell I was relieved.

"Then where…" Before I could finish, Yuan was eager to explain.

"They're all fine, coughed up a bit of water, but they're fine. Botta is elsewhere, hiding the fact that he's alive from Lloyd, he was just here you know. I sent the lackeys back to work." He fixed me with a stern glare. "_You_ however… used up quite a bit of your mana pulling that little stunt. You've been passed out on the floor for a while."

He held out his hand to me, which I took. Far too gracefully, he yanked me up to my feet. "And you didn't try to help me at all? Thanks, you're such a good friend."

"The best." He admitted, then called up a powerful wind spell to instant-dry everything in the room, including himself and me. "You're not that good at mana manipulation. Thus, the drippiness of my room. You brought most of the water from the ranch along with you."

Though he wouldn't say it, and would only criticize me for it, I knew that Yuan was grateful. I sighed, brushing a bit of residual water out of my hair. "You're welcome." I walked towards the door.

"Stop putting words in my mouth!" I could see his sarcastic smirk in my mind. "Oh and Kratos…"

"What?" I asked, turning around.

"Put on a shirt before Pronyma sees you. I'd hate to think of what might happen."

Even though I couldn't see my face, I could feel an involuntary flush finding its way to my cheeks. Quickly I spun around, deciding to teleport instead of walk. Lloyd could wait for a while. After all, things had become strange enough with Mithos saving him and his friends. I had a little time.

Next stop: My room.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Marika's Notepad 

Oh emm gee… it's been a while. There's a reason I haven't updated in a few months, and that's due to an overwhelming crapload of work. I've voluntarily taken a dive neck-deep into a pile of you-know-what and feel as though I've been hit by a truck every day.

I'd venture to say that Kratos just might be having an easier time right now.

Regardless, I'll still dutifully work on the story of our favorite hero! Please send me your love.


	29. Conflicting Aspirations

I breathed in the settled air of my room deeply, then fell face first onto the bed.

Good old room.

Quite honestly, I couldn't remember how long I had lived here. This place held a familiarity that simply couldn't be replaced by anything.

The years I spent traveling with Anna I wouldn't trade for the worlds, but even in those years, I felt some silly nostalgic yearning for this rather drab but cozy room.

In my angst-ridden years, when the world was even further corrupted than now, I'd retire here, finding at least a few moments of blessed solace.

However, my solitary happiness was only temporary, and as I came to realize this, the eyes I felt on my back seemed to burn holes through me.

"Oh Kratos…" That voice! Oh no.

I turned around, panic instantly prompting my heart to beat faster. As she walked closer to me, my arms felt weak, as if they would give in at any moment, and Yuan's haunting words drifted back to me like a horrible nightmare.

_"Put on a shirt before Pronyma sees you. I'd hate to think of what might happen." _ That bastard. I could see him smirking now.

Yuan's laughter quickly left my mind as the fiend slunk towards me, her eyes filled with the promise of certain agony.

"…sleeping all by your lonesome?" Pronyma taunted, drawing closer to my paralyzed form. "I can fix that…"

"No…no! That won't be necessary." I stammered smoothly. I wanted to run. I wanted to be anywhere but here in this uncomfortable room. "All the rooms here look the same. How did you know which one was mine?"

"Silly Kratos. I've known your room number for a very long time." She was upon me in an instant, the long painted nail of her slender index finger scratching the skin down my cheek.

"That's… eerie." My brain screamed at my immobile legs. _Run Kratos run! Just run now!_

Her only response was a feline purr, frightening enough to scare away even Mithos himself, I was sure. Slowly she leaned in closer, licking the top of her glossed lip. Closer and closer and….

My arms finally gave out underneath me, and I fell down onto the bed. I quickly rolled to safety, falling onto the hard wood floor with a thud. Finally my legs regained sensation and I moved swiftly to the closet, throwing on the first top my hands found. "I was just changing. That's all. Changing."

Pronyma pouted, her illusions spoiled. "That's too bad, but you know, I can finish helping you change."

"That won't be necessary." I stated, shrinking back towards the safety of my closet. "Why did you come here?"

At first she huffed at my blatant rejection, but then she smirked. "Mithos wants you to feed Kibbles."

That bitch.

As she strutted out of my room, Yuan's laughter grew in my mind again. So loud that I was certain he was standing next to me.

"Ahhaha! Kratos that-that was priceless!" Yuan stepped out of my closet, his mocking echoing through the room.

Even my closet was against me. I shoved him away. "Yuan, please tell me you didn't tell her where I live."

"Oh no, she knows _your number_ all right." He tittered like a deranged school-girl, which was really a little disturbing in itself.

"Right. Just leave." I said, gesturing towards the door.

"Like I ever walk anywhere?" He said indignantly, wiping the laughter tears from his eyes. Seeing that I wasn't amused, he sighed, a bright light surrounding him. "Fine, I'll go, but you know… you might want to finish changing before she comes back."

"What?" I shouted after the fading Yuan.

"Your _pants!_" He shouted back, then disappeared.

Looking down, I noticed that the top I had thrown on was my purple mercenary garb, but my pants were still the white Cruxis spandex-belt mesh. Pretty, very.

I took Yuan's advice and changed fully into my mercenary garb. Deciding that my room wasn't so cozy anymore, I left for the kitchen.

It had been a while since I had eaten anything, yet I certainly wasn't hungry. I considered it one of the perks of being an angel. It didn't take long to find Kibbles's food, but my feet dragged as I headed towards the dreaded lair of the beast.

As I sluggishly sauntered across Welgaia's central nexus, a calm and familiar voice called from the café. "Kratos, what's the matter?"

I turned to find Botta resting in one of the café chairs. "It's mealtime for Kibbles. Guess who gets to feed him?"

"Dirty work, for certain." He winced beneath his massive eyebrows, then stood, walking to me. In a good-natured way, he held out his hand. "I'll do it for you."

I was shocked. "You can't _want _ to feed Kibbles."

"Certainly, I don't. But you saved my life earlier today, and those of my men. Now I can save yours." Botta grinned and took the bag of food from me.

"I appreciate it Botta, but Kibbles won't really kill me… will you…" Before I could finish, I caught Botta's sardonic glare.

"What kinda pansy do you take me for? I've been feeding the monster for decades."

I grinned. "I suppose you're right. Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Really, don't or Mithos will know I'm not working on finding the leader of the rebels." Ah irony. It was beautiful. He turned around, heading for Kibbles's lair. "Good luck out there Kratos."

Once Botta faded from view, I decided to leave Welgaia as quickly as possible. One never knew when to expect another Pronyma attack.

As I flew through the skies of Tethe'alla, a warm smile found its way to my lips. I remembered flying through the clouds once, quite some time ago…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_"A…AAAHH!!! Kratos you'd better not drop me!!!" Anna shrieked, clutching my neck tight enough to cut off circulation in any normal person. _

_Really, I had expected this to be a more romantic experience. "I won't drop you, I promise." Cautiously, I paused just below the clouds, waiting for her to calm down. _

_Finally, she did, relaxing in my grasp somewhat. "What a harrowing experience. I don't see how you did it every day." She peered down at the distant lands below and shivered. _

_I sighed. It looked like this wouldn't be as pleasant as I had hoped it would be. "We have certainly been through much worse." I started flying again, slower this time. _

_The wind rustled through her hair, carrying the soft brown wisps behind her. Ever so slowly, her expression softened and grew more into childlike wonder as she watched the tiny lights from the towns below. She had worn her blue dress tonight, simple but elegant. _

_When she finally looked back at me, fixing her bright eyes on mine, I could think of only one thing to say. "Anna, I love you." _

_"I know you do." She smiled, kissing my lips softly. "And you know that I love you too… but are you sure that it was ok to leave Lloyd with that friend of yours? I thought that everyone in Cruxis hated you now?" _

_"Trust me, Yuan owes me a few favors." _

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Time had again illuded me after the memory. I found myself flying above Meltokio. For some reason, I felt _tired_.

Oh right. I'd just wasted most of my mana transporting Botta, two renegades, and a few tons of water into Yuan's room.

I drifted down just outside the town and walked in, leaning in the shadows against the wall and waiting for my strength to return.

"Hey Potsie, you wanna banana?" An old peddler approached me.

I ignored her.

She went away.

This wasn't working, at least, not quickly enough. Though I wasn't hungry, the quickest way for me to regain mana would be to eat something.

I almost wished I hadn't ignored the peddler woman.

As I walked towards the center of town, gazing at the various vendors and their merchandise, another alarmingly familiar voice called out to me. "Kratos!"

I looked back at them, noticing the blatant and painful distance the group kept from me now.

One glance at Lloyd's angered expression, and I couldn't look at him again.

Regal I could not blame, since he barely knew me.

Though Genis did his best to put on a brave face, I could see his small fingers lingering over his kendama, ready to attack if anything should happen.

Zelos was relaxed as usual. He knew they had nothing to fear from me… yet.

Sheena hung oddly close to Zelos, her hands balled into fists. Apparently she still hadn't forgotten our fight in the Tower of Salvation.

Raine stood calmly in the back, her demeanor poised as usual, but her eyes giving away her true intent. She really wanted to talk. Great.

_Colette_… I had thought she wasn't well before, but now I could instantly tell something wasn't right. Though she stood cheerfully as she had before, there was something wrong…

As I looked closer, I noticed that she still wore the shoddy keycrest that someone must have made for her. Lloyd. Oh that boy was such an idiot.

And yet, I couldn't blame him. After all, I had tried the very same thing for someone once long ago…

I shook my head. No, this wasn't the time to let my memories take hold again.

Colette had to be cured, but it appeared as though she still had some time before the effects grew too devastating.

Presea. The girl stood watching me silently. It was then that I remembered something of crucial importance.

I walked up to the pink haired girl, making sure not to make eye contact with Lloyd as I walked by. Seeing him so angered with me was something I just didn't want to remember. "I've heard that sacred wood only grows in the area near Ozette. Is that correct?"

She seemed taken aback. "Y…yes…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I could swear that I saw puffs of angry steam emanate from Lloyd. "Then, does that mean that sacred wood no longer exists?"

"The wood I cut is stored in the church." She responded quietly but firmly.

"So that really is all that is left…" This wasn't good. It would mean that I would have to steal from Mithos's beloved institution, the church of Martel. Oh well. I could find a way, I was certain. There were some people who knew of my rank and importance in the church. I would just have to tap into them. "It seems I have no choice."

I started walking away, thanking fate that I didn't have to see Lloyd again, when he did what he was so good at doing: defying fate.

"Wait! Why is Cruxis worried about sacred wood?"

I cringed slightly, bracing myself for the worst as I turned around. Oddly, he wasn't as upset as I imagined he would be. "Because it is necessary. What other reason could there be?"

"Necessary for what?!" Ahh there was that youthful anger.

"I do not feel the need to tell you that now." I answered simply, deciding that it would only be bad if he knew the truth right now. For whatever reason, the thought of Mithos's wrath again appeared in my mind, reminding me of another of the boy's treacherous exploits. "By the way, Lloyd. The summon Spirit pacts you are currently forming… you must stop."

He seemed puzzled for a moment, then… "…Do you think we'll stop because you said so?!" Oh right. He didn't trust me anymore.

"It is dangerous to engage in activities in which you cannot predict the outcome. It may result in something that you cannot undo." I knew what he meant to do. By releasing the seals, he probably believed that he would release the worlds from their confines, restore the tree of mana, and bring peace to the world. He didn't realize just how unstable the worlds were…

"But if there is no other way to save both worlds, then we have to do it!" He said just what I expected him to say.

_"Foolish Lloyd, you really are my son." _ I thought, sighing and inwardly cursing my own stubborn genes. "…be patient, Lloyd."

I couldn't think of any more to tell him at the moment. He wouldn't have listened to me anyway. Quickly, I strolled away.

Oddly, they didn't follow me, though I did hear Lloyd murmur. "What does that mean?"

They couldn't be up to any good.

Deciding, for the best (as always), to follow them, I watched with disgust as Lloyd obtained a blue candle from the research academy. There was only one reason they could need a blue candle: to explore the caves of shadow and release yet another summon spirit.

Before leaving, they disbanded into the town for a short while to shop for necessities.

Once he had parted from the group, I called the chosen on the device I had given him. "Zelos."

"Hey dude, what's up?" He answered, taking care not to be in sight of anyone.

"You know _what's up_. Lloyd. Why is he here? Why is he still releasing summon spirits?" I asked, feeling aggravated with the chosen.

"He has this plan, that if he releases all of the summon spirits, he'll be able to save the two worlds and revive the great Kharlan tree."

I sighed. So I was right. "You need to stop him from releasing all of those summon spirits, if he does…"

"Woah, bro I'll try but Lloyd's coming, I've gotta go. Ehh.. Yes! I will take five fish eggs." The annoying chosen closed the connection.

No good. I had to get in touch with them some other way…

Almost stealthily, Raine snuck away from the other girls and into a back lot of the city. She hid in the shade of a copse of buildings, rummaging with some things in her bag.

I walked up behind her, really hating to use her as a last resort like this. "Raine, you must convince Lloyd to stop releasing the summon spirits."

"Aiee!!" She shrieked, then spun around, something lumpy in her hand. "And _you've_ got to stop sneaking up on people." The elvin woman reprimanded me crossly.

"Oh… sorry." I responded a little lamely.

"You should be. Here." She said, thrusting the lumpy object into my hand.

I looked at it suspiciously. "What… is it?"

"It's a sandwich." Raine said, eyeing me with an uncanny enthusiasm. "Eat it."

"…is this some sort of revenge for fighting you in the tower?" I asked, trying to figure out how a sandwich could possibly look like this.

Raine's eyes narrowed as she grumbled, "Just eat it."

I gathered my strength, knowing that I would need it if I was going to eat anything Raine had cooked. Normally I would have simply refused, but since I _did _ need mana… "This had better not kill me." _Those could very well be my last words,_ I though, as I bit into the 'sandwich.'

Raine watched me for every little expression as I chewed and swallowed. "Well…? How is it?"

"It's…" I was about to say 'not bad,' but then the spice and aftertaste kicked in, making me gag involuntarily. "…O…K…"

Her face fell. "Oh… I can tell you don't mean that."

"No it's ok…!" I said, forcing myself (for what reason I didn't know) to finish the 'sandwich.' I stood rigidly, forcing myself not to gag again. I did feel stronger, but… "Do you have… water…?"

She laughed nervously. "Oh is that all you needed? Here, try this, I made it myself!" Raine said, pulling out a suspicious bottle of liquid.

Desperate to get the taste of the 'sandwich' out of my mouth, I took the bottle and drank.

I should have noticed her expectant eyes. I really should have.

Visions of monsters filled my head as I reeled backwards. After a while, the world stopped spinning and I found myself on the ground. "What… what was that…?"

"What happened?"

"Monsters… but I feel stronger." I responded, not really sure why I was answering her questions.

"So it works!!!" She said triumphantly, the bottle already back in her hands. "Oh, it's a dark bottle. Mixed with a mélange gel. Mixed with a rainbow sage herb. Mixed with-"

"You can stop there." I held up my hand, rising to my feet by some unnatural means. Suddenly aware that my wings were proudly out and on display for the whole world to see, I put them away. "Apparently you didn't take my advice on sandwich making."

"Regal helped me make it even better, but I thought that it would be good if I added some spicy peppers and then marinated and fried it in cod liver oil." Raine nodded proudly. "Was it good?"

"It was… different. Maybe you should follow Regal's recipe." I advised, thinking again of why I was really here speaking with her. "Raine, can you make Lloyd stop this madness?"

"What madness do you speak of?" She had a good point.

"Releasing all the summon spirits. I meant it when I said it could have devastating results." I warned her again, suddenly painfully aware that she was still skeptical of me.

"Kratos, I would like to think I can trust you, but I just don't know if I can believe everything you are telling me."

"I ate your sandwich."

"You gagged."

"You're letting an idiot lead you across the worlds."

"You hurt that idiot."

"You're sabotaging the people."

"You betrayed us."

Ouch. I couldn't really deny that… not yet anyway.

"Besides, you're with Cruxis." Raine folded her arms, giving me a sidelong glance. "Kratos, I want to trust you, I really do… but I simply can't. I don't know who to trust anymore. The only person whom I can count on to not be guided by his own personal agenda is Lloyd."

It was then that I realized the disastrous soon-to-be-fate of the worlds. They would release all of the summon spirits and try to revive the great Kharlan tree. But the world was twisted by human suffering, the cruelty of the order of Cruxis, and the imbalance of the exspheres. The tree would grow into a monstrosity; its power would be devastating, not helpful.

The worlds would both be in peril.

And yet, there was little I could do to stop it, short of killing my own son. But I had already ended the life of one I cared about once long ago. I wouldn't do such a thing again.

"Then you have resigned yourselves to your fate." I stated, disheartened and disappointed in myself for my lack of strength to do what I knew was right for the worlds. "Watch over them for me. I hope that a reign of terror will not break loose, but if it does… I will return. If that happens, you would do well to trust me."

She didn't respond, she only watched with a peculiar look as I teleported away to watch them from another location.

Defeated, I watched them leave the town and disappear into the caves of darkness. They would certainly take care of themselves and each other, but they would also release another summon spirit and sever another mana link in the process.

"Mithos won't be happy darling." Pronyma's unwanted voice was suddenly at my side.

"Pronyma, why are you here?" I asked crossly.

"Following their progress, as you are." She said, her arms folded underneath her chest to thin her stomach and show off as much of her bosom as possible. Yuan really was right about her slut-like nature. She narrowed her shaded eyes like a spell-casting witch. "I noticed some other things too… you seem to have grown quite chummy with that elvin woman… Raine was it? I'm sure Mithos would love to know that."

It had been quite some time since I was able to do this, I blamed my troublesome memories, but I was finally able to put on a straight face and lie. "Raine means nothing to me." Wait… that was a lie?

"Uhhuh… and you ate her deadly sandwich why?" She wasn't buying it.

"To help convince her not to release Shadow."

"And you did a marvelous job of that." Pronyma laughed, pointing as the last of their party entered the caves.

"I only tried reasoning with her so that she could stop them from severing the mana links. That is exactly what Mithos desires. Feel free to report that to him if you like." I answered coldly.

"Why don't you tell him? He wants to see you anyway. Something about… not feeding Kibbles this morning?" Pronyma's malignant eyes watched me as I blinked, vacantly willing away any signs of the distress I was feeling. "He's waiting for you at the Linkite Tree."

Such an odd place to wait, but I supposed that it did have sentimental value to him. Deciding that she didn't deserve a response, I made my way to the tree.

As I approached the withered tree, I could see Mithos's child-like form curled into a ball underneath the linkite tree. Sitting next to him was the unmistakable twin-headed bird, Aska.

"Who would you choose Aska? Your only friend in this world, or your sister?" Mithos had not looked so serene in a few centuries. He sat calmly petting the brilliant plumage of the bird with his right hand, holding his knees close to his body with his left. Something about him seemed… lost.

"Kratos… you didn't feed Kibbles today, but someone did for you, so I'll forgive you." Mithos said quietly when I landed next to him. One of Aska's heads almost seemed to smile as Mithos pet it, the other tilted its head up and to the side, as birds do, so that it could see me.

I could only find this scene a little disturbing. Mithos had long forgotten how to show mercy, and yet here he sat forgiving me for not feeding his beloved pet.

"Aska is the last one, aren't you?" Mithos cooed to the bird. In response, Aska fluffed its feathers, making itself appear even more brilliant than before, then shook one of its heads. Mithos laughed. "Oh, that's right. How could I forget Luna?"

Mithos…. Laughed? A genuine, non-evil laugh?

"My bond with Shadow is weakening, I could feel it from the moment they stepped into the caves. That girl will take him soon." Mithos seemed to be speaking solely to Aska now, seemingly oblivious to my existence. "She will take you soon too, Aska."

The bird cried in outrage, its piercing call echoing through the valley. It didn't want another master.

"Such a rebel. You always were my favorite." His smile was sad as he leaned over and embraced Aska.

"Mithos, have you lost your mind?" I finally had to ask. This was becoming ridiculous. "If they form the final pact with Luna and Aska then the worlds will grow unstable. It could potentially destroy both of the worlds."

The head of Aska that was looking at me suddenly grew alarmed. Mithos didn't reply. He really was lost, and just maybe, he was even a bit afraid.

I took a chance, kneeling down besides the boy and the bird. "Up until now, I thought you only cared about your own selfish quest, but that isn't true anymore, is it?"

Mithos remained silent. This could either go very well, or very poorly.

"If you care about them or this world at all, you will stop encouraging them from following this foolish path." I waited for his response.

Finally, he looked up at me. "Why Kratos, you're just as capable of killing them as I am. Why haven't you already done so?"

"Because that isn't what either of us want." I recalled what I had overheard him saying to Aska earlier. Mithos was indeed lost. I could only assume 'his only friend in this world' was Genis, and he was torn between letting him live or killing Martel.

"I know… damn it all, I know!" He cursed, casting his gaze aside again and pounding a fist into the withered remains of the linkite tree. Aska jumped back in surprise. "I can't let Martel die, but I also can't…"

His brightly colored wings flared out behind him, twitching with annoyance and bottled rage. Angrily, he slammed his fist into the ground, sending a fiery bolt of energy into the ground, lighting the linkite tree aflame from its roots up.

Aska cried again in fear this time, flapping its wings to carry it backwards, away from the burning tree. Mithos laughed, this time the nervous laughter of a maniac. "…and I can't even call Undine to put this fire out…"

He continued sitting curled up as pieces of the tree fell around us.

"Mithos…?" I didn't dare do any more. He was volatile enough as it was.

He shivered, a single tear falling down his cheek as he quietly he murmured. "Do something Kratos… please..."

That was enough. Slowly, as if dealing with an injured animal, I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Mithos, look at me." I waited until he complied. "Put your wings away and go back to Altessa's. Forget about this entire mess."

"But…" He started to protest.

"Put them away." I said again, looking pointedly at his wings.

Wincing, he did as I said. "…but I have to save her…"

"I will find a way to remedy whatever abomination they create. I won't let any of them die." I assured him.

"Kratos, you bastard, you'd better not!" Mithos shook his head, trembling as he struggled to create a warp circle around him.

Why was I helping him? "I won't. Now go."

"Don't let her die…" He pleaded as he faded from view.

That was… very odd. I looked up at the burning tree. Unfortunately there wasn't much I could do for it either. Perhaps I should have brought Botta and all the water here.

Aska hopped forward again, alerting me to its presence. "You had better go too." Aska eyed me doubtfully. Why was I reasoning with a bird? "Mithos already left you to them. Did you already forget? Go. Don't come back unless they summon you."

Reluctantly, Aska turned and flew away, leaving a rainbow streak in its wake.

I sighed. Really, how did I get myself into these things?

The ground trembled again, and I knew that they had claimed Shadow. It wouldn't be long before they made their way up here for Aska. Of course, they wouldn't find him here… not unless they summoned him. And, thanks to Mithos-the-pyro, there was no wood to make a flute to summon him.

I paused for a moment, thinking that logic through again. Linkite wood…flute…summon Aska.

Aska was such a weird bird.

Knowing that I had precious little time before they arrived, I went back to Welgaia to do something very important. Change out of my now linkite-ash-covered clothes.

Again, Yuan was nowhere to be found. Odd.

I changed back into my white seraphim garb, then willed myself back to Derris Kharlan's core system. There was a chance that releasing the summon spirits would not destroy the worlds… but it was very small. The Derris Kharlan core system would be able to compute if that small chance was even a possibility.

I stepped into the machine filled room, entering the data into the ancient but somehow still functional machines. The main screen flashed once… twice… and then…

A long rectangular bar appeared in the center of the screen with the word "processing…" blinking underneath it.

I waited.

A minute passed by.

Another minute passed by.

Five more minutes passed by.

Then…

A small blue sliver appeared inside the long rectangle. The subscript read: "1 complete."

"You've got to be kidding me." I sighed, fighting the urge to kick the ancient machine. This was going to take some time. Until the machine finished processing the data, I could only cling to the faint hope that the worlds would be safe when they released Luna and Aska from their former pact.

Knowing that I would have plenty of time before the core system computed its answer, I headed back to the linkite tree.

Nighttime had fallen.

It seemed they had found a way to restore the linkite tree to its former glory. Ranie sat beneath the tree lecturing Genis and Colette on their studies while Sheena bickered with Zelos. Presea seemed to be working with Regal to put together sleeping arrangements for everyone. Lloyd was constructing a flute.

Within the hour, all of them were asleep. All of them, except Lloyd.

He was weary, I could tell from where I sat on the crater's edge. Still, he persisted, crafting the flute with the utmost care.

"Lloyd… how I wish I could convince you otherwise…" I murmured, knowing that nothing in the world could stop him from finishing his task. I sighed, thinking of how things would happen in the morning.

Lloyd would finish the flute, they would summon Aska, and after defeating the bird and Luna at the tower of Mana, the last of the summon spirit links would be severed. The great tree would probably over-absorb Sylvarant's mana and go out of control.

After that, even I couldn't predict what tragedy would befall Sylvarant.

At the moment, the only thing I could do was sit and watch over them. Watch as Lloyd slowly finished the flute. Watch as they released disaster on the world. Watch… then guide them as the world fell around them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Marika's Notepad 

Kratos has two options. He can let the world be destroyed, or he can end the life of the one he cares about most. In many ways, Mithos must weigh the same dilemma.

Two powerful seraphim. Two worlds. What fate will befall them?

Find out next time in Tainted Disposition 30!

….or play the game.


	30. Conflicting Camaraderie

Finally, he finished. With a satisfied sigh, Lloyd placed the flute next to him, curled up in a blanket Presea had left for him beneath the linkite tree, and fell asleep.

I waited in the calm moonlight for a while, watching out for monsters as they slept peacefully. It seemed none of the monsters in the area would attack them if they were near the mystic tree. Good.

Though they would probably destroy part of Sylvarant and some of Tethe'alla tomorrow, I still didn't want them to die.

For now, there were other matters to attend to. Gathering my mana, I willed myself to the hall of the great seed.

Long mechanical tubes ran along the ground and walls of the ancient chamber. The settled and musty smell of a room that hadn't seen much use permeated the air. This, of course was misleading. I was certain that Mithos visited this room quite frequently. The reason?

Martel floated in the center of the room, suspended within a cryogenic chamber designed to preserve her body from the sands of time. In this way, she looked as though she were only asleep. If only that were the case… Mithos would never have lost his mind…

I shook away bitter memories. What happened in the past could not be reversed, despite Mithos's desires.

The glass encasing Martel's lifeless body was cold, one of the only signs that she was truly dead. The multitude of mechanic tubes which ran from her vessel to the great seed provided her body with the mana necessary to keep her preserved. However, it was a double-edged sword.

If the great seed were ever to germinate and grow, it would absorb her entirely.

Mithos was scared that this would happen, and rightfully he should be. However, there was one detail that could put his fears to rest. Something that he could never fully accept: the simple fact that Martel was already dead.

Yes, the great seed might absorb her mana and eventually her body, but if the process was reversed quickly enough, it could be undone without having any lasting effects on her.

And that was assuming the great seed would germinate. It would take a large dosage of mana to cause the tree to begin the process, and a continual feed of mana to keep it growing. Where would this mana come from?

Lloyd wasn't bright enough to think of a way to provide the great seed with mana. He probably didn't even know about the great seed yet. So how could he possibly….?

The renegades. Yuan.

The thought hit me like an unwanted splash of ice-water. How could I have been so blind?

Yes, if he were to help Lloyd… I was certain he could find a way. He could route mana from any number of human ranches, or even Derris Kharlan if he needed to.

That idiot. Didn't he realize what he would be doing?

Frantically, I searched the chamber, looking for any evidence of Yuan's tampering. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary.

Maybe I was accusing him too soon. It didn't seem like something he would want to do anyway… helping destroy the love of his life.

But, as I was quite familiar with by now, after years of losing that love, it was easy to let despair take over and overwhelm the soul…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

_This wasn't happening. This **couldn't** be happening._

_My beautiful Anna… "What have they done to you?"_

_Her only response was to lash out at me, her monstrously large green arm knocking me over with a suffocating force._

_"Anna no… this isn't you… this **can't** be you…" I shook my head, the unkempt strands of hair that betrayed my unrest for the past few days fell in front of my face, darkening my vision of her. _

_They had changed her. It had been a mere few hours since we were separated, and yet in that short time they had made the mana in her body go out of control and changed her._

_Wait… mana! That was the key! If I could restore the balance of mana to her body, then I could save her! But, I knew my limitations well. There was no chance in hell that I would be able to manipulate my mana in such a manner._

_But I knew someone who could._

_Unfortunately, he was far away. No matter, I would teleport and find Yuan and…_

_Noishe's__ whine pierced through the valley, alerting me to the scene before me. Noishe, in a self-sacrificing effort, had thrown herself in front of Anna's attack. The poor thing lay wounded on the forest floor._

_Noishe__ had done it to save Lloyd. _

_"Lloyd...!" How could I have forgotten him? My eyes widened as I realized that he was still standing in front of her, tears in his large brown eyes._

_"Ma… mama?"__ Lloyd's tiny plea was deafening in my skull. Anna's hand raised up, poised for yet another attack. Without thought, I flew towards him._

_I wasn't going to make it, but I had to! I had to save him!_

_And then…the world flashed white for a few precious moments._

_"Kratos… can you hear my voice?" _

_It was her. "Yes! Anna there's still a chance! Wait a minute and I'll bring Yuan, he can change you back to normal and…"_

_"There's no time Kratos! It's a miracle I've regained control this long. You must kill me!" She said, desperation in her voice._

_"Anna I love you, I couldn't possibly…"_

_"If you don't, the monster they have unleashed inside me will kill Lloyd. Please, save our son. **Kill me now!!!**" _

_The world flashed brightly again, and suddenly I was back, staring at the grotesque form they had changed her into. My hand found the hilt of my sword as her hand stayed poised in the air._

_Lloyd stood beside me, silent tears dribbling down his cheeks. I couldn't say why, but I think he knew what was about to happen._

_My dearest Anna… I could never fulfill your request. I could never kill you… could I?_

_That moment hung on forever, suspended in my memory._

_And then… the moment passed._

_As her hand came crashing down, intent on harming Lloyd, I let my instincts take over._

_In one fluid stroke, I plunged my sword through her heart._

_Her pained cry still haunts my soul. _

_As I pulled my sword from her, she fell down the hillside, into the forest below. Before I could go after her, an all too familiar voice and yet another wave of desians assaulted me. _

_"There's the traitor Kratos! Get him!" Kvar. His voice alone caused a flame of anger to ignite within me. He had killed her. He had…_

_Before I could even look up at him, the desians had charged forward, catching me in a mesh of blades and knocking me over._

_Desperate to avenge Anna, I raised my sword and began chanting the most powerful magical spell I knew. I would take down Kvar, his entire desian army, the Iselia ranch, and myself along with Anna._

_Fearfully, the desians began to back away. I smirked. They knew their end was near._

_"Daddy!"__ His voice was so small compared to the fearful cries of the desians that I nearly missed it. _

_I paused mid-spell, my thoughts suddenly on the only remaining light in my life. The spell circle shattered from around me and faded away. "Lloyd!"_

_For a brief second, I saw him reaching his tiny hand out to me, his other grasping something spherical and radiant. It had to be Anna's exsphere. How did he get that?_

_And then… he was gone. Waves of desians moved in-between us, surrounding me. Desperately, I fought my way to him. "Lloyd!"_

_I couldn't say how much time passed. Had it been hours or seconds? The only sensation I felt was that of battle, defeating desian after desian, reaching for my son…tormented by that wicked laughter… her horrible scream…_

_Suddenly, I was alone in the clearing, my chest heaving for every ragged breath, covered in my own blood and that of my enemies… and hers. I surveyed the clearing that was now strewn with corpses. Kvar was nowhere to be found. That bastard must have ran away at some point. _

_"Anna!" There was a chance that she could still be alive, it was small but possible. Quickly, I ran into the forest, following the broken saplings and bent tree limbs that marked her passing._

_By the time I found her, she had reverted back to her human form. I would have attempted to heal her, but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her bloodied and still form that she was gone forever. "Anna… oh Anna…." I clutched her body close, weeping for the first time in centuries._

_I didn't know how I could ever feel again… how could I go on without her? _

_Fortunately, my emo thoughts were short-lived._

_No sooner had I found Anna, sinking to my knees beside her body, when a panicked thought struck me._

_Lloyd._

_Suddenly, he appeared in my mind, his hand still reaching for me. I looked up, and around the forest. He was nowhere to be found. _

_Alarmed,, I stood, leaving my poor Anna on the grassy floor. "Lloyd!!!" _

_I ran through the forest. He had to be around here somewhere. "Lloyd! Can you hear me? Lloyd!!!" How I wished I could sense auras as she could._

_But she was gone._

_I nearly choked at the thought. She… was gone, but that didn't mean Lloyd was gone. Where was he? "Lloyd!!!"_

_I searched the forest until sundown; however, I found nothing but monsters and half-eaten desian corpses. Lloyd was a defenseless toddler. If one of the monsters had found him…_

_Despairingly, I returned to Anna's body, collapsing next to the love of my life. "I'm sorry Anna… it looks like I've failed you both…. I've failed…"_

_My own tears marred the starry nighttime sky. Slowly, all faded to black._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

I found myself back at the Derris Kharlan core system. Sometime during my memory flashback, I had traveled here. I grumbled, placing my hand on my head. Those weren't memories I ever cared to relive… and yet, they were my last memories of her.

The screen read: 99 complete.

Already in a somber mood, I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, the screen blinked: 100 complete!

Eagerly, I read the computer's results off the large screen. As I read, my face fell.

The worlds would have no chance of survival if the great seed geminated completely.

Once long ago, I had lost the only person I loved. The only person who had given me hope that there could be a brighter future.

I had lost Anna, but I wasn't about to lose Lloyd.

I had to warn them. Without another thought, I teleported to the tower of mana, catching them right before the final door to Aska and Luna. "Stop!"

"Kratos! Don't get in our way!" Lloyd growled, his hand on the hilt of his blade.

"Hear me out! The Derris-Kharlan Core-system just finished calculating its answer. If you form the pact with the summon spirit, the protection around the Great Seed will be completely lost!" I said, desperation probably leaking into my voice. I looked at his blank face and realized something terrible.

He was too stupid to know what that meant. Damn.

"And that's exactly what we desire!" The familiar voice alerted me to his attack. I blocked Yuan's blast of mana just in time. The half-elf ran past Lloyd's group, facing me in a way he probably thought was intimidating. It wasn't.

"Don't you understand?! What you're hoping for will not happen!" I said again, grasping my own blade tightly. I couldn't say why, but for some reason, Yuan had chosen _now_ to fight me. I could sense the battle close at hand.

"Silence! Do you think we'll pass up this opportunity?!" He shouted, readying another mana bolt. "Lloyd! Leave him to me! Go now! Form the pact with the Summon Spirit of Light!"

Obedient to everyone but me, as always, Lloyd ran past us and teleported away.

Though I moved to follow him, a bolt of lightning quickly intercepted my path.

Quickly, I deflected most of it away with my blade. "Yuan, this is madness! Why are you letting them do this?"

"Because even if I must sacrifice Martel, the worlds will be better off." Yuan responded as I thought he would, casting more lighting at me.

Again, I managed to deflect most of it away. After 4000 years, lightning still _stings_. "You know that isn't true, don't you? If you don't believe me, go to Derris Kharlan's core system! It has calculated that the worlds will perish."

"A likely story." Yuan continued to bar my path to the warp circle. By now, however, I was certain that it was too late. They were probably already battling Aska and Luna on the roof above. "Kratos, the great Kharlan tree is the hope of these people. Its very presence will bring unity to the worlds."

"In a world such as ours, broken, filled with chaos and tainted dreams, the great tree will only cause misery." Fixing Yuan with my sternest glare, I held my blade before me. "Yuan, I don't want to do this, but for the sake of these worlds, I will fight you. And I won't hold back."

"Oh?" He smirked, pulling forth his double edged weapon in one hand and readying a charge of mana-lightning in the other. "Then for the sake of these worlds, I will fight as well."

After cuing the super badass battle music, I ran forward, swinging to the left. Though he deflected the blow quickly, it still knocked him off the ledge, onto the floor two stories below. I shook my head, watching as he nimbly flipped, landing on his feet while balancing himself with one hand. "You never knew when to give up."

"Give up? We just started!" He shouted, crushing the lightning in the palm of his hand. That move…

Before I could react, the lightning struck me from behind, throwing me off the ledge. As I plummeted to the floor below, I flipped backwards, landing cleanly on my feet and poised for action. "Humph. A minor setback."

He was calling a larger, more powerful, spell to him. Mana circled around him in a way that could certainly spell doom for this entire floor of the tower. Fortunately, I knew a good way to stop that.

I leaned down, swiping a small pebble from the tower's floor, and in the same movement, slung it at the mad spellcaster.

The pebble hit him cleanly on the forehead. "Cheater!!!" Yuan stopped casting, his spell circle shattering and fading away around him. This bought me just enough time to fly to his side.

Unfortunately for Yuan, I knew his weakness. His mana manipulation was excellent, but he held the key to his own downfall in his hands: his double sided blade.

At this close proximity, he would have no choice but to fight me with his ridiculous weapon.

I attacked with my sword from the right. He blocked with the left side of his blade. Expected.

I swung from the left. He blocked with the right side. Not bad.

But not great either.

Before he could bring the other side of his weapon around, I thrust the hilt of my sword into his chest. That was enough to send him flying back, crashing into one of the decorative light mirrors.

This was my chance. Leaving the battered half-elf, I flew back up to the warp circle and teleported up, Yuan somehow close behind me.

An earthquake greeted us. Oh no…

"You did it!" Yuan was ecstatic. Stupid half-elf.

"No!" There was nothing I could do. Light flooded the land below, emanating from the tower of Salvation. All any of us could do was watch as the twisted form of the giant Kharlan tree grew, its roots strangling the land.

A wave of energy burst forth from the tree, crushing all in its path and decimating the nearby town of Palmacosta.

"What's happening?!" Little did he know, but this was just a small taste of what would come if we didn't right the mistake Lloyd had made.

"Oh my g…" Apparently even the stupid chosen hadn't expected this.

"Is that… the Giant Kharlan Tree?" At least Genis knew what was going on.

"…That person…I feel like I've met her somewhere before." Colette's quiet voice was filled with sorrow. We all followed her gaze to a very familiar figure indeed.

Martel had reappeared inside the tree.

"Martel!" Yuan nearly choked on her name. I could tell that he was truly reconsidering his decision now. He never expected to watch her die again. He was probably in much-deserved pain.

Even Raine recoiled a bit. "Martel? That woman about to be consumed by the tree is Martel?"

"She reminds me of someone. She reminds me of…" Colette continued to blather on. Were it any other time, I would have been slightly curious as to who Martel reminded her of, but now was not the time for these thoughts.

"Why would Martel reappear with that giant, grotesque tree?" Clearly Yuan was upset. It served him right.

This mess was going to take a lot of clean up. Disgruntled with the situation, I sighed. "I was afraid this would happen…"

Finally, Lloyd listened to me. "What do you mean?"

Delighted by his attempt to learn something, I explained. "Having lost the stability afforded by the protection of the Summon Spirits, the Great Seed has gone out of control."

Yuan, resilient as ever, tried to argue. "No! The purpose of the Summon Spirits was to isolate the Great Seed from the outside world and prevent it from growing!"

Apparently, I had to explain to him as well. "That was only half of it. The two worlds were forced out of phase by Yggdrasill. They should have drifted apart from each other and have been consumed by the void. But this was prevented from happening because the Great Seed was placed in the center between the two worlds."

He rebuked, "I don't need a lecture from you to know that!"

Patiently, I continued to explain. "The great seed is constantly being pulled upon from both worlds as they try to separate from one another. It's a miracle that this delicate balance held up for even this long."

I finally got through his thick and misconceived skull. "…Wait! So the mana links served as a cage to contain the Great Seed in the space between the two worlds? Is that what you're saying?"

"Exactly. And because you provided the unstable great seed with mana, it germinated in a twisted form and has gone out of control. It's even engulfed Martel." I looked over at Lloyd, checking to see if he was absorbing any of this rapid-fire information.

Lloyd took that as a cue to start talking. He shouldn't have. "Who cared why this happened! I wanna know what's gonna happen if we can't stop this thing!"

Thankfully, Yuan responded before I had to. "…If what Kratos says is true, then Sylvarant will be consumed and destroyed by the Great Seed. And if Sylvarant is destroyed, Tethe'alla will be destroyed as well, as it is linked by the Holy Ground of Kharlan and the Otherworldy Gate."

"Then everyone will die." Presea stated the obvious in her eerie emotion-less way.

"Everyone except that twisted tree and the angels that live on Derris-Kharlan." I agreed.

Nervously, Genis toyed with his kendama, waving his hand in an unusual manner. "We have to do something!"

Sheena shook her head. I could tell that she was upset with the situation, but also remorseful for the part she had played in creating it. "But what can we do?!"

Regal fixed his calm but stern eyes on my misguided friend. "Yuan. How do you plan to rectify this situation?"

Yuan paused, standing in quiet reflection. After a long awkward silence, he responded. "We can cut off the mana flow and stop the seed from receiving any more mana."

"But that won't subdue the Giant Tree. The process has already begun." Recalling the core system results, I pointed out the unfortunate problem.

The idiot chosen looked as if he had been holding onto a question for far too long. Finally, he blurted it out. "Is the giant tree going crazy like that in Tethe'alla too?"

At least it was a valid question. "Highly unlikely. Although I imagine they are feeling some effects, such as earthquakes."

Raine was quick to catch on. "…that makes sense. Because Colette activated the process of world regeneration, the Summon spirits of Sylvarant are not active. Therefore, the giant tree was drawn over here by Sylvarant's summon spirits."

Bravo Raine. Her intellect was truly remarkable for her age. "Correct. The summon spirits exchange their respective roles of yin and yang each time a Chosen's quest for world regeneration succeeds. Currently the summon spirits of sylvarant are carrying out the role of yang by providing the mana. But because the giant tree has over absorbed sylvarant's mana, it has gone out of control."

After my explanation, I looked to Lloyd, expecting to have to repeat myself once again in simpler terms. Remarkably, he had followed along. "….If that's the case, couldn't we neutralize it by blasting it with the power of opposing Summon Spirits?"

Genis was surprised as well. "…Whoa, Lloyd!!! You actually understood what we were talking about?"

Flustered, Lloyd growled back, "Shut it, Genis! Professor once said that the negative and positive of a magnet neutralize each other. This is kind of the same thing, right?"

Raine was quick to deliver a backhanded compliment. "That's not quite right, Lloyd, but nonetheless it's a clever idea coming from you."

For the past few minutes, Sheena had remained silent, likely contemplating the idea of using the summon spirits. Finally, she sighed, "Even if we did decide to try and set the summon spirits of Tethealla against it, how are we gonna go about doing that? We can't get close to that crazy thing the way it is now."

"…the Mana Cannon." For once, Yuan's idea made sense.

"Mana Cannon? That machine Rodyle was building?" Presea asked.

"We were actually manipulating Rodyle into building that." Yuan was quick to explain. "Before the mana links started to disappear, we planned to have Rodyle destroy the Tower of Salvation."

"So you're suggesting we feed the mana of Tethe'alla's summon spirits into the mana cannon and fire it at the giant tree." I restated the proposal in Lloyd-friendly terms, checking quickly to make sure he was still following. He was. "Hmm…"

I paused again, catching Raine's eye. She was watching me, waiting for some sort of signal. Apparently she remembered our last conversation. Hopefully, she was beginning to trust me again. "I suppose there's no better option right now."

As I suspected, Raine was now quite willing to follow my lead. "First, we need to shut off the current flow of mana to the tree. It'll be too late if the tree grows any larger."

She was on my side. Despite the grim situation, a small part of me was relieved. Easily, I assumed control of the party once again. "Then here's the plan. Yuan, I'm going to pretend I don't know who you've been working with or what you've been doing. In exchange, you're going to order the renegades to stop firing mana at the tree immediately. Meanwhile, Lloyd's group will head for the mana cannon."

Though he hesitated, Yuan realized that my course of action was the best option. "…All right."

Suddenly, the earth rumbled around us. While the sickeningly familiar feeling caused some of us to scramble for footing, a random guard reported quickly to Yuan. "It's not possible, sir! Forcystus has executed our Iselia ranch infiltration team!"

"What does that mean?" Good old Lloyd.

Yuan decided to explain this one. "...the Iselia ranch is still operational. We had people working undercover switch over the mana flow."

Zelos pieced things together quickly. "In other words we have to infiltrate the place right now and stop the flow."

Knowing that it would be a challenging task, I stated, "…then I shall go."

"You? Are you suggesting we should send you, our enemy, to do this by yourself?" Regal pointed out that glaring problem again. I understood his concern. He was indeed a wise man, however, I wished he hadn't mentioned that.

Yuan sensed the tension and tried to amend the problem. "I'll send some of my men."

I would have liked to go along with his simple solution, but for the sake of the world, I couldn't. "Preparations for the mana cannon, the shutdown of the mana reactors through the world—there are too many things we need the renegades to do. You don't have enough troops to do everything."

"…I'll go." Lloyd volunteered.

"What are you saying?! We have to head for the mana cannon!" Sheena cried out, panic evident in her voice.

"You and the renegades can take care of the mana cannon. Kratos and the rest of us will infiltrate the Iselia ranch. Fire the mana cannon when we give you the word. You wouldn't be able to trust the signal if it came from Kratos alone, right?" These were all valid reasons for Lloyd to accompany me, but I could tell that they weren't the true reason he wished to go to the Iselia ranch. Now what could that _real _reason be…?

"Well, that's true, but…" Sheena faltered.

When I remembered the crucial detail, I smirked. My my. Lloyd was indeed a natural leader. And quite good at fibbing. "…Is it about Chocolat?"

Colette quickly piped up. "That's right! Chocolat is held at the Iselia ranch. Lloyd, you remembered your promise." She smiled warmly at Lloyd.

I could have been mistaken, but I believe they shared a so-called "moment" amiss the turmoil of this sticky situation.

Yuan was either unsympathetic or unobservant, for he shattered it quickly. "All right. We'll leave it to you then. Don't let us down."

Lloyd nodded "….Let's go, guys!"

We parted ways then, Yuan escorted Sheena to the Mana Cannon, and I went with Lloyd's party. Though I once again walked alongside them, I could tell that they viewed me differently.

I was not the same person they had known in the past. Their view of me had changed dramatically. To them, I was no longer Kratos - the benevolent mercenary whose intent was solely to help Colette on her journey of regeneration. I was now Kratos - the evil angel of Cruxis who wanted their lives.

In their eyes, sensed the word "Traitor."

Of course, some of them were far less skeptical of me than others. Colette in particular seemed happy that I was back, and Raine was also content, though alert.

Most of them were doubtful of me. Genis had not let go of his kendama since I rejoined their party. I wanted to find a way to put them at ease for now, but I knew that would most likely be impossible.

Lloyd, in particular, was livid. Though he appeared only slightly agitated on the surface, I could sense the turmoil that brewed within his teenage soul.

_"He trusted you."_ Raine's words drifted through the very air around me. Little did any of them (except Regal) know, but Lloyd had a much better reason to be upset with me.

We were nearly at the Iselia ranch. After disposing a few monsters, Lloyd finally broke the silence between us. "Hard to believe I'm fighting together with you again like this."

"…Heh. Does it displease you?" What kind of a question was that? Obviously it displeased him, though the human part of me wished it didn't.

"Oh, please…" Lloyd gave me a nearly patronizing sigh. "Of course I'm not happy about it." As an afterthought, he added. "And I don't trust you either."

"Good. That's how you should be. Because you and I…" I hesitated, which was becoming a more common and aggravating trend. I didn't want to finish this sentence.

Lloyd looked at me expectantly, his anger almost completely replaced by befuddlement, wondering what I could possibly have to say.

In one simple statement, I pushed him away from me. "…are enemies."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Omake-weird time! AKA: Marika's Notepad

Lloyd: I can't believe it took her 3 months to write this…

Kratos: It actually took her a month and a half, then she put off posting for another couple months.

Lloyd: ….how do you always know _everything?!!!_

Kratos: I'm on her computer background….though I wish I wasn't. :sigh: So much time wasted on this "facebook" and "AIM"…

Raine: Like you should be talking. You're addicted to badfiction.

Kratos:shudders: Don't… remind me…Lloyd!!! Just do the preview!

Lloyd: Fiiiiiiiiine. Next time, Kratos and I will be fighting side-by-side again against Forcystus! What will happen after the battle? Will Kratos do something mysterious and unexplainable again? Or will I be overcome by teenage angst? Find out next time on Tainted Disposition!

Kratos: …..and?

Lloyd: Oh yeah! And please review!


	31. Conflicting Events

It was time to start that dreadful chore again: checking off the boxes in the grocery list my life had become.

Enemies with my son? Check.

Ditched said son and his merry group of misfits? No check yet.

Avoided Pronyma? Check.

I had taken that final step, voicing what appeared to be the truth of the matter, and I knew that Lloyd would never again look at me with those same 'hoping-we-were-still-on-the-same-team' eyes.

Lloyd appeared taken aback. Surely he must have expected my answer, but it seemed that words were more potent than thoughts.

My own thoughts were riddled with concern.

Regal knew my secret. As I thought of the chivalrous duke, and the knowledge he held of my relation to Lloyd, I glanced in his direction. Gauging his reaction, I was shaken to find it disturbingly similar to that of Yuan in the tower of salvation.

Beneath Regal's composed exterior lay pity.

Deciding that the awkward silence that followed was less than thrilling, I asked, "Why did you bring me along? You don't need me in order to stop the mana reactor."

"Because I don't trust Cruxis." Lloyd answered, keeping his eyes firmly on the pathway ahead. The only reason I could fathom for his peculiar behavior was that he had indeed believed me. He truly believed we were now enemies again. "It just happens that this time our goals, your goals, and those of the renegades coincide, but we don't know what's going to happen next. It's easier to keep an eye on you if you're close by."

"I see. A wise decision." I had to admit, I was impressed with his logic. Not long ago, I believed him to be a common simpleton incapable of comprehending grade-school mathematics. Indeed, his homework proved it. However, Lloyd's mental capabilities had grown along with his physical power.

I had to force away the light smile that threatened to touch my lips. What was this warm feeling? My son hated me now, I knew it. Why then, were his actions filling me with such…

Pride? Yes, pride.

It was obvious now. Lloyd was no longer that small baby I used to rock to sleep into the late hours of the night. He wasn't even the toddler that I carried on my shoulders when we had a long way to travel.

Lloyd had truly found himself now. He was capable of standing on his own in every way. As I looked around, I knew that his companions felt the same way about him. They believed in him. Only someone who believed in himself could truly inspire such belief from others.

Unfortunately, those convictions weren't always right. In the past, my own convictions had led myself and others astray once…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_"What a mess..." I was vaguely aware of Yuan's voice, drifting down to me from some unseen place above. "When I heard about the disaster, I expected something bad, but this? I didn't expect this."_

_Yuan's chiding yet disappointed voice was maddening, "I had thought… **hoped **… that it might have been Forcystus or Kvar just causing trouble, but here you are, laying in a field of Cruxis corpses. Your son is nowhere to be seen, and it looks like you even killed her. Anna and Lloyd are gone from our world now, aren't they?"_

_He waited, expecting me to object, to say something, but my soul was far too broken._

_"You moron… I guess you couldn't do it after all," He sighed, touching my arm. I could see the outline of a faint white teleportation circle around us. "I've lead the search teams astray and made up hundreds of excuses to cover for you, but this… I can't explain this. I suppose there's no helping it now… I'm taking you home."_

_…………………………………………………………………………………………………………_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ugh. Why were these memories coming back to me now? I hated them, yet deep within me, I craved them.

I remembered now, Yuan brought me back to Cruxis after that incident… but what happened after that?

A sharp pain stabbed through the front of my skull, jarring me into a short wince.

I couldn't remember.

The time between my return and when I began working for Cruxis, for Mithos, again… it had completely vanished from my memory.

In fact, I couldn't recall anything else around that incident. It made no sense, after all, working in service for the person who had caused the world and myself so much agony. And yet… here I was. Again, doing his bidding.

Well, sort of. I had my own agenda now. If Lloyd continued to progress, the world would be free from Mithos's clutches soon enough.

But what could ever prompt me to do such a thing?

I continued to mull over the bleak answerless question. Fortunately, the memory had hit me during the walk to Iselia's ranch, when nobody really cared to talk to me anyway.

We reached the ranch without further incident. Lloyd furiously avoided me, hanging along beside Colette and Genis instead. I had noticed from the very start of their adventure that the three were close friends. It seemed that this journey had only strengthened that friendship.

The three moved to the front of the party, examining the gate to the ranch.

"How are we going to get in? The gate's closed." Genis puzzled, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"I'll jump down inside from the cliff and open the door." Lloyd responded easily. Why did I get the feeling he had done this before?

"No, let me go. I can simply fly over a gate like this." Without waiting for their response, I did exactly as I said, and deactivated the gate from the other side.

Lloyd's reaction was a mixture of surprise, uneasiness, and fury. Eventually, he settled on mildly concealed unhappiness.

He ignored me for the next few minutes. Surprise, surprise.

We ran through the corridors of the ranch, working as a silent but efficient team to stealthily take down our foes.

Finally, we came to an altar, and Lloyd realized that we needed to split the party into two groups.

"Lloyd, three of us can accompany you to take down the mana reactor. The others will form a team to save the prisoners," Raine summarized the situation carefully then looked towards the brooding teenager. "Who will you choose?"

I surveyed the group, realizing that I would have to be on a different team than Lloyd. I was the strongest of them all, for one, and…

"Raine, Zelos, and Kratos," Lloyd said firmly, looking at us each in turn.

For a moment, I stood still. Had I misheard him?

As if answering my unspoken question, Lloyd said confidently, "I will need each of you and your unique skills to take down this reactor." His gaze fell on the others. "Regal, Presea, Genis, and Colette… I'm counting on you to rescue the prisoners."

Though he hadn't said much, everyone shared his determination. Inspired, we all departed.

After Raine and Zelos expressed their happiness to be on his team, I added my own commentary. "I will observe how far your skills with the blade have progressed."

Did Lloyd just hold back a scowl?

I turned aside, smirking. Yes, he really was my son.

We rescued Chocolat, and I believe Colette and Lloyd shared another 'moment.' The sentimentality, however, was as fleeting as our footsteps while we ran through the base.

We ran through a series of flashing lights and doors. Lloyd insisted on grabbing a bunch of junky items in chests along the way. I don't think I will ever understand his fascination with that.

Finally, we reached Forcystus's chamber.

A look of recognition crossed Lloyd's face immediately. Fortunately, his was a look of disgust.

Good, this would make fighting the desian easier.

In fact, both Raine and Zelos seemed bitter with Forcystus as well. They attempted to reason with him, giving valid arguments, but their efforts seemed to be in vain. Seeing that they were failing, I stepped in. "The Great Seed is invaluable to Yggdrasill. If you stand in our way, the Great Seed will die, and you will be held responsible." Certainly, that would make him understand…

"Hahahha!! You have no idea what you're talking about! I am under direct orders from Lord Yggdrasill himself!" What. An. Idiot. Did Mithos always appoint mental rejects into positions of power? No wait… maybe Mithos himself was to blame for this problem.

"Martel is fused with the Great Seed… are you saying that fool would go this far just to protect her?" I scowled, angered again by another of Mithos's rash decisions.

Finally, Forcystus looked at me with an eye of scrutiny. "You speak as if you know him, human. Who are you?"

Before I could answer him, Zelos interjected, "Your babbling is driving me nuts! Let's just ignore this idiot. We don't have time to be dealing with the Desian's victim complex."

"I know!" Lloyd gripped his two blades, growling. "You're going to pay for what you did to Marble!"

Marble? Apparently I missed some storyline earlier, or perhaps didn't pay attention to it, but if Lloyd was ready to fight, then I was too.

Lloyd had indeed progressed with the blade. I hung back, supporting him rather than trying to strike the finishing blows as I had with our battle with Kvar. At that time, I had fought with pure rage marring my thoughts. This time, I let Lloyd take on the Desian while I dealt with his flunkies, keeping an eye on Lloyd's health.

As I was about to cast a healing spell on him, I felt the rejuvenating effects of a healing circle around us all. Raine smiled from the back and waved. And… oh my. Did she just wink?

Zelos and Lloyd continued with their flashy moves until Forcystus was teetering on the brink of his demise. Once I finished with his flunkies, I joined the two in their fight against the wind master.

Lloyd broke ahead of Zelos, rushing forward and catching the desian's loose tunic with the tip of his blades, thrusting him back.

Never the one to waste a perfectly good opportunity, Zelos glanced sidelong at me, then indicated with a small nod of his head towards Lloyd. I could read the look he was giving me. _You see how much he's improved, don't you? He'll be better than you soon._

It was true, at least, I hoped it would be.

Quickly, I glanced at Raine. Apparently, she wasn't watching us, her perceptive eyes solely trained on Lloyd.

_Later._ I mouthed to Zelos. I had to get in touch with that annoying Chosen again soon. Someone had to push them in the right direction.

It didn't take us long to dispatch Forcystus. With our combined efforts, we finished him in two minutes.

Forcystus clutched his chest, stumbling backwards. "Ugh… im… possible… to be defeated… by mere humans…" Unfortunately for him, that last step was a doozie.

I watched without pity as he fell into the dark depths of the Iselia human ranch's circuitry far below.

Lloyd had an even shorter attention span. "Now we can stop the mana reactor!" He ran to the screen, his fingers itching to shut it down, then dropped his hands with a look of defeat. "I… don't have a _clue _what any of this stuff does!"

"Not surprising," I commented, brushing past him then gazing critically at the multitude of useless buttons and dials. "I'll handle this."

Lloyd watched as I shut the reactor down. It's really not as hard as it sounds when you have a hand in building it.

"You sure are handy with everything – swordsmanship, magic, and even operating machines," Lloyd marveled. Oh, if only he knew the half of it.

Glancing at him briefly, a smirk tugged at my lips.

_Well you see Lloyd, I'm actually a 4000+ year old human-turned-angel. Not only did I help build all the human ranches, but I also helped create the entire religion that both of the worlds revolve around! Worship my feet, boy. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that I'm your father?_

"I've lived a little longer than most humans," I wisely decided to summarize.

"Lived longer? So you're a half-elf too? But then again, he called you human earlier…" Lloyd began to get that look that said that if he thought anymore, he would either uncover a large plot device far too early in the game or fry half his brain with the effort. Possibly both.

I steered him back on track before he could continue that line of thought. "Focus on what's important. We must stop the Giant Tree."

"Yeah," he agreed.

As we finished cleaning up the leftover junk in the ranch (leftover Desians,) we finally made it back into the light of day.

"Lloyd! I'm so glad you're safe!" Colette and Lloyd began to rejoice, happy to see each other. "Yeah! All we need to do now is contact Sheena and…"

A warm feeling touched me as I watched them. It was hard to not be filled with a strange sense of hope.

Even as I watched this happy scene, something tugged at the corners of my memory. Something about the design of the ranch….

It hit me. That pit at the bottom of the Iselia human ranch… it had a bottom didn't it? And what's more… that bottom had an exit…

"You will do no such thing." Forcystus reappeared, readying and aiming his arm cannon at Lloyd.

_No!_ I thought, feeling time slow around me as the charged pulse left the desian's cannon. I wanted to move, but could only remain a spectator in the half second it took for the bullet to reach its destination.

_Don't die Lloyd, please don't die!_

The pulse hit him in the chest, singing both his clothes and skin as it threw him backwards. I wanted to reach for him, to heal him…

Heal. As I thought of the word, my eyes flitted to Raine quickly. She appeared to be carefully scrutinizing Lloyd, while keeping her guard up against Forcystus. She was undoubtedly the best healer among us, and she wasn't making any move to help him.

Knowing that Raine wouldn't willing let Lloyd die, I breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed he was in luck today.

"I am one of the Five Grand Cardinals… I won't die so easily! I'm taking all of you inferior beings with me!" Forcystus continued to sprout his propaganda, heedless of the danger that _he_ himself was in.

I glared at him, but maintained my composure. "So this is how the great Desian hero Forcystus meets his end. I'm disappointed."

It took him a moment. It really did. But finally, he understood. "I see… I get it now. I wondered how a mere human could exude the smell of mana. You're Kratos."

"What of it?" I had nothing to fear now, they already knew that much about me.

"Lord Yggdrasill trusted you. Yet in the end, you betray us! This is why humans can never be trusted!" For some reason, he aimed his cannon at Chocolat, again firing before I could reach him.

Without a moment's hesitation, Colette dove in front of the blast.

Her golden locks of hair fell around her and she clung to her shoulder immediately.

Hot tempered, and rightfully so considering that Forcystus had recently shot him too, Lloyd staggered to his feet. All eyes were trained on him as he screamed, "No! You bastard!" With a cry of anger, he thrust his swords into Forcystus, skewering the half elf one final time.

"Lord Yggdrasill! Glory to the new age of half-elves!" Rather than die a pulpy, ugly death, he simply disappeared as everything seemed to do when Lloyd was around.

The first thing Lloyd did was stumble to Colette's aid, only to find the terrible secret that she had been hiding from them for so long. Due to Lloyd's mediocre skills at crafting key crests, she had been poisoned by her Cruxis crystal.

The situation was tense, and a deafening silence fell about the group…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

_"Martel, why did you hide this from us?!"__ Yuan stammered, clutching his betrothed's arm and staring at the greenish scales with horror._

_Fidgeting uncomfortably, she merely replied quietly, "I didn't want to alarm any of you. And besides, we have more important matters to attend to." She twisted her arm out of Yuan's grasp, then glanced meaningfully at Mithos._

_"This stupid war and the stupid world can come later! You're the most important thing to us!" Yuan shouted, making me wince a little and glare ruefully in his direction._

_"Calm down Yuan. Your shouting won't help her," I said, knowing full well that logic wouldn't help right now._

_"But what are we going to do?! We can't just leave her like this! She'll –"_

_"Of course we won't." Mithos finally piped in, quietly. "Like Yuan said, the world can wait to tear itself apart. We are finding a cure for Martel first."_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The old memory drifted back to me, and I suddenly understood the position Lloyd was in. I decided then that, regardless of the consequences, I would help them cure Colette.

Determined to save her, he decided that we should return to Iselia, despite the fact that he and Genis had both been exiled recently. If nothing else, Lloyd certainly had guts.

As we walked through the forest, I heard Lloyd murmuring to Colette, both exchanging awkward glances.

"Colette, is… your body ok?" Lloyd asked, obviously unsure of what he should say.

"Yes. I'm sorry to worry you," she responded quietly, looking at the ground in front of her as if being afflicted with the illness was her fault.

"I see," Lloyd nodded, satisfied with the answer. "That's good, then."

"I wonder if…" Colette began, then trailed off.

Lloyd leaned closer, trying to hear her words, "Hmm?"

Colette hesitated, but decided to continue, "…if this is a punishment? Because I quit the world regeneration…"

Lloyd scoffed, "Nonsense! You suffered through all of that all by yourself! How could anyone want to punish that?!" As he spoke, I noticed his heartbeat quicken, his calm composure broken.

Though she didn't say much more, I knew that Colette was overcome with feeling and emotion. If she could have, she probably would have cried. "Thank you, Lloyd."

To my surprise, the girl looked back at me, waving me over. "Kratos, I can say this now. Thank you for watching over me back then, during my angelic transformation."

"I was just doing as ordered," I attempted to calmly respond.

"Maybe you did, but…" Colette's smile broadened. "You didn't have to look after us so much. You stayed up with me when I couldn't sleep, got hurt for us, and even saved Lloyd whenever he…"

"You're welcome," I interjected quickly, for some reason not wanting this embarrassing tirade to continue.

She took my hand, smiling kindly again. "I believe in you, Kratos," she said quietly, then fell back to speak with Raine.

Left alone with Lloyd after a more than awkward conversation, I wanted nothing more than to be done with them, but I had just vowed to myself that I'd help Colette, hadn't I? I couldn't leave them yet.

"That Forcystus guy was a little different from the other Five Grand Cardinals," Lloyd's comment caught me by surprise after the former conversation. Then again, his train of thought rarely made any sense.

"He…" I paused, thinking of the best way to phrase things. "...was a Desian hero that once killed every member of a group of humans that were leading a massacre of half-elves."

Lloyd looked at me perplexedly, "…a hero?"

"It is said that he was full of knightly virtue, kind to his companions, and a fierce god of death to his enemies," he had been friends with Yuan, I recalled.

The hazy cloud of a memory tried to push its way into my head, but I shook it away, focusing intently on Lloyd.

"From a human point of view, he's a horrible villain, but to the half-elves, he must have been a true hero." Was that not what I just said?

"Yes. That's why war is so tragic," I explained. "To win means to make victims of your opponents and give birth to hatred."

Lloyd remained quiet for a couple minutes, mulling my words over in his head. Just as I thought he had surely lost interest, he said, "If Forcystus had been born in a world where we accepted each other, we might have been able to get along."

It was my turn to be surprised. Lloyd had come up with that on his own? "…Yes, perhaps so."

Soon, we walked through the main gates of the town. Lloyd and Genis both seemed a bit hesitant, but strode through with somewhat of an air of confidence.

I had to admit, I was proud when he faced the mayor of Iselia, rebuking his weak logic and earning himself and Genis the right to return back to their home village.

As much as I would have liked to stay with Lloyd and his merry group of misfits, I knew that could not be my fate. They had to care for Colette, and I also had other things to attend to. I would accompany them to Dirk's house, then leave them to their own devices.

On our way, I found myself walking next to Lloyd again. It seemed his previous anger with me had passed after our last conversation.

It occurred to me that perhaps he wasn't as shallow as I had assumed. Lloyd was more intelligent, courageous, and forgiving than I had originally imagined.

Had Dirk really instilled all of these good qualities in the boy? I had heard much about the "Dwarven Vows." Could they really hold this much weight?

Curious to know more about Lloyd's new father before we met him again, I asked, "How much of Dwarven techniques did your father inherit?"

"How much?" Lloyd answered, a little perplexed. "All of it, I guess."

"The dwarves who chose not to join Cruxis lost a variety of skills in exchange for their freedom," I commented, not proud of Mithos's decision. Thinking back, it occurred to me that Dirk was likely much older than he appeared. "Your father is almost certainly one of those survivors."

"I see…" Lloyd trailed off, caught in his own thoughts. "So that's why Dad and Altessa don't know the same things."

Another unpleasant thought occurred to me. "It pains me to say this, but the Chosen's illness may be beyond Dirk's ability to cure."

"No!..." His breath caught in his throat. I glanced to the side to see how he was doing and noticed him clenching both his fists and jaw. "I… I have to believe that he can, and if he can't, then Altessa _must_ be able to."

"Keep that hope Lloyd," I said, turning to face him, gauging his reaction.

Lloyd seemed torn. And…

Oh no.

I could sense it coming, that inevitable….

Teenage angst moment.

"I didn't know anything… " Lloyd began. "About Mom, the exspheres…"

Oh dear. This was worse than I expected. "…Yes." I feebly replied.

"When will I finally be able to stop saying, 'I didn't know?'" He sighed, exasperated.

I waited to see if he felt like spilling a bit more, then put together what I _hoped_ was the appropriate response. "Not knowing is not a crime. Crime is remaining complacent in your ignorance and feeling no shame. Humans are…" I hesitated. "…far too powerless to know everything."

"Yeah, I guess you're right…" the teenage boy continued to wallow in self pity. "But I still hate the fact that I didn't know. I feel so ashamed for not knowing anything about my parents."

Oh Lloyd…

I couldn't respond, choking on the words I wanted to say. The presence of the others in the group became a painful but necessary burden. I had to keep up the pretense that I wasn't his father.

I pushed down whatever sentimental feelings attempted to bubble to the surface, though I heard my voice soften, "Your parents care only that you are well. Even if you don't know anything about them, your safety is enough."

Lloyd's home came into view. He continued to walk on, not giving me the slightest glance. "…I wonder if you're right. I hope so."

Troublesome sentimental thoughts remained in my head as we entered the dwarven abode.

"Lloyd!" The dwarf who had raised Lloyd all these years exclaimed when we arrived, a happy smile plastered across his rosy cheeks.

"Dad! How've you been? Have you been affected by the earthquakes?" Lloyd asked. Every time he said that word to Dirk… I winced a little inside. Feeling out of place, especially after our recent conversation, I lingered by the door, not stepping too far into the home.

"I've been just fine, son. This house is built on solid bedrock!" He shared a happy story or two with Lloyd, which I listened to closely, wishing to learn as much as I could about the dwarf who had raised my son.

It seemed sudden when Dirk's perceptive eyes settled on me. I felt uneasy again, as if he could see straight through me. I couldn't say why, I but it seemed like he knew exactly who I was. "Lloyd, you've brought _Kratos _back with you?"

The way he said my name…

A black hole could have opened underneath our feet and I probably wouldn't have noticed anything other than that oddly perceptive expression resting on Dirk's face. Logically, I knew that I must be older than him, but it seemed to me then that Dirk was ageless in his knowledge.

"Dirk, we are here by the request of Colette's family. They wish for you to help her," I stated before Lloyd could answer, desiring to be done with this place as quickly as possible.

The dwarf's gaze continued to penetrate my skull, boring deep into the now mushy nexus of my brain. "I'm afraid, even if Cruxis Crystals are an evolved form of Exsphere, I still don't know the first thing about them. It'd be a better idea to ask a dwarf over in that Tethe'alla place."

"Oh… so even you don't know anything about these, " Lloyd said sadly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be of help," Dirk replied, truly sorry. "At least stay here for the night and get some rest."

Stay here with Lloyd's "dad"? No thanks. "I must politely decline." Before he could respond, I walked through the door, back into the chilly outside air.

_Dirk knows I'm Lloyd's father._

There was no other explanation. I sighed into the night, disgruntled with the universe. Even though I had taken pains to hide this fact from everyone, it seemed that yet another knew my secret.

As I gazed into the nighttime sky, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. I could finally breathe again. Seeing Lloyd with his "father" always made me feel uneasy.

"_How long has he known?_" I wondered. "_And, for that matter, why hasn't he told Lloyd?_"

I had betrayed my son, leaving him alone for all of those years, never searching for him after that day...

Why hadn't I searched for him?

As I tried to recall the memory, a painful stab greeted my head. It seemed I wasn't ready to remember this just yet.

But… Dirk had been a good father to the boy - that much was apparent. Lloyd was happy, wasn't he? And isn't that what truly mattered?

As I was about to leave, Lloyd called after me. "Wait!"

I did as commanded and turned around, waited for the boy to catch up.

He stopped next to me, an exasperated and confused look on his face. "Are you leaving?"

I arched an eyebrow, fixing him with a sardonic look. "Did you not just hear what I said?"

"I did, but I guess it's just… that's not what I really meant," Lloyd seemed to trip over his own words, eager to find the right expression.

A smirk touched my lips. Apparently some things would never change. "Then please, rephrase your question."

Lloyd took a breath, and I could sense him mentally steeling himself for something. "Are you really going back to Cruxis?"

I was shocked. Lloyd cared about me? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Besides, didn't he dislike me now? What had changed his mind?

Left to grapple with multiple questions, I almost didn't pay attention to Lloyd himself. He seemed so distraught that I was tempted again to throw all caution to the wind and stay with his group. However, I knew that was something I could not do.

"_I want to stay with you Lloyd and protect you… I want to be a father to you, more than anything._" I sighed, not voicing either thought.

I couldn't stay here. The longer I did, the closer Lloyd would come to the truth, and the weaker my resolve to leave would be. I had to say something now, to change his mind as quickly as possible.

"I am an angel of Cruxis," I said, settling for a simple explanation.

"Then… then why didn't you follow Yggdrasill's orders and leave the Great Seed alone?"

That was a good question. Why did I want to face "Yggie's" wrath? "I have my reasons. That's all. But, as a result, Martel was not lost. That goes along with Yggdrasill's wishes."

The answer seemed to satisfy Lloyd, whose spirits were subsequently crushed. "It's true then. You really _are _our enemy."

"Lloyd…" _I'm not your enemy, far from it, in fact…_

The words were never spoken.

"What?"

Rather than fight with him about that, I decided to try something else. Colette. I still had to help them save Colette. "If you want to save the Chosen, you should research the records from the Ancient Kharlan War. Remember the words of the unicorn at Lake Umacy."

I truly hoped that he would listen to me. I didn't want to see Colette die, and if Lloyd were to follow my clues, he stood the chance of saving her.

"Wait! Why are you with Cruxis when you are a human?!" Lloyd called desperately after me, but I ignored his question, intently concentrating on the path ahead. He would find out the answer to that soon enough.

Ditched the merry group of misfits? Check.

Again, I focused my energies on forming a ring that would allow Lloyd to wield the Eternal Sword. I would have to gather aionis first. Gathering my energy, I teleported to Tethe'alla. Before I could even set foot on the soil, a terrible burden fell upon me. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

"Can you believe that we made it out of that one alive?" Yuan sighed. As he flew next to me, he reclined back and folded his arms behind his head as if he were relaxing in a beach chair. Show-off.

"Yes, I can. Forcystus has never been…"

"Don't," Yuan interjected, jerking his head up so that he could glare at me. "Just… don't."

Oh, right. They had been friends, hadn't they? Like brothers, at one point, if I recalled correctly, despite the age difference. Forcystus and Yuan had looked up to each other, odd though that sounded. Where one faltered, the other pulled through.

"I'm sorry, Yuan, but he would have killed…" I started.

"I know. Lloyd is more important. I know," Yuan took a deep breath then blew an exasperated sigh to the wind. "Anyway, I was talking about Mithos. Do you suppose there's any chance he didn't notice the world-threatening earthquakes?"

I sent him an admonitory glare. "I highly doubt that. We have yet to feel the repercussions of his wrath."

"Yes…. yes, you're probably right," Yuan shivered, visibly trying to shake off some unpleasant memory. "I… should go. If one of us must face that heat, I would rather it be me."

I turned to him sharply. "Yuan…?"

"No, no. I got us into this. It was my foolish idea in the first place. I'll find him and explain," he smiled sadly, a soft white warp-glow surrounding him. "By the way… I thought you should know… Slutty McSlut of Slutland is looking for you."

With those ominous words, he disappeared. Exactly 2.5 seconds later, the promised slut arrived.

"So, have you decided to apologize to me yet?" Pronyma appeared beside me in the infuriating manner she usually did.

Avoided Pronyma? Uncheck.

"I see nothing to apologize for." I responded curtly.

"Oh, playing hard to get, are we?" She smiled, attaching herself to my arm like glue. "You made Yuie mad again, didn't you? I saw him pouting earlier. That's not the sign of a healthy relationship."

"_Yuan_ is 'pouting' for his own reasons," I grumbled. Unfortunately, I was far too accustomed to her badgering.

Pronyma always enjoyed pretending Yuan and I were a couple. It was a sick and twisted game that she played with herself in her own mind, no doubt borne of the loneliness and despair she experienced after trying to bed Mithos. Or Yuan. Or myself. Disgusting? I know. Fortunately, she always failed.

Have I mentioned how much I loathe Pronyma?

It was time to open up my can of Pronymaway.

I turned to her gravely. "Pronyma, I have some serious business to attend to…"

"Ooh you do? Sounds smexy!" She giggled.

Smexy? Was that even a word?

"…in Flanoir." I finished.

Pronyma's face paled. "F-Flanoir?"

I smirked. "Yes."

"The… snowy city in the north?"

"The very one."

She faltered, fluttering helplessly in the air. "I just remembered, I have to go umm…"

"Feed Kibbles?" I offered. Before waiting for her answer, I teleported from her view.

Truth be told, I did intend to go to Flanoir, just… not yet. First, I had business to attend to in the Bryant family mines.

It was surprisingly easy to find aionis. A plethora was available behind the exsphere encrusted waterfall. I brushed some of the water off my drenched clothing, wishing that I knew that magically drying wind spell Yuan often used.

Instead, I stood for a moment, dripping wet, facing the waterfall, allowing the peaceful sound of its waters to wash over my mind…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_"It's beautiful." She smiled, touching the falling water._

_"We can't stay here forever, you know."_

_"Or what, I'll catch that nasty personality of yours?" Anna smirked, giggling at my expense. The baby on her back threw his tiny hands into the air, gleefully laughing as well._

_I smirked, it couldn't be helped. Stepping closer, I hugged them both, placing a kiss atop her brow. "Perhaps we can stay for just a little longer…"_

_Yes, please, just a little longer with you…_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The memory shattered, and I heard voices near the front of the cavern. My clothing was already dry. How long had I been standing there?

It came as no surprise to me when Lloyd stepped into the cave. I kept out of his view, making a hasty exit before he caught sight of me.

My next order of business was in Heimdall. Lloyd would need a mana leaf herb to heal Colette, and unfortunately there were very few places where that herb grew.

I flew to Latheon Gorge, avoiding the gusts of wind from the various annoying flowers, scouring the mountain side for the herb.

There it was! One small plant, past a familiar looking wooden cabin in the woods and down the side of a cliff.

The plantix guarding the herb was nothing next to Kibbles. I knocked out the plant, which seemed like a strange thing to do, and flew to the herb.

I held out my hand, reaching for the herb, but something made me hesitate. I pulled back my hand, unwilling to pluck the plant from the craggy mountainside.

I paused, hovering midair as the gentle mountain breeze fluttered soothingly around me. Perhaps it would be better if Lloyd ventured this way. It would certainly take him some time to find his way here, which would keep him out of Mithos's sight.

As the thought of Mithos crossed my mind, I again grew concerned. Why hadn't he appeared in the last few days? Why hadn't he summoned me to hear my reports?

Troublesome though this thought was, I pushed it away, forcing myself to think about the situation at hand.

Scanning the upper landings of the gorge, I could see the small puffs of smoke emanating from the cabin above.

The storyteller's cabin. Surely he still lived there. The storyteller was one of the few who knew the truth about the past. He could tell Lloyd about what really happened 4000 years ago.

I descended the ravine, entering the small town of Heimdall. The elves in the village looked at me with mild curiosity, but gave me little attention.

I would need to speak with the leader of the elf village. Unless Lloyd had his blessing, they would never be allowed to enter the city or latheon gorge.

"Kratos, what business do you have here?" The elder scowled upon seeing me but did not stand from his seat at his table.

"I would request that you allow a boy named Lloyd Irving and his fellow travelers safe passage through the village and to latheon gorge," I stated, lingering in the doorway.

"A human boy? Why would I ever allow such scum into my village?!" the elder roared, slamming his feeble fists on the wooden table.

Oh boy. This wasn't going to be fun.

Calmly, I began walking up to him. "Elder, remind me again why you allow _me_ into your village?"

"You know why."

"Please, humor me. Tell me."

The elder sighed, "I cannot ignore the good you have done for our village, keeping us safe from Yggdrasill's wrath. Besides…" he turned to me, a wicked gleam in his eye. "…how could I keep someone away from their final resting place?"

Tempted though I was to be upset at his stab at my link with the origin seal, I quickly shook it off. Instead, I knelt next to the elder where he sat, casting my gaze away from him. "Correct. And if you do not allow Lloyd Irving into your city, you will be denying the salvation of both the worlds."

"_This…_" I gestured to the room around us. "… will be _your_ final resting place, as well as the rest of the elves in your village."

He eyed me skeptically. "What is this madness you speak of?"

"The hope for our worlds is afflicted with a rare illness, the same that struck Martel 4000 years ago. They require the rare mana herb leaf from the cliffs of latheon gorge to save her," I looked up, meeting his deep grey eyes with fervor. "Please, elder. Allow them into your village."

Finally, the elf elder stood, striding leisurely to gaze out his window at the children playing outside. "Kratos, rarely have I ever seen you kneel. If you are groveling at my feet, begging me to allow these mysterious people safe passage through the village, then this must be a serious matter indeed."

I waited for what seemed an eternity. For a long time, he didn't speak. He didn't even look my way.

Finally, he grumbled. "Stand up Kratos, your business here is done. I will allow the humans into my village this once, but do not expect any more favors from me."

"Thank you, elder," I nodded politely to his back and left.

I couldn't say why, but for some reason I flew to Exire. Perched atop a multi-story house high in the sky, I tried to clear my mind.

Think Kratos. Lloyd is the best chance for this world, but what if he doesn't make it? What if something does happen to him?

Zelos. I suddenly recalled the red-haired Chosen. It had been some time since I called him. Perhaps it was time.

"What do _you_ want?" For some reason, Zelos sounded more annoyed than he usually did.

I ignored it. "Zelos, how are they fairing?"

"Fine, everyone's fine. We just wasted three hours reading books in Sybak. You could have just told us what we needed, you know." Zelos's hologram frowned, looking more disgruntled than ever. "Besides, it seems they still trust you more than me. Why don't you just spy on them yourself?"

That's what he was irritated about? I found myself sighing again, "Zelos, this isn't a petty rivalry. The world needs you. Can I still count on you to save it if Lloyd can't?"

"All right, all right. Yes, the world won't die on my watch!" He forced a positive sounding response.

"Good. I've arranged for your passage through Heimdall. If they don't figure it out, suggest that course of action to them. I will be in contact with you again soon." Without waiting for a response, I cut communications.

Looking to the evening sky, I felt a little weary. How long had it been since I had slept peacefully through the night? I hoped that at least Lloyd and his party would rest as well as possible. They had a long day ahead of them tomorrow.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I laid down for a short rest too?

No, I couldn't rest just yet. Shaking the feeling away, I concentrated again. If I recalled correctly, there was something they wouldn't be able to do on their own.

Once again, I found myself flying through the sky, checking off the boxes in the grocery list of my life.

Talked to elf elder? Check.

Ditched Pronyma? Check.

Set Lloyd on the right path to save Colette? Check.

Told Lloyd I'm his father? …

I frowned, wondering why I had added that to my list.

Tell Lloyd…?

No check. Yet.

* * *

Marika's Notepad:

My most sincere apologies go out to all of you. This chapter was very long in the making, but I hope that it was worth the wait!

Some of you have asked, and yes, I have posted Tainted Disposition's sequel online already. It is called "Tomorrow Taints Today" and may or may not be finished due to the release of Tales of Symphonia's _real_ sequel, (which I am very excited about!)

As always, let me know what you think! I hope everyone has had a good year! :)


	32. Conflicting Friendships

There are times when life is little like what you expect.

As I stood in front of Altessa's house, with a guard of Cruxis on either side of me and Yuan quietly barking orders at my back, I realized that this was one of those times.

The moment was tense and seemed to hang on for an eternity.

How had I arrived at this situation? I couldn't really say, but I knew what would happen next.

_Lloyd…_

I knew he would find out a truth so terrible that he might lose the fragile hope he had for this world.

_Please Lloyd…_

I hoped that he had learned better than to be that foolish, but there were no guarantees.

…_don't give up Lloyd…_

***

**24 hours earlier**

***

I was nearing exhaustion, but I couldn't rest yet. Shaking the feeling away, I concentrated again. If I recalled correctly, there was something they wouldn't be able to do on their own. Something they needed to rescue Colette…

***

"_But the snow witch said this would work!" Mithos cried, slamming his fist into a nearby tree. "She said it would cure her!"_

"_Calm yourself Mithos. Perhaps there is something we haven't done right," I stated, examining the materials and Martel's half crystallized body._

"_Yes, like killing that stupid witch. We should threaten to if she doesn't…" Mithos growled, a vicious glow in his eyes that I had rarely seen before._

"_Mithos, please…" Martel murmured feebly. "…she tried her best… don't hate her…"_

_Mithos sighed, bowing his head in defeat, and said nothing._

"_Fire," Yuan finally said, drawing all of our attention to his pensive gaze. "Think of it like preparing dinner. We have collected all of the ingredients, but if we simply sit them all next to each other, nothing will happen."_

_He gathered the materials together, crushing them and spreading the paste on the crystallized parts of her body. Gently, he placed his hands on the green scales infecting her skin. "Mithos, on three, cast resurrection."_

_Knowing that I could not do anything more to help, I watched as Yuan concentrated, closing his eyes as he gathered mana at the tips of his fingers. Meanwhile, Mithos had clasped his hands together, starting to murmur an ancient chant._

_Yuan counted slowly,"1… 2… 3!"_

_Simultaneously, Mithos cried "Resurrection!" and Yuan pushed the salve into the pores of her body with his mana. _

_Martel screamed…_

***

It was morning.

I rolled over on the grassy knoll where I had apparently slept for the night.

Wait…. Morning?

I shook myself awake, groggily wiping the chilly morning dew off my clothes. This was bad. Very bad.

Were my memories really becoming so powerful that they could steal away my consciousness for hours?

Aggravated, I flew determinedly to Meltokio. I needed to accomplish my tasks, and now there was even less time to do that. Go figure I would run into Lloyd. Again.

After looking through the castle, to no avail, I stood by the entrance, debating where they would store the sacred wood. I could practically feel his presence behind me.

Actually, I could. And that of the rest of his group.

"What the… why is he coming out of the castle?" Lloyd said.

"Who knows? Who cares? It's not like this is the first time he's done something weird." Zelos responded flippantly. He still appeared cross with me.

"We can't just ignore it. If the King turns out to be working with Cruxis, that'd be a disaster. Let's follow him!" Ugh. Lloyd had made the decision to follow me _again_, hadn't he? Just great.

Zelos sighed, responding, "Okay, fine. I guess you've never heard that wise men avoid danger."

Wonderful. They were officially following me. Oh well, there was no helping it. I needed that sacred wood. What did it matter really if they trailed behind me just a bit?

I arranged for a worker in the church to carry the wood outside the city before Lloyd confronted me.

"Kratos!" He said, discontent evident in his voice. I could see his hands reaching for his twin blades, which puzzled me a bit.

"…do you intend to fight here?" I asked him bluntly, wondering just why he had become so aggressive.

"What are you going to use the sacred wood for?" he demanded, visibly forcing his hands away from the blades. Very hot tempered.

"You do not need to know." I responded simply. Oh did that irk him.

"…sacred wood burns several times hotter than normal firewood," Presea provided the information in her monotonous voice.

I could see the wheels in Genis's head turning. "Are you…. are you going to melt Aionis?"

Raine tossed Genis a reprimanding glare. "Aionis is a fictional ore."

"…yes… so they say." I muttered, not really wanting to divulge any more to them.

"Stop being so mysterious about everything!" Lloyd shouted again.

Best to walk away.

However, as I did, Lloyd called me back again, "Wait!" He ran after me, blocking the exit to town.

"Move…" I sighed, fixing him with a glare.

"I said, wait!" Lloyd was being quite insistent today.

"The more time passes, the less likely you will be able to cure the Chosen's illness."

That seemed to stop him. "What?!"

Taking that as my cue, I ran for the exit to town…

…and nearly ran into the large closed doors. Oh yeah, the town was still under high alert right now, wasn't it?

At the last moment, I summoned my mana around me, closing my eyes as I willed myself to somewhere that wasn't a large wooden door.

I ended up atop one of the homes in Meltokio close to the gate, breathing a sigh of relief as I listened to their chatter.

"Kratos…" Lloyd murmured, looking sad, which made little sense. Wasn't he just upset to see me?

"…I hate to say it, but he's right." Zelos finally decided to stop being an idiot and to push them in the right direction. "Let's hurry up and save Colette, okay?"

"…yeah." Lloyd agreed and walked away.

I sat atop the building for a few minutes, thinking things through in my mind. Lloyd would have to go to the Tower of Salvation as the final step to cure Colette. Zelos would lead them in that direction if they didn't figure it out themselves. It would only be a matter of time before I ran into them again. And by that time… I had better have things prepared to cure Colette.

But the "thing" that was missing wasn't exactly a thing. It was mana. Skillfully wielded mana.

There was only one half-elf I knew who fit the description.

I groaned, shutting my eyes and shaking my head. This day was just getting better and better…

***

Some time later, I found Yuan lounging in the café in Welgaia. Some things never seemed to change.

"Kratos?" the blue haired half-elf inquired, setting down his cup of tea when I approached. "Why are you here? Don't you have some secret mission you're on?"

He was cross with me. Great, this wasn't going to be easy. "Yuan, I need a favor," I said bluntly, sitting down in the other chair at his table.

Yuan snorted in response, rolling his eyes at me. "And why would I want to do any favors for _you_?"

"I did just help you out of that mess you created with the fake Kharlan tree," I pointed out thoughtfully. "It did destroy Palmacosta."

Yuan waved a hand in the air. "Who cares about Palmacosta? They'll rebuild the city again in a few years. It always happens to that Luin city…"

I leaned in closer. "I could tell Mithos about your failed attempt to revive the tree against his wishes."

Yuan stiffened for a moment, then seemed to relax just a bit, pointing his finger back at me. "And then I could tell him about your involvement in it too."

Ouch. That wouldn't be good.

The half-elf leaned against the arm-rest of his chair, facing me with a devious look in his eyes. "And… I could also tell him about all the times that we've…"

My eyes widened and I quickly interrupted, "No! That…" I wasn't entirely certain where I was going with this, but at least it had stopped Yuan from saying any more. "…that would be bad for you too. Think about it."

And he did think about it, finally nodding in consent afterwards. "Mithos is the jealous type. You're right."

Of course I was right. I sighed, "Will you at least listen to what I have to say?"

Yuan returned to his tea, circling his hand in a motion that said "go ahead and tell me, you bastard."

"Colette is afflicted with the same crystallization disease that Martel had long ago," I explained. "To cure her, she will need a large infusion of mana."

Yuan had become quiet, his obstinate behavior suddenly vanishing. Good.

"I am not skilled enough to collect such a high concentration of mana in one place, but you are. Can you cure her?" I asked.

"That's it?" Yuan asked afterwards, then indicated towards a building in Welgaia. "You know, we have _mana fragments_ now that will do the same thing. You don't need me to heal her. I'm surprised you didn't remember that."

"I am too." All this time I could have avoided talking to Yuan? I shook my head at the ground. This memory issue was really becoming a pain.

Sensing that I was about to leave, Yuan held up his hand again. "Kratos, if you would wait a moment…"

"What?" I asked, deciding that I didn't like the tone of his voice and probably wouldn't like wherever he was going with this.

"Lloyd needs to know the truth about you," Yuan finally said, his piercing aqua eyes fixed on me with the utmost seriousness. "You can't hide this secret from him forever. He _will_ find out sometime soon."

Instinctively, I backed into the chair away from him. "No… Lloyd can't know yet."

"So when should he know? Whenever Mithos feels like telling him?" Yuan gave me a reproving glare. "No, he needs to know soon. If you won't tell him, then I will."

I felt like I had already heard this threat from Yuan before. Sometime not too long ago…

"I'm wasting my time here," I stood from the table, tiring of Yuan's insistent pestering. "Thank you for your information, but that is all I will require of you."

I started walking away.

"Uhh, Kratos?" Yuan called after me.

I turned around.

"The mana fragments are _that_ way. You do remember that from literally a minute ago, right?" he asked, pointing towards the same building he had indicated to just a minute ago. "And you know, warping is faster than walking."

"Yes, I haven't gone that senile yet," I smirked. Deciding that Yuan was right about warping, I readied a circle around me. "I may as well let you know… I plan to bring them up here to retrieve it themselves. Don't give them too much trouble when they escape."

"Great, more work," Yuan fell back into his chair with a groan. "Kratos I think I hate you."

"I know I hate you," I replied just before warping back to the world below.

***

I didn't have to wait long in the Tower of Salvation before Lloyd and Co. arrived. Their enthused conversation about the similarities between the Sylvarant and Tethe'alla towers seemed almost juvenile.

Then again, when you are one of the people who helped build the tower, it takes some of the mystery away.

I stepped out from behind a pillar, approaching Lloyd and Mithos's oddly glowing sword. "The two worlds are connected here. Of course it's the same place."

"Kratos, it's you again," Lloyd spun around, looking at me through different eyes. "Who are you really? Are you really one of Mithos's companions from 4000 years ago?"

For a moment, I wondered why he hadn't brought this up when he found me collecting the sacred wood in Meltokio.

Then I remembered that it was Lloyd.

"Good. Since you figured that out, it saves me the time to explain," I said, thankful for the storyteller. "We will take the Chosen as the new body for Martel."

"You're still trying to do that?" Lloyd cried. "Are you so intent on resurrecting Martel that you're willing to distort the entire world in the process?!"

I pulled my firebrand sword from it's sheath. "I nave no need to explain." And I didn't really want to either. The sooner we finished this, the sooner I could bring them to Welgaia.

"So in the end, you really are our enemy! I kept thinking, hoping that you might be good, but you're not!" Lloyd growled.

"I should think that would be obvious at this point," I murmured, ready to get started.

Lloyd drew his swords, pointing one at me as he said, "Don't hold back this time!"

Their skills had improved, but not quite enough to win.

When they were all sufficiently weakened, I summoned some of the lifeless beings from Welgaia to surround them. "I would advise against resisting, for there will be no mercy this time."

Not that they could resist at this point anyway. I had them placed into two of Welgaia's holding cells. Most of them were barely conscious, but the most important member, right now, was still somewhat ok.

Raine.

She stared at me with icy blue eyes. "Kratos, why are you doing this?"

For some reason, I felt compelled to answer her. "Mana fragments…" Then, I recalled that I shouldn't slip them too much information.

Never one to miss a vital clue, her eyes widened. "So that's…! Kratos, you really aren't a bad guy, are you?"

"Don't lose sight of your goal," I responded coldly. "I would suggest that you attend to your friends before they lose consciousness forever."

Realizing that I was right, she turned quickly to heal the closest person to her, which happened to be Regal.

As I left I glanced back one last time at Raine and Duke Regal Bryant. He only stared back with calm blue grey eyes. He would be able to get them out of their prison soon.

Quickly, I teleported to the watch tower, throwing the normal guard on duty out of the room. Taking a seat in front of the camera screens, I monitored their progress through the rooms after Regal helped them escape from their cells.

They seemed to realize how stupid the lifeless beings were, as they followed Colette, pretending she was an angel of Cruxis and they were her prisoners. Of course, the lifeless beings didn't know the difference until…

"ID?" the angel guarding the mana fragments asked.

"ID?" Lloyd responded brightly.

"Yes, I must see your identification for verification," the angelic guard asked again.

Realizing that they were in a tight spot that they likely couldn't get out of without alarming all of Welgaia, I stood, pressing the watch tower's holographic communicator button. "Guard. We require a fragment of mana for the ritual of the Chosen. I am sending a courier to retrieve it. Send it as soon as possible."

I didn't wait for his response. I never did. Instead, I watched as the flustered angel gave the fragment to Lloyd and allowed them to proceed on their way.

They ran into a few rough places but seemed to navigate their way through Welgaia fairly well. Once they had left the city, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"There. They escaped with relatively little hassle."

That voice behind me…

I spun around in the swivel watchman's chair then stood. "Yuan. So you were watching them too?"

He nodded. "And turning aside any high level lifeless beings that tried to blunder in their direction. Far more work than you did, I might add. You _so_ owe me."

I ignored his comment, ready to walk past him and move onto my other tasks, but he held out his hand, catching me before I could leave. "Might I suggest where we go next?"

I furrowed my brow. "What are you talking about?"

Without explanation, he formed a warp circle around us, whisking us away so quickly that I barely had time to realize we were in the Tower of Salvation again. He grabbed me by the shoulder, pushing me down onto the ground.

Something about the way he grabbed me stung, and I was about to complain but he hushed me with a single finger, pointing to the scene below.

We were on one of the high ledges of the tower, the same one in fact that we had watched Remiel's battle with Lloyd the first time. Yuan was laying on the ground to avoid notice, and now that he had pushed me down, I was too.

Yggdrasill had again cornered them in the tower. This was bad.

I started to stand, getting ready to buy them time to escape, but Yuan pulled me back down. "Just watch," he insisted. "I think you'll find this interesting."

He was right. Mithos had yet to attack them. Instead it seemed almost as if he were trying to… convince them? If Lloyd was anywhere near as stubborn as I was myself, that would never work.

It didn't work. He did manage to explain part of his reasoning for splitting the worlds, shedding some light on their views of war and death.

The conversation quickly dissolved into a battle. I watched with wide eyes as they fought. I knew their skill and that they could never hope to win right now.

Something seemed a little different about this fight, though. Mithos seemed to be _avoiding_ hitting certain people…

"He's protecting Raine and Genis…" I murmured.

"So you've figured it out," Yuan replied.

"But… why?" I asked, watching as he plainly attacked Lloyd and ignored Genis's spell casting. "It can't just be because they are half-elves. He could care less about the people of Exire…"

"Keep thinking," Yuan encouraged me annoyingly.

"It must be because…" I gasped lightly. "He knows them."

Yuan nodded. "Yes. He knows them… better than just as a random enemy he has met only once before."

I turned to the blue haired half-elf next to me. "And if he knows Genis and Raine that well, he must know the others."

"Keep going," Yuan continued to encourage annoyingly.

I did, indeed, continue to muse, "he must be in regular contact with them somewhere. Somewhere that I have not watched them and in a way that they don't know it's Mithos…"

But how could that be? Sure, there were plenty of places I didn't watch them, but how could they not know…

"He's been deceiving them with his child's form," I murmured, the realization hitting me suddenly like an icy cold ocean wave. "They have been talking to him this entire time, spilling their secrets to him, and they don't know who he is…"

I was suddenly very thankful that I had kept up the charade of being their enemy. Mithos wouldn't be any the wiser when I turned against him someday.

Before I could muse any longer, Pronyma appeared by Mithos, causing me to shiver instinctively. Next to me, I noticed that Yuan was also cringing away.

She tried to shoot Genis, but Yggdrasill blocked the shot, confirming my thoughts from before. He was definitely protecting them. He definitely knew them. And he was definitely deceiving them to learn their secrets.

Mithos and Pronyma left suddenly, to my relief. The others exited the tower too, leaving Yuan and I alone in the Tower of Salvation.

I took a deep breath, trying to grasp and sort all the thoughts in my head. My mind was spinning with the realization. "This is… this is _absurd_… it's _insane_…"

Yuan touched my shoulder, and I felt a light warp circle surround us again. "I understand Kratos, but this isn't the place for such thoughts. Let's go."

I immediately found myself on the rug adoring Yuan's office floor. Yuan stood and motioned for me to sit in one of the seats next to his desk. Without thinking, I did so while he sat in his own comfy looking chair.

"Kratos, do you know what's really scary about this situation? At least, it should be for you…" He said, picking up a letter opener and toying with it aimlessly.

I glanced at him, still feeling overwhelmed, "what?"

"You already knew that they had befriended Mithos," he pointed the letter opener at me and stated with an air of finality and certainty. "In fact, you even know where they are hiding him."

"How do you know all of this?" I asked cautiously, ever suspicious of Yuan and his reasons.

"Because I _watched_ you _watch_ them," Yuan commented offhandedly. "But I couldn't watch everything because Pronyma found me."

"No…" I murmured, trailing off at the thought. My memory had failed me again?

Yuan gazed at me critically, walking over to where I sat. "You're not ready to talk yet, are you?" He pat my shoulder unsympathetically. It seemed to hurt slightly more than usual. "Then I'll give you ten minutes. Try to remember, Kratos, and don't go anywhere until I can talk some sense into you."

While he vanished off somewhere, I partially wondered why I was listening to him, but it didn't matter. What was ten minutes in the long run? Lloyd had probably been in collaboration with Mithos for _days _already…

Wait a second… didn't Yuan just say I already knew this?

Horrible and gut-wrenching pain suddenly stabbed through my head. I clutched my head tightly, leaning over.

Another memory hole… no, not another one!

I had to remember. I _had_ to.

Concentrating on the thought of child-form Mithos befriending Genis and Lloyd, I closed my eyes. Pulses of throbbing lightning seemed to assault my skull, but I did my best to ignore it. I had to remember… I _had to remember…_

_***_

"_Mithos, you should come with us." Lloyd decided._

_Mithos looked uncertain, almost afraid. "But I'm a half-elf and…"_

"_That doesn't matter. Besides, what are you going to do if you stay here and the angels come back?" Lloyd argued, encouraging him to join them._

"_Lloyd's right!" Genis quickly piped in. "Let's all go together!" He smiled as he held out his hand towards Mithos, then took Lloyd's hand._

***

My memory of that time came flooding back to me. So _that_ is what happened…

I blinked, my blurred vision slowly coming back to me. There was blood on the floor before me. My blood.

I touched a hand just below my nose, finding that was the source of the bleeding. Looking around for something to wipe it from my face, I settled for one of Yuan's scarves. He wouldn't care about it too much.

A girlish shriek filled the room. "AAH!! Kratos is that my chenille custom-made scarf?!"

Ok, so maybe he would care about it.

Crossly, he tapped his foot, waiting for me to finish with it, then yanked it from my hands. "I'll have you know this was not easy to get."

I glanced at him with an arched eyebrow, aggravated that my vision still hadn't completely returned. "Yuan. You are one of the four seraphim… now three… that guide this entire world. I'm sure you can find another one."

He pouted, but didn't say any more about the scarf. Instead, he sat across from me, gazing critically at me again. "Why are you bleeding?"

"My memories… you were right. There is something wrong with them. Some of my memories are..." I paused, looking for the most appropriate word. "Blocked. Whenever I remember something, there is some sort of consequence."

Yuan's eyes widened. "Mithos got to you again, didn't he?"

"Mithos?" I asked, perplexed. Why was the world still spinning…?

He shook his head. "Nevermind. That isn't important right now. What is important is your relationship with Lloyd."

"My… what?" I asked, still holding my head to ward away the ache.

"You and he are on terrible terms. That's hardly fitting for a father and his son," Yuan chided.

"Yuan, now is not the time," I growled back, closing my eyes. The lights seemed so _bright_ for some reason…

"Tell me Kratos… you're not feeling very well right now, are you?" Yuan said the words slowly, cunningly.

My eyes snapped open, trying desperately and failing to focus on the blue-haired half elf in front of me. "You…! What did you…" I tried to stand up but fell rather ungracefully to the floor instead.

"You're a difficult man to poison, Kratos," Yuan explained, taking his time as he walked around his desk to stand next to me. "But even _your_ cruxis crystal can't protect you from my mana poisoning."

I recalled suddenly the _slightly _painful times he had touched my shoulder: once in the Tower of Salvation and again just a few minutes ago. Leave it to Yuan to figure out how to poison me with mana. "But I'm still…"

"Human?" Yuan snickered. "Of course you are. _You're one of the seraphim charged with guiding this world_, after all."

He seemed to relish throwing the words back at me. "Why… are you…?"

"You killed Forcystus," Yuan responded quietly.

"He was… going to kill Lloyd…" I muttered weakly, feeling the poison sapping my strength by the moment.

"Which is an excuse that would work, if you showed that you actually cared about him. You haven't even told Lloyd who you are yet," he continued crossly. "Kratos. I'm doing this for your own good, and you know it."

I gasped again. "No!"

"Yes." He snapped his fingers, summoning his renegades to either side of me, hoisting me up. "Tonight, we're going to tell Lloyd you're his father."

***

There are times when life is little like you expect.

I didn't expect to be poisoned and abducted by my best friend. Yuan had been secretly plotting this for quite some time, but I was far too focused on everything else to notice.

Now, it seemed so obvious. Why hadn't I picked up all of the little signs? Why hadn't I noticed?

Oh yeah. Maybe my irritatingly failing memory had something to do with it.

Mana poisoning burned me inside. Every part of my body felt like it was being squeezed and lit on fire at the same time. Damn that Yuan…

Speaking of which, I heard Yuan moving inside the house, and then Lloyd's exclamation, "My body! I can't move!" Just what was he doing to my son?!

"Do you want to meet your father?" He asked simply. I could hear the crackling of an electricity spell in his hands.

"What have you done with my dad?" Lloyd demanded.

Immediately afterwards, Yuan appeared back outside. At least my vision had returned enough to see him glance at me with a snide grin before facing the door again. "Well Kratos? Are you ready to meet your son?"

Technically, I had "met" him twice already this day.

They walked outside, and Lloyd gasped in shock. "Kratos! The Renegades and Cruxis are enemies, aren't they?! So why…?"

"Quiet," Yuan commanded, interrupting Lloyd's blathering. Then, he seemed to consider his reasoning. "Of course, the drug should have everyone sleeping soundly."

"Drug?" Lloyd seemed to be digging back deep into his memory. His eyes squinted as the faintest glimmer of recollection hit him. "Where's my dad? If you've done anything to my dad, I'll tear every last one of you to pieces!"

At first, the comment startled me. Then, I realized he was referring to Dirk. Of course.

"Now, now. Is that any way to act when you're about to meet your father for the first time?" Yuan smirked, throwing a devious glance in my direction. The way he looked right now… so familiar…

"So it was you… you're the assassin who tried to kill me at Hima." I murmured, finally piecing together a puzzle from long ago.

Yuan threw me that "_don't play games with me, you asshole_" look. "Kratos. If you value your son's life at all, do as we say."

"What are you… talking about?" Lloyd sputtered, looking frantically between the two of us.

"Release Origin's seal," Yuan commanded, catching me off-guard. He knew I couldn't do that…

Though he seemed quite menacing, when he turned to face me, I could see it in his eyes. He was bluffing. "Otherwise, Lloyd will die right here." Still bluffing, but…

He had said it.

Yuan had indirectly told Lloyd who I was.

Time slowed, and I became aware of my own heartbeat, pounding loudly in my chest as that horrible moment clung for what seemed an eternity.

"No… Kratos can't be my dad…" Lloyd's voice was quivering.

I chanced a glance up at him. As our eyes met, I could tell that he was simply petrified at the thought. My God, how horribly I must have failed for my son to say a thing like that.

I couldn't meet his terrified eyes any longer. Casting my gaze to the ground, I only listened while he continued, "I… I can't believe that… I won't believe that!"

I never thought rejection could hurt this much. It was worse than the mana-poisoning by a hundred-fold.

There are times when life is little like you expect.

Lloyd certainly didn't expect to be my son.

* * *

LateNiteSlacker's Notes:

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! This is my present to those of you who still love reading about Kratos and his angstful adventures.

A bit of news: I will not be updating the sequel to this story until I finish playing Tales of Symphonia's true sequel, Dawn of the New World. Speaking of which, if you haven't picked it up by now, find it in your local game store and play it! What I've played so far (15 hours) is quite good.

As always, review with your Love or Hate. I still enjoy reading both! =)


	33. Conflicting Catalysts

It wasn't exactly the happiest family reunion.

Currently mana-poisoned (courtesy of Yuan), I could barely lift my head, let alone try to explain anything to Lloyd. As if to rub it in, Yuan added, "How does it feel to have your own son reject you like that?"

It felt terrible. It was the worst pain that I had ever known.

I wanted to scream and cry like an emo teenager. I wanted to take Yuan's biting remark and shove it somewhere it would hurt, (I _would_ find a way to make it possible…) I wanted to explain everything to everyone, let them all know the danger they were in.

I wanted to tell Lloyd how very sorry I was.

But, all I could do was wince, my mouth unable to form words.

"I guess from your attitude, you don't plan on releasing Origin," Yuan mused. "If that's the way it's going to be, then you'll just have to die!"

….what? Had I missed something? Since when did Yuan care about releasing Origin?

I squinted into the increasingly bright moon light, expecting to feel Yuan's cruel metal blade pierce though my chest. Nothing happened.

Or perhaps… everything was just moving slower? People were becoming even blurrier than they were a moment ago, and maybe Yuan _was_ already gutting me with his ridiculous twin sided blade and I just didn't know?

A blur that I recalled being one of Yuan's guards moved for the blur that was Lloyd a minute ago. "One move, and your son dies!"

No! I reached out a hand… or at least, I _tried _to. I couldn't fathom why Yuan would want to pull a stunt like this now, but there was little I could do about it. I clenched my fist, digging my fingers into my palms, desperate to be able to do _something_. I had to regain control over the mana in my body somehow… one limb at a time.

"You changed once you got a family," Yuan commented, circling around me like a malicious vulture. "Just like that time fifteen years ago…"

"_No!_" I desperately thought, unable to voice anything. "_Not that time… don't bring up that time!_"

Unable to hear my thoughts, and unlikely to stop even if he did, Yuan carried out the awful thought, "When Anna was transformed into a monster, you lost your ability to fight back."

The biting comment was dripping with irony, seeing as I couldn't move now either. I wanted to take Yuan by the throat and throw him into the rocky mountainside. How could he even _dare_ to say something like that about Anna?!

I heard Lloyd gasp from where he stood. "What?"

"If she hadn't been together with you, she would have never turned out like that. Such an unfortunate woman." Yuan continued. That's right, keep talking. Give me a chance to regain even a _fragment_ of my strength, and…

My world sharpened as Lloyd stepped forward, only to be knocked back by one of Yuan's guards. I was out of time. Knowing Lloyd, his next move would be to attack Yuan head-on. And knowing Yuan, his retaliating move would be something devastating.

I pooled all of my strength together, determinedly forcing all the mana in my body to _move forward_.

I struggled to my feet.

Lloyd ran forward, slashing both of his blades simultaneously at Yuan.

I took a shaky step.

Yuan dodged, and I saw a familiar lightning-spell circle form around him.

I pulled out my wings and _flew_ between them, just in time to feel electricity scorch my back, bringing me to my knees again.

"Kratos?" Lloyd's face mirrored the same confliction I had felt this entire journey.

"Are you all right?" I asked, feeling the energy leaving my body already. "Good…"

The dirt ground came up quickly, striking me oh-so-gently in the head.

* * *

"_Are you all right?" I asked, looking first at Anna, and then at our tiny son. It had been a tough struggle, but somehow we had managed to escape Cruxis again, not without our wounds though._

_Blood had already dried on my shirt, and dirt was caked in Anna's hair, but she only smiled, "I think Lloyd is fine." She pulled aside a protective cloth to reveal our sleeping child._

_He was screaming. Something was wrong with this picture. Lloyd was asleep in Anna's arms, but he was screaming…._

_

* * *

_

Lloyd was screaming. Somewhere above me, I heard him pour all of his mental anguish and frustration with the world into the nighttime air around us.

I heard Colette's voice, startled, "Lloyd? What's going on?!"

"What am I… what am I supposed to believe?" Lloyd's usually carefree voice was reduced to a mere whimper. I wanted to scold him, tell him to toughen up, and also to hold him at the same time.

"Lloyd, calm down!" She said urgently.

"It's not true! Kratos can't be… the man who betrayed us and made you suffer… he couldn't possibly be… my dad." Lloyd murmured. Ouch.

From above me, I heard the idiot chosen's voice, "…Hey, Lloyd! Don't disappoint me like that! Was everything you've said up to now just a lie? You said that status and race and everything… none of it matters! Your heart is the same."

"Zelos…" Lloyd murmured.

"Don't give up!" Zelos continued. "Don't let something as trivial as your old man shake you up! You're you, right?"

Until now, I wasn't certain that I had placed my trust in the right place, but… could I have been mistaken about Zelos this whole time? Did he truly care about Lloyd and the others? Did he really care about saving the world? Despite my wounds, I regained a measure of hope.

Colette picked up where Zelos left off, "Lloyd, don't lose sight of who you are! No matter who your parents are, no matter your background, you're still you!" she urged him, a note of desperation in her voice. I prayed to whatever gods were out there that she would get through to him.

"I'm me?" He said hesitantly.

"You're the one who told me that no matter _what_ I look like, even if I become an angel, I'm still me," She said, her voice a little softer this time but not without feeling. "And don't forget, Kratos saved you."

They were getting through to him. Dear goddess… Colette was saving him. I struggled to open my eyes, looking up at my confused son and the gentle blonde girl who was more of a deity than I had ever been.

"Yeah, you're right," Lloyd finally said, smiling at his friends. He then turned his gaze to me, and for a moment I actually felt _fear_. Nothing could prepare me for this moment, no matter how many times I had gone over what to expect in my mind. I couldn't say what he would do.

Lloyd knelt down next to me, his expression pained. Lightly, he touched my arm, and for a brief moment, I worried that he would catch my mana poisoning. He didn't. "Thank you, Kratos. But… I still can't call you Dad."

"Lloyd…" I began, wanting to say much more, but unable to do a thing.

"I hate what you –what _Cruxis_– does. Too many people have died. People from Sylvarant, people from Tethe'alla, Desians, Renegades, and members of Cruxis," he stated, looking at each in turn. "They are _all_ victims. I refuse to accept the idea that it's ok to sacrifice people for a cause. It's not okay to lose any life. No life should be born for the sole purpose of dying. I won't sacrifice the world to save Colette. I'm not giving up until I find a way for _everyone_ to live."

It was more that I expected from Lloyd. He was certainly idealistic, but he had finally started to use his brain. I wanted to tell him how proud I was of him, but I was interrupted… by the worst possible person.

"Wow, that was an _amazingly_ corny speech," Mithos flung the door to Altessa's house open, his child's form strolling forward to regard us all with chilling anger. He was clearly upset about more than just Lloyd's speech. "Congratulations."

"Mithos?" Lloyd asked, confused to see him getting involved. I had to wonder if Mithos had ever said anything like that to Lloyd before.

Before anyone could do a thing, Mithos had summoned white magic to end the lives of Yuan's renegade unit. Then, the self proclaimed half-elf god turned to Yuan, regarding him with open fury. "Did you think I didn't notice what was going on?!"

With visible rage, he unleashed a far deadlier burst of magic on Yuan, bringing the aqua-haired half-elf to the ground. Colette and Lloyd appeared shocked, but I knew that it took more than that to take out Yuan. Stubborn renegade.

"How pathetic. I had Pronyma keep tabs on Kratos, since it seemed he was leaking information to Lloyd's group," Mithos conveniently explained.

Yuan struggled to his elbows and growled, "Damnit! Yggdrasill! How the hell did you find out?!"

It seemed Lloyd was in for many surprises tonight. He gasped, "What?"

Mithos paced over to Yuan, digging the tip of his boot into his side hard enough to flip the damaged half-elf over. "That was a pretty amusing scheme you had going. Hard to believe those filthy Renegades that were always getting in my way were actually lead by _you_," at this, he glowered contemptuously at Yuan and started kicking him fiercely in the side. "If it weren't for my sister's wishes to spare your life, I'd kill you right now!"

His cruel laughter filled the air as he continued to kick his former friend and trusted companion.

Lloyd stepped forward, "Stop it! What are you…?!"

At that moment, the remainder of team misfit busted through the door to Altessa's house like a bad action movie. Without the explosions.

Altessa announced their entrance with a mighty, "What's going on?!"

Genis peered almost timidly from behind the dwarf, then stepped forward. "Mithos… so it's true." He seemed the most choked up out of them all, even worse than Lloyd.

"What's true?" Mithos asked, turning around to face him. As he did, I caught a glimpse of the look on the blonde half-elf's face. It was a look I had seen before… a look of desperation, anger, and – dare I say it – shame. I knew what it meant, better than most. Mithos was about to do something he would regret later.

Proving my silent point, Mithos cried, "That you shouldn't have trusted me? Good guess Genis, because I didn't trust you either!"

My vision was clearing, and I could actually see now what most could not. Tears, just barely present in the corner of his eyes. Defiantly, Mithos blinked them away, and with a scream, he threw a ball of his white magic at Presea.

Altessa, for some reason, felt the need to step in the way and take the hit for her.

The doll that was made in Martel's likeness, Tabatha, looked up with surprise, "MITHOS… SAVED ME…"

"Shut up!!" Mithos screamed, throwing another ball of magic at Tabatha, knocking the doll over like the lifeless being she was.

Persistently, she continued to say, "MITHOS SAVED ME… MITHOS…" The automated life left her body.

Raine turned her azure gaze to Mithos with a look of cold contempt. "How could you do that? You even risked your life to save her!"

Still confused, and afraid to the point of shaking, Genis asked, "Mithos why? Why are you doing this? How could you hurt Tabatha and Altessa?! You got along so well with them!"

Mithos scowled, "Tabatha! That doll looks so disturbingly like my sister. I could never stand her! She's a failed vessel who couldn't accept my sister's soul! Just looking at her makes me sick!"

Lloyd growled in response, "You little bastard! How dare you betray my best friend?!" For a short moment I thought he might have meant Tabatha, but then I realized his anger was on Genis's behalf. He took a familiar looking stance, one that I myself had taught him only days ago, and hurled a Demon Fang at Mithos.

Genis, clearly deranged, stepped between them after the attack. I couldn't see him from my angle, but I assumed that the boy was in tears by this point from the sound of his voice, "Please! You're both my friends!"

Before Lloyd had the chance to say anything in response to that comment, the Cruxis slut herself appeared. "Lord Yggdrasill, your wounds are not yet healed," Pronyma said with obviously fake concern. "Please leave this to the angels."

Mithos closed his eyes, likely trying to regain _some_ control over himself again. A moment later, a warm light surrounded him as he converted back to his artificially aged form. "All right."

In a flash of light, everyone was gone.

* * *

I awoke to a frightening sight. Yuan's bleary form was hovering over me.

"Gya!" Confused, I struggled to scramble up, my bare feet slipping on the sheets of a bed as I reached for my blade, which was conveniently missing. Finding nothing else to my advantage, I settled on forming a guardian barrier around myself.

"Oh good, you're awake. Relax moron, I don't plan on molesting you," the half elf commented snidely as he crossed the room and seated himself in a plush chair. "If I hadn't come around, you'd still be bleeding in front of Mithos's castle right now."

It finally dawned on me exactly _where_ I was. In my own room… in Welgaia. I knew we weren't really safe here, but I didn't care at the moment. As common sense and logic began to return to me, I lowered the barrier and demanded, "Yuan, _why_ did you do that? I trusted you!"

"We trust each other a little too much, I'm afraid," Yuan sighed, rolling his shoulders back, his sigh turning into a yawn as he settled further into the seat.

For some reason, I felt compelled to yawn too, but I forced the notion away. "Damnit Yuan, answer me! Why did you poison me and reveal all of that to Lloyd?!"

The half elf regarded me with those same pitying eyes again. "Because I knew that you would never tell him yourself. Even if Lloyd manages to achieve the impossible and somehow save both of the worlds, he would do so and then continue living his life never knowing the truth. Did you really want that?"

I winced, furrowing my brows and turning aside. It was hard to say, but… "No, of course not."

"That's what I thought," Yuan said, then shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry I had to uhh… you know… _poison_ you and all that, but I knew you'd never come willingly."

"You're right. I wouldn't have," I sighed. "Then I suppose a 'thanks' is in order, but this certainly does create a mess."

"No time better than the present to clean it," he responded, gesturing towards the world below. "You have been recovering for a few hours now. Mithos hurt you pretty badly, but I've patched up most of your injuries. Your son is headed to Flanoir right now. You should probably do the same."

"I will," I found my boots and socks next to my bed, pulling them on as I scanned the room for my Firebrand. Yuan seemed to realize what I was looking for and held his hand above him, pulling the blade from _out of thin air_. I blinked.

He handed me the weapon, chuckling, "Sorry, but I had to put it away. I didn't know what you would do when you awoke."

I tested the blade skeptically, but it was indeed my Firebrand. "…when did you learn to do that?" I asked, placing the sword back at my side where it belonged.

"Do what?" he asked innocently.

I gestured, pretending to pull something out of the air like he had done.

"Oh, _that_…" Yuan looked shiftily to the side, "…would you be mad if I said a long time ago?"

My brow twitched. "A little."

"I know what you're thinking," he began defensively, "and I don't think it works on living things. It's similar to when you take out your wings and put them away. You could do it too, it's a little tricky, but with enough control of you mana…"

"Say no more," I sighed. If Yuan thought this mana manipulation was tricky, I had no chance of ever learning the technique. "I need to head to Flanoir, and you should probably find a nook to hide in until Mithos's wrath has abated."

"I will!" Yuan cheerfully agreed, then added, "By the way, Lloyd knows about your link with the Origin seal now."

I _had_ been heading for the door, but upon hearing this, I spun around sharply. "_What?!_ That is _not_ a 'by the way' comment!" I strode heavily towards the half-elf, pushing him back hard into the wall with my forearm.

"_Why did you tell him about that??_" I demanded.

"Because he deserves to know who his father _really_ is," he replied quietly. "All the responsibility… and the burdens that you bear as well."

It was so cheesy it almost choked me up. Almost.

"…that, and he needs to know what to do if he's going to save this world by reverting it back to its original state," he supplied oh-so-innocently.

"Revert…?" I asked, the notion having crossed my mind on several occasions, but never as seriously as it did now. I took a step back, releasing Yuan from his confines. This was quickly becoming one of the worst days in my life, and now… it was possibly one of my last? "If I release the origin seal to revert the world… you know what will happen, don't you?"

Yuan nodded. "You'll lose all of the mana in your body, but that can just be replaced and…"

"You don't understand!" I exclaimed in what came out as a hushed whisper. I was surprised to hear my own voice, with thoughts of my own death so near. If I died… I wouldn't be able to protect Lloyd anymore. Mithos could kill him. "There is no going back. Once a being has lost _all_ of the mana in its body, as I will have to do to release the seal, death is a certainty."

"Kratos, I'm sure there's a way…"

"Done. End of story. Game over." I murmured. My thoughts were interrupted by a harsh slap across the face.

"Oh, get _over_ yourself!" Yuan ordered with a grimace, "How many times has Mithos almost killed both of us? More times than I can count. Stop thinking about death and _go to Flanoir and help your son_."

Without further warning, Yuan held his hand out towards me, the white glow of mana spreading from his fingertips. An instant later, I found myself in the snowy city itself.

Apparently he meant business.

I _would_ catch up to Yuan later and make him pay for his recent stunt, but for now, he was right. More pressing matters were certainly at hand.

Before I could really contemplate just what those matters were, a familiar red-headed Chosen rounded the corner and almost crashed into me. "Woah! Kratos!" he backed up a step, holding his hands in front of him. "Why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same," I replied, noticing that he seemed slightly more agitated than usual. Was he actually fidgeting? "Zelos, is everything ok?"

"You? Caring?" Zelos's eyes widened in surprise and he chuckled sarcastically. "Now I _know _the world is ending."

I waited, knowing that he would start talking again soon enough. Not one to disappoint, he rubbed the back of his head, leaning back against the wall of a nearby home with a sigh. "Yeah, no. Everything's not all right. Mithos is still bent on destroying the world, Lloyd's about to shit a kitten over your recent stunt, and I _still_ haven't won the affections of my voluptuous hunny!" he exclaimed with an overdramatic sigh.

Never one to buy into his antics, I waited patiently for him to continue.

"…but the one I should really be concerned about is _you_." Zelos said cautiously, eyeing me searchingly. He folded his arms, continuing to assess me in ways that made me wonder about his sexuality. "How are _you_ holding up, Kratos? That was some pretty heavy stuff back there."

"I…" my voice faltered. How _was_ I going to deal with this? Yuan had tipped me off already, letting me know that they would be in Flanoir, but how could I possibly tell Lloyd everything?

"That's it, I'll tell him…" I murmured, thinking of just what I should say. Lloyd needed to know how much I cared. He deserved to know about what happened to his mother and why his family was broken.

"Yoohoo, Mr. I'm-too-angsty-for-you? You're talking to yourself again," Zelos muttered, his voice flat and unenthused.

I drug my thoughts away from what I would say to Lloyd and back to the situation at hand. "Zelos, I am going to need you soon, more than ever before."

"Ok _that_… sounded wrong."

Ignoring his juvenile humor, I continued, "have you found the Aionis yet?"

"That magical glowing rock?" he asked.

Apparently he had. "Good. If you ever want to defeat Mithos, you must be able to wield Origin's blade. The only way you can is to either be a half-elf, or to give your body properties half-elves possess by ingesting the Aionis. Then, you must use the remainder of the Aionis to form the ring of the pact. It will link you to Origin."

He stared at me blankly for a moment, then continued slowly. "By ingest… do you mean _eat?_"

"Yes."

Zelos continued to stare, slowly leaning forward away from the wall. "_Eat a rock_."

"Yes."

"Just what… _eat it_?"

I sighed, "Zelos, my answer isn't going to change. It's the only way you will be able to wield Origin's blade and defeat Mithos after I release the Origin seal."

"Can't you just do it? You're a human, and an angel, and…" the idiot Chosen started blathering again, but I could hear Lloyd's group approaching in the distance. I knew my time with him would be short.

"Lloyd is coming," I informed him, then explained quickly, "Once I release the Origin seal, I… won't be around anymore. Zelos, can I trust you with this task if Lloyd does not prove to be strong enough?"

"You won't be around…?" He began to say before realization hit him. "Ohh. I didn't know… sorry man."

I shrugged, stating simply, "it is my fate."

"Yeah yeah, I'll be sure to watch over them. By the way, I'm pretty sure that I've already eaten Aionis once before," Zelos commented, looking me over again in the most peculiar manner. "_You_ actually prepared it for me years ago."

Lloyd was almost here. Even Zelos perked up now and glanced quickly in his direction. I readied a warp circle around me.

"Kratos, I don't think I'll ever understand how you can be so calm about these things. But… ahh, I'll figure something out," Zelos grumbled in defeat, standing back up from where he had been leaning. "So let me get this right…Aionis is that weird rock they had me ingest. Use that to make the ring of the pact…"

I nodded affirmative and warped away, not waiting to hear the rest of what he had to say. Though I should have been upset at discovering yet another memory hole, I had more important things on my mind.

Tonight I would talk to Lloyd. Tonight I would tell him everything I had wanted to say for such a long time.

I knew exactly what I wanted to tell him. Now, it was only a matter of putting it into words…

As Lloyd and Co. carried out their business retrieving a doctor for Altessa and other matters in the town, I found myself standing outside the town gate, out of sight and out of mind.

The snow fell around me in small, gentle flakes, dusting my hair and clothes. It occurred to me that, wearing what I was wearing, I should have been freezing out here right now, but freezing… that was a feeling I hadn't felt in 4000 years. Yet another perk of being an angel.

It was quiet outside the town. Nobody would find me here, and I could finally think about just what I wanted to tell Lloyd.

Then again, maybe someone _would_ find me here. My ears perked up hearing the soft padding of feet on the snow coming my way.

When the footsteps stopped, I didn't even have to look. I knew who was standing beside me. I smiled, reaching down to pet soft light green fur as Noishe whined happily. "Noishe, you're still watching over them, aren't you?"

Another happy whine. I knelt down next to her, rubbing her neck and back. "Thank you."

This time, she licked my cheek with a happy wag of her tail. Great. Noishe slobber.

"Noishe, I know that you can understand me. I need you to keep watching over Lloyd. Soon, I won't be able to anymore," I murmured, resting my head against the soft fur of her neck. "….ever."

A confused whine.

"I am the Origin seal. I have to release it, to fix this world, and after that…" I trailed off, for some reason unable to finish that statement. "… well, I'll need your help."

She seemed to understand. Her soft whine was sad as she licked the side of my cheek again.

"You'll stay with him, right?" I asked, my voice a whisper.

An affirmative whine.

"Good."

* * *

We sat outside the town for some time, and before long, night fell across the land. It was time.

I walked through the barren streets, Noishe at my heels, until I walked up to the inn. If I listened carefully, I could hear Lloyd, still awake, pacing in his room.

A knock came on his door. Lloyd answered it to find Colette outside, wanting to walk together in the snow. I flattened myself to the side of the building, out of sight of even the balcony door, certain that he would take this opportunity to be with her.

But, he didn't. For some reason, he had turned Colette away, and returned to pacing in his room.

Another knock came at his door… and another…

One by one, every single one of Lloyd's traveling companions came to see him, to speak with him, and one by one, he turned them all away.

_He really does take after me_. I thought to myself. How many times had I holed myself away like this when a difficult decision had to be made? More times than I could count.

It occurred to me then that he could turn me away, just as easily as he dismissed the rest this evening. I stepped out from the alleyway, looking at the stairs leading to his balcony. My gaze hardened. No, I _would_ speak to him tonight. There were things he _deserved_ to know.

My mind made up, I started walking up the stairs, "Lloyd…"

From inside the room, I heard his confused response, "Did someone just call my name?"

His footsteps paced across the room once more. A moment later, he threw open the glass doors to the outside and stepped through. "Huh… I guess I was just hearing things…"

Not about to let him get away, I quickly ascended the rest of the stairs up to his level, Noishe following suit behind me, until I stood mere feet away from him. "…Lloyd."

He turned to me, and in an instant, I knew he wouldn't tell me to go away like the others. The look on his face was one of sadness, of hurt, of betrayal. "Did you know I was your son the whole time?"

Lloyd certainly didn't beat around the bush. Well… this was something I wanted to tell him anyway, wasn't it? It was better to say it now, while he was listening. Now, while I still had the chance. "…I realized it when I found Anna's grave at your house."

He took the information in stride. "How did Mom die? You know, don't you?"

Lloyd wasn't going to like this, but it was his right to know. Taking a breath to steel myself, I began to tell him the story of my past. "Like Presea, Anna was a research subject of the Angelus Project. They were trying to create a Cruxis Crystal inside her body. When I learned of Mithos's plan to create an Age of Lifeless Beings, I turned against him and descended upon this land, where I met Anna."

Lloyd's eyes widened a bit, recognition dawning on him. "… So Mom was an experimental subject, just like Presea…"

I nodded, thinking of those horrible laboratories for just a moment. Shaking the memory off, I continued, "after meeting Anna, I realized my mistake in believing that accepting Mithos's vision would be the fastest route to reunite the worlds. I began to search for a way for a human to wield the Eternal Sword."

"…So you could unite the worlds?" Lloyd asked, catching on quickly.

"Yes. However, Anna and I were pursued by Cruxis. We traveled from place to place, and when you were born, with you as well, but we were finally caught by Kvar," I explained. Oh, how much I would have liked to tell him then. There were so many stories that he would never hear, but maybe it was better that they stayed locked in his past, never to be revealed.

"And then Mom was turned into a monster…" Lloyd murmured, piecing together the puzzle on his own.

"Her Exsphere was removed. Lacking a Key Crest, the mana in her body went out of control, and she turned into a monster," I was silent for a moment, then continued to explain. "…when it tried to devour you, Noishe protected you, and Anna regained control of herself… momentarily."

"…Noishe saved me?" he asked, shocked to hear that she was once so brave.

"That's probably when Noishe became sensitive to monsters," I agreed. "Noishe and Anna were both wounded. Your mother begged me to kill her."

"… I've heard enough." The sorrow in Lloyd's eyes was deep, but I had to finish.

"Anna went out of control again and turned on you. Then I…"

The hurt in his eyes was beginning to turn into a familiar anger. "That's enough!"

Lloyd had to know. "I… killed her," I faltered, finishing the explanation awkwardly. I couldn't think of a better way to put it, and the shame of what I had done years ago still burned too strongly to say it any other way.

"I said that's enough!" Lloyd practically growled in anger.

Perhaps it was time to stop tormenting the boy with his mother's death. I gladly put that horrible memory aside and continued on to the rest of the story. "After that, Kvar attacked, then you and Noishe fell down the cliff along with the Exsphere."

I checked Lloyd for any more angry teenage outbursts, but he seemed to have calmed down a little bit. His eyes were still bright with pain, but he quietly continued to listen.

"…I fought off Kvar and his men, and descended the cliff, but all that was left were the Desian corpses, half-eaten by monsters," I explained, remembering the guilt and the sorrow I had felt at the time. If only I had known that he was still alive! "…I thought there was no way you could still be alive."

We both stood in silence for a few moments, the snow falling gently around us as Lloyd absorbed the tale. Finally, he spoke. "…Is that when you returned to Cruxis?"

I sighed, knowing that he already knew the truth. I may as well explain to him my reasoning. "I am the Origin seal itself. Since killing me would break the seal, Yggdrasill couldn't just leave me alone."

"And you were okay with that?" Lloyd asked incredulously. "Even though you opposed what he was doing?!"

I decided to leave out the fact that a good portion of that part of my life was missing from my memory. It was something that I would have to sort out for myself sometime later. I wouldn't bother Lloyd with things he didn't need to know. Instead, I gave the most reasonable and truthful response that I could. "Everything felt meaningless. Mithos said he would reunite the worlds as soon as Martel was revived. I came to think that as long as the land would return to normal, that would be enough… until I met you."

Lloyd blinked, clearly perplexed, "me?"

"You remind me of Mithos. Just like you, Mithos was desperately trying to save the world," I smiled with remembrance, thinking of how different things were back then. "He didn't give up. No matter how much he was oppressed, he was hopeful… until the day Martel was killed."

"A hero," he murmured, clearly trying to remember Raine's teachings. "That's what people called him."

"Yes, but there is a clear difference between you and Mithos," I said, wondering if he would be able to recognize what it was.

"Our race?" he asked. Apparently not.

"No, not that," I shook my head at his naivety, walking a few paces closer and looking directly into Lloyd's eyes so that he would, hopefully, understand how serious I was. "You realize that you are capable of making mistakes. Or rather, if you make a mistake, you are capable of acknowledging it. That takes courage. Mithos, as well as I… were unable to do that."

"The courage to acknowledge one's mistakes…" Lloyd echoed.

"We were incapable of correcting our flawed path. We gave up on correcting our mistakes," I continued, checking to make certain that he was absorbing everything I said. "You didn't give up."

It didn't take Lloyd long to answer, his voice more animated than before, "If you feel that way, then you must have realized it by now! Mistakes can be corrected. It's not too late. Let's look for a way to release Origin without sacrificing your life… together."

He had no idea how much I wanted to accept that offer. I wanted nothing more than to spend the remainder of my time with Lloyd, protecting him and doing everything I could possibly do to be a father to him. But… I couldn't.

"…I still have something I must do." I explained calmly, hoping that Lloyd would understand. "Until I am able to entrust it to you, I cannot fight alongside you."

"Something you have to do?" Lloyd asked, his voice practically a plea to reconsider.

"The Eternal Sword. Until I am able to entrust it to you…" I trailed off, thinking of what to tell him. What parting piece of advice could I give him that would be the most useful? A thousand things raced through my head, all as valuable as the next, but eventually I settled on something that even Lloyd would understand. "… do not die, Lloyd."

I turned, walking only a step away before I heard him call out to me. "Kratos! Where are you going?"

I looked back at him, trying not to see him as my son for these next few moments. It was hard enough to leave him like this, with so many things placing his life in peril, but I had to put my trust in him now. I had to have faith that he could take care of himself now, and that his traveling companions, along with Noishe, could protect him if he needed it.

Instead of answering him, I offered one last bit of advice. "…Do not allow Yggdrasill to continue as he pleases. He is capable of sacrificing any number of lives. Stop Yggdrasill… stop Mithos… before Colette is taken from you again."

Turning away from him, I resolutely walked down the stairs and away. As I did, I heard Lloyd murmur to himself, "… I'll stop him. I'll head to Derris-Kharlan and put an end to this."

I smiled, knowing that determined tone better than anyone. Lloyd was persistent, and he understood what he must do.

Noishe followed me to the gate to the town again, but as we stepped outside, I turned to her, kneeling down and pulling her close, sighing into her light green fur. "Noishe, remember what I said? You can't follow me."

A sad whine.

I closed my eyes, holding her tighter as I thought of the difficult lot I had inadvertently thrown Lloyd into. First I had taken his mother away, and soon…

I winced, not wanting to leave Lloyd to battle Mithos and solve the problems of this world alone. "I'll miss you…"

Time slipped from me as I knelt next to Noishe, thinking of the perils that awaited Lloyd in the near future. Even with my help, there was only so much I could do. And soon… I wouldn't be able to do anything.

A few moments later, she licked my cheek, drawing me back to the present moment. "Noishe, I need you to give something to Lloyd for me." I said, searching my pockets for something I kept on me at all times. I found it, pulling the object forth with a soft smile.

The small locket that Yuan had given Anna and I years ago was still in mint condition, despite all the battles and hardships it had seen. I flicked it open carefully, taking one last look at the picture inside.

Myself, Anna, and Lloyd all sat smiling together. A happy family.

My heart ached, longing to return to those days, despite the constant danger and burdens we faced. I closed the locket, murmuring again, "I miss you."

Looking up into the faithful eyes of Noishe, I held the locket out to her. "Please, give this to Lloyd." She took it carefully in her mouth with another small sad whine.

"Thank you," I smiled, petting her head one last time before standing again. She turned and walked back into the town, leaving me outside the gates to think about tomorrow.

* * *

LateNiteSlacker's Notes:

To those of you still reading, especially you who have been with me since the beginning, thank you for being the most loyal readers ever! This year-long break was largely due to writing my other fic, "Snackoos and You," but now that is done, so I'll be updating this more.

It's nice to feel the review-love, but even if I don't, I think I'll continue this story to the end. There's so much of Kratos's story left to tell that it simply can't end here! Expect updates quicker this time than before (and I actually mean that this time!)

Thanks for continuing to care about Kratos and his story!


	34. Converging Ambitions

As Noishe walked away with the protective locket, I turned around, not caring that I left my imprints in the snow as I walked away from Flanoir. I couldn't let my own emotions cloud my judgment. As much as I wanted to see the look on Lloyd's face when he received that locket (if he actually did,) I couldn't. I would just have to trust Noishe to give it to him.

I sighed, thinking of the tasks that lay ahead. This would not be easy. Mithos had several traps waiting for them within the hall of the Great Seed. Knowing Lloyd, he would be devastated beyond functioning if he lost any of Team Misfit, and taking them out one by one was most certainly on Mithos's agenda.

Saving them all by myself would not be easy. It was a blessing that I knew the inner workings of the hall, but I also knew the challenges that were in store. The trap rooms were far apart from each other, and after saving each person, I would need to take them someplace safe.

My teleportation skills were limited, so I could not merely take them with me each time. If I tried that, another disaster would likely happen (like the time I brought Botta, his flunkies, _and_ a room full of water to Yuan's office…)

So preoccupied with this dilemma was I, that I nearly didn't hear the idiot Chosen until he was upon me. "What the hell was _that_ Kratos? What the hell!"

I was perplexed but did not allow this to show through as I regarded the red-headed youth calmly. "Zelos."

"Lloyd doesn't talk to _any_ of us, but then you come around and…"

"So you were listening," I muttered, unsurprised that he found a way to stealthily observe our conversation.

"I heard everything. And so did that creepy Cruxis woman."

"Creepy Cruxis woman… Pronyma?" I asked, glancing around the frozen area warily. I didn't see her, but it didn't mean that she wasn't tailing me… again.

"Whatever her name is. Look, I don't care about her. How could you say all of those things to _Lloyd_? Lloyd has enough on his plate. The last thing Lloyd needs is someone to push his buttons, confuse him even more, and send him reeling over the edge of his sanity!" Zelos continued to rant, much more passionately than I had ever known him to be before. Typically, he tempered his complaints to the whines of a selfish idiot born into money, but this…

No, this was different.

I could faintly recall Martel once telling me to "open my heart" to the world around me. She claimed that we were often so involved with our own lives that we missed countless important details in the world around us.

I never understood what she meant until after our angelic transformations. After that, it became easy to understand the world. Everything just made _sense_.

This situation, I could tell, was definitely going to require some thought.

"Opening my heart" to the world more, my heightened senses told me that all was not well with Zelos. His heartbeat was faster, his breathing erratic, his eyes just a bit bloodshot, and his voice more coarse than usual. If I had to hypothesize, Zelos was not describing Lloyd right now. He was describing himself.

Were I Sheena, Anna, or Yuan, I would probably have held the idiot Chosen until he sobbed into my shirt and cried out his sad story to me. Unfortunately for Zelos, I wasn't any of those three.

Without words, I clutched the Chosen roughly by his thin pink vest and teleported us away from the snowy continent.

Having nowhere truly secure to take us, I settled for a place that Zelos would recognize: his room. I let him go, gesturing to a fluffy pink chair as I quickly made my way to the door, observing that nobody was home but closing it quietly anyway. Pronyma probably hadn't guessed that I would teleport us here, but it never hurt to err on the side of caution.

When I turned back around, I noticed that Zelos had indeed taken my advice to sit. "You know, I don't think I'm ever going to get used to that." I assumed he meant teleporting.

"It takes a couple centuries." Taking the seat across the table from him, I regarded Zelos warily. "Now, calm down and start over."

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, I clarified, "But this time, don't pretend this is about Lloyd."

"Wow Kratos, that's about the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

I ignored his sarcasm and urged him on with my silence.

"Well, long story short…" Zelos sat back in the chair, blowing out a sigh. "_You_ want me to do something, _Yuan_ wants me to do something, _Mithos_ wants me to do something, and _Lloyd_ wants me to do something… and none of the things you want are the same!"

I blinked, shocked, though I shouldn't have been, that both Mithos and Yuan had taken an interest in Tethe'alla's Chosen.

Swiftly, I collected my thoughts before beginning. "Yuan's plans fell through when the great seed mutated uncontrollably, so you may disregard them. And, though he may not realize it, Lloyd's plans are the same as my own…"

I watched Zelos carefully, making sure he was taking in all of this information. Adding an air of caution to my voice, I continued, "The only person whose viewpoint is exactly the _opposite_, is Mithos. I do not know what he has planned for you, but I can assume it involves… _eliminating_… everyone you are traveling with currently."

For once, the red-haired Chosen was silent, staring dumbly at the ground as he pondered what I had said, or so I assumed.

"Zelos," I said, drawing his eyes back up to me. "Is that not correct?"

"It…" he paused, as if outwardly pained by this inner conflict. "…it is."

"Then your choice is actually much simpler than you may think," I said, carefully watching Zelos for his reaction. "Do you want them to live or die?"

"I want them to live, of course!" he responded without hesitation, his eyes lighting with the passion he felt behind that statement. "Why would I even _consider_ having the only people who have ever cared about me die?!"

I nodded, holding back a smile. That was _exactly_ the response I was hoping for. Perhaps it would be easier to save Lloyd's friends than I thought. "Then we shall have to work together. You, Lloyd, Yuan, and I will all stop Mithos."

Already I could sense the easy confidence coming back to Zelos, his mind finally decided. "All right! So, how are we gonna do this?"

I leaned closer to the table to begin my explanation, "This is how we will save them all…"

* * *

Sometime later, I brought Zelos back to Flanoir and then left for the tower of salvation. It could only help to be ahead of them, and besides, there was someone I wanted to talk to there as well.

I had described each and every trap to Zelos. In detail, I reiterated that we needed to work together to save everyone. He seemed to understand the gravity of the situation, and after reciting the plan back to me, I tore him away from his cushy home in Tethe'alla, leaving him once again in the frozen city of Flanoir.

Finding a nice ledge in the upper region of the tower, I sat with my back against the wall, bowing my head down and allowing myself to close my eyes…

* * *

For once, I didn't dream. However, I awoke to yet another frightening sight.

Yuan was shaking me awake. "Kratos what are you doing here?!" he demanded, his voice a hushed whisper.

"Waiting for you, actually," I said quietly, gathering my bearings back. "I assumed you would come to watch the show."

"Yeah, except that there won't be a show if they can't get into the tower," Yuan muttered.

"What do you mean?" There hadn't been anything keeping them from entering before, so I found his words a bit perplexing.

He sighed, taking a seat beside me, keeping his voice low. "Pronyma's tailing you again."

"I know, Zelos informed me."

The half-elf was taken aback for a moment. "Zelos?"

"It's a long story," I gestured to him. "Continue."

He nodded in consent, "not only has she posted guards around the premises, but she has erected a barrier as well. They won't be able to get into the Tower of Salvation and continue with their plan."

I blinked at him, not really surprised that Pronyma was going all out to show her loyalty to Yggdrasil. I leaned closer to him, making sure that Yuan was the only one who could hear me, just in case anyone else happened to be nearby. "Then help them get in. You remember the secret passageway underneath the tower, don't you?"

Yuan stopped. For a minute, he stopped everything: talking, blinking, even breathing. Then…

"How could I have forgotten about that?!" He cried in anguish. Quietly, which was impressive for him.

"Welcome to the club," I sighed, casting my gaze to the ground below. If I concentrated enough, I could sense that Yuan was indeed correct. There must be at least three guards of Cruxis outside the tower, and the gentle pulse of the barrier radiated its mana every so often. "Yuan… I know I can trust you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"That means… you don't plan on pulling any more stunts such as, oh… poisoning me and revealing all my secrets to Lloyd… again anytime soon, do you?" I asked.

"No…" he said hesitantly. Good enough.

"Mithos wants them to get to the hall of the great seed," I pointed out, continuing my explanation in a tone loud enough for only Yuan to hear. "He won't mind us helping them get to the hall, but once there, he wants all of Lloyd's friends dead." I paused meaningfully.

Yuan stared back at me, "And I care… why?"

"Because you want to stop Mithos's age of lifeless beings as much as I do, and your plan has already failed. It's time to try my plan now."

"You have a plan?" he smirked. "And here I thought you were just slowly going crazy while you angsted over losing your wife and son."

I frowned at him crossly, choosing to ignore his comment. "You will lead them into the tower, and I will follow them to the hall of the great seed. Zelos and I will work together to save all of Lloyd's team and stop Mithos from reviving Martel."

At the mention of _his_ lost loved one, Yuan winced. I could see the old pain returning to his chest. Silently, he nodded. "I…. I don't think I want to be there for that. I don't trust what I might do."

"A wise decision," I agreed. "Stay away from there. I will take care of everything and meet up with you again by the Origin seal."

"The Origin seal? But that means…" Yuan's eyes widened. "Kratos, you aren't planning to…"

"I will do what must be done," I stated. Hearing the hum of Rheiards in the distance, I urged him away. "And now, you must too. They're here. Show them in."

Yuan appeared agitated, but he nodded, the white glow of teleportation mana already surrounding him. "By the Origin seal. I'll meet you there. Please… let Martel find peace," he said stoically before fading away, leaving me again to the oddly echoing silence within the Tower of Salvation.

Soon, the silence was disturbed by the sound of Lloyd's group barging into the tower quite loudly. As planned, Zelos "betrayed" them, taking Colette ahead with him while the others stayed to fight some lifeless angelic beings.

This was the risky part of my plan. To deceive Mithos, Colette had to be handed over as a sacrifice. She _would_ be Martel's vessel. Lloyd _would_ lose her…

…but not for long. If I remembered Martel well enough, she would never tolerate selfishly inhabiting another's body. Martel would reject the bond and return to the gentle slumbers of her death. Colette would finally be free.

At least, I hoped it would happen that way. Time would tell, though. All I could do for now was wait and save them one by one.

Knowing that they would quickly defeat the lifeless beings, I teleported ahead of them to the hall of the great seed.

"Pathetic, that's what you are, but you'll be the perfect vessel for Martel…" Mithos crooned, eyeing the girl that Zelos had brought him.

"Zelos, you have done well," Mithos said, fingering the crest around Colette's crystal as the red-headed Chosen held her back. "I'll relieve you of your duties as the Chosen after this."

"Thank you, Lord Yggdrasil," Zelos said, only keeping a firmer hold on Colette as she furiously began to struggle in his grasp.

"Zelos, why are you doing this?" Colette pleaded, but she was unable to say any more.

Mithos had removed her key crest. The girl's eyes glazed over, and she slumped forward in Zelos's arms. "Put her in the chamber."

As commanded, Zelos gently laid Colette on the table, his eyebrows furrowing as he murmured, "Goodnight, my sleeping angel."

"Sentimental fool," Mithos spat the words, then tossed the key crest to Zelos. "If you want to be sentimental, then take this. It's not like she needs it anymore."

Zelos's breath quickened as he held Colette's key crest, but his only visible action was to bow dutifully to Mithos. "Thank you, Lord Yggdrasil."

When he walked through the door, I followed in step by his side. "You know what we must now do, don't you?"

Zelos nodded, clutching the key crest a bit tighter before stashing it away. "I know. Damn it, Kratos, you'd better be right about this…"

"Have I ever led you wrong?" I asked as I took his shoulder, preparing to teleport us both to the beginning of this maze.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Zelos asked sarcastically.

I chose to teleport us to the first trap room instead of answer.

Regal was the first to be left behind. As the doors closed between Lloyd and Duke Bryant, I ran in, aiding him in dispatching several of the beings. Looking around me, I wondered briefly where Zelos had gone.

The duke caught my eyes and uttered a quick, "thanks."

From above, I heard a loud "Geronimo!" Zelos came crashing down through the center of the room, swinging his blade adeptly as he fell through the air, eliminating several lifeless beings before he even touched the ground.

He landed cleanly on his feet, his angelic wings spread and ready for action. For half a moment, our eyes met. Seeing the spark of life that hid behind them, I knew that the world had its "old" Zelos back.

I gestured towards the duke, and Zelos nodded in return. "Sorry big guy, hope you don't mind catching a little air!" Without further warning, he scooped Regal up by the back of his shirt and flew swiftly back the way he had come, dodging a flurry of angelic beings.

Show off.

Left to clean up the mess, I did what I should have done from the beginning and commanded the beings to return to their resting places.

Once they had done so, I broke open the door to the next room with a large burst of mana, and ran through part of the maze, arriving just in time to see Zelos catch a falling Sheena, saving her from disappearing into a nearly bottomless pit.

They probably would have shared a moment, but I interrupted. "That was fast."

Zelos cast a cross glance in my direction. "It's called 'flying' instead of running. You should try it."

He… was right, but rather than admit that, I said, "let's go." Bringing forth my wings, I took Zelos's advice and flew through the next level of the maze.

Zelos (still carrying Sheena) was close behind me. We didn't have much time for chit-chat. The next door was already upon us. This time, Zelos blast the door apart, stopping in confusion when we were faced with an empty room… with no floor.

This wasn't good. The floor panels must have already fallen away from whoever was left behind here. Not losing my momentum, I continued forward. As I passed him, I shouted for Zelos to go ahead, then dove headfirst into the dark abyss below.

I listened to Zelos magically destroy the other door, opening their way into the next part of the labyrinth. My thoughts of them disappeared completely when I finally caught sight of who had fallen.

Raine.

In a heartbeat, I focused my mana, quickening my descent as much as possible. I had to reach the bottom of this pit before she did.

I _had_ to.

The moments seemed to hang on forever. Ever so slowly, I caught up to her. Closer… closer…

Mere meters before the bottom of the pit, I scooped her into my arms.

Raine had her eyes shut tight, but ever so slowly, she peeked open with one of them. "Am… am I dead?"

When she caught sight of me, both of her eyes flew open. "Kratos! What are you doing here?"

"Just saving your life," I said, trying to shrug as nonchalantly as possible while holding her. It didn't work very well.

"Thank you," she murmured. "Expiring now would have been rather inconvenient."

"I agree. There is still much to be done," I said, recalling that Lloyd still had a few more teammates that would find their doom soon if I didn't hurry up. Fixing my gaze above, I started flying up out of the pit before I recalled something that would have made this entire process easier.

Looking skeptically at Raine, I asked, "You don't tend to get seasick, do you?"

"What do you—" were the only words she managed to say before I teleported us to the next chamber on the next floor.

We arrived just in time to see Presea disappear into the clutches of an evil plant. I quickly set Raine down (who did look a little green) and threw a fireball at the plant as I ran towards the girl. When I came in range, I sliced it open with my blade, managing to pull the girl out of the foul creature with marginal effort.

"Thank you." She stated monotonously, already running forward to retrieve the pieces of her axe that the next door had claimed. "We do not have much time."

"I understand." Really, I did. With another blast of mana, I opened the door before us.

Before we could run through the doorway to the maze, Zelos caught up to us. "Regal and Sheena are both safe," he announced. Though they didn't comment, both Presea and Raine appeared visibly relieved.

"Good, I will take Raine and Presea to the room before the hall of the great seed. You go ahead and save Genis," I directed, already knowing that the last of Lloyd's friends would surely be the next to fall victim to the final trap.

"You're gonna make _me_ save that obnoxious little brat?" Zelos whined but pumped up his speed as he flew ahead.

I took hold of both Presea and Raine, throwing the latter an apologetic look.

Raine seemed to understand, despite my lack of words. "Oh no, not teleporting again! If you do I'll—"

I didn't get to hear what she would do. We were already standing in a room near Martel's resting chamber. Sheena and Regal both stepped forward to catch Raine as she fell ever so gracefully forward.

Apparently she _really_ didn't take well to teleportation. I pitied her but didn't have time to dwell on it.

I took in the sight of Lloyd's companions collectively. They seemed a little disheveled, but really, they had all been worse for wear at other points in their lives. This little brush with death would soon become nothing more than a memory to them.

Looking at them in turn, I commanded, "Wait here. Zelos and I will return soon with Genis. We need to stay hidden and surprise Mithos when he least expects it."

I could tell that they understood, and I didn't wait for their individual responses before I teleported to…

I froze. _Was_ that the last trap?

No! How could I forget?!

Lloyd would face one final trap. An Indiana Jones flavored device that Mithos had created himself… an arrow magically designed to strike through the heart.

I had to trust that Zelos would save Genis from the enclosing electric walls. The red-headed Chosen wasn't the brightest, but surely he would figure something out.

Lloyd. I had to go to Lloyd.

My concentration suffered a bit as I gathered my mana, thinking only that my son was in peril. The white teleportation magic gathered around me, surrounding my vision. When it cleared, I found myself in the final room of the labyrinth.

Before I could even shout out a warning, Lloyd had run forward through the narrow walkway and fallen victim to Mithos's final trap.

The magic arrow plunged into his body, striking him in the heart, and he was knocked to the ground like a child's rag toy.

Panic. It was the only thing I felt at the moment, rooted in place from where I observed. Lloyd! He couldn't be dead… no!

Then, he sat up, shaking his head unsteadily as he reached into his shirt pocket. "Kratos's pendant…. He protected me…. Dad…"

I could only watch as Lloyd stood up with determination, two things on my mind. The first was relief that Noishe had pulled through and given him the protective charm locket. And the second…

Lloyd had said it… not to me, but he had said it…

"He called me dad," I murmured to myself, those worried feelings of rejection slowly beginning to fade.

Lloyd had reached the solid stone wall, and knowing that he would never be able to open the trick door on his own, I focused my mana on the door, willing it to open.

Slowly, the stones shifted aside, revealing the passageway for a very confused Lloyd. "…what's this? Is it some kind of trap? And… what is this thing? …damn. There's no time to be worrying. I've got to rescue Colette, for everyone's sake!" Wasting no more time, he ducked through the passageway and disappeared from my view.

I couldn't linger here. If I did, then they would all be in serious trouble. Focusing my magic again, I teleported back to the room where all of Lloyd's friends waited, including Zelos and Genis this time.

"Lloyd has almost reached the room of the Great Seed. We should proceed with caution soon," I announced, then looked to the red headed Chosen. "You saved Genis. Good."

"Annoying twerp was _shaking_ and _pulled my hair_ when I yanked him out of that room," Zelos grumbled, appearing none too happy. It was true, his hair did look _slightly_ less lustrous than usual.

"I was _scared!_ And you could have been nicer about it," Genis yelled back, angrily balling his fists and shaking his kendama at Zelos. I still didn't see how he could use that as a weapon.

Ever the voice of reason, Raine stepped forward and pinched her brother's ear, quieting the boy. Thankfully, she seemed to be over her teleportation-sickness. "Genis calm down. We all need to go to Lloyd and let him know we are still alive. I know him. He will be devastated until he knows his friends are safe."

Everyone agreed, including me. Genis, determined to make up for his apparent lack of heroics earlier, decided to take the lead into the next room. The boy gasped, then threw a fireball immediately, raising a muffled cry that I recognized as Mithos's. "We won't let you lay a finger on him!" Genis shouted.

As the others all gathered around Genis, I stayed back, holding a hand out in front of Zelos to stop him from walking in too. "It's better if Mithos does not see us yet. We will lose the element of surprise."

Zelos seemed agitated but stayed dutifully back.

As we peeked around the corner, the scene unfolded before us. The room was even more overgrown with tree tentacles and foliage than I last remembered, surrounding Martel's glass-encased form protectively. Next to Martel, a similar vessel now held Colette, who appeared to be slumbering. Lloyd seemed ready to face off against Mithos as Pronyma watched nervously to the side.

"Guys! How? …You're okay?" Lloyd stammered happily. His grin broadened as he watched each of his friends appear, giving him their reassurance and support.

Yggdrasil growled with anger, "What a sorry lot. Pronyma, it is your fault they're still alive. Kill them!"

Pronyma appeared surprised, but she dutifully stepped forward, "Y… yes sir!" Her lips twisted into a frown as she summoned two lifeless beings to aide her. "For you… Lord Yggdrasil!"

After their near death experiences, Lloyd and Co. all seemed eager to fight together, taking Pronyma and her lackeys down while Mithos watched with boredom from the sidelines.

Somewhere halfway into the fight, Collette's chamber began to glow softly, catching Mithos's interest more than the battle literally right next to him. Eagerly, he walked towards the glass case.

Defeated, Pronyma lay on the ground, looking up towards Mithos hopefully, "Lord Yggdrasil…. It hurts… Please… help me…"

He ignored her, his eyes still fixed on the goddess, "I've succeeded! …Martel is awake!"

Pronyma begged, reaching out a hand towards him desperately. "Lord Yggdrasil… Mithos… please…"

That… wasn't the right thing to say. I had warned her. Yuan had warned her. But really, when did she ever listen to us anyway?

Infuriated, Mithos turned to glower at her, "Only my former companions can call me by that name! Get out of my sight!" Casting a ball of white magic at her, he turned his attention back to Martel before it even hit her.

Mithos didn't even watch her die.

Though I never cared much for Pronyma, it was still a bit of a surprise to see her go.

I didn't dwell on it long, though, and neither did anyone else. Colette, or rather, _Martel_, had awoken, her bright blue eyes fluttering open. She slowly stood up, taking in her surroundings cautiously.

Though she had just awoken, Martel did not appear the least bit disoriented. She looked right past all of us, her eyes immediately fixating on Mithos. As the goddess approached her younger brother, we were all powerless to do anything but watch.

"Dear sister…" Mithos blubbered, his excitement so great that he was in near hysterics. "You've finally come back to me!"

"Mithos…" Martel said quietly, a note of disbelief and disgust in her voice. "What have you done?"

"Martel? Oh, you mean my body. I hastened my growth to have an appearance befitting the leader of Cruxis. Wait just a moment. I'll switch back to my old form," he explained hastily, soft white magic glowing around him as he reverted his age back to "normal."

She shook her head, sadness in her voice, "No, Mithos, not that."

Mithos balked, looking like he wanted to argue back, but even he held back, waiting to hear what she would say.

"I've been watching all this time. Unable to move, unable to do anything," Martel quietly explained, the soft peaks of her voice nearly trembling with both sadness and anger towards her younger sibling. "Have you forgotten everything? We stopped the Ancient War because we dreamt of a world where humans, elves, and those in between could live in harmony."

If I had any doubts before, they were all erased now. It truly was Martel standing before us, and it was definitely fortuitous that Yuan had stayed behind. I could only imagine the agony he would have gone through, tauntingly seeing her alive only to have her taken from him again.

"What are you saying? This… after all the trouble I went to prepare a new body for you?" Mithos shook his head, clutching his hands in his hair with crazed frustration. The room filled with an uneasy tension as he cast his gaze about. Then, suddenly, he looked up at Martel, laughing just a little, as if to calm himself. "But I see… you don't like that one, do you?"

"Mithos, please. Listen to me. What you have done…. is wrong. It is not what we strived for," Martel continued to plead through Colette's lips, her countenance filled with sorrow and concern.

"…Wrong? Are you rejecting me?" His look again filled with dread, as if he had committed the most horrible crime in the world. Actually, he _had_ long ago, but he didn't appear to care as much about it then as he did now.

"No, I want you to remember. Please stop this and become your old self again…" Martel's voice grew soft as she pleaded with Mithos one last time. I could sense her spirit growing weaker as Colette closed her eyes.

It was time. Martel had said everything she wanted to say and was trying to leave Colette's body as I had hoped she would. I glanced over at Zelos, indicating towards his pocket where he had stowed away Colette's key crest.

A knowing look came across his face as his eyes fell on the blonde haired girl. When he looked back up at me, wordless determination was in his expression. He knew what he must do.

"Martel, even you reject me? No… Martel would never say something like that… Haha…..hahahhahahah!!!!!"

As Mithos's sickening laughter filled the room, the blinding light of a deranged lunatic beginning to seep out of his body, we moved as one out of our hiding places.

In a flurry of movement, Zelos flew to Colette, and I dove at Mithos. The red-headed Chosen placed the key crest expertly back on the girl… or at least, I assumed he had done everything properly, as I felt Martel's presence dwindling, but quite honestly I had much bigger things on my mind.

My hands caught Mithos's white angelic garb, interrupting his spell as I bound him with as much mana as I could manage, and we both tumbled to the ground. Having stopped his doomsday spell, he glared daggers at me, grabbing my wrists with painful electrically charged hands. "Kratos! You betray me…. again?!"

"… I do not mean to betray you. I am full of regret. Regret that I could not stop you." I said, truly feeling those words as I spoke them.

Of course, my words and warnings never did get through to him. Why should they now?

With a growl and a burst of mana, he shoved me off him, standing to regard Zelos with equal contempt. "What are you doing?!" Mithos demanded. As his eyes caught sight of Colette's key crest, now in place on her chest once again, he let out a horrified shriek, casting a ball of magic at the girl.

Zelos quickly pulled Colette out of the way. "Not on my watch! I'll always protect my cute angel."

"I thought you wanted me to set you free of your fate as a Chosen!" Mithos shouted, surprisingly intact for the rage that clearly burned beneath his skin.

"Oh, you know what? I changed my mind," Zelos continued, stealing the show. "That won't matter after we beat the snot out of you anyway."

Finally, Lloyd seemed to unfreeze from where he had stood as this scene unfolded before him. "Kratos! Zelos! I knew you'd come back to us!"

"That's right Lloyd," Raine explained for the group. "Kratos and Zelos both saved us from all of those impossible situations we were in."

"Sorry about all that," Zelos apologized. "You had to have an ace or two up your sleeve, right?"

"Hehe, I'm glad we have you, Zelos," Lloyd effortlessly seemed to accept him back, an easy familiarity almost visibly forming between them again.

But then he turned to face me. Immediately, my heart filled with dread. I felt as though I should write a novel to explain myself to my son, but I could only offer one simple phrase, "… I wish to atone for my sins… alongside you."

And then Lloyd did something I never expected to see him do towards me again.

Lloyd smiled. "Kratos, I'm glad we have you too."

The moment didn't last long. Mithos roared, "Damn you! Give me back my sister!" He ran to Martel, carelessly tripping over the overgrown roots that covered the floor in his anxiety to reach her.

She knelt down, touching her caring hand to his cheek. "Goodbye, Mithos. This is my final wish. Please, return this twisted world back to its original form."

"No! Martel!" he cried, fearful tears welling in his eyes as he clutched at her sleeves. "Don't go!"

"If things were going to end up like this, perhaps the elves should never have left Derris-Kharlan. If they hadn't, people like us would never have been born…" Martel murmured, her voice fading as her body began to glow with mystical light. As the brightness receded into the Great Seed, her hand dropped away from Mithos, and Colette's body fell to the floor.

"So… so that was it… aha… ahahahah….." the nervous laughter continued as the tyrant released Colette's sleeve to stand and stare at the Great Seed, resting a hand on the glass casing of Martel's chamber. "Martel, you just wanted to leave this filthy world and return to Derris-Kharlan… yes, of course. That world is the homeland of all elven blood."

"Mithos…?" Genis took a step towards Mithos, reaching a tentative hand out to him as he questioned uncertainly.

Mithos ignored him, choosing to drivel on nonsense instead. "Yes, dearest sister… let's forget these filthy creatures and return home together. To Derris-Kharlan…"

Suddenly, Colette stood back up, and spoke in her own voice, a clear sign that she had regained her own consciousness, "Everyone, we have to stop Mithos! Martel is calling to me! Martel wants us to stop him!"

Immediately, Mithos spun around, sneering at the girl, "Shut up! Martel would never say something like that. You… miserable failure!"

"She did say it! She was crying!" Colette pleaded, appearing as though she herself were on the verge of tears. I could only imagine what it would have been like to hear Martel's tortured screams… Colette truly was a brave Chosen. "She said 'Please don't make everyone suffer any longer!'"

This was a crucial moment. Yet, as I glanced at Lloyd, he appeared to be so caught up in everything that was happening that he didn't truly understand what was transpiring. I had to make him understand. "Lloyd, do you understand?"

Lloyd turned to face me, the torn confusion written in his expression as if he had a neon sign above him. "If we lose the Great Seed, we'll betray everyone's hopes!"

One by one, Lloyd's friends began to plead with him as well, opening up his dense little mind to enlightenment.

"And we of Mizuho won't stand it, either," Sheena said firmly.

"Without it, the Giant Tree will not germinate," Raine more patiently explained.

"Without mana, the land will die," Presea continued, _slightly_ less monotonously than usual.

"If your goal is the reunification of the world, then…" as Regal tried to finish their thoughts, the light bulb finally clicked in Lloyd's mind.

"I know! We're gonna stop Mithos with everything we've got!" Lloyd declared, pulling forth his twin blades. "…Let's go!"

Mithos's eyes narrowed as he murmured, "I won't let you interfere…." In a flash, he had transformed himself back to his artificially aged form. "I will _kill you all!_"

Not about to let him do that, I readied my flamberge, noticing that the others in Lloyd's group had done the same.

It was finally time. No longer did I need to hide anything from Mithos, avoid Pronyma, or pretend to be an ally of Cruxis. I was prepared to give this fight everything I had.

I would stand by my son from this moment on. No more lies. No more deceit. I would fight beside Lloyd, protect him with my own two hands, and finally do what I had desired from the very beginning of this angst-ridden tale.

I could finally be Lloyd's father.

* * *

LateNiteSlacker's Notes:

To say that this story is long would be stating the obvious. It's definitely time to kick into ending gear! I would say this story has maybe... 5 more chapters left? I would end on 40, but that would just be cliche, wouldn't it?

I would have had this chapter posted sooner (most of it was written a month ago) but I've been sick... and busy... and then sick again... and then busy... it's really a vicious cycle. I'll try to have another update within a month or so. I'd like to have this story finished by the summer, if possible.

Wow, I've fluffed on for a while, haven't I? Thanks to anyone still reading! I hope that these last few chapters will be worth the patience you've given me. ^^;;;


	35. Converging Resolutions

It is impossible to describe in words the gratification I felt in that moment. Finally. _Finally_, I was able to raise my sword against Mithos and be the best father I possibly could be to Lloyd in the only way I knew how.

Ass-kicking.

And oh, Mithos found his ass kicked. Repeatedly.

Throughout the fight, I was pleased to find that, despite my concerns, Lloyd no longer needed my protection. He was more than capable of managing on his own, and with the help of his friends, taking Mithos down almost seemed like a joke.

It was not long before we had Mithos cornered against a wall, sniveling and shivering as his legs struggled to support his own weight. "…How? … I cannot lose… I'm going home… I'm going home with my sister…"

The pitiful blonde haired angel clutched himself about the chest, closing his eyes as he vanished out of view.

"…It's over," Lloyd said solemnly, turning away from the scene.

"No, it's not," I quickly informed him, catching his attention and that of his friends. In fact, the toughest part of their struggles still lay ahead. "The worlds are still split. The Giant Tree has still not yet germinated. You must release…"

For a moment I hesitated. It seemed Lloyd knew what I was about to say, because his eyes immediately filled with pain. "…Origin." I finished.

As expected, he responded with anger. "… Do you know what that means? You might die!"

"I tried to run from everything. I still need to pay for my past sins," I explained slowly, making sure that Lloyd's attention was fully directed at me. I disliked what was to come next, but there was simply no way around it. I had to explain things to Lloyd in a way that he would understand. "For the sake of releasing Origin's seal, as well as for the sake of settling my past, Lloyd… you must defeat me."

"You think I'm just gonna go along with that?" He challenged me angrily.

Knowing better than to stay and argue, I turned around and walked to the exit. "…I'll be waiting for you before the seal," I said clearly to them as I left.

Not wanting to give him a chance to catch up with me and talk me out of it, I quickly teleported away.

Lloyd would not arrive right away. Of this I was certain. He needed time to think, as he had finally begun to do so, and I was more than happy to allow him that.

So, I took my time, walking through the village of the elves, making sure that they knew I was there as I made my way to the seal.

I reached the forest, instinctively knowing my way through the pathways by now, letting my feet guide me as I tried not to think about the upcoming struggle. Regardless of the outcome, Lloyd would be hurt. Physically, or emotionally.

I would never kill him. But if he lost, then he would be gravely wounded. If Lloyd won, then the consequences could be even more devastating. I would give up my life to release Origin's seal, and would be unable to help him any longer, as a mentor, a friend, or a father.

Never could I be so presumptuous to think that I seemed like a father to him. In fact, a majority of the time he had known me, Lloyd thought I was an enemy.

These thoughts weighed down heavily on my mind as I found myself standing beside Origin's large stone seal. Feeling defeated, I pressed my back to the stone, sliding down its smooth surface until I sat at the base of the monument.

With a defeated sigh, I murmured, "tomorrow, I will die."

"With that attitude, you will."

The response shouldn't have startled me by now, but the gravity of the issue at hand caused me to look up with mild interest. I knew that voice. "Yuan?"

"Who else?" The half elf emerged from the trees, threw me a lopsided grin, and sat gracefully on the forest floor across from me. "So… here we are."

"…here we are…" I echoed weakly.

"I assume you were successful, then?" Yuan asked hopefully. I could only assume that he was talking about the crystal he had entrusted to us and the horrible task of killing his beloved Martel.

"Yes," I responded quietly, unable to meet his gaze as broken as I was now. I knew he must be in pain, but at the moment I couldn't find it in myself to truly console him. So, I settled for the next best thing: a brief explanation. "Mithos succeeded in reviving her, but Martel relinquished her body back to Colette. Even in the afterlife, it seems she is watching over us."

"So you saved Colette, then," Yuan sighed in such a way that I knew he felt inner anguish. "Good. I am glad you were there and not I. I don't think I would have had the strength to watch all of that and sit idly by."

"We didn't," I continued, telling the second half of our plight. "After Martel left Colette's body, Mithos attacked us, and we…"

Yuan gasped, leaning closer until I simply _had_ to look him in the eyes. "Did you_ kill Mithos_?" From the way he said it, I almost thought the half-elf was unhappy.

"Is that not what you wanted?" I asked.

"It is… but… I suppose I wasn't expecting it," He responded, sitting back as he worried his lip. "…not so soon."

"If it helps, I don't think he is actually dead," I sighed, looking up to the stars in the sky as if they would give me an answer. In a way, I suppose they did.

"What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously.

"When he 'died' he didn't sound as if we had truly defeated him," I explained, replaying his final words in my mind again. "He merely said 'I'm going home with my sister.' I can only assume that he has another scheme up his sleeve."

"It does sound that way." When Yuan responded, I could have sworn that he almost sounded relieved. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he didn't truly want Mithos dead. Then again, the half-elf was always conflicted. He didn't truly want Martel dead either, and yet, he had given her up once again.

"Indeed," I sighed, closing my eyes and shaking my head lightly. "It all seems so hopeless, doesn't it?"

"None of that now. You've come here for a reason," I could hear the frown in his voice though I couldn't see it, and I heard him lean in a little closer, as if he were concerned that someone would hear him. I almost laughed. Who would hear him now? Pronyma? Nope. Mithos? Nope.

It seemed he sensed my apathy. With a growl, he roughly shook me by the shoulder. "Kratos, this is important! Your son's life is at stake!"

"I won't kill him," I asserted calmly as I looked back down at him.

"I know you won't, but if the _worlds die_, then _he will die too!_" Yuan practically spat the obvious at me.

And yet, it was something I hadn't truly considered to be an option until now. For four thousand years we had lived in these juxtaposed worlds. Why should that change? Why would Sylvarant and Tethe'alla suddenly die?

The answer came to me quickly. Mithos was dead. If I released Origin's seal, I would die. And without Origin keeping the worlds as they once were, Lloyd could die too… if he failed to form a pact with the spirit.

It was heavy stuff. We both sat in silence for quite some time. Eventually, I broke the quiet with a question that had long weighed on my mind. "Yuan, do you think he can do it?"

After this many centuries, he knew exactly what I meant. With a surprisingly calm and confident expression, he nodded. "Yes, I really think he can."

"Even if I am not around…"

"Don't talk like that," Yuan chided me instantly. "You will be there for Lloyd, like it or not."

"Easy for you to say," I scoffed back, rapping my knuckles against the stone behind me. "You aren't the Origin seal."

"If I could take that burden from you, I would," Yuan responded quietly, surprising me with his odd selflessness.

I didn't quite understand what he meant, but I smiled back in response. Something about his camaraderie was sentimental. It reminded me of the old friend I had known all these years. "Thank you, Yuan. It is good to know that I have an ally again."

"You stupid dope," he chided me with a smirk. "You have always had one."

"Have I?" I asked with a grin, chuckling when he lightly smacked my shoulder.

"Yes, you have. But he's going away right now so that you can sleep. You're exhausted, Kratos," Yuan said, the faint light of a warp circle materializing around him. "Tomorrow you will accomplish everything you need to, and _you will live._"

I smiled, knowing that he was just trying to cheer me up. "Thank you."

With a nod, he disappeared, leaving me again to my own thoughts.

The night sky seemed larger than it had ever been before. How many possibilities were there in the world? What were the chances that everything would have played out this way, that the only way to save the worlds was to fight my own son and die?

Lloyd would come tomorrow, of that I was certain. How strong had he grown in just these few short weeks? Even I was amazed with his progress.

He just might be able to defeat me.

I laughed, again leaning back against the cold damp stone that symbolized my link with Origin. "My darling Anna… in a few mere hours, you will be alone no longer."

Tomorrow either Lloyd or myself would join her.

If he could defeat me, then he would be ready for whatever lay ahead.

Tomorrow I would know the fate of the world.

_**Some time later…**_

* * *

"_Kratos…" Mithos simpered in his adult form as he slunk over and sat on the side of the bed where I lay. He reached down, running his slender fingers through my battle fried auburn hair, his fingers knotting in clumps of dried blood. "Look at you, look at the mess you've become."_

"_How did this happen? How did it come down to this? Oh that's right," Mithos clenched his hand into a fist, painfully gripping my hair and yanking my head forward. Mithos's voice became a harsh whisper when he leaned forward and spoke again, his lips barely an inch from my ear. "You __**betrayed**__ me. You went __**behind my back**__ and even tried to __**destroy everything I've worked for these last four thousand years!**__"_

_I peered back at him through bleary eyes and said nothing. _

_Unsatisfied with my response, he frowned and tossed my head back onto the pillow. His fingers again stroked my hair, but this time in a more soothing manner. "Such a pretty broken doll, that's what you are, but don't worry. I'll fix you. I know you didn't mean to do those things, after all."_

_I didn't? _

"_You fell in love. And love can make a person do funny… stupid… things. I suppose I can forgive you for that mistake," he spoke, his voice unnaturally calm. "But what can I possibly do to fix you? Hmm…ah! I know!"_

_Whatever had come to his mind couldn't possibly be good. That was the only thought in my head as he began chanting a spell I had never heard before, something in a lost ancient language. I never studied the ancient languages much, but I managed to catch the words "freeze" and "memory." His hand began to glow a soft blue. "I learned a new trick about three thousand years ago… from an ice-witch actually. It was the only thing she could offer me before I killed her."_

_Mithos couldn't be trusted. If I had learned anything at all the past few years, it was that. If I had the will to move, I would have thrown him away from me._

"_I never had a use for it before, but now I know why I was meant to learn that spell." Mithos cackled. "Do you have any idea what this spell will do for you?"_

_He made it sound as if he were going to help me, but I knew he couldn't mean it. After all, Mithos had only ever looked after himself these last few thousand years._

"_It will freeze your memory of the last five years of your life. In the long-run, that isn't much, right? Five years is barely a blink in the eternity that you have lived. This spell will freeze those memories, trapping them somewhere in the dark recesses of your mind where you won't be bothered by them. You won't even notice that they're gone." _

_Finally, my eyes began to clear, widening in panic. I didn't want to forget! Not Anna! Not Lloyd! Not…_

"_Oh Kratos, don't be a sissy. Your memories will still be there, and they could even come back… for a price." He pressed a hand into my chest, holding me down onto the bed. Then, he brought his glowing ice-blue hand closer to my eyes. "You're hurting Kratos, you're confused and in pain, but I can make that all go away."_

_No no no! Don't take away my memories!_

"_Let me help you forget."_

_Lloyd! Anna! No!… Lloyd… Anna…. __Anna?_

_Slowly, the world faded into a field of white.

* * *

_

Ugh. So _that_ is what happened.

The memory hit me like a tsunami. It suddenly made sense now, the reason I was back on my feet so quickly, and why I had so easily gone back into service for Mithos.

But some things hadn't gone quite as Mithos had planned. My memories of Anna and Lloyd returned to me only a few months after he had stolen them away. There were still large gaping holes in my memories, but I now recalled those who were most dear to me.

I thought of Lloyd, and I couldn't help but feel that he was the reason so many of those holes were being filled again. The "price" must have been the random blackouts and occasional lapses in my other memories. It was a small price to pay for the dearest five years of my life. And who really cared to remember washtubs at Thoda geyser anyway?

The new day had dawned already, despite my hesitation. I had indeed slept most of the night. They would be here soon. Lloyd would be here soon.

In fact, if I listened carefully, I could already hear them making their way through the forest. After taking a deep breath, I stood up before the seal, shaking the leaves from my clothing.

As he appeared on the horizon, I steeled myself for what was to come. There was no turning back now. The fate of the world rested on this battle.

"…So you've come," I said once Lloyd stopped before me.

"Is there no other way?" He asked, his voice pleading though his question was simple.

I shook my head, "Are you still thinking like that? You'll die if you fight me with any doubt left in your heart. If you want the pact with Origin, then you must defeat me."

"So… that's your way," Lloyd nodded, turning to the rest of his group. "Everyone. Leave this to me."

I arched an eyebrow, "You're going to fight alone?"

"…If it's your wish to settle things with your past, then it's my duty as your son to see it through," Lloyd said confidently, drawing his twin blades and taking an offensive stance. "Get ready!"

As soon as I drew my sword, Lloyd rushed forward quickly, attacking with speed and grace that he certainly did not have when I met him again not long ago. To the untrained observer, our battle was one of flashing metal and gleaming blades that danced dangerously around us with the occasional magical interlude.

Speaking of which, he had grown far more skillful with his mana-based attacks as well, often fusing them into physical strikes for a devastating combination. His moves were precise, every motion calculated and deadly.

To say that I was trying would be an understatement. I fought for my very survival, pressing forward often to be thrown back by his might alone. Though I used my most powerful magic and complex of swordplay, Lloyd found a way to dodge, parry, and counter everything.

Finally, at the brink of exhaustion, I knelt on the forest floor. I panted, weary from the battle and weak from my wounds. "…you've grown strong."

"Thanks to you," he finished sadly, placing his twin blades back in their scabbards.

"Aren't you… going to finish me?" I asked incredulously.

"I defeated Kratos, the angel, the one who betrayed us. And I forgive Kratos, the hero of the Ancient War, who helped us," Lloyd stated, confidence radiating from him as he spoke. "That's all."

"Humph… and I thought I'd finally earned the right to die," I grunted, struggling to my feet again and approaching the Origin seal. "…but you're as softhearted as ever."

"H…Hold on! You can't be…" Lloyd stammered, taking a step forward. "…are you going to break the seal?"

"…That is what you desire, is it not?" My back was to him, and he couldn't see my smile as I lifted my hand to the stone. If Lloyd had defeated me, he was capable of accomplishing so much more than I ever could.

I could trust him to save the worlds without me.

"But then, you'll…" Lloyd's words grew faint as I pulled forth my wings and began to pour what little mana I had left into the seal.

I was never very good with mana, but I didn't have to be this time. All I had to do was give it away.

All of it.

I firmly pressed my hand onto the cold stone slab that marked the pact with Origin and took a deep breath. As I exhaled, I poured my mana in its entirety into the stone, breaking the pact as my life drained quickly away.

I've heard many different accounts of near-death experiences. The most popular response seemed to be seeing one's "life flashing before his eyes." That didn't quite happen for me. I didn't have time to think about all the events in my past.

My last thoughts were filled with regret that I could not have been a father to Lloyd sooner.

Vaguely, I felt myself fall down…

* * *

.~.~.~.~.~.

_Suddenly, everything was light, and I felt as if my spirit were leaving behind some horribly dull routine, a great burden of the flesh that was no longer my concern._

_I sensed the cold as I was pulled upwards to the clouds, but I felt no discomfort. It didn't matter anyway, my attention was on something far more important._

_Her._

_Anna smiled, resting her calm brown eyes on me. "Kratos, I thought you might come to me today." Suddenly, I didn't care where I was. The only thing that mattered was her._

"_Anna…" I murmured, walking forward and catching her in a warm embrace. Ever since that fateful day years ago, I had only played court to memories of her. Dreams had taunted me with mere glimpses of what we had shared in the past, and each time I had awoken with disappointment. This time, I was certain she was real. "…I have missed you."_

"_And I have you." She said, hugging me tightly, but only for a few precious moments. The light in my life pulled away from me, looking at me calmly. "I've wanted you to know this for a while now. I never blamed you for what happened to me, so stop tormenting yourself. Besides, I'm happy here, and someday you will be too, but Kratos… now is not your time."_

"_I… don't understand." I murmured, grasping her tightly, as if any moment we would be torn away from each other. "I gave up all of my mana to release the pact with Origin. I died."_

"_The world still needs you Kratos." She said in a voice that was both mirthful yet filled with sorrow. "Oh, and don't blame Yuan, he's only doing what is right."_

_I felt a flash of anger towards Yuan just from the thought of him tearing Anna and I apart. "No!"_

"_But don't worry, we still have a bit longer before he'll be through." She smiled, holding me close. "Kratos, I love you. I always have, and it is because I love you that I'm telling you this…."_

"_Telling me what?" I asked, none too pleased at the thought of losing her again._

"_Let me go, Kratos. You have to let me go." She said softly._

_Immediately I released her from my grasp, worried that somehow I was hurting her. Quietly she laughed. "No no, that's not what I meant."_

"_Then what…"_

"_You have to let me go up __**here**__." Lightly she touched a finger to my forehead. "I have seen what has happened to you over the last few years. It makes me so sad to see you caught in this trap of the past. Yes, we were very happy together back then, but that can't be anymore. If you continue to hold onto those memories and incessantly obsess over them, abuse them, they'll corrode your life away. It's… already happening."_

_Her eyes were sad, and rather than rebuke her statement, I merely murmured, "Mithos stole those memories away… I couldn't lose those years… the most precious years of my life."_

_Lightly, she shook her head. "Mithos may have locked them away long ago, but if you search within yourself, you will find that they are all there now." With those words, she pressed her fingers to my forehead, drawing them down and closing my eyelids as she did. With her fingertips resting lightly against my closed eyelids, she sighed, "See?"_

_A warm light filled my body, and in one beautifully horrible moment, my memories returned to me. I recalled everything, from the day I met Anna to the birth of our son. From outrunning Cruxis to living away quiet days together._

_Everything._

_Silently, a tear slid down my cheek._

"_I don't want you to become lost, like Mithos has become. A great wanderer with such power but a misguided direction… that isn't your destiny." She gently brushed the tear from my cheek, then took my hand in hers. I could feel the warmth of her spirit. "From the moment I met you…" She laughed. "… I tripped over you, remember that? I knew you were different. You were meant to change the world. From the years we shared together, I only grew more certain of that."_

"_Anna, why are you telling me this?" I clasped her hand between both of mine, afraid to lose her._

"_Because your destiny is clear. Everyone can see it but you. Now more than ever you must gather your courage and support our son." With a light tug, she pulled me to her again, clutching me close to her. Without a moment's hesitation, she touched her lips to mine. Sweet honey from the past dripped back into my soul, and for the first time in quite a while, I felt alive. Death certainly had a sense of humor. "You'll take care of him, won't you?"_

"_Of course I will." In the past, there were so many things I had always wanted to tell her, but now that we were together, I found that all I really wanted to do was hold her close to me. Finally, I settled for the simplest of words. "I love you Anna."_

"_I know, and I love you too, but…" She pulled back, looking at me with sadness in her eyes. "…it's time." Without warning, she let go of my hands._

"…_No!" Before I could do anything, a violent force grabbed hold of me from within, pulling me down at breakneck speed. "Anna!"_

"_Goodbye Kratos…" Her image became smaller and smaller in my vision, and as much as I tried to fly back to her, there was nothing I could do. Her gentle voice drifted down to me, the last words I would ever hear my darling Anna say. "… please, let me go."_

.~.~.~.~.~.~.

* * *

The weight of my own body nearly suffocated me as my soul was thrown back into it. My head swam with dizziness and the lethargy of mana deprivation clung to my bones.

So this was it. After this entire accumulation of senseless drivel and aimless labor, I finally met her. Only to have her taken from me again.

I wanted to cry.

I probably would have wept like a little baby, were it not for the anxious and concerned faces of Lloyd's entire party as they hovered closely around me. And Yuan.

For a moment I glared at Yuan, thinking of what he had done, when Anna's words drifted back into my memory. She told me not to blame him. After all, he _had_ saved my life.

"…Don't worry, he's alive," Yuan spoke to Lloyd, but his gaze fell softly on me. So _this _is what he had meant last night when he said he wouldn't let me die. "I gave him some of my mana."

"Da…" Lloyd began but caught himself, apparently not ready to call me that yet. "…Kratos. Are you really okay?"

Sorrow continued to fill my soul, despite everything. "…looks like I failed to die once more."

Anger grew on Lloyd's face and he practically spat back, "You stupid jerk!" You can die any time! But when you die, that's the end!"

Yuan looked up at Lloyd with confusion painted across his face. "You want him to live in eternal damnation?"

Lloyd did a double-take, then continued angrily. "Who said anything like that? What will you accomplish by dying?"

I considered it for a moment, staying silent.

"Nothing!" He answered for me. "There is no meaning in dying!"

I laughed weakly, beginning to see what he meant. "You're… right. To think, I had to have my son teach me such an obvious lesson…"

With that, a lightness filled my head, and the world around me grew white.

_Goodbye, Kratos. But only for now…_

Color returned to my world, and I awoke to find Yuan helping me to my feet. "The kid needs your help," he said, urging me forward. "Go to him."

On still weakened feet, I walked up to them, listening to Lloyd struggle to reason with Origin. I approached the summon spirit that I had shared a link with for so many years, finally looking upon his visage once again. "For almost an eternity, I thought that the only way to save this world was to cling to Mithos's ideals. Just as you once agreed with Mithos's ideals, I, too, thought his was the only way."

The summon spirit looked at me with calm, almost expressionless eyes, but he seemed to hear what I was saying, which was more than I could say for earlier when he had spoken to Lloyd.

"But Lloyd is different. He taught me that in order to change something, you must do it yourself. It is not enough to merely rely on someone else and go along with their ideals." I finished, feeling relieved when Origin nodded in understanding to me.

Origin turned his attention back to the others, and without further hesitation spoke calmly, "…You who possess the right of summoning. Make your vow."

"Origin!" Lloyd exclaimed. "Then…"

The spirit inclined his head gracefully. "I will try once more to believe in people. I shall do my duty in order to create a world you speak of. A world in which everyone can live equally."

My strength sapped from me, I could only watch on proudly as they fought Origin in battle and won, creating the pact that they so needed to save the world.

However, almost immediately after they did, a distinctly dark presence filled the air. Both Yuan and I took offensive stances immediately, knowing the presence by sense alone.

As a gleaming red cruxis crystal flew from Genis's pocket, Yuan turned to me, "That's Mithos's, isn't it?"

I nodded, silently wondering what Mithos could possibly be scheming. It did not take long for me to find out.

As the crystal flew to possess Lloyd, Colette ran forward, grabbing the crystal from the air. "Lloyd!"

It was like a terrible version of déjà vu. Again, the girl stood possessed by an ancient spirit, but this time, the spirit was far less forgiving. Mithos was definitely less kind than his sister, to put things mildly.

"Damn, you interfered! Fine. I'll just take this body." A voice that clearly belonged to Mithos emanated from Colette's kind lips.

"Mithos!" I growled, stepping forward. "Stop!"

"Kratos…" Mithos simpered back. "You never really understood me. I won't return this body."

"Colette!" Lloyd cried, reaching for the girl desperately. "Wait! Let her go!"

"Ahahahah!" Mithos laughed, his borrowed form already growing fainter as a magical circle surrounded Colette's body. "What do I care? I'm leaving this filthy world behind!"

In a flash, Colette was gone.

* * *

LateNiteSlacker's Notes:

LONG break, I know. But finally, the secret of Kratos's memory gaps has been revealed! Would you believe that half of this chapter was written over 3 years ago? Crazy, right?

Well, I hope that those of you reading liked this chapter! I've had it planned for quite some time. **Please review!**


End file.
